I've been on okcupid for several months and landed 3 dates. It was really tough to get dates and the men weren't interesting. I decided to take a break from that site and maybe a man in real life will show up and actually a new man has entered my life. I am not sure where it will go but he's really upbeat and I find him attractive. We've had a few dates. It's still early but we'll see how it goes.
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I sent my introvert friend a text since I didn't hear from her for over a month. I asked in the text how she was doing since I didn't hear from her in a while. I got no response. I think my ex Mike officially had something to do with this. Probably manipulated her, which isn't fair.
Mike's mom had depression and she ended up being on meds that made her suicidal. She ended up taking on her own life when Mike was in high school. I thought Mike of all people would understand mental health issues. When the introvert friend told me how condescending Mike and aimee were to her and her boyfriend earlier this year when they hung out at Mike's house to play euchre, it made me upset. I know aimee is a catty person because every so often she would make catty remarks towards me. Women do that when they are insecure and feel threatened. I knew she was threatened by me, even though I wasn't a real threat. I was always encouraging her to be a better person and to be conscious of her actions, pretty much how I treat everyone in my life. Every so often she made a catty remark towards me. She was just insecure and so it made her feel better to take me down a notch. It hurt my feelings but it never hurt my self esteem because the self esteem I have built over the years by my spiritual practice cannot be destroyed by petty comments.
I remember one evening Mike, Carolyn (the introvert friend) and I were having pizza at Pizza Hut. She opened up about her mental difficulties and Mike was rather sympathic towards her. I was too because I can understand mental health issues being that I have it in my family and suffer from it as well. If it were aimee instead in my position, I don't think Mike would have been sympathetic at all.
Mike is a very different person around aimee. He was not a nice person. I wasn't surprised when she told me how he treated her that night. He should have known better. It angered me as well that someone with his history would go along with aimee and be mean towards someone who was vulnerable.
I think the fact that she is tossing away this friendship and choosing Mike is not a good choice and I may not want to be her friend again should she chose to contact me. On some level they all know aimee manipulates Mike and does not bring out his best.
I don't know why Mike and aimee feel it was okay to indirectly put someone down like Carolyn. Actually I do know why. They are both insecure and it makes them feel better to act superior over someone vulnerable like Carolyn. It's disgusting. Mike and aimee disgust me and lack basic human respect. It's quite sad that people need to put others down to feel good about themselves but it reveals alot about their character.
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I have gone back to working with the shabad Sopurkh. I have done several disciplines with it and never felt I got anything out of it. It's supposed to be help women uplift men. I was chanting it in the past to help my brother and father because my brother seems to be having life issues and just doesn't seem to get his shit together. My dad has several bad habits, namely watching tv all the time, smoking and not getting exercise since he watches tv all the time. I never felt anything happen. Spirit Voyage has done an 11 day discipline earlier this year and I didn't notice anything or feel anything.
I decided again to work with it because I feel like I want to find the right man and be in love and start a family. I also want to help the men in my family and overall help men in general because I feel like men are so inferior to women in some ways. I also want to be surrounded by better men, especially since the majority of men in the Introvert Social were emotionally immature and dysfunctional.
A few days ago I was starting to feel the energy of this shabad. One night I just chanted it more then usual. I decided to just do 3-5 reps a day instead of the typical 11 repetitions because it takes 30 mins to do that much and I just didn't want to spend 30 mins. I also decided to not do 40 days but just do it for as long as I felt necessary. I think it will be easier to do this longer since I am not required to do so many at once.
I had a couple of dreams earlier this week and one of them was about aimee and my ex Mike. They were together and it just angered me. After I had this dream, I just felt like I didn't care about them anymore. I felt like Mike should have been more honest with me. That's what is important to me. If he's in love with aimee and wants to be in a relationship with her, go for it but he was being dishonest to me about his true feelings because I could tell from his actions he was in love with her. He did anything for her. It doesn't take a genius to figure that he obviously was in love with her. Maybe she was afraid to be with him. I don't know. But there was no need to lie to me about what was going on.
I had another dream about some other guy that now I can't remember. But it was encouraging that I felt some energy while chanting this because I had practiced it for so long with not feeling like anything was going on.
I do feel I am healed now from my experience with Mike and aimee and the Introvert Social. I could care less what these people do with their lives because they are not the kind of people I want in my life. I want people who have good communication skills, who are emotionally mature, open and honest and are confident in who they are and believe in treating people with kindness.
Just because I am an introvert, doesn't mean I shared the same values as these people, even though they themselves were introverts.
