Roughin' It

Greetings and Salutations,

I went to Montreal last Wednesday evening until Sunday for the Just For Laughs festival. I signed up to attend their first Industry conference. I actually never got around to seeing any shows. The conference was from Thursday to Friday and they had various information sessions.

They also had a session where you could have lunch with a person in the industry along with 3 other people. I had lunch with the VP of Content at Fox. I thought she was nice and cool and enjoyed hearing her talk about her experience at Fox and hearing how she has to listen to pitches and what she's looking for.

I also got to meet Colin Mochrie from Whose Line is it Anyways? I am a fan of his and I saw him twice on the Thursday but didn't have the nerve to go up to him. I saw him again on the Friday and again didn't have the nerve. He was a speaker in one of the sessions about improv and I went up to him afterwards. Ryan Stiles was there, another favourite of mine from WLIIA. I went up to Mochrie and told him I was a fan and that watching the show inspired me to do improv. I asked for his picture and I managed to get a picture with Stiles and Mochrie.

On Saturday the conference organized a ball hockey and basketball game so I signed up for the ball hockey game. It was artists verus industry. I was the only female on my team and the other team had one female as well. We ended up winning but was losing in the beginning. We managed to tie it up and then we kicked ass and won (I think) 18-6. I wanted to score a goal but didn't, although I had a few shots on net.

On Sunday I decided to visit the Canadian Centre of Architecture. I visited Montreal 5 years ago so did some sightseeing then. I managed to get the museum for 15 minutes so I was disappointed because I enjoy looking at architecture things and the interesting designs they come up with. It's kinda like geometry shapes to me and I'm a huge fan of geometric shapes (hence my like of platonic solids).

I enjoyed the stuff they had last time but this time it was crap. They showed some stuff about London and Tokyo and I thought the style they were going for in Tokyo were bland and generic and seeing the style of buildings was too cold for me!
They also showed the design process of the Ontario College of Arts (OCAD) and Design that is in Toronto. I thought the building was hideous and ugly and didn't think it was pretty. I saw some nice buildings in Barcelona that had some artistic merit but this building for the OCAD was vile. And it cost well over 30 million to make!

* * *
I've hit a really important point in my qigong practice. For the past week and a half week I've been either crying during my practice or after my practice. I've also been practising twice a day for about 3 times this week. I decided to not do that too often because there is such a thing as crying too much.

I know that the crying is for my own good because it is a sign that my practice is clearing up blockages. I'm experiencing alot of inner pain but I know it is something I have to go through. The tension in my head is improving as well and the tense spots in my head area are relaxing more and I think that's because I've held onto certain emotions and I'm letting them go through crying.

I'm usually someone that doesn't like to cry and I sometimes will try hard not to show that emotion but over the years I have been becoming comfortable with myself that I let myself be vulnerable and open to pain.

I'm not sure why I am doing all this crying and have so much pain. I haven't had a particularly painful life. One of my personal beliefs is that of reincarnation. As an anthroposophist, Steiner has discussed the concept of reincarnation. I was skeptical about the idea but hearing Steiner's ideas about it made sense to me so it is something that I believe to be true. I think perhaps in some life I must have been wrongly accused and probably persecuted because I feel so much anger towards things and feel a certain desire for justice. I'm hoping eventually things become clearer to me and I hope that this period of my life goes by quickly.

Just For Laughs

Greetings and Salutations,

I've been in Montreal since Wednesday night and am attending the first ever Industry Conference for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. The conference was for 2 days and it covered a wide range of topics. I found it boring but I think I learned something. I've been thinking for a while about how I have to be an entrepreneur if I'm going to attempt this comedy thing. I basically have to take whatever ideas I have and do them and make work for myself. I think I have a bit of that spirit in me but I think for the most part I repress it because I never understood the value of comedy.

I think for the most part, I am a funny person and can make jokes and what not but at the same time, I don't get how I do it and I don't really see any value for doing it. I think my brain just gravitates towards seeing the funny in things. I struggle with this ability I have of making jokes and seeing the humour in things because at the same time I want to be normal like everyone else and have a normal job. I've wrestled with the idea of going back to school, I've thought of various jobs I could do but I never liked the idea.

I got to have, along with 3 others, a lunch with the VP of Comedy Content at Fox, Suzanna Makkos. It was just a friendly lunch and there were other important type people that others had lunch with. I enjoyed the lunch and found her to be enjoyable as a person. I think I learned a little about her side of the business.

I also got my picture taken with Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, who I first saw on Whose Line is it Anyways? That show inspired to get into improv and Stiles and Mochrie were my favourite. I saw Mochrie twice yesterday and didn't have the nerve to go up to him to get his picture. He was talking in one of the sessions about improv, along with other people involved in improv and I went up to him afterwards. I only spoke to him for about a minute and I felt rather dorky. I said that I was a fan and that the show inspired me to get into improv. I then asked for a picture.

There was a social cocktail yesterday at the end of the day but I'm not really into that unless I know a few people and I knew no one and I'm usually not comfortable trying to socialize with all those people so I just walked around for a few minutes and left. I can handle meeting new people but when it's a ton of people, I have no idea who to approach and what to start talking about.

* * *
I'm losing interest in the English Muffin. I've been talking to some of my friends about my situation. I really like him but at the same time I don't think he likes me as much as I like him. I feel like lately I'm always bugging him to chat on Skype. I think maybe he really just likes me as a friend. I figure if someone likes you, they make an effort to talk to you and to be with you and I'm just not seeing that in his behaviour.

I in this moment just don't consider him to be a potential boyfriend anymore. I've been on another dating site for a while and have some coffee dates lined up for when I return.

My intention is to find a boyfriend whom I can have a long term relationship that could lead to making babies and getting married (although not in that order). My strategy is to date guys and eventually weed out the ones that I don't think have potential. My old strategy to date one guy at a time just didn't work. It's time guys start convincing me why I should spend my time with them instead of me trying to get the guy to spend time with me.

I'm going to involve myself less (i.e less email, chatting on Skype -which he seems to have helped me with) with the English Muffin. I feel like I'm getting frustrated with things and the best thing for me is to let go and move on. I'll keep him as a friend for now. I can only control myself and since I want a boyfriend, I'll just keep looking until I find one that treats me and give me the attention I deserve.

I don't want to get myself emotionally invested in someone that's not making the same effort as I am.

Another thing that bothers me is that I don't think he's serious about leaving England like he claims. I figure if you are interested in leaving your country, you'd go visit the country that you want to go or make some steps or something.
He said he joined eharmony to make Canadian friends but who the hell makes friends before they move into the country? You should do that when you are actually going to move. It just doesn't make much sense to me.

I don't think I'm that naive but I did genuinely believe he was interested in coming here but I have my doubts now and I am starting to feel like I'm being played, although I don't know what he would get out of playing me.

Water Experiment

Greetings and Salutations,

I did this water experiment as outlined to me by my qigong instructor, Sifu Cheung. I took this workshop back in October 2007 but began the experiment on December 28 2007. This experiment involves taking some cooked white rice and putting some in an empty water bottle and put a little bit of water in it. One we treat in a loving manner and the other we treat with hate or just ignore it.

I would probably talk to each bottle for about 1 to 2 minutes. I did this more often in the beginning of the experiment, like 2-3 times a week. I used the exact same type of water bottles and would give both bottles equal time. For example, I wouldn't just be talking to the love bottle, I would talk to one first and then the other.

I was quite abusive to the hate bottle and ended up smacking it on the bottom (not to the point of damage). I said things such as "you are stupid", "nobody likes you", "you're fucking worthless", "you'll never amount to anything", and various other hateful and hurtful common expressions.

With my love bottle, I would speak gently to it and say things like "I love you", "you're beautiful" and I would even caress it gently.

I hadn't been doing the experiment too much lately but this week I noticed a very obvious change. I was expecting the rice in the hate bottle to turn brown faster then the love bottle but I was quite surprised to see how distorted and bent out of shape the hate bottle had become.

See for yourself and maybe even try it out for yourself. I hope that we all realize as a society that being hateful towards others is harmful and I feel this experiment demonstrates the impact of being hateful and negative.

Beginning of Experiment: Photos taken December 28, 2007

love and hate bottles in my closet
love bottle closeup of rice
love bottle
hate bottle
hate bottle rice closeup

Photos taken: July 12, 2008

Left is hate bottle, right is love bottle

Moving Forward by Force

Greetings and salutations,

My small department got notified Monday morning that our company is getting rid of our department. We do outsource work for a cable company and they have decided to not renew the contract they have with us. So our last day is the end of this month.

The company said the only work available was in the call centre and there was only evening work. That wouldn't work for me since I need my evenings free to perform my comedy.

I'm oddly optimistic that things will work out for me. I want to pursue comedy so maybe this will give me the space and time that I need. The only thing is now my mom will worry about me because I am renting out an apartment and not living at home anymore but I think everything will work out.

Happy Canada Day!

Greetings and Salutations,

Today is Canada Day here in... Canada.

I'm enjoying my day off and am glad to be doing some blogging as it's been awhile.

I thought I'd start out by writing about my thoughts on the increasingly popular trend of cohabitation before marriage. I think I must be one of the few people left in this society who doesn't really agree with cohabitation prior to marriage.

The common reason I typically hear why people say they are living together is that they want to test things out. I believe people need to decide how they want to live their lives and as long as they don't hurt people, I generally accept - although I may not agree with - the life choices they make.

I see living together as some half assed commitment. I thought you test things out by using the good old fashioned method of dating, which should be a minimum of 1 year to get to know someone and their values, habits and outlook on life.

I guess in some situations, living together is sometimes the only logical step. My one friend lived in Hamilton and Yellowknife and had a boyfriend in Yellowknife. She would live in each city for a few months because she was working on her Masters and Yellowknife was where her field of study. I don't know if they were engaged but when she permenantly moved up there, they lived together and then eventually got married.

I had a coworker tell me before her man moved in with her that he lived on his own and took care of things and cleaned up after himself but when they moved in together, he became more sloppy. They are not married but it shows that people can change their behaviour whether they are married or are just living common law with you.

People also argue that if the relationship doesn't work out at least it's easier to end if you're just living together then if you are married. I think this is sort of backwards thinking because I think it indicates someone who doesn't take their relationships seriously and it reveals that they lack the ability to struggle through tough times. If 2 people are in a relationship and it's not working out, it will end anyways and whether you are just living together or are married, it will be difficult to end because we humans are emotional creatures and it will hurt no matter what your living situation is. It may be true that technically and financially it will be easier to end a relationship if you're just living together but either way, it will be hard emotionally.

For me personally I think living together is just wrong. It makes no sense to me and that is probably why I highly doubt I will be someone who lives with someone before marriage. I think if you are going to make the commitment of living with someone for an undetermined amount of time, you might as well just take the big leap of marriage. Go big or go home!