Greetings all,
I have been taking violin lessons starting I think in October. I'm renting my violin because I wanted to rent one out first to see if I liked the instrument. I actually enjoy playing it so I plan on actually buying myself one.
My instructor is 21 but has been playing it since 4. I think she went to a school for it. She is British as well. I am not sure if I like her though. She seems to be doing an okay job as an instructor but I wonder if she is too hung up on how her teachers were. For example, I got to learn a piece from the Suzuki book but she didn't want me to write down anything and she made notes on my book (with my permission). I personally learn better when I write things out and she didn't want me to get into the habit of writing out what each note is or how to play it. I think that I'm new to this so it would make sense to do it in the beginning and eventually I won't need to.
Also she doesn't seem to want to show me how to tune the top part of my violin because it's 'too difficult'. There are tuners on the bottom and they do the job fine. I don't know if others would agree that I don't really need to learn that but I'm one of those people that if I want to know something or have a question, I want answers or how to do it!
I could probably try another instructor but I am not sure.
She has said playing violin is one of the hardest instruments. Is she saying this because her teachers have told her it is? Because violin has to maintain this image of being hard because it's a classical instrument? I think playing the guitar is harder because I have experience playing it. I am doing well as a beginner and I think maybe that's because of my guitar experience. A violin has 2 less strings and it is more compact to play. One thing in the beginning I kept doing was overstretching my fingers but that's because that's how you have to play the guitar so I think my muscles are now learning a new set of skills.
The only thing tricky I find is that you have to be precise in violin and where you are to put your fingers, is not clearly identified as in a guitar (by the frets)
I don't think violin uses chords so that's another reason why I think it's easier to learn. I am enjoying it though and find it soothing to play.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Just Can't Shake It
Greetings all,
Well I haven't seen my ex roommate since February. That was almost 9 months ago but I still think about her. I told my bookgroup peeps my situation several months ago and one of them said that he was in a similar situation where someone was quite hurtful to him and it took months to shake off the hurtful comments.
I guess I was aware of some level she was a bitch but she was an emotional whack job and needs some counselling. I was at a gaming store and saw the gaming systems and I was reminded that she wouldn't even let me play with her Wii. She just kept it for herself. What kind of selfish person behaves that way?
The thing though is my big thing was being able to pay rent on time. She was good at that so I guess I didn't care so much about other things like sharing the Wii or what not. I guess I could tolerate some of her drama queen behaviour because in my mind I already decided that I really didn't like her much.
I guess this was a learning experience. Although I wanted a roommate and got one, this one was not the kind I liked. I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust living with someone again. I know it'll take me a while to even consider moving in with someone or getting a roommate. I hate the hassle of searching for one if it doesn't work out.
Well I haven't seen my ex roommate since February. That was almost 9 months ago but I still think about her. I told my bookgroup peeps my situation several months ago and one of them said that he was in a similar situation where someone was quite hurtful to him and it took months to shake off the hurtful comments.
I guess I was aware of some level she was a bitch but she was an emotional whack job and needs some counselling. I was at a gaming store and saw the gaming systems and I was reminded that she wouldn't even let me play with her Wii. She just kept it for herself. What kind of selfish person behaves that way?
The thing though is my big thing was being able to pay rent on time. She was good at that so I guess I didn't care so much about other things like sharing the Wii or what not. I guess I could tolerate some of her drama queen behaviour because in my mind I already decided that I really didn't like her much.
I guess this was a learning experience. Although I wanted a roommate and got one, this one was not the kind I liked. I wonder if I'll ever be able to trust living with someone again. I know it'll take me a while to even consider moving in with someone or getting a roommate. I hate the hassle of searching for one if it doesn't work out.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Materialistic Thinking at its Finest!
Greetings all,
I was in a meditation group and the organizer briefly showed the group a book by Masaru Emoto. I am not sure which one exactly it was but I was already familiar with his concepts and was initially exposed to it via the pseudo-science/cult film 'What the Bleep Do We Know'.
I took out a couple of books from the library since as I was flipping through, one section looked worthy of my attention. I took out 'The Healing Power of Water' and 'The Secret Life of Water'. I flipped through the books and looked at the pretty pictures and then I realized, that its not water that is healing. Water is merely the medium. It is thinking that is the true healer.
Again, we encounter gross materialistic thinking at its finest.
Here we have these 'spiritualists' who now seem to think of water as this miraculous and wonderous thing (hey I drink water all the time, it's great but there is a very serious error in thinking here) when in reality, it is our Intention and what we Think that is causing these effects.
Again, this just reaffirms to me the Anthroposophical concept of Clear Thinking and Clear Thinking is so lacking in today's intellectual and spiritual groups.
I was in a meditation group and the organizer briefly showed the group a book by Masaru Emoto. I am not sure which one exactly it was but I was already familiar with his concepts and was initially exposed to it via the pseudo-science/cult film 'What the Bleep Do We Know'.
I took out a couple of books from the library since as I was flipping through, one section looked worthy of my attention. I took out 'The Healing Power of Water' and 'The Secret Life of Water'. I flipped through the books and looked at the pretty pictures and then I realized, that its not water that is healing. Water is merely the medium. It is thinking that is the true healer.
Again, we encounter gross materialistic thinking at its finest.
Here we have these 'spiritualists' who now seem to think of water as this miraculous and wonderous thing (hey I drink water all the time, it's great but there is a very serious error in thinking here) when in reality, it is our Intention and what we Think that is causing these effects.
Again, this just reaffirms to me the Anthroposophical concept of Clear Thinking and Clear Thinking is so lacking in today's intellectual and spiritual groups.
One of the Errors in Feminist Thinking
Greetings all,
I started to read a book called At the Root of this Longing: Reconciling a Spiritual Hunger and a Feminist Thirst by Carol Flinders. Basically it is about feminism and spirituality and is about how "many feminists have been skeptical about traditional spirituality, and their mistrust has not been entirely unfounded. The forms of self-sacrifice often required by the spiritual life--including silence and suppression of desire--are conditions that have been imposed on women for centuries." (amazon.ca)
I have a hard time with this very concept of Feminism. First of all, I read an interesting book that talks about how having a Patriarchal society, is not only detrimental to women, but also to men. Men and Women both have feminine and masculine qualities and it is unhealthy for both to deny these qualities.
Anyways, I think the fundamental error in Feminist thinking is they can only see themselves as the victim and fail to see many people in this world are suffering. True it does not justify the wrongs that have been and are still being done to women. Women still have more bullshit to deal with as we continue to evolve. Hell, in the Middle East, women still aren't receiving rights that they should be.
There are other groups that experience suffering. For example, the Proletariat versus the Bourgeois. People complain endlessly how the Worker suffers but the Capitalists have their own issues to deal with but we just take one side.
Or the Natives. Being that today is Thanksgiving, we can argue that we basically stole their land and raped them of their culture but many leave their reserves and enjoy the materialism and perks of today's society.
Or the Blacks. They suffered and have a history of being slaves.
There are many groups and people that suffer every day in this world. I have only listed a few, there are still more. I just find Feminist thinking fails to see the big picture - they are just one group of the many groups that have to deal with suffering and not being treated equally.
What good though does it do to point out these injustices? It's good to acknowledge the wrong and to move forward but to keep pointing out how women have been victimized over the past thousands of years doesn't help us. Instead we need to focus on how far society has progressed and what areas need to be improved.
I think it boils down to Forgiveness. Holding on to the hurt and injustices done only hurts the Holder. People do need to deal with their pain and to eventually rise to that level and recognize that people hurt out of ignorance and egoism. Accepting the injustice certainly does not justify it and take away from the wrongness. Rather we can move forward and start creating laws, etc and doing something about the occurences.
Humanity didn't start out all evolved and all knowing and slowly we as a species are learning to be a little more nicer but realistically we still have a lot of evolving to do.
Again, part of what I find is the fundamental flaw is failing to see that everyone suffers to some degree. According to Buddha, life is suffering. Her whole argument has no validity. If feminists are skeptical about spirituality, maybe it's because they only want to believe that they are the ones that have experienced suffering. Isn't typically typical of victims to only see their own suffering and not that of those around them?
Although I agree with the point that women have been made to be silenced, the reality is no one likes to hear the Truth sometimes and it doesn't matter who says it. I watched someone on The Jon Stewart Show call him a Communist - just because they didn't like his opinions. Clearly women aren't the only ones that piss people off.
Life is painful but it can also be beautiful.
But that's life.
I started to read a book called At the Root of this Longing: Reconciling a Spiritual Hunger and a Feminist Thirst by Carol Flinders. Basically it is about feminism and spirituality and is about how "many feminists have been skeptical about traditional spirituality, and their mistrust has not been entirely unfounded. The forms of self-sacrifice often required by the spiritual life--including silence and suppression of desire--are conditions that have been imposed on women for centuries." (amazon.ca)
I have a hard time with this very concept of Feminism. First of all, I read an interesting book that talks about how having a Patriarchal society, is not only detrimental to women, but also to men. Men and Women both have feminine and masculine qualities and it is unhealthy for both to deny these qualities.
Anyways, I think the fundamental error in Feminist thinking is they can only see themselves as the victim and fail to see many people in this world are suffering. True it does not justify the wrongs that have been and are still being done to women. Women still have more bullshit to deal with as we continue to evolve. Hell, in the Middle East, women still aren't receiving rights that they should be.
There are other groups that experience suffering. For example, the Proletariat versus the Bourgeois. People complain endlessly how the Worker suffers but the Capitalists have their own issues to deal with but we just take one side.
Or the Natives. Being that today is Thanksgiving, we can argue that we basically stole their land and raped them of their culture but many leave their reserves and enjoy the materialism and perks of today's society.
Or the Blacks. They suffered and have a history of being slaves.
There are many groups and people that suffer every day in this world. I have only listed a few, there are still more. I just find Feminist thinking fails to see the big picture - they are just one group of the many groups that have to deal with suffering and not being treated equally.
What good though does it do to point out these injustices? It's good to acknowledge the wrong and to move forward but to keep pointing out how women have been victimized over the past thousands of years doesn't help us. Instead we need to focus on how far society has progressed and what areas need to be improved.
I think it boils down to Forgiveness. Holding on to the hurt and injustices done only hurts the Holder. People do need to deal with their pain and to eventually rise to that level and recognize that people hurt out of ignorance and egoism. Accepting the injustice certainly does not justify it and take away from the wrongness. Rather we can move forward and start creating laws, etc and doing something about the occurences.
Humanity didn't start out all evolved and all knowing and slowly we as a species are learning to be a little more nicer but realistically we still have a lot of evolving to do.
Again, part of what I find is the fundamental flaw is failing to see that everyone suffers to some degree. According to Buddha, life is suffering. Her whole argument has no validity. If feminists are skeptical about spirituality, maybe it's because they only want to believe that they are the ones that have experienced suffering. Isn't typically typical of victims to only see their own suffering and not that of those around them?
Although I agree with the point that women have been made to be silenced, the reality is no one likes to hear the Truth sometimes and it doesn't matter who says it. I watched someone on The Jon Stewart Show call him a Communist - just because they didn't like his opinions. Clearly women aren't the only ones that piss people off.
Life is painful but it can also be beautiful.
But that's life.
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
The Elder
Greetings all,
My job is pretty boring. Entry level office. I'm glad though, that I have a job because I was out of work for so long. I'm still figuring out what direction I want to go with my life. Being that I am a deep thinker and all, these things tend to take me a while to figure out.
I started my job with 2 other people at the same time. One of them is 26 and quite extroverted and outgoing and warm. The other is 22 and is fresh out of school. The later is a bit annoying but I am making the conscious decision to step back and make fun of the situation.
I find that she has no concept of the work world and she was complaining a bit about how stupid our job is and how a 7 year old could do our work. True, our work is easy but it's a job and it has to be done. I know when I was 22, I didn't like the jobs I had but I didn't complain about them. I mean, I couldn't figure out what to do with my life so really I had no one else to blame.
A funny thing she said the other day was how in school at least she could nap. I think these youngins' just don't get that school only prepares you to some degree about 'the real world' and that to be in school is a luxury.
And sadly doesn't teach you the harsh realities of work. The 9-5 world. The dealing with egos. The dealing with bosses. The dealing with doing repetitive tasks.
I honestly wonder why the hell did she apply to this job?
I guess I am seeing some expectation mentality in her.
Today we were having lunch with a guy who sits in between us. I am starting to crush on him - mainly because he has curly hair and I find curly hair drives me wild. We started to discuss about colds and how going out with wet hair can make you sick. Me and Curly Hair boy both agreed that it doesn't make you sick but the Youngin was insistent on being right and that it compromises your immunity. But really you'd have to be exposed to it for a long time for it to really make you sick and most people aren't outside long enough to make you sick.
I argued though that neither of us are doctors so really none of us can be sure but she seemed rather insistent on her position.
I have read that that is a myth and that most colds can be prevented simply by hand washing. She just couldn't accept that I was right and I was comfortable enough with my self where it didn't bother me.
I think I'll enjoy pushing her buttons because now I am starting to see that instead of getting mad at how annoying she can be, maybe I should push her buttons and laugh at her own youthful foolishness.
The thing though is I see a bit of me in her but I still think I will try and push her buttons. Afterall, it seems fairly easy.
My job is pretty boring. Entry level office. I'm glad though, that I have a job because I was out of work for so long. I'm still figuring out what direction I want to go with my life. Being that I am a deep thinker and all, these things tend to take me a while to figure out.
I started my job with 2 other people at the same time. One of them is 26 and quite extroverted and outgoing and warm. The other is 22 and is fresh out of school. The later is a bit annoying but I am making the conscious decision to step back and make fun of the situation.
I find that she has no concept of the work world and she was complaining a bit about how stupid our job is and how a 7 year old could do our work. True, our work is easy but it's a job and it has to be done. I know when I was 22, I didn't like the jobs I had but I didn't complain about them. I mean, I couldn't figure out what to do with my life so really I had no one else to blame.
A funny thing she said the other day was how in school at least she could nap. I think these youngins' just don't get that school only prepares you to some degree about 'the real world' and that to be in school is a luxury.
And sadly doesn't teach you the harsh realities of work. The 9-5 world. The dealing with egos. The dealing with bosses. The dealing with doing repetitive tasks.
I honestly wonder why the hell did she apply to this job?
I guess I am seeing some expectation mentality in her.
Today we were having lunch with a guy who sits in between us. I am starting to crush on him - mainly because he has curly hair and I find curly hair drives me wild. We started to discuss about colds and how going out with wet hair can make you sick. Me and Curly Hair boy both agreed that it doesn't make you sick but the Youngin was insistent on being right and that it compromises your immunity. But really you'd have to be exposed to it for a long time for it to really make you sick and most people aren't outside long enough to make you sick.
I argued though that neither of us are doctors so really none of us can be sure but she seemed rather insistent on her position.
I have read that that is a myth and that most colds can be prevented simply by hand washing. She just couldn't accept that I was right and I was comfortable enough with my self where it didn't bother me.
I think I'll enjoy pushing her buttons because now I am starting to see that instead of getting mad at how annoying she can be, maybe I should push her buttons and laugh at her own youthful foolishness.
The thing though is I see a bit of me in her but I still think I will try and push her buttons. Afterall, it seems fairly easy.
Monday, October 05, 2009
When is it My Turn?
Greetings all,
I've been fairly busy with work and doing things around the city. I had to go to a baby shower yesterday for a relative and there were 5 other women pregnant as well.
I told my mother on the way home that I feel like I'm being left behind. All these people who are my age or younger are getting married and having babies. I wonder when am I going to find the right man and have my own?
It gets frustrating but I can't really do much about it so I am just enjoying life.
I had a potluck with the book group back in Dundas that I used to regularly attended. Someone in the group, their mother didn't get married and start having kids until 40 and someone in my group as well had been married again and had her first kids in her 40s.
I really don't want to be that 'old' to start having kids and finding the right man but do I really have any choice? I can't force things in life and it's not like I'm not going out and trying dating.
Again I keep coming back to this idea of relaxing and enjoying life.
Considering that I like to plan things and be in control, this relaxing stuff and waiting is just bullshit!
I've been fairly busy with work and doing things around the city. I had to go to a baby shower yesterday for a relative and there were 5 other women pregnant as well.
I told my mother on the way home that I feel like I'm being left behind. All these people who are my age or younger are getting married and having babies. I wonder when am I going to find the right man and have my own?
It gets frustrating but I can't really do much about it so I am just enjoying life.
I had a potluck with the book group back in Dundas that I used to regularly attended. Someone in the group, their mother didn't get married and start having kids until 40 and someone in my group as well had been married again and had her first kids in her 40s.
I really don't want to be that 'old' to start having kids and finding the right man but do I really have any choice? I can't force things in life and it's not like I'm not going out and trying dating.
Again I keep coming back to this idea of relaxing and enjoying life.
Considering that I like to plan things and be in control, this relaxing stuff and waiting is just bullshit!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Over and Done With
Greetings all,
As mentioned a few posts earlier, I was talking again with the 'english muffin'. I last spoke to him on Skype near the end of July and haven't heard from him since. I have been online a few times and a couple of times I honestly think he was avoiding me because he would hop off like about 2 or 3 minutes after I made myself visible. I noticed he was online alot and so I thought maybe he wanted to chat with me and congratulate me but the couple of times I would make myself visible, he just never bothered.
I poked him on facebook back in the middle of August and we exchanged a few messages.
I just decided that I don't need someone like that in my life so I officially decided to be over and done with him.
I really don't think he was into me and maybe was to some degree, but not enough to make him come and visit me.
Or make the effort to talk to me.
I really just don't understand him and this on/off friendship has gone on long enough. I gave him a chance and let him lead.
I was upset since he didn't even bother to congratulate me on finding a job as I posted it on facebook and many of my friends congratulated me.
I just don't understand why he would play around with me but I don't need someone like that in my life.
I deleted my skype account last Monday and sent him a quick note this morning that I have enough friends and that removing him was nothing personal. I have known him long enough so I wanted to at least give him a polite goodbye, since I think I have class, although maybe I shouldn't since he lacked courage and balls to end things.
I also don't understand why he would keep me as a friend on facebook but cowardly avoid me on skype. Well it's over and done with and I'm just not into him anymore. He has proved himself to be unworthy of my attention!
As mentioned a few posts earlier, I was talking again with the 'english muffin'. I last spoke to him on Skype near the end of July and haven't heard from him since. I have been online a few times and a couple of times I honestly think he was avoiding me because he would hop off like about 2 or 3 minutes after I made myself visible. I noticed he was online alot and so I thought maybe he wanted to chat with me and congratulate me but the couple of times I would make myself visible, he just never bothered.
I poked him on facebook back in the middle of August and we exchanged a few messages.
I just decided that I don't need someone like that in my life so I officially decided to be over and done with him.
I really don't think he was into me and maybe was to some degree, but not enough to make him come and visit me.
Or make the effort to talk to me.
I really just don't understand him and this on/off friendship has gone on long enough. I gave him a chance and let him lead.
I was upset since he didn't even bother to congratulate me on finding a job as I posted it on facebook and many of my friends congratulated me.
I just don't understand why he would play around with me but I don't need someone like that in my life.
I deleted my skype account last Monday and sent him a quick note this morning that I have enough friends and that removing him was nothing personal. I have known him long enough so I wanted to at least give him a polite goodbye, since I think I have class, although maybe I shouldn't since he lacked courage and balls to end things.
I also don't understand why he would keep me as a friend on facebook but cowardly avoid me on skype. Well it's over and done with and I'm just not into him anymore. He has proved himself to be unworthy of my attention!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
A New Holiday
Greetings and Salutations,
I have created a new holiday called "I Think I Am Awesome Day" and this holiday is for those who think they are awesome or for those who are lacking some confidence to focus and look within to discover their own Inner Awesomeness.
We have many holidays that celebrate things such as the birth of a Saviour, or the beginning of a New Year, or even for those in Love. But what we lack is a holiday to acknowledge our own self confidence and self worth and so that is why I have decided to create this holiday. We all need to stop and take the time to look within and acknowledge our own Inner Awesomeness as it is easy to forget.
So if you think you are Awesome, today is the day to celebrate!
Tell your friends!
Happy I Think I Am Awesome Day!
I have created a new holiday called "I Think I Am Awesome Day" and this holiday is for those who think they are awesome or for those who are lacking some confidence to focus and look within to discover their own Inner Awesomeness.
We have many holidays that celebrate things such as the birth of a Saviour, or the beginning of a New Year, or even for those in Love. But what we lack is a holiday to acknowledge our own self confidence and self worth and so that is why I have decided to create this holiday. We all need to stop and take the time to look within and acknowledge our own Inner Awesomeness as it is easy to forget.
So if you think you are Awesome, today is the day to celebrate!
Tell your friends!
Happy I Think I Am Awesome Day!
Monday, September 07, 2009
Redirect the Flow
Greetings all,
Because I am interested in spiritual topics, the concept of 'going with the flow' is always brought up. I am currently into kundalini yoga and have done 8 years of regular yoga and 3 years of qigong. I know that it helps to relax, instead of trying to fight and struggle.
But sometimes, I wonder if people misapply this concept of 'going with the flow' because sometimes you can't go with the flow and maybe need to redirect it or put a halt to it.
Sometimes you just have to make a decision in life and make things happen. While I think it's important to realize what you can and cannot control and stay relaxed, sometimes you need to nudge a little, probe a little and push a little.
I understand sometimes life is going to teach us some things so it's just best to 'go with the flow' and learn but life isn't always like that. I think since I am a creative person, I know from experience, I don't just come up with ideas from no where. I put some thought into things and get observations. I am proactive and eventually something comes out of that but it comes out because I put effort into it.
Clearly in life, you need to put effort and other times you don't. I guess it takes wisdom to know when to do what.
Because I am interested in spiritual topics, the concept of 'going with the flow' is always brought up. I am currently into kundalini yoga and have done 8 years of regular yoga and 3 years of qigong. I know that it helps to relax, instead of trying to fight and struggle.
But sometimes, I wonder if people misapply this concept of 'going with the flow' because sometimes you can't go with the flow and maybe need to redirect it or put a halt to it.
Sometimes you just have to make a decision in life and make things happen. While I think it's important to realize what you can and cannot control and stay relaxed, sometimes you need to nudge a little, probe a little and push a little.
I understand sometimes life is going to teach us some things so it's just best to 'go with the flow' and learn but life isn't always like that. I think since I am a creative person, I know from experience, I don't just come up with ideas from no where. I put some thought into things and get observations. I am proactive and eventually something comes out of that but it comes out because I put effort into it.
Clearly in life, you need to put effort and other times you don't. I guess it takes wisdom to know when to do what.
Tethering Dogs and it's Relation to Human Behaviour
Greetings all,
I was driving a few days ago and heard John Tesh on the radio and was briefly listening to him. Now I personally hate John Tesh but what he was talking about what interesting. I hate him because he makes what I perceive to be common sense knowledge, into something revolutionary. Like okay, this is good to know, but really this is not going to enhance the quality of my life that much.
He was talking about how tethering dogs is not good and there is research to support this since dogs are social creatures and if they get tied up, it makes them more territorial and thus more aggressive because they are not allowed to roam free.
So it would be better to let them run free so they are happier.
I thought about how this parallels to human behaviours.
We humans are social creatures and we need each other, whether we want to admit or not. But you can see how if people try to control each other, it just fosters aggression in humans.
We can look at political structures where democracy is not allowed and see that eventually it leads to rebellions, civil wars and alot of angry people.
Or in corporations where if people aren't listened to and given freedom to do their work, it can lead to strikes or to people just quitting the jobs.
Or in personal relationships or marriage. Can result in people cheating or people withdrawing emotionally because they do not like being controlled and having their freedom taken away.
I'm sure there are more examples out there but basically we humans have something in common with dogs in that in order for humans to be healthy, they must have freedom and it is a necessity. Denying people freedom is just going to create aggressive behaviour.
So if we want to live in a more peaceful world, it makes sense to give people some freedom instead of trying to control them.
I was driving a few days ago and heard John Tesh on the radio and was briefly listening to him. Now I personally hate John Tesh but what he was talking about what interesting. I hate him because he makes what I perceive to be common sense knowledge, into something revolutionary. Like okay, this is good to know, but really this is not going to enhance the quality of my life that much.
He was talking about how tethering dogs is not good and there is research to support this since dogs are social creatures and if they get tied up, it makes them more territorial and thus more aggressive because they are not allowed to roam free.
So it would be better to let them run free so they are happier.
I thought about how this parallels to human behaviours.
We humans are social creatures and we need each other, whether we want to admit or not. But you can see how if people try to control each other, it just fosters aggression in humans.
We can look at political structures where democracy is not allowed and see that eventually it leads to rebellions, civil wars and alot of angry people.
Or in corporations where if people aren't listened to and given freedom to do their work, it can lead to strikes or to people just quitting the jobs.
Or in personal relationships or marriage. Can result in people cheating or people withdrawing emotionally because they do not like being controlled and having their freedom taken away.
I'm sure there are more examples out there but basically we humans have something in common with dogs in that in order for humans to be healthy, they must have freedom and it is a necessity. Denying people freedom is just going to create aggressive behaviour.
So if we want to live in a more peaceful world, it makes sense to give people some freedom instead of trying to control them.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Job Finding
Greetings all,
I had an interview on Tuesday and was notified the next day I got a job. I will be working for an insurance company. I interviewed with them before for a different position at a different location but I saw one day they had an office downtown and so applied again for some other positions. I didn't like the other location because it was a bit too north for me but I decided I wanted to work downtown so I am glad it worked out this way.
I am glad that I have a job to pay my bills but at the same time I realized that I still have more inner work to do. I have to figure out if I want to go back to school or if I want to be a professional comedian. I have to figure out what I want to do with my life and I have to think about it. There are lots of people that have jobs they like and they feel they are putting their intelligence and skills to good use. I would like to feel like that too as I feel like I am just not doing the right work for me.
Getting the call for the job was bitter sweet. I had been unemployed for so long - 1 year - and not by choice and it was starting to get to me. This recession took something from me and I wonder if I will recover. I feel I have lost something important. Maybe it's the whole Saturn Return concept I mentioned in an earlier post, I don't know.
I don't think it's fair that I've had to struggle to find work during a recession. I got laid off just before this recession happened. It is what it is but it certainly was not easy to live with. This whole year has been quite emotionally difficult so maybe the last 4 months of the year, things will pick up. Too many bad things have happened to me and it's got to turn around
I had an interview on Tuesday and was notified the next day I got a job. I will be working for an insurance company. I interviewed with them before for a different position at a different location but I saw one day they had an office downtown and so applied again for some other positions. I didn't like the other location because it was a bit too north for me but I decided I wanted to work downtown so I am glad it worked out this way.
I am glad that I have a job to pay my bills but at the same time I realized that I still have more inner work to do. I have to figure out if I want to go back to school or if I want to be a professional comedian. I have to figure out what I want to do with my life and I have to think about it. There are lots of people that have jobs they like and they feel they are putting their intelligence and skills to good use. I would like to feel like that too as I feel like I am just not doing the right work for me.
Getting the call for the job was bitter sweet. I had been unemployed for so long - 1 year - and not by choice and it was starting to get to me. This recession took something from me and I wonder if I will recover. I feel I have lost something important. Maybe it's the whole Saturn Return concept I mentioned in an earlier post, I don't know.
I don't think it's fair that I've had to struggle to find work during a recession. I got laid off just before this recession happened. It is what it is but it certainly was not easy to live with. This whole year has been quite emotionally difficult so maybe the last 4 months of the year, things will pick up. Too many bad things have happened to me and it's got to turn around
Friday, August 21, 2009
Rude Employment Counsellor
Greetings all,
I have been using some government assistance in finding a job and initially went to a counsellor last month who referred me to a centre that does career exploration. I spoke with her again because I need a job and said I would be willing to get job finding help.
I've had 6 interviews (one arranged by an agency), so I am having some luck with my resume. The counsellor referred me to another agency to help specifically with finding a job. I spoke with the counsellor today but I did not like her one bit. I basically thought she was an insensitive bitch and she reminded me of my ex-roommate.
Her name is Shaila Shafique and she questioned my motivation and said I didn't seem motivated and seemed tired. She failed to show empathy for my situation and I felt she wasn't showing warmth and I felt she was disorganized. She didn't even bother asking me about my job search history and maybe if she did, she would have learned that I am experiencing some success. While I am open to feedback, I don't think she knew what she was talking about. She said a resume has to be 1 page. Mine is 2 and I have read online that the 1 page rule is not strictly followed.
I have weeded my resume and it is not my fault I have various job experiences.
I left a message with the other employment counsellor because I want another one. This woman was a bit insensitive. I have been out of work for 1 year, how would she feel if she was job searching for several months and wasn't finding anything? Her spirit would be just as weary as mine, maybe more.
Plus I moved here in April and am still trying to make friends, and I am not someone who opens up easily to just anyone.
I really think there was something wrong with this person. I come here for a service, I am not the one to be expected to be happy and smiling. I don't come either expecting them to do all the work for me so I didn't appreciate her ignorance.
I have been using some government assistance in finding a job and initially went to a counsellor last month who referred me to a centre that does career exploration. I spoke with her again because I need a job and said I would be willing to get job finding help.
I've had 6 interviews (one arranged by an agency), so I am having some luck with my resume. The counsellor referred me to another agency to help specifically with finding a job. I spoke with the counsellor today but I did not like her one bit. I basically thought she was an insensitive bitch and she reminded me of my ex-roommate.
Her name is Shaila Shafique and she questioned my motivation and said I didn't seem motivated and seemed tired. She failed to show empathy for my situation and I felt she wasn't showing warmth and I felt she was disorganized. She didn't even bother asking me about my job search history and maybe if she did, she would have learned that I am experiencing some success. While I am open to feedback, I don't think she knew what she was talking about. She said a resume has to be 1 page. Mine is 2 and I have read online that the 1 page rule is not strictly followed.
I have weeded my resume and it is not my fault I have various job experiences.
I left a message with the other employment counsellor because I want another one. This woman was a bit insensitive. I have been out of work for 1 year, how would she feel if she was job searching for several months and wasn't finding anything? Her spirit would be just as weary as mine, maybe more.
Plus I moved here in April and am still trying to make friends, and I am not someone who opens up easily to just anyone.
I really think there was something wrong with this person. I come here for a service, I am not the one to be expected to be happy and smiling. I don't come either expecting them to do all the work for me so I didn't appreciate her ignorance.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Decisions, decisions
Greetings all,
I spoke to an employment counsellor a few weeks ago and she told me about a program that helps you to explore careers that would suit you. I was taking that this week and we just have one more session and a private meeting with one of the counsellors.
I think being at my age, I feel like I am at a major crossroads and I need to make the right decisions and honest, truthful decisions, other wise I will go through the same bullshit again.
So thankfully I am doing a helpful meditation that is helping me to look at things that I probably didn't want to.
So I am facing alot of ugliness in my soul but I think it is for my own good, which hopefully in the long run will pay off. I am facing my own imperfections that I didn't want to deal with. I feel I am becoming more honest about my own flaws. While I have always strived to live authentically, I am going through another layer.
There seems to be so much to let go of. My existence is muddled but hopefully soon I will get the direction I am searching for and forge my way through this world.
I hope to be at peace with myself.
I spoke to an employment counsellor a few weeks ago and she told me about a program that helps you to explore careers that would suit you. I was taking that this week and we just have one more session and a private meeting with one of the counsellors.
I think being at my age, I feel like I am at a major crossroads and I need to make the right decisions and honest, truthful decisions, other wise I will go through the same bullshit again.
So thankfully I am doing a helpful meditation that is helping me to look at things that I probably didn't want to.
So I am facing alot of ugliness in my soul but I think it is for my own good, which hopefully in the long run will pay off. I am facing my own imperfections that I didn't want to deal with. I feel I am becoming more honest about my own flaws. While I have always strived to live authentically, I am going through another layer.
There seems to be so much to let go of. My existence is muddled but hopefully soon I will get the direction I am searching for and forge my way through this world.
I hope to be at peace with myself.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Crazy Neighbors
Greetings all,
I live in a low rise apartment with 4 floors. So there are 6 units each floor with the basement holding possibly 4 units. So that means there are 22 units, one of which resides the super.
For some reason I have what I think is a lot of crazy neighbors in a small building.
Last night one lady who has a son was yelling at around 10 pm-ish about how she was locked out of her apartment and I think she couldn't get the super as maybe they were out but she kept yelling and freaking out for about 10 minutes. I don't know if she is being evicted but it did sound like she was able to get into her apartment. And I wonder if she forgot her key, which means being locked out was her fault and she really shouldn't be yelling like a lunatic.
Two weeks ago there was some yelling going on and I heard someone running through the hall and then went outside. Did they do something wrong to the yeller or were they running in fear because there was some verbal spat going on?
Finally we have what I call the Crazy Cat Lady. One day she kept calling for her cat. She would say 'kitty, kitty'. Now as you all know most cats are rather independent and do not come when you call them unless you are offering food. This woman did this one day for at least 10 minutes and again did the same thing. She has been good lately or maybe she just keeps the cat indoors. Earlier on this month, some couple was moving out and I think the night before she was yelling at them because the next day they were arguing. The guy was trying to stay calm but the Crazy Cat Lady kept spewing nonesense. The man was trying to rationalize with her but when it comes to crazy people, you just leave them alone and do not antagonize them.
One day in June I believe the CCL was yelling about how the door to get in was locked and that it shouldn't be locked at 9pm. The south doors are open during the day to get into the building since we do not have a buzzer but they usually close around 9 or 10 by the super usually. The north doors are locked all the time so you would need a key. All I could think was 'why don't you have your key since this wouldn't be a problem'. I don't know about you but usually if I go out, I lock my apartment and so would need my key.
I did get to see what she looks like earlier this month. All I could hear was her voice and so I built up this image of her in my mind. She had a husky, red neck voice. When I saw the Crazy Cat Lady she was just as I envisioned her: possessing a roughed, worn out and beaten looking face, confused looking with a hint of blue eyeliner and a cigarette in her left hand.
There is an old lady on my floor with a hunchback. I thought she was crazy the first time I encountered her but I think she is just a harmless old lady with bad hearing so I wouldn't put her in the same category as these people.
The funny thing though is I can relate, which I'm sure we all can, to these people freaking out. Normally I try not to let myself get out of control like that but I'm sure it happens to the best of us. You think you are in control and making a statement but when you freak out like that you just look silly and out of control.
I also neglected to mention that we had an incident where someone fell off the roof. I don't know the details but thought what the hell is someone doing on the roof?
I live in a low rise apartment with 4 floors. So there are 6 units each floor with the basement holding possibly 4 units. So that means there are 22 units, one of which resides the super.
For some reason I have what I think is a lot of crazy neighbors in a small building.
Last night one lady who has a son was yelling at around 10 pm-ish about how she was locked out of her apartment and I think she couldn't get the super as maybe they were out but she kept yelling and freaking out for about 10 minutes. I don't know if she is being evicted but it did sound like she was able to get into her apartment. And I wonder if she forgot her key, which means being locked out was her fault and she really shouldn't be yelling like a lunatic.
Two weeks ago there was some yelling going on and I heard someone running through the hall and then went outside. Did they do something wrong to the yeller or were they running in fear because there was some verbal spat going on?
Finally we have what I call the Crazy Cat Lady. One day she kept calling for her cat. She would say 'kitty, kitty'. Now as you all know most cats are rather independent and do not come when you call them unless you are offering food. This woman did this one day for at least 10 minutes and again did the same thing. She has been good lately or maybe she just keeps the cat indoors. Earlier on this month, some couple was moving out and I think the night before she was yelling at them because the next day they were arguing. The guy was trying to stay calm but the Crazy Cat Lady kept spewing nonesense. The man was trying to rationalize with her but when it comes to crazy people, you just leave them alone and do not antagonize them.
One day in June I believe the CCL was yelling about how the door to get in was locked and that it shouldn't be locked at 9pm. The south doors are open during the day to get into the building since we do not have a buzzer but they usually close around 9 or 10 by the super usually. The north doors are locked all the time so you would need a key. All I could think was 'why don't you have your key since this wouldn't be a problem'. I don't know about you but usually if I go out, I lock my apartment and so would need my key.
I did get to see what she looks like earlier this month. All I could hear was her voice and so I built up this image of her in my mind. She had a husky, red neck voice. When I saw the Crazy Cat Lady she was just as I envisioned her: possessing a roughed, worn out and beaten looking face, confused looking with a hint of blue eyeliner and a cigarette in her left hand.
There is an old lady on my floor with a hunchback. I thought she was crazy the first time I encountered her but I think she is just a harmless old lady with bad hearing so I wouldn't put her in the same category as these people.
The funny thing though is I can relate, which I'm sure we all can, to these people freaking out. Normally I try not to let myself get out of control like that but I'm sure it happens to the best of us. You think you are in control and making a statement but when you freak out like that you just look silly and out of control.
I also neglected to mention that we had an incident where someone fell off the roof. I don't know the details but thought what the hell is someone doing on the roof?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Sick of the Economy
Greetings all,
I am still unemployed and am sick to my stomach about my situation. I had a couple of interviews last week but didn't get the job. I had someone call on Monday so if they want an interview, they said they'd call by the end of the week.
I went to talk to an Employment Counsellor and if I want I can try and go back to school for January as part of the Second Career program, which would subsidize my education and living costs. The thing is I still need a job and have no money coming in.
I've applied to some service jobs and haven't heard from anyone yet.
All I want is to find meaningful employment and some money but things are just getting worse and worse. I hope things turn around soon. I am feeling so much despair and anger. It's hard not to take unemployment personally. I'm more then qualified for the jobs I apply to but there is too many of us out there looking for work.
* * *
I found out a few weeks ago that my 'friend' stole my credit card and used it to buy groceries. She is 34 years old and has a 2 year old daughter. She moved back to her family in PEI on July 1 because she was diagnosed with bone cancer. I knew about it then but I didn't call the cops to charge her with theft and I was too upset to confront her about it and deal with the drama of the situation.
I sent her a message the other day and I'm sure she has responded to me by now but I can't bother to read the email. I was disappointed with her and disgusted because I arrived home back in May after visiting her and realized my wallet was missing. She said her daughter probably stole it. Two days later she found some of the contents in her daughter's back pack. The next month I got a statement from my other credit card that I do not use and it was for groceries at the store by her house and on the day my wallet was missing.
I thought it either was her or someone from her daughter's day care who stole my wallet. I thought she was not the type to do something like that and so brought it up and she said she didn't.
I notified the credit card company that I did not make the purchase and eventually I got a copy of the charge and it looked like her hand writing. I got a sample of her hand writing and it matched.
There really is no excuse for this and she knows I was under stress since I didn't hae a job.
I will end up having to look at my inbox at facebook as that's where I sent her the message but depending on her response I will have to contact the police and press charges. I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone like that.
Maybe she was under a lot of stress but you just don't do that kind of stuff to your friends.
I am still unemployed and am sick to my stomach about my situation. I had a couple of interviews last week but didn't get the job. I had someone call on Monday so if they want an interview, they said they'd call by the end of the week.
I went to talk to an Employment Counsellor and if I want I can try and go back to school for January as part of the Second Career program, which would subsidize my education and living costs. The thing is I still need a job and have no money coming in.
I've applied to some service jobs and haven't heard from anyone yet.
All I want is to find meaningful employment and some money but things are just getting worse and worse. I hope things turn around soon. I am feeling so much despair and anger. It's hard not to take unemployment personally. I'm more then qualified for the jobs I apply to but there is too many of us out there looking for work.
I found out a few weeks ago that my 'friend' stole my credit card and used it to buy groceries. She is 34 years old and has a 2 year old daughter. She moved back to her family in PEI on July 1 because she was diagnosed with bone cancer. I knew about it then but I didn't call the cops to charge her with theft and I was too upset to confront her about it and deal with the drama of the situation.
I sent her a message the other day and I'm sure she has responded to me by now but I can't bother to read the email. I was disappointed with her and disgusted because I arrived home back in May after visiting her and realized my wallet was missing. She said her daughter probably stole it. Two days later she found some of the contents in her daughter's back pack. The next month I got a statement from my other credit card that I do not use and it was for groceries at the store by her house and on the day my wallet was missing.
I thought it either was her or someone from her daughter's day care who stole my wallet. I thought she was not the type to do something like that and so brought it up and she said she didn't.
I notified the credit card company that I did not make the purchase and eventually I got a copy of the charge and it looked like her hand writing. I got a sample of her hand writing and it matched.
There really is no excuse for this and she knows I was under stress since I didn't hae a job.
I will end up having to look at my inbox at facebook as that's where I sent her the message but depending on her response I will have to contact the police and press charges. I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone like that.
Maybe she was under a lot of stress but you just don't do that kind of stuff to your friends.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Toronto Fringe Festival
Greetings all,
I am a volunteer this year for the Toronto Fringe Festival. I've been seeing alot of shows these past few days and they have certain free shows for the volunteers as well as comps for the shifts that we do.
There is one play that is about some gay mother getting married. I didn't see it but frankly I am not interested in seeing anything about gays. I don't have a problem with gays but I am just so damn tired of the subject. I know in Canada, homosexuality has been decriminalized 40 years ago, which really isn't a long time. And sure there are still people who aren't comfortable with coming out but I think most people are progressive about this issue.
I'm just tired of some gays thinking it's a big deal to discuss gay issues. I don't know but I feel, like dude I get it your gay, let's move on!
I know in the USA, they are still quite backwards on this issue so maybe they should take the show there where it can generate some controversy.
I don't get the Pride festival either. I'm sure they feel great to declare their sexual orientation considering how repressed they have been but can we just move on already! You've got your civil rights already!
Now I didn't see that show but I'm just basing my opinion on the title and description. Maybe it's funny and interesting. Maybe it's not.
Another show I saw dealt with the topic of women's body issues and talked about plastic surgery, throwing up to maintain weight. This was another subject that I felt was done to death. The performer/writer mentioned at the end that there is a Q & A after the show to talk about this 'sensitive issue'. No offense but this was a sensitive issue back in the 90s (or maybe even earlier) when 90210 did some episode about this.
I just don't understand these writers/performers who take a topic that has been discussed to death and then claim their show is addressing a unique issue, when in reality they are tackling with an issue that has been in the media for decades.
Maybe it could work if things were done in a fresh and innovative way. But in this case, it was not.
Now I saw this show and thought it was super bland. I was glad at least that it was 40 minutes. Maybe the young woman putting on the show thought she was empowering women but I didn't think so. Not all women have body issues. Most people don't like themselves 100% and there is always something one wants to change but most people don't go to the extreme of having surgery, obsessing over diet and exercise and becoming anorexic or bulimic. Those extremes are a sign that the person is sick and has some major issues.
But most of all what was annoying was the show was put on by a skinny bitch. I really wonder what was her experience with this subject because she looks like she is one of those people who are naturally skinny. It's like hearing Paris Hilton talk about the struggles of being poor.
I am a volunteer this year for the Toronto Fringe Festival. I've been seeing alot of shows these past few days and they have certain free shows for the volunteers as well as comps for the shifts that we do.
There is one play that is about some gay mother getting married. I didn't see it but frankly I am not interested in seeing anything about gays. I don't have a problem with gays but I am just so damn tired of the subject. I know in Canada, homosexuality has been decriminalized 40 years ago, which really isn't a long time. And sure there are still people who aren't comfortable with coming out but I think most people are progressive about this issue.
I'm just tired of some gays thinking it's a big deal to discuss gay issues. I don't know but I feel, like dude I get it your gay, let's move on!
I know in the USA, they are still quite backwards on this issue so maybe they should take the show there where it can generate some controversy.
I don't get the Pride festival either. I'm sure they feel great to declare their sexual orientation considering how repressed they have been but can we just move on already! You've got your civil rights already!
Now I didn't see that show but I'm just basing my opinion on the title and description. Maybe it's funny and interesting. Maybe it's not.
Another show I saw dealt with the topic of women's body issues and talked about plastic surgery, throwing up to maintain weight. This was another subject that I felt was done to death. The performer/writer mentioned at the end that there is a Q & A after the show to talk about this 'sensitive issue'. No offense but this was a sensitive issue back in the 90s (or maybe even earlier) when 90210 did some episode about this.
I just don't understand these writers/performers who take a topic that has been discussed to death and then claim their show is addressing a unique issue, when in reality they are tackling with an issue that has been in the media for decades.
Maybe it could work if things were done in a fresh and innovative way. But in this case, it was not.
Now I saw this show and thought it was super bland. I was glad at least that it was 40 minutes. Maybe the young woman putting on the show thought she was empowering women but I didn't think so. Not all women have body issues. Most people don't like themselves 100% and there is always something one wants to change but most people don't go to the extreme of having surgery, obsessing over diet and exercise and becoming anorexic or bulimic. Those extremes are a sign that the person is sick and has some major issues.
But most of all what was annoying was the show was put on by a skinny bitch. I really wonder what was her experience with this subject because she looks like she is one of those people who are naturally skinny. It's like hearing Paris Hilton talk about the struggles of being poor.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Not Always 'On'
Greetings all,
I'm quite annoyed as I was speaking to someone who posted an ad looking for presenters. Since I have improv and stand up experience, I mention that in my cover letter and I got to speak to the person today.
The person thought I was reserved and was expecting someone more gregarious. This is not the first time I met or talked with someone who expected that someone in comedy to be more outgoing.
The reality is, yes I am reserved but I'm not reserved all the time and sometimes enjoy being on stage and being gregarious. I am not always on and I get angry as well because I know I am funny and a good performer but because I am reserved at times, people will just judge me on that.
First of all, I think these people just go on this stereotype of how funny people should be. We are not always outgoing and many of us can be quiet and pensive. I think if I were to be outgoing and joke all the time, I would feel like I am not being myself and not being authentic. I try to be myself and sometimes I am cautious and sometimes I take risks and do strange things.
I'm not going to change who I am but people need to start changing their perceptions of how they think someone should be.
People are always full of surprises so stop having expectations of how you think people should be.
I'm quite annoyed as I was speaking to someone who posted an ad looking for presenters. Since I have improv and stand up experience, I mention that in my cover letter and I got to speak to the person today.
The person thought I was reserved and was expecting someone more gregarious. This is not the first time I met or talked with someone who expected that someone in comedy to be more outgoing.
The reality is, yes I am reserved but I'm not reserved all the time and sometimes enjoy being on stage and being gregarious. I am not always on and I get angry as well because I know I am funny and a good performer but because I am reserved at times, people will just judge me on that.
First of all, I think these people just go on this stereotype of how funny people should be. We are not always outgoing and many of us can be quiet and pensive. I think if I were to be outgoing and joke all the time, I would feel like I am not being myself and not being authentic. I try to be myself and sometimes I am cautious and sometimes I take risks and do strange things.
I'm not going to change who I am but people need to start changing their perceptions of how they think someone should be.
People are always full of surprises so stop having expectations of how you think people should be.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Karma
Greetings all,
I read on some forum someone asking if you believe in karma. The responses were typical - showing that many people don't even know what the concept is and merely stating that it's about 'what goes around, comes around'.
What the hell does that even mean? I just find people don't get the concept of karma and it's a vast concept. Steiner did over 8 volumes on that topic alone! And it's also a major tenet in some religions such as Buddhism. Why people gloss over it and fail to give the proper respect that it deserves is beyond my comprehension!
First of all, it doesn't matter whether you believe in karma or not. Based on my understanding of the world, there are certain 'rules' and karma is about 'cause and effect'. We all have certain thought and behaviour patterns that we get into the routine of. Eventually these things 'bear fruit' and we may not see the consequences of our thoughts and actions, potentially not even in this lifetime.
It has nothing to do with 'what goes around comes around'. You have the free will to do whatever the hell you want but if you go around screwing and hurting people, people will not like you or help you out. It's about living with the consequences of our actions. A mentality like that can only get you so far.
I find though that people use the word karma as a form of being self righteous towards someone. Usually if that someone is doing something hurtful - usually to them. I think it is inappropriate to have that mentality - that of delighting that someone will suffer because they hurt you - because it just fosters hatred and negativity. The whole point of life is to develop compassion and love and getting off on someone's ignorance is a sign of egoism. We all have egoism but the point is to purify ourselves.
This is where the concept of changing your karma comes into play. I learned through my mantra meditation practice that you can use things like mantra to create change and help ease difficulties. I am sure there are other techniques out as well to help deal with the blockages we ignorantly create in our lives and in past lives. I still believe in free will and we can chose if we want to change our life or not, we can chose to let go of pain and be more compassionate and peaceful. When we do that, we do change our karma and possibly open the gate for positive karma.
The whole reason for having compassion for someone is mainly because we create things and problems out of ignorance. It's like an employee new on the job and who is making mistakes. The person could be making all these mistakes out of ignorance because they weren't properly trained. Is it fair to be judgmental and harsh towards them?
I would like to learn more about Karma from an Anthroposophical perspective because I think there is so much to learn about this concept and I feel I have only scratched the surface. Steiner has some interesting examples where he talks about how karma plays out in personalities over several lifetimes and those were interesting to read and gave karma a more practical approach.
I read on some forum someone asking if you believe in karma. The responses were typical - showing that many people don't even know what the concept is and merely stating that it's about 'what goes around, comes around'.
What the hell does that even mean? I just find people don't get the concept of karma and it's a vast concept. Steiner did over 8 volumes on that topic alone! And it's also a major tenet in some religions such as Buddhism. Why people gloss over it and fail to give the proper respect that it deserves is beyond my comprehension!
First of all, it doesn't matter whether you believe in karma or not. Based on my understanding of the world, there are certain 'rules' and karma is about 'cause and effect'. We all have certain thought and behaviour patterns that we get into the routine of. Eventually these things 'bear fruit' and we may not see the consequences of our thoughts and actions, potentially not even in this lifetime.
It has nothing to do with 'what goes around comes around'. You have the free will to do whatever the hell you want but if you go around screwing and hurting people, people will not like you or help you out. It's about living with the consequences of our actions. A mentality like that can only get you so far.
I find though that people use the word karma as a form of being self righteous towards someone. Usually if that someone is doing something hurtful - usually to them. I think it is inappropriate to have that mentality - that of delighting that someone will suffer because they hurt you - because it just fosters hatred and negativity. The whole point of life is to develop compassion and love and getting off on someone's ignorance is a sign of egoism. We all have egoism but the point is to purify ourselves.
This is where the concept of changing your karma comes into play. I learned through my mantra meditation practice that you can use things like mantra to create change and help ease difficulties. I am sure there are other techniques out as well to help deal with the blockages we ignorantly create in our lives and in past lives. I still believe in free will and we can chose if we want to change our life or not, we can chose to let go of pain and be more compassionate and peaceful. When we do that, we do change our karma and possibly open the gate for positive karma.
The whole reason for having compassion for someone is mainly because we create things and problems out of ignorance. It's like an employee new on the job and who is making mistakes. The person could be making all these mistakes out of ignorance because they weren't properly trained. Is it fair to be judgmental and harsh towards them?
I would like to learn more about Karma from an Anthroposophical perspective because I think there is so much to learn about this concept and I feel I have only scratched the surface. Steiner has some interesting examples where he talks about how karma plays out in personalities over several lifetimes and those were interesting to read and gave karma a more practical approach.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Falling Apart
Greetings all,
I am still actively looking for work and had an interview yesterday, although I do not think I was interested in the company because I couldn't understand the interviewer, who would be the future boss.
I am watching my life spiral out of control. I am doing my best but it's not good enough. I can't even seem to have luck with employment agencies because there is so much competition.
I would like to say that I'm losing my mind but I'm past that point already.
I've lost my mind and am having a hard time staying optimistic. My employment insurance is done and now all I have is my savings, which I had to buy a condo or house.
All of my dreams and hopes are going down the sink.
I'm digging deep but I keep coming up short. I've had enough and all I can say is I hope things work out. I just can't go on living and feeling this way.
I have no one to turn to. My friends can't help me find a job or figure out what direction is best to go. It's either sink or swim and it's all up to me.
Words of encouragement will have little meaning.
Everyone else is moving forward. Having babies. Getting married. Going to school.
I am just stuck and wanting to move forward.
I am still actively looking for work and had an interview yesterday, although I do not think I was interested in the company because I couldn't understand the interviewer, who would be the future boss.
I am watching my life spiral out of control. I am doing my best but it's not good enough. I can't even seem to have luck with employment agencies because there is so much competition.
I would like to say that I'm losing my mind but I'm past that point already.
I've lost my mind and am having a hard time staying optimistic. My employment insurance is done and now all I have is my savings, which I had to buy a condo or house.
All of my dreams and hopes are going down the sink.
I'm digging deep but I keep coming up short. I've had enough and all I can say is I hope things work out. I just can't go on living and feeling this way.
I have no one to turn to. My friends can't help me find a job or figure out what direction is best to go. It's either sink or swim and it's all up to me.
Words of encouragement will have little meaning.
Everyone else is moving forward. Having babies. Getting married. Going to school.
I am just stuck and wanting to move forward.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Name Change
Greetings all,
I think I have decided to start spelling my name Pahla. I have not legally changed it to that but will be doing so because I have seen several people with different ways of spelling their name and thought that I might as well.
I think I have decided to start spelling my name Pahla. I have not legally changed it to that but will be doing so because I have seen several people with different ways of spelling their name and thought that I might as well.
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