Just For Laughs

Greetings and Salutations,

I've been in Montreal since Wednesday night and am attending the first ever Industry Conference for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. The conference was for 2 days and it covered a wide range of topics. I found it boring but I think I learned something. I've been thinking for a while about how I have to be an entrepreneur if I'm going to attempt this comedy thing. I basically have to take whatever ideas I have and do them and make work for myself. I think I have a bit of that spirit in me but I think for the most part I repress it because I never understood the value of comedy.

I think for the most part, I am a funny person and can make jokes and what not but at the same time, I don't get how I do it and I don't really see any value for doing it. I think my brain just gravitates towards seeing the funny in things. I struggle with this ability I have of making jokes and seeing the humour in things because at the same time I want to be normal like everyone else and have a normal job. I've wrestled with the idea of going back to school, I've thought of various jobs I could do but I never liked the idea.

I got to have, along with 3 others, a lunch with the VP of Comedy Content at Fox, Suzanna Makkos. It was just a friendly lunch and there were other important type people that others had lunch with. I enjoyed the lunch and found her to be enjoyable as a person. I think I learned a little about her side of the business.

I also got my picture taken with Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, who I first saw on Whose Line is it Anyways? That show inspired to get into improv and Stiles and Mochrie were my favourite. I saw Mochrie twice yesterday and didn't have the nerve to go up to him to get his picture. He was talking in one of the sessions about improv, along with other people involved in improv and I went up to him afterwards. I only spoke to him for about a minute and I felt rather dorky. I said that I was a fan and that the show inspired me to get into improv. I then asked for a picture.

There was a social cocktail yesterday at the end of the day but I'm not really into that unless I know a few people and I knew no one and I'm usually not comfortable trying to socialize with all those people so I just walked around for a few minutes and left. I can handle meeting new people but when it's a ton of people, I have no idea who to approach and what to start talking about.

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I'm losing interest in the English Muffin. I've been talking to some of my friends about my situation. I really like him but at the same time I don't think he likes me as much as I like him. I feel like lately I'm always bugging him to chat on Skype. I think maybe he really just likes me as a friend. I figure if someone likes you, they make an effort to talk to you and to be with you and I'm just not seeing that in his behaviour.

I in this moment just don't consider him to be a potential boyfriend anymore. I've been on another dating site for a while and have some coffee dates lined up for when I return.

My intention is to find a boyfriend whom I can have a long term relationship that could lead to making babies and getting married (although not in that order). My strategy is to date guys and eventually weed out the ones that I don't think have potential. My old strategy to date one guy at a time just didn't work. It's time guys start convincing me why I should spend my time with them instead of me trying to get the guy to spend time with me.

I'm going to involve myself less (i.e less email, chatting on Skype -which he seems to have helped me with) with the English Muffin. I feel like I'm getting frustrated with things and the best thing for me is to let go and move on. I'll keep him as a friend for now. I can only control myself and since I want a boyfriend, I'll just keep looking until I find one that treats me and give me the attention I deserve.

I don't want to get myself emotionally invested in someone that's not making the same effort as I am.

Another thing that bothers me is that I don't think he's serious about leaving England like he claims. I figure if you are interested in leaving your country, you'd go visit the country that you want to go or make some steps or something.
He said he joined eharmony to make Canadian friends but who the hell makes friends before they move into the country? You should do that when you are actually going to move. It just doesn't make much sense to me.

I don't think I'm that naive but I did genuinely believe he was interested in coming here but I have my doubts now and I am starting to feel like I'm being played, although I don't know what he would get out of playing me.