Baptism

I am going to attend this family dinner this Sunday to celebrate my cousin's new baby getting baptized. My mother - a regular church goer - helped them arrange the baptism at her Catholic church and fill out the required papers and make the appointment for the baptism. My mother did this a few weeks ago and it sparked this huge argument.

First of all, I like my cousin and do not know why they are baptizing their new son. The mother is Anglican and my cousin and his parents (i.e. my aunt and uncle) are not religious, church going people. They all have been baptized and did the Confirmation thing. Confirmation is done at 14 and it is basically like baptism except without all the water. You 'consciously' choose to be Catholic when you do this sacrament.

My mother telling me that she was helping them get a baptism arranged triggered a great deal of anger in me. I didn't know why they would want to get the son baptized. My cousin is the creative artsy type, sort of like me and it didn't make sense that they would want to baptize their son. Creative arsty people usually don't believe in religion, especially one that is archaeic in its views.

I somehow got angry at my mother after she told me this. I started getting angry about why they would want to do this and then this somehow led us to how my mother would force me to go to church when I was younger. She would always force me to go to church even though I didn't want to. Around 13 and 14, I started questioning life and the whole idea of church just didn't make sense. And it was boring. By 14 and 15, I would get angry every Sunday and strongly protest how I didn't want to go. She wouldn't listen to what I had to say and she said I had to go because that's what you are supposed to do. I told my mother during this argument that what she did to me was spiritual rape. They were strong words but that's what she did to me whether she wants to accept it or not. You don't force your spiritual/relgious beliefs onto anyone. You don't make them do spiritual/religious practices that they do not agree with.

My dad was also present and he has the same mentality as my mother. He thinks religion is great but I've heard too many horrible history stories to respect any religious institute. The stupidiest thing he said that night was "Religion gives you freedom". Wow, that quote is dumb enough to be a Bush quote! I could have ranted on about how religion is the complete antithesis of that statement. Religion has never given people freedom. Religion takes away people's freedom. It is people who have to fight for freedom from religion.

Finally I felt that my cousin may potentially be acting like a hypocrite. Religion is something that you practice. Each religion is different. Catholicism has certain requirements and going to church on a regular basis, as far as I understand, is part of being Catholic. I don't know if he plans on going to church because he can start going. If that is the case, then he wouldn't be a hypocrite.

As far as I am concerned, if you plan on making your child join a religion, then you have to be a good role model and practice your religion the way that the religion dictates that it should be practiced. A Catholic isn't a Catholic because they are baptized. It takes time and some effort to practice this religion. A musician isn't a musician just because they have an instrument. They practice. A tennis player isn't one because they've taken a few lessons. They practice.

Although I despise religion, if you are going to have a religion, then you better make sure you are going to give it the proper attention and committment, otherwise there is no point in joining.

My mother also 'counter argued' that I should go to church because I got Confirmed. Frankly, I think the Church sets the age for it too low. I had my doubts about Confirmation and wasn't even sure I wanted to do it. There were only 1 or 2 people who didn't do it because I think they weren't Catholics. Everyone else in my class was doing it and so I just went along with what everyone else was doing. I was 14. How many 14 year olds have enough courage to go against the crowd? If Confirmation was to be done at 16, I probably would have not done it because by that age I had enough courage to go against the crowd and do what I thought was right for myself. It looks like the church knows how to guilt and manipulate people and get them 'in' at the right age.

Dangerously Deprived

Greetings and Salutations Wondering Heathens,

I now have an informant at work who knows about my blog. We have mutually agreed to exchange blog addresses. I'm a bit of an internet exhibitionist but I was selective about whom I would share this information. To my fellow coworker: You are a chosen one! Honor this privilege and humbly go forward.

In a previous entry, I wrote about a guy at work whom I was not sure if I should lust for him. He had some pros and cons. My informant has figured out who this person is. Neither of us know his status (i.e. if he's got a woman). I don't think he has a woman. That would be a pro. A con if one of your hobbies is being a homewrecker.

I was lusting for him sexually last night. I had trouble sleeping last night. Normally I don't like to fantasize about guys. When I was shy and afraid of boys in elementary and high school, I would constantly imagine myself with the guy that I had a crush on. I would have a crush on someone in high school for a whole year and not do anything about it. As I have grown and evolved, I have increased my confidence with the opposite sex. I like to make my thoughts reality instead of just day dreaming about.

Okay so I spent some time thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him. I also wondered about his own sexual history. A lot of people don't seem sexual or sensual. I can understand at work that people aren't going to be sexual/sensual but usually you can tell if someone has that aspect to them. But some people seem a little reserved and I always wonder if they have a sexual/sensual side to them. He seems like he is a little reserved. He's a bit of a geek/nerd and he possibly looks like someone who may have had 1-2 girlfriends in his entire life.

I should hope that he is good in bed. I no longer am taking on any young male prodigies to teach them the way of the vagina and clitoris. Students are in my past and I only seek experienced professionals.

But I must confess. I have regressed. I do wonder if he likes me. I do wonder if should ask him out but I am too chicken. I don't talk to him much and perhaps if I did, it might be easier. You would think being a young and attractive and arrogant woman would make it easier for me to make a move

My one friend thinks I should just ask him out for coffee. I have been known to ask guys out and be successful at getting a yes. But the thought of asking him out seems terrifying. I think the world needs to know that sometimes pretty chicks like me are scared to ask out people too.

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I think I'm going to be buying myself a condo. I've been looking online and I'm thinking in the next 6 months I should find something. I've already worked out a budget and I think I would like a 2 bedroom so I can have a roommate. I am not 100% sure on the roommate idea but I am leaning towards having one since I like people to some degree.

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I went to get laser done on my legs and bikini on Saturday. It was my fourth session and every time I've gone, I've had a different woman. I make sure that I wear this certain underwear that I have. It's appropriate for when you have to just be in your underwear around some woman who will be torching your bikini and leg hairs. The first time I went, I had to think about which one of my underwears is most suitable for this. You can't wear thongs because it's just not socially appropriate for these people who are providing this service, to see your ass. I know I have an awesome and perky ass, but I have enough social grace not to flaunt that in situations such as getting laser done.

I had other sexy underwear that weren't thongs but again I did not feel it would be appropriate to wear. So I have this simple maroon underwear. It's a few years old but still does the job. Because it's a dark colour, it also does not expose my pubes, because we all know that if you wear light colour underwear, your pubes are visible.

I also find being alone with the person who is giving the laser treatment a little ackward. I try and make conversation so that I feel more relaxed. I think however, that they should have been more initiators in conversation. The woman yesterday asked me about my hobbies. With the other ladies I had, I usually was the one asking questions about what were their hobbies, so it was nice that she had some initiative.

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Tacticidal Maniac

Well my parents have returned from their pilgrimmage in Italy. They came back Thursday at 5 pm. I asked for a top. Last year when they went, my mother brought back a nice top and so I wanted another nice top. I didn't get that. I just got a pack of gum and some necklace. It was fake silver I believe. I prefer having authentic jewelry. So I'm thinking I should print up a shirt that says, "My parents went to Italy and all I got was this pack of gum".

My brother didn't call for the second half of the week. The asshole had the nerve to ask me for money and when I asked why, he gave me some lame ass reason, something about him having trouble accessing his account (I have forgotten his exact words) at the bank machine. I know he's lying. I am usually good at telling when people lie. I wonder if there is any science supporting the science of lying. When I observe people lying, I can usually tell in 2 ways. One way is that if you probe and ask questions, you start realizing that there are holes in their story. It is not logical and the facts don't make logical sense. Another way I can tell when someone is lying is I can hear it in their voice. I don't know if other people have had this same experience and I also don't know if there is some research about this. I know that the inflection in their voice changes slightly and there's this hollow quality to the voice.

I have read there are body language signs but I can mainly tell through their voice. There voice changes from their regular talking voice. This doesn't always work but many times I notice when I spot a lie, the voice sometimes alters.

I think it's unfortunate that my brother manipulates my parents. He has these emotional freakouts and I don't know if it's the result of chemical imbalances or if it's just simply him being immature and not controlling his anger.

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I finally finished summarizing the remaining chapters of Philosophy of Freedom last Saturday. There is a revised appendix and a short chapter entitled Ultimate Questions. That's right Mr Steiner ends this book with questions, not answers! I think I will summarize those as well. I also finished reading his Secret Brotherhoods and was a bit disappointed with it. Sometimes I think I should just abandon my whole interest in spirituality and become a pure materialist. I just won't care about whether there is a god or spiritual beings. Maybe I just should believe in what I can perceive with my 5 senses and a microscope.

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TO LUST OR NOT TO LUST
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I have been eyeing this one guy at work. He's somewhat cute. I got to shadow him doing phone calls as some of us will be trained to do phone calls. When our department was slow, they would send us upstairs to shadow. I've shadowed with several people now and my training was for this week but it has been rescheduled. It's a nice way to meet the various employees. I noticed this guy before and he seemed rather nice. He was helping out some new person in my department to find a ride by asking a few people if they live near her area. He seemed uber nice because he seemed to go above what was needed.

He has some cons. The first being that he is skinny. I do not like skinny guys. I've gone out with a couple of skinny guys and when you are attempting to get it on, it is not nice to have his hip bones digging into yours. I don't know how skinny he is because I can't tell as his clothes are baggy. But let's face it. If I really enjoyed the feeling of bones against my body, I would either dig up corpses and entertain myself or go to some med school and fool around with the skeleton model that they use for teaching purposes.

Another con is that he smokes. I don't smoke. I'm really health conscious and I have only gone out with one person who smoked. He actually didn't smoke too often which was good since that meant that his breath didn't really smell smokey.

Another con is that he has a monotone voice. While shadowing, I noticed that he sounded very boring and monotone. I don't know if I would like to be around someone like that. I'm a bit fiery. I've gotten some spunk. I need someone who's got some spunk, some fire.

I don't really know much about him so if I were to consider asking him out, it would be until I had a better sense of his personality. I did notice that he had these really nice eyes during shadowing. He would explain something and then look directly at me. I don't know how to describe the eyes. Was it the colour that made them striking? I haven't found the right word.

I also noticed that he wore this maroon dress shirt alot. I noticed that he wore it twice this week. There is an unspoken code that you do not wear the same top to work more then once in a week. Many men do not understand this, however, it is common knowledge among women. This is not my rule, this is a fashion rule. At home, it doesn't matter but if at work, you must have a different top each day for the week. I was 85% sure that he was going to be wearing the maroon top this Friday (which is a casual dress day). I was looking out for him and I typically see him around 3.30 as that seems to be when he has his break. He did not have the maroon dress shirt on.

This would be another con of his... that he has proven me wrong.

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As you can see I have entitled my post, Tacticidal Maniac. The question is, who is this tacticidal maniac? Me and/or my brother?

EVIL LAUGH
MUU AHHH AHH AHH AHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH