Greetings all,
Lately during meditation, I have observed that I am feeling this fear of death. I almost feel panicky. I'm not sure if it's an ego death that I am feeling or more so the fear of the death of the physical body. Various thoughts come up about death and dying and it obviously freaks me out. Lately I've been experiencing more of these feelings but then they pass.
I'm not really at the point where I am fearless towards death because I don't know at this point if death is really the end. I know we all talk about how the spirit never dies but I think this is sort of what I am experiencing at times - the fear that this is it.
Obviously I need to keep at my practice and see where this takes me and work with confronting the fears about death that come up but I do wonder if others have experienced this same fear about death. I almost feel alone in this but I'm sure on some level, we all think about death and ignore our fears about it.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Pubes
Greetings all,
I purchased last month a product for maintaining your pubic hair. I was thinking that there has to be some product that trims this area. My current method of womanscaping involved using scissors. Now I didn't cut myself, it was just a way to trim them and I thought it was an okay method.
I decided to do some online research and came across the following review of a trimmer. I ended up purchasing this product so now I'll be leaving my opinion on it.
I like the Ladyfair trimmer. I thought it trimmed the area fairly closely and did it quickly. It was a bit shocking for me to see all that hair gone. It was like being pre-pubes and it was a little awkward. I didn't care for the Body Bare buffer, which supposedly is to smooth out your area after you've used the trimmer. You cannot use it unless you've trimmed the area. I didn't really notice that it made that area smoother so I don't recommend that.
My current man does not like the all shaved look so I let grow out. It's obviously better then using the scissors so I can go longer without womanscaping.
I purchased last month a product for maintaining your pubic hair. I was thinking that there has to be some product that trims this area. My current method of womanscaping involved using scissors. Now I didn't cut myself, it was just a way to trim them and I thought it was an okay method.
I decided to do some online research and came across the following review of a trimmer. I ended up purchasing this product so now I'll be leaving my opinion on it.
I like the Ladyfair trimmer. I thought it trimmed the area fairly closely and did it quickly. It was a bit shocking for me to see all that hair gone. It was like being pre-pubes and it was a little awkward. I didn't care for the Body Bare buffer, which supposedly is to smooth out your area after you've used the trimmer. You cannot use it unless you've trimmed the area. I didn't really notice that it made that area smoother so I don't recommend that.
My current man does not like the all shaved look so I let grow out. It's obviously better then using the scissors so I can go longer without womanscaping.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Old Man Winter
Greetings all,
I have mentioned I am dating a guy in my meetup group. I found out he is not 10 years older then me but is actually 10.5 years older then me. That half a year makes a difference!
I've nicknamed him Old Man Winter because he has pre-mature grey. The one thing that bothers me when we are out in public is when we engage in PDA. I generally feel a bit uncomfortable holding his hand or kissing him mainly because he looks older then his age. He is 43 and I think he looks like he is in his early 50s or late 40s. I am 32 and tend to look younger. People think I am in my mid 20s. So obviously this looks awkward in my public. Normally I don't care what people think but being publicly affectionate with him makes me uncomfortable. I don't want people to think that he's some dirty old man macking on a some hot, innocent, young and impressionable lady.
I also found out his birthday is close to the birth date of the English Muffin. The English Muffin was born on July 6 and Old Man Winter was July 5.
I must say I enjoy having sex with him. He's got some girth on him and after having sex ,my vagina usually feels worked in for at least 24 hours. He is also pretty good at oral and I think he has set the bar. I had one guy I was with who has set the bar on what constitutes amazing oral. What I liked about him and what made him good was his passion. I could tell when he went down on me that he really enjoyed licking the female anatomy. While OMW may not have the same passion and enthusiasm, he certainly knocked my socks off. I think his passion is more subtle. But men that is the key to performing good oral - being passionate.
We've been dating for just over a month. I haven't labelled him my boyfriend and at this point I just don't feel comfortable doing so. He is one of those guys that is relationship oriented which is probably the first time I ever encountered this so he seems like he wants to call me his girlfriend. We went out last week for my first time to a golf driving range and he showed me how to golf. Afterwards we went to his place and had wonderful afternoon sex and then hung out for the rest of the day. He remembered it was his dad's birthday and he called him and they talked for a bit. He left the room we were in and then came back and he said he was seeing a girl in the meetup group. I haven't told my parent yet and usually I don't feel comfortable telling my mom I am dating someone. She knew about the English Muffin but it took me a while to tell her because I didn't think she'd get it.
My friend thinks it's weird that I haven't called him my boyfriend. She thinks that means we can still date other people. Yes that is true we probably can date others. I'm not dating anyone else at this point and I feel quite turned off from the online dating thing. I told her I didn't care for a label at this point and that even if he was my boyfriend, that is not going to stop him from dating other people. People have affairs all the time. The label in and of itself doesn't determine the person's faithfulness. A label isn't bad anyways. It just isn't the be all and end all.
I have mentioned I am dating a guy in my meetup group. I found out he is not 10 years older then me but is actually 10.5 years older then me. That half a year makes a difference!
I've nicknamed him Old Man Winter because he has pre-mature grey. The one thing that bothers me when we are out in public is when we engage in PDA. I generally feel a bit uncomfortable holding his hand or kissing him mainly because he looks older then his age. He is 43 and I think he looks like he is in his early 50s or late 40s. I am 32 and tend to look younger. People think I am in my mid 20s. So obviously this looks awkward in my public. Normally I don't care what people think but being publicly affectionate with him makes me uncomfortable. I don't want people to think that he's some dirty old man macking on a some hot, innocent, young and impressionable lady.
I also found out his birthday is close to the birth date of the English Muffin. The English Muffin was born on July 6 and Old Man Winter was July 5.
I must say I enjoy having sex with him. He's got some girth on him and after having sex ,my vagina usually feels worked in for at least 24 hours. He is also pretty good at oral and I think he has set the bar. I had one guy I was with who has set the bar on what constitutes amazing oral. What I liked about him and what made him good was his passion. I could tell when he went down on me that he really enjoyed licking the female anatomy. While OMW may not have the same passion and enthusiasm, he certainly knocked my socks off. I think his passion is more subtle. But men that is the key to performing good oral - being passionate.
We've been dating for just over a month. I haven't labelled him my boyfriend and at this point I just don't feel comfortable doing so. He is one of those guys that is relationship oriented which is probably the first time I ever encountered this so he seems like he wants to call me his girlfriend. We went out last week for my first time to a golf driving range and he showed me how to golf. Afterwards we went to his place and had wonderful afternoon sex and then hung out for the rest of the day. He remembered it was his dad's birthday and he called him and they talked for a bit. He left the room we were in and then came back and he said he was seeing a girl in the meetup group. I haven't told my parent yet and usually I don't feel comfortable telling my mom I am dating someone. She knew about the English Muffin but it took me a while to tell her because I didn't think she'd get it.
My friend thinks it's weird that I haven't called him my boyfriend. She thinks that means we can still date other people. Yes that is true we probably can date others. I'm not dating anyone else at this point and I feel quite turned off from the online dating thing. I told her I didn't care for a label at this point and that even if he was my boyfriend, that is not going to stop him from dating other people. People have affairs all the time. The label in and of itself doesn't determine the person's faithfulness. A label isn't bad anyways. It just isn't the be all and end all.
Car
Greetings,
My parents went to Italy for 3 weeks so I thought I'd ask them if they'd let me borrow their car for the time they are away. They let let me so I was happy to have a car. Their car is a Cadillac. I ended up filling it up the day before I returned it and it cost me $60 to fill it and I didn't fill it all the way. It probably would have cost $65 to fill 'er up. I didn't think such a car was such a gas sucker.
The Cadillac accelerates nicely but it was a bulky car and I've driven it with them before and I never cared for the mirrors. I preferred the mirrors on my Malibu. I found the rear mirror too small and it made the objects appear smaller and I am a firm believer in having good mirrors.
So having access to a car for 3 weeks has solidified my decision to get a car. I had initially said I'd go 6 months without one to see how I like it. It's been about 3 months and I really don't like it. I'm a driver. I don't mind taking the streetcar to work because I work downtown so it's just easier but to go to my book group and my yoga on Sunday and visit my family in Hamilton, it just makes more sense. I hate having to wait all the time for the streetcar. I like just being able to hop in a car and go.
I have a few friends who have used cars so I think I will go with that as they are probably more affordable. I am not in a rush to buy a car so that's a good thing for me. I'm still going to wait and save up my money because I can do without one for now.
My parents bought me my car, although they didn't initially buy it for me. It was a car that my mom and I used and then they decided to let me be the owner. My dad is very opposed to the idea of buying a used car because he thinks it might be in poor condition. I probably would make sure I get a good one and also I think you can get the history of the car.
I'm more interested in getting a fuel efficient car like the Hyundai Accent or Ford Fiesta or a Yaris. I am looking for a car that can last a while and my friend has a Nissan which she recommends getting a Japanese make.
I think I'd like one of those lime green cars. I've been seeing a few in Toronto and think they are really cool as a colour and look bright and fun. I like the colour red but I think as a car I wouldn't go for it because I think they are more prone to get tickts. That' my theory but I am not sure how accurate it is.
My parents went to Italy for 3 weeks so I thought I'd ask them if they'd let me borrow their car for the time they are away. They let let me so I was happy to have a car. Their car is a Cadillac. I ended up filling it up the day before I returned it and it cost me $60 to fill it and I didn't fill it all the way. It probably would have cost $65 to fill 'er up. I didn't think such a car was such a gas sucker.
The Cadillac accelerates nicely but it was a bulky car and I've driven it with them before and I never cared for the mirrors. I preferred the mirrors on my Malibu. I found the rear mirror too small and it made the objects appear smaller and I am a firm believer in having good mirrors.
So having access to a car for 3 weeks has solidified my decision to get a car. I had initially said I'd go 6 months without one to see how I like it. It's been about 3 months and I really don't like it. I'm a driver. I don't mind taking the streetcar to work because I work downtown so it's just easier but to go to my book group and my yoga on Sunday and visit my family in Hamilton, it just makes more sense. I hate having to wait all the time for the streetcar. I like just being able to hop in a car and go.
I have a few friends who have used cars so I think I will go with that as they are probably more affordable. I am not in a rush to buy a car so that's a good thing for me. I'm still going to wait and save up my money because I can do without one for now.
My parents bought me my car, although they didn't initially buy it for me. It was a car that my mom and I used and then they decided to let me be the owner. My dad is very opposed to the idea of buying a used car because he thinks it might be in poor condition. I probably would make sure I get a good one and also I think you can get the history of the car.
I'm more interested in getting a fuel efficient car like the Hyundai Accent or Ford Fiesta or a Yaris. I am looking for a car that can last a while and my friend has a Nissan which she recommends getting a Japanese make.
I think I'd like one of those lime green cars. I've been seeing a few in Toronto and think they are really cool as a colour and look bright and fun. I like the colour red but I think as a car I wouldn't go for it because I think they are more prone to get tickts. That' my theory but I am not sure how accurate it is.
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Fatalism
Greetings all,
Lately I just feel like no matter how much effort I put into self improvement, I can never really improve my life. I feel like my life is probably already predetermined and there is really only so much I can do to make my life better. I might as well give up trying to have a better life. I want to have a better job, have some sort of power and authority but I just think that I'm only going to go so far with my life so why bother if I think life is already mapped out.
I know it seems pessimistic but maybe this is the reality of life. I believe in karma and reincarnation so for me, maybe I've experienced alot of good times in the past and this life I have different things to learn.
I'm not even interested in comedy right now. I'm not really interested in anything. I guess I'm just in a lull right now. Not worried that I'm in it or anything.
Lately I just feel like no matter how much effort I put into self improvement, I can never really improve my life. I feel like my life is probably already predetermined and there is really only so much I can do to make my life better. I might as well give up trying to have a better life. I want to have a better job, have some sort of power and authority but I just think that I'm only going to go so far with my life so why bother if I think life is already mapped out.
I know it seems pessimistic but maybe this is the reality of life. I believe in karma and reincarnation so for me, maybe I've experienced alot of good times in the past and this life I have different things to learn.
I'm not even interested in comedy right now. I'm not really interested in anything. I guess I'm just in a lull right now. Not worried that I'm in it or anything.
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