Greetings all,
The ashram where I used to do my Sat Nam Rasayan (SNR), stopped running our biweekly practice I think in the beginning of the year. The woman who started it a couple of years ago when Hari Nam came to Toronto to start teaching us this got the ball rolling and she was leading regular weekly practice sessions. We then started doing it biweekly because she didn't have time to do it every week and we also probably had other things that we wanted to do as well and doing it every Sunday wasn't easy on our personal schedules. Eventually she had back issues so one of our regulars took over. Our group was a small one. It basically was the 3 of us and when this woman got her back issues, it was 2 of us at times. Sometimes we would have a couple of people show up once or twice but we never really seemed to get a crowd going. We were starting to get one woman as a regular but then it ended up getting cancelled because I think some other woman was taking over for the woman that was substituting.
As well for me, I wasn't able to go as much and my participation in it dwindled this year. I usually try to visit my family every other week or every 3 weeks and sometimes I was too busy with school. At one point, I did feel like it would be nice to have a break but now that it's not running regularly, I miss it and I definitely miss the community, even if it was just a couple of us.
My Sat Nam Rasayan practice was important to me and it really helped me get better at meditation and helped me to become less reactive and more neutral. I was also not able to attend workshops since they would run 3 times a year and have been on Tuesdays. I've been having classes on Tuesdays for the most part so it made it difficult for me.
I was quite happy to go to this workshop because I haven't seen the instructor Hari Nam in over a year or 2. I remarked to one of the regulars at SNR that he has a really strong energy. We were having a conversation about people's energy and I wondered about my own energy impact on others because sometimes I am around people whose energy I do not like and wondered if they had that awareness of their own energy.
It's usually uncommon for me to meet people who have strong energies and he has a nice energy. Although I think personally, having an energy that feels good, doesn't mean the person is good. I liked my ex's energy but he was not a good person. Another woman who ran a meetup group had energy I liked. I didn't know her well but she sent out emails to members about her own sexual abuse and she seemed really like someone with emotional issues. I'm not here to judge someone's personal life but I didn't feel it was appropriate to send out some mass email like that. I didn't know her well enough. I can understand wanting to open up to people whom you were closer to or to people in person.
Anyways, my point is that good energy doesn't mean the person is a good person or emotionally stable like these 2 people I mentioned.
We ended up doing 2 meditations and did lots of partner work. He had us focus on a variety of things but the focus was different from other sessions. He wanted us to focus on our partner's self awareness and inner perception and their insecurity. He also wanted us to say who we were in conflict with and I guess the healer doesn't have to know the person but relates to the feelings associated with that person when the patient thinks about them. We did 2 rounds of this. I first thought of my brother. I seem to be in conflict with him and he is just very difficult to get along with. On the 2nd round, I thought of my ex and said 'ex'. Hari Nam said we can say boss or ex or coworker if we didn't want to give a name. When I said ex, I also thought of aimee. I guess when I think of my conflict with my ex, I can't help but think of aimee. She was definitely part of the problem and enjoyed manipulating him and in a way turning him against me, although I don't know if that's what she was intending. Her intention simply could have been to use him and causing a rift between us was a by-product. But I'll never really know. I don't know if I'll ever get over the feeling of betrayal but I probably will. It's been over a year anyways but when people betray you like those my ex and aimee, it can take a very long time to heal from those wounds. Those wounds were pretty deep.
Overall I found the partner work was interesting and different from previous sessions we've done. A lot of sickness I think can stem from a person having a faulty perception of themself or of being insecure and not feeling good about who they are. I would never thing to feel someone based on that perspective. Basically it seemed like it was about opening up ourselves to how a person feels themself, which I think would be a really powerful thing if one gets good at it.
I can pick up on certain things about people and I do feel I can hone my feeling ability with this practice.
I was pretty tired this morning and I do feel a bit out of it.
The meditations we did were ones he taught us before but I definitely felt like I got something out of this workshop even if the meditations were the same. We also had a lot of new people as well. We didn't have time to do another meditation he mentioned that was good to practice and it was a meditation called Meditation for the Intuitive Intellect. I remember that he taught us this meditation before and I will do a 40 day practice with this meditation. He said yesterday it was a good meditation and a way to know things. I want to know things, so I thought I will try this.
The other strange thing that occurred was about a few days before this workshop, I started feeling weird. I knew my period was coming and I was feeling more irritable and emotional. I ended getting my period as well but was also crying a lot and feeling very emotional. I wasn't sure what was going on because as I mentioned before, I was chanting alot of the mantra, Har Singh Nar Singh and wondered if that was clearing up stuff because I felt so drawn to it. Normally when I get my period, I am not that moody. Sometimes I have been but I wondered if that catharsis was related to my chanting.
My SNR friend said that it was probably related to this workshop. On some level, I was probably preparing for this workshop and clearing up stuff. She said when Hari Nam worked on her, the week leading up to her private session, she felt irritable and he was like 'okay'. I don't know if that's true but it certainly defies a lot of things I have come to believe. Like how is that possible? Who's bringing this stuff up for emotional release? Am I part of the SNR chain because of my past experience practicing so this is how I am energetically connected?
It was odd. I don't know what was going on emotionally with me and it may take me a few days to process this week and what I've been through.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Gone?
Greetings all,
I haven't heard from my introvert friend after she brought up how my ex was all pissed off at her about what I wrote on my blog about him. I wonder if it's because he bullied her into no longer associating with me. Or she's going through another depressive phase and feeling unsocial.
It's been a few weeks and I wonder if he forwarded her my email about warning him not to stalk me online anymore. I had a feeling he was and the fact that she verified shouldn't be held against her.
I honestly have to say, this was by far the worst breakup I ever had. Even when things ended with my eharmony british interest, I was deeply heart broken but I didn't lose my 'friends'. I never had an ex have my 'friends' all turn on me and take his side. I never had a guy cheat on me and deny it the way he did. His behaviour was ridiculous. I never had a group ignore my efforts in helping make the group succeed.
One boyfriend, 3 traumatizing ways to damage me. Never had that happen.
Yesterday I actually felt grateful I am no longer with him. Maybe my heart will heal from the abuse I experienced.
I haven't heard from my introvert friend after she brought up how my ex was all pissed off at her about what I wrote on my blog about him. I wonder if it's because he bullied her into no longer associating with me. Or she's going through another depressive phase and feeling unsocial.
It's been a few weeks and I wonder if he forwarded her my email about warning him not to stalk me online anymore. I had a feeling he was and the fact that she verified shouldn't be held against her.
I honestly have to say, this was by far the worst breakup I ever had. Even when things ended with my eharmony british interest, I was deeply heart broken but I didn't lose my 'friends'. I never had an ex have my 'friends' all turn on me and take his side. I never had a guy cheat on me and deny it the way he did. His behaviour was ridiculous. I never had a group ignore my efforts in helping make the group succeed.
One boyfriend, 3 traumatizing ways to damage me. Never had that happen.
Yesterday I actually felt grateful I am no longer with him. Maybe my heart will heal from the abuse I experienced.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Har Singh Nar Singh
Greetings all,
These past few days I have been listening to Nirinjan Kaur's Har Singh Nar Singh mantra and I feel hungry for it. I've had a few times where I just want to listen to a particular mantra. I usually don't know why but I have had a few times in my spiritual practices these days where all I want to do is hear the mantra and really immerse myself in the sound. I am having that moment again with this mantra. I don't know why but I will go with it. I am not sure if I should do a 40 day discipline or just write down when I started doing this and see how long it lasts for.
http://www.spiritvoyage.com/mantra/Har-Singh-Nar-Singh/MAN-000048.aspx
These past few days I have been listening to Nirinjan Kaur's Har Singh Nar Singh mantra and I feel hungry for it. I've had a few times where I just want to listen to a particular mantra. I usually don't know why but I have had a few times in my spiritual practices these days where all I want to do is hear the mantra and really immerse myself in the sound. I am having that moment again with this mantra. I don't know why but I will go with it. I am not sure if I should do a 40 day discipline or just write down when I started doing this and see how long it lasts for.
I like it and it feels good. According to Spirit Voyage's Mantrapedia, this mantra is for making one a conqueror of evil and that it works on the evolution of energy, and the strength of the masculine energy.
Maybe it's related to the issues I had with the Introvert group. Aimee was a rather evil person and perhaps this is protecting me from the negative energy of that group.
http://www.spiritvoyage.com/mantra/Har-Singh-Nar-Singh/MAN-000048.aspx
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Dealing with Loneliness
Greetings all,
This past week has been intense for me emotionally. I have been feeling really lonely. Part of it is because I am still trying to make new friends since I lost the ones I thought I had last year but also because I have been single for a year and haven't really had much male prospects.
I googled a bit on it and really just wanted to rid myself of this awful feeling. The thing too is that because I felt alone, I wanted to withdraw more from people, which is probably the opposite of what I should be doing.
I am feeling better now and have continued with my qigong practice. I also did some chanting and for now, I am 'over it'.
I haven't had much of a chance to talk about my spiritual practice but I stopped doing kundalini yoga last year. I did not complete my sadhana goal of 1000 days of Bound Lotus. I basically stopped at around 6 months. That was the longest consecutive discipline I did. I don't know why I stopped but I did and I was a little disappointed but I felt I had enough with it.
I also started doing qigong again, although I was learning from a new teacher. I was studying Master Teresa. She did a few sessions where she just did energy work and I was able to attend one and the next day I felt it cleared out some emotional stuff and it motivated to go back to learning qigong. This form she teaches is different from the other forms and I feel it is more gentle and subtle than the other styles I learned. I have learned set I of tai chi shibashi and a wild goose style. I got a whole bunch of videos years ago on the wild goose form.
I am currently practicing set II of the tai chi shibashi but have also learned from Master Teresa, Level 1-3. I am primarily doing level 1 and 2. We got dvds so it enables us to practice at home so I am alternating between the different sets for variety, but I find Level 1 by Master Teresa is more powerful. I feel more relaxed and it makes me feel happier. There have been a few times where it cleared out stuff and I was rather down but after a few days I felt good again.
I am not sure if my loneliness that I experienced was related to that. I got some reiki done last week and I didn't feel good after it for about a week. A friend of mine had said sometimes when we are doing this energy work, it can get worse before it gets better.
I think I am tired of being single, but it's not like I am not trying. I am on okcupid but I find it hard to find dates. I also was thinking of getting a match.com account but that costs money. I had reiki done last summer and the woman I knew her from a meetup group she used to run, said that I am energetically connected to a man so it's just a matter of divine timing. I trust her as I met another woman who was part of the spiritual arts and ran her own meetup group, but she was evil. This woman I feel I can trust her. I hope she is right but I wonder when will it happen? I already find being single for a year is too long and now I wonder if I'll ever find someone. Now that I've been single for so long, it makes me wonder if I can make it work with someone because now I am just more self absorbed and only think of myself and what I want.
I think it's hard to be single too because you start wondering why men online aren't approaching me. I think I have a good profile and look attractive. I think I'm pretty awesome and just don't understand why I'm not getting enough interest.
Maybe I'll be single for another year. I'm busy with school but that doesn't mean I can't make the time for a relationship. I still think I can find a man that is supportive of my education and the time required to pursue it. I know my last boyfriend was an unsupportive jerk but I'm sure there are better men out there that can manage not always having their girlfriend around.
Anyways, I hope I find someone soon. Too many people I know are getting married and I am feeling left behind. I am a good person and have lots of love to give and it would be a shame to not have someone to share my life with.
This past week has been intense for me emotionally. I have been feeling really lonely. Part of it is because I am still trying to make new friends since I lost the ones I thought I had last year but also because I have been single for a year and haven't really had much male prospects.
I googled a bit on it and really just wanted to rid myself of this awful feeling. The thing too is that because I felt alone, I wanted to withdraw more from people, which is probably the opposite of what I should be doing.
I am feeling better now and have continued with my qigong practice. I also did some chanting and for now, I am 'over it'.
I haven't had much of a chance to talk about my spiritual practice but I stopped doing kundalini yoga last year. I did not complete my sadhana goal of 1000 days of Bound Lotus. I basically stopped at around 6 months. That was the longest consecutive discipline I did. I don't know why I stopped but I did and I was a little disappointed but I felt I had enough with it.
I also started doing qigong again, although I was learning from a new teacher. I was studying Master Teresa. She did a few sessions where she just did energy work and I was able to attend one and the next day I felt it cleared out some emotional stuff and it motivated to go back to learning qigong. This form she teaches is different from the other forms and I feel it is more gentle and subtle than the other styles I learned. I have learned set I of tai chi shibashi and a wild goose style. I got a whole bunch of videos years ago on the wild goose form.
I am currently practicing set II of the tai chi shibashi but have also learned from Master Teresa, Level 1-3. I am primarily doing level 1 and 2. We got dvds so it enables us to practice at home so I am alternating between the different sets for variety, but I find Level 1 by Master Teresa is more powerful. I feel more relaxed and it makes me feel happier. There have been a few times where it cleared out stuff and I was rather down but after a few days I felt good again.
I am not sure if my loneliness that I experienced was related to that. I got some reiki done last week and I didn't feel good after it for about a week. A friend of mine had said sometimes when we are doing this energy work, it can get worse before it gets better.
I think I am tired of being single, but it's not like I am not trying. I am on okcupid but I find it hard to find dates. I also was thinking of getting a match.com account but that costs money. I had reiki done last summer and the woman I knew her from a meetup group she used to run, said that I am energetically connected to a man so it's just a matter of divine timing. I trust her as I met another woman who was part of the spiritual arts and ran her own meetup group, but she was evil. This woman I feel I can trust her. I hope she is right but I wonder when will it happen? I already find being single for a year is too long and now I wonder if I'll ever find someone. Now that I've been single for so long, it makes me wonder if I can make it work with someone because now I am just more self absorbed and only think of myself and what I want.
I think it's hard to be single too because you start wondering why men online aren't approaching me. I think I have a good profile and look attractive. I think I'm pretty awesome and just don't understand why I'm not getting enough interest.
Maybe I'll be single for another year. I'm busy with school but that doesn't mean I can't make the time for a relationship. I still think I can find a man that is supportive of my education and the time required to pursue it. I know my last boyfriend was an unsupportive jerk but I'm sure there are better men out there that can manage not always having their girlfriend around.
Anyways, I hope I find someone soon. Too many people I know are getting married and I am feeling left behind. I am a good person and have lots of love to give and it would be a shame to not have someone to share my life with.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Fatigue and My Menstrual Cycle
Greetings all,
I'll be talking a bit about my period. Don't worry, it's not gross or anything but I thought I'd post an issue I was having for several months during my period. I think back in October or September of 2013, I started feeling more tired during my period and some times I was just quite exhausted. I went to see the doctors at school to see what was going on. I had gone to see my previous doctor before and had my iron levels checked out, which seems to be a common issue for women, i.e. low iron.
I was already taking iron during my period as my previous doctor said to so my levels were fine, although for me I want my numbers to be up to 70-90. Last time I had them checked at school, my iron was around 40. Low, but not super low. I think the lowest I had was 16 or something around that.
I've also had my B12 checked out. I've heard it should be over 500 but the way our system works, they consider over 300 (I think), normal. So my B12 was around 300 so 'normal'.
A few months ago I bought this hemp protein at a health food store by my place. In the beginning, I would drink it almost daily and I found that, that helped my energy levels during my period. The problem is that this protein doesn't dissolve like regular protein shakes and so it wasn't the most convenient thing to take. Also the protein bits would get stuck between my teeth. So the next month, I wouldn't take it as often but noticed my energy levels went down when I had my period again.
I had a bottle of Borage oil pills, which contains a fat called GLA (gamma-linolenic acid). I would take them once and a while but last month I decided to take it more consistently, I think every other day. When I last got my period in April, I noticed my energy levels were fine and my period was much lighter (i.e. I was losing less blood). High blood loss can use up a lot of iron so maybe this can help with my iron levels instead of needing to take iron pills.
I bought evening primose oil pills, which also have GLA as well. These 2 products seem to be the best items for containing GLA. I googled GLA and learned that hemp protein contains it as well so this was why I noticed I wasn't fatigued during my period.
What frustrates me is that our medical system doesn't properly help people because when I went to my doctor at school, I asked about getting my fat levels checked out and I think they may have checked out a few but I did read online someone had fatigue and got their GLA checked out and it was low. They were taking lots of fat supplements like omega 3,6 and 9 but that didn't help.
What's the point of having a doctor if they can't figure out what is wrong with your body? I have to figure it out on my own and this is silly. I will probably go back to the doctor and talk about this. I need to know now how much GLA I need. Maybe now I can take a few tablets a week, instead of every other day or every day. I am also not sure if one can have too much GLA in their body so that is something I have to research.
I haven't taken as much GLA this month and maybe I will see more fatigue during my period but at least I know what is causing the issue.
I'll be talking a bit about my period. Don't worry, it's not gross or anything but I thought I'd post an issue I was having for several months during my period. I think back in October or September of 2013, I started feeling more tired during my period and some times I was just quite exhausted. I went to see the doctors at school to see what was going on. I had gone to see my previous doctor before and had my iron levels checked out, which seems to be a common issue for women, i.e. low iron.
I was already taking iron during my period as my previous doctor said to so my levels were fine, although for me I want my numbers to be up to 70-90. Last time I had them checked at school, my iron was around 40. Low, but not super low. I think the lowest I had was 16 or something around that.
I've also had my B12 checked out. I've heard it should be over 500 but the way our system works, they consider over 300 (I think), normal. So my B12 was around 300 so 'normal'.
A few months ago I bought this hemp protein at a health food store by my place. In the beginning, I would drink it almost daily and I found that, that helped my energy levels during my period. The problem is that this protein doesn't dissolve like regular protein shakes and so it wasn't the most convenient thing to take. Also the protein bits would get stuck between my teeth. So the next month, I wouldn't take it as often but noticed my energy levels went down when I had my period again.
I had a bottle of Borage oil pills, which contains a fat called GLA (gamma-linolenic acid). I would take them once and a while but last month I decided to take it more consistently, I think every other day. When I last got my period in April, I noticed my energy levels were fine and my period was much lighter (i.e. I was losing less blood). High blood loss can use up a lot of iron so maybe this can help with my iron levels instead of needing to take iron pills.
I bought evening primose oil pills, which also have GLA as well. These 2 products seem to be the best items for containing GLA. I googled GLA and learned that hemp protein contains it as well so this was why I noticed I wasn't fatigued during my period.
What frustrates me is that our medical system doesn't properly help people because when I went to my doctor at school, I asked about getting my fat levels checked out and I think they may have checked out a few but I did read online someone had fatigue and got their GLA checked out and it was low. They were taking lots of fat supplements like omega 3,6 and 9 but that didn't help.
What's the point of having a doctor if they can't figure out what is wrong with your body? I have to figure it out on my own and this is silly. I will probably go back to the doctor and talk about this. I need to know now how much GLA I need. Maybe now I can take a few tablets a week, instead of every other day or every day. I am also not sure if one can have too much GLA in their body so that is something I have to research.
I haven't taken as much GLA this month and maybe I will see more fatigue during my period but at least I know what is causing the issue.
Wednesday, May 07, 2014
Unfriending
Greetings all,
I unfriended a couple of people on my facebook. These were people that I met at the Staircase improv but hardly saw them anymore. One of them I dated for about 2 months and he was banned apparently from the Staircase. I was living in Toronto at the time so I actually don't really know why.
I had noticed that a lot of people like to act as posers on the internet. The ones that irk me the most are those who claim to be nerds/geeks when they are not and those that claim to be spiritual when it's just an interest.
For me, these posers irk me the most because these are identities I resonate with and I don't think they are seriously into it. One of the people who was from improv for the past 2 years from what I can tell has become more into spirituality. I don't know her very well but when I first met her and her boyfriend (they are now married), they both struck me as angry people. Even on her facebook page, she comes off as rather angry at times. Being that she is part native and part white (not sure if 1/4 native, etc) but she looks like a white girl and my biggest pet peeve was how 'political' she would get about white privilege and about native issues and how white men stole the land.
This kind of talk to me is useless and frankly does not motivate me to support native issues because it just makes them come off as whiney. The big issue she would bitch about is how white people use native imagery. This is known as native appropriation, which is something many in this community seem angry about. First of all, this is one thing I strongly disagree with because all cultures are borrowing from each other. I'm Italian. We are automatically associated with being in the mafia. There are lots of stereotypes on tv about us but do I get angry? No. I think it's a waste of my time and energy. It's like the natives seem to think they are the only culture that is experiencing this but they personalize this and fail to realize that other cultures experience it as well and are not as offended about it as they are.
I think what angers me most when they get angry over the 'appropriation' is that they don't realize people like the head dresses and feathers because it's cool looking. The native look to me is associated with being a warrior and I think this is why some people invoke it and use it. I see it as a compliment to the native community because we associate strength with that culture. This part native Laura, would post on how people would boycott some clothing designer who did an ad campaign that utilized native attire. So many white people got angry and to me this was all just silliness.
They are getting upset when they don't realize that people's intentions aren't to hurt natives. Then they have the balls to compare it to black face, which it isn't. I think the biggest mistake the native community is getting angry about trivial issues, which is what I see this whole appropriation nonsense as. They also get upset over the sports teams logos and forget that most people don't give a shit about sports!
I would rather talk about meaningful issues. Like the poverty issue they face. Not this superficial nonsense. How is getting angry over people dressed in feathers going to help elevate their status? Seriously it isn't. I just think for me, it's better to deal with the real issues like the living circumstances and their political rights and health, not these trivialities.
Anyways, this Laura was quite the hypocrite because on one of her 2 facebook accounts, she posted something on encouraging people to buy native fashion wear. Face palm.
She runs her own fitness business doing nia classes and now seems to be branching into native medicine wheels. Again, she is just a white girl who probably had some exposure to the native culture growing up and attended a few pow wows because of her part nativeness but... she grow up in the white man's world and I highly doubt that she immersed herself to the point where she would be qualified to teach people about medicine wheels. Frankly I think that's a huge disservice to the native community. I would rather learn about that from someone who is living the native life, not some white girl who has some exposure to the culture. I can't imagine learning anything deep from her because I just feel she is so superficial and is really more about looking spiritual than actually being spiritual and having a discipline.
As part of her health and wellness business, she labels herself as a spiritual geek. This was what inspired me to write my facebook statuses about people who are geek/nerd posers and spiritual posers. She happens to be both. What makes her a spiritual geek? Because she's read a couple of books? No that doesn't make one a geek. How can you even be a spiritual geek? I just don't get it. I've read lots of Steiner/anthroposophical books and have read many New Age/Spiritual books but I wouldn't even dare call myself a spiritual geek. I mean really?
There are several images of her marketing where she utilizes native imagery and dresses up in the gear but why is it okay for her to do this? She is exploiting her own native history for profit and frankly that's more inappropriate than the white people she bitches about appropriating her 'culture'.
I just felt like this person is so image obsessed but is truly superficial and I wouldn't listen to a word she says. She even has the balls to create memes and quoting herself, or quoting herself on her facebook status. Most of her 'quotes' aren't really inspirational or intelligent or meaningful. It's all just pompous sounding. It's all just BS to make her look and sound spiritual when people like me, who have actual spiritual practices, can tell the inauthenticity.
She has friends that constantly praise her and so her ego eats it up and yet I won't engage in that ass kissing because that's what it is. It's just boosting her ego and not actually making her a better, spiritual person.
I realized a few weeks ago that her husband unfriended me. I was a little hurt because I didn't have much against him but I just thought it was rude to do that. I maybe see him once every few years but still I feel because I go to the Staircase every so often, it's sort of the bond that connects me to these people that I don't get to see often.
I decided to unfriend her as well because the truth is that they are angry, pot smoking people and I frankly had enough of her fake ass 'I'm spiritual and I'm native so I'm super amazing'. I just find her overall arrogant and I notice that some people from that community are arrogant but since I moved to Toronto, it has humbled me and these people are just so small and insignificant but are so convinced of their greatness, when they are just ordinary people.
Anyways, I didn't unfriend her 2 accounts until after I unfriended the ex I dated for 2 months. After my status voicing how I felt about spiritual posers, he made some rude comment about me and I replied back, "when was the last time you talked to me?" No reply. I haven't seen him in probably 6 years and I've changed a lot and have grown as a person and his comment was a way to belittle me, which he is known for doing.
He generally doesn't comment on my posts but the few times he did, it had that same belittling tone. A common issue I had with some members from the Staircase back in the olden days was how belittling some people were to me. I guess I accepted it but as I grew older, I realized it was unnecessary. I already unfriended one person who doesn't go to improv anymore but whom was part of the community and a facebook friend. His name was Ash and he was rather verbally abusive towards me in the sense that he would belittle me. This ex, Craig was good friends with Ash and I'm not surprised. Like attracts like.
Ash was good friends as well with Gary, part native Laura's husband. Again, I would characterize these people as angry and this is why they would belittle me at times. Gary also belittled me at times but not as much as the others. They all think they are super funny and talented but I think they are all deluded.
I emailed Craig saying I was going to unfriend because his behaviour was inappropriate and all he did was reply back LOL. This was pretty much how my email conversation went with Ash when I unfriended him a few years ago and sent a goodbye email. He didn't seem to give a shit that he was being mean and hurtful. Just made it out to be my problem that I felt hurt.
I don't need people like that in my life, even if it's just my facebook life so I unfriended the rest of the toxic people I met from improv.
I remarked on facebook how I was uncomfortable with certain people in improv but never had the courage to voice how they were verbally abusive i.e. their belittling of me. Now that I am older, I won't put up with it but also have been exposed to more different types of people and realize there are better people out there that are funny and not abusive towards others. It's wrong frankly. This experience made me very wary and cautious towards the new people that come out to improv but I notice I don't get this belittling from them. It's frankly not right. I've had to brush off a lot of hurtful things and eventually I realize what they said was wrong. It's not easy to be sensitive and be around people who are toxic. I hope one day they clear their emotional garbage but who knows.
I'm a deeply sensitive person but I don't talk about it and hide it well for the most part but it's there and I need to avoid these types of people. They are nothing but garbage.
I unfriended a couple of people on my facebook. These were people that I met at the Staircase improv but hardly saw them anymore. One of them I dated for about 2 months and he was banned apparently from the Staircase. I was living in Toronto at the time so I actually don't really know why.
I had noticed that a lot of people like to act as posers on the internet. The ones that irk me the most are those who claim to be nerds/geeks when they are not and those that claim to be spiritual when it's just an interest.
For me, these posers irk me the most because these are identities I resonate with and I don't think they are seriously into it. One of the people who was from improv for the past 2 years from what I can tell has become more into spirituality. I don't know her very well but when I first met her and her boyfriend (they are now married), they both struck me as angry people. Even on her facebook page, she comes off as rather angry at times. Being that she is part native and part white (not sure if 1/4 native, etc) but she looks like a white girl and my biggest pet peeve was how 'political' she would get about white privilege and about native issues and how white men stole the land.
This kind of talk to me is useless and frankly does not motivate me to support native issues because it just makes them come off as whiney. The big issue she would bitch about is how white people use native imagery. This is known as native appropriation, which is something many in this community seem angry about. First of all, this is one thing I strongly disagree with because all cultures are borrowing from each other. I'm Italian. We are automatically associated with being in the mafia. There are lots of stereotypes on tv about us but do I get angry? No. I think it's a waste of my time and energy. It's like the natives seem to think they are the only culture that is experiencing this but they personalize this and fail to realize that other cultures experience it as well and are not as offended about it as they are.
I think what angers me most when they get angry over the 'appropriation' is that they don't realize people like the head dresses and feathers because it's cool looking. The native look to me is associated with being a warrior and I think this is why some people invoke it and use it. I see it as a compliment to the native community because we associate strength with that culture. This part native Laura, would post on how people would boycott some clothing designer who did an ad campaign that utilized native attire. So many white people got angry and to me this was all just silliness.
They are getting upset when they don't realize that people's intentions aren't to hurt natives. Then they have the balls to compare it to black face, which it isn't. I think the biggest mistake the native community is getting angry about trivial issues, which is what I see this whole appropriation nonsense as. They also get upset over the sports teams logos and forget that most people don't give a shit about sports!
I would rather talk about meaningful issues. Like the poverty issue they face. Not this superficial nonsense. How is getting angry over people dressed in feathers going to help elevate their status? Seriously it isn't. I just think for me, it's better to deal with the real issues like the living circumstances and their political rights and health, not these trivialities.
Anyways, this Laura was quite the hypocrite because on one of her 2 facebook accounts, she posted something on encouraging people to buy native fashion wear. Face palm.
She runs her own fitness business doing nia classes and now seems to be branching into native medicine wheels. Again, she is just a white girl who probably had some exposure to the native culture growing up and attended a few pow wows because of her part nativeness but... she grow up in the white man's world and I highly doubt that she immersed herself to the point where she would be qualified to teach people about medicine wheels. Frankly I think that's a huge disservice to the native community. I would rather learn about that from someone who is living the native life, not some white girl who has some exposure to the culture. I can't imagine learning anything deep from her because I just feel she is so superficial and is really more about looking spiritual than actually being spiritual and having a discipline.
As part of her health and wellness business, she labels herself as a spiritual geek. This was what inspired me to write my facebook statuses about people who are geek/nerd posers and spiritual posers. She happens to be both. What makes her a spiritual geek? Because she's read a couple of books? No that doesn't make one a geek. How can you even be a spiritual geek? I just don't get it. I've read lots of Steiner/anthroposophical books and have read many New Age/Spiritual books but I wouldn't even dare call myself a spiritual geek. I mean really?
There are several images of her marketing where she utilizes native imagery and dresses up in the gear but why is it okay for her to do this? She is exploiting her own native history for profit and frankly that's more inappropriate than the white people she bitches about appropriating her 'culture'.
I just felt like this person is so image obsessed but is truly superficial and I wouldn't listen to a word she says. She even has the balls to create memes and quoting herself, or quoting herself on her facebook status. Most of her 'quotes' aren't really inspirational or intelligent or meaningful. It's all just pompous sounding. It's all just BS to make her look and sound spiritual when people like me, who have actual spiritual practices, can tell the inauthenticity.
She has friends that constantly praise her and so her ego eats it up and yet I won't engage in that ass kissing because that's what it is. It's just boosting her ego and not actually making her a better, spiritual person.
I realized a few weeks ago that her husband unfriended me. I was a little hurt because I didn't have much against him but I just thought it was rude to do that. I maybe see him once every few years but still I feel because I go to the Staircase every so often, it's sort of the bond that connects me to these people that I don't get to see often.
I decided to unfriend her as well because the truth is that they are angry, pot smoking people and I frankly had enough of her fake ass 'I'm spiritual and I'm native so I'm super amazing'. I just find her overall arrogant and I notice that some people from that community are arrogant but since I moved to Toronto, it has humbled me and these people are just so small and insignificant but are so convinced of their greatness, when they are just ordinary people.
Anyways, I didn't unfriend her 2 accounts until after I unfriended the ex I dated for 2 months. After my status voicing how I felt about spiritual posers, he made some rude comment about me and I replied back, "when was the last time you talked to me?" No reply. I haven't seen him in probably 6 years and I've changed a lot and have grown as a person and his comment was a way to belittle me, which he is known for doing.
He generally doesn't comment on my posts but the few times he did, it had that same belittling tone. A common issue I had with some members from the Staircase back in the olden days was how belittling some people were to me. I guess I accepted it but as I grew older, I realized it was unnecessary. I already unfriended one person who doesn't go to improv anymore but whom was part of the community and a facebook friend. His name was Ash and he was rather verbally abusive towards me in the sense that he would belittle me. This ex, Craig was good friends with Ash and I'm not surprised. Like attracts like.
Ash was good friends as well with Gary, part native Laura's husband. Again, I would characterize these people as angry and this is why they would belittle me at times. Gary also belittled me at times but not as much as the others. They all think they are super funny and talented but I think they are all deluded.
I emailed Craig saying I was going to unfriend because his behaviour was inappropriate and all he did was reply back LOL. This was pretty much how my email conversation went with Ash when I unfriended him a few years ago and sent a goodbye email. He didn't seem to give a shit that he was being mean and hurtful. Just made it out to be my problem that I felt hurt.
I don't need people like that in my life, even if it's just my facebook life so I unfriended the rest of the toxic people I met from improv.
I remarked on facebook how I was uncomfortable with certain people in improv but never had the courage to voice how they were verbally abusive i.e. their belittling of me. Now that I am older, I won't put up with it but also have been exposed to more different types of people and realize there are better people out there that are funny and not abusive towards others. It's wrong frankly. This experience made me very wary and cautious towards the new people that come out to improv but I notice I don't get this belittling from them. It's frankly not right. I've had to brush off a lot of hurtful things and eventually I realize what they said was wrong. It's not easy to be sensitive and be around people who are toxic. I hope one day they clear their emotional garbage but who knows.
I'm a deeply sensitive person but I don't talk about it and hide it well for the most part but it's there and I need to avoid these types of people. They are nothing but garbage.
I am Rashional
Greetings all,
I had to take Amoxicillan, an antibiotic when I got my wisdom teeth taken out 2 weeks ago. I ended up getting a rash about a week afterwards. I only had a week's worth of antibiotics and finished them up. I noticed the soles of my feet had a burning sensation and then I experience the runs all day, which for me is rather embarrassing since I have to share my bathroom with my housemate. Then I noticed a rash breaking out on my elbows and the side of my hips. I thought maybe I have bed bugs but I emailed my mom the pics and she said it was a rash. My brother had bed bug bites and she said they didn't look like them.
I also had an intense stomach ache on Sunday night. I went out to see a documentary and in the middle of it, my stomach hurt so bad that I wanted to throw up. I stuck it out to the end and went home. I didn't throw up. I googled what to do and read that you can drink baking soda, which is what I did. I went to bed and woke up fine. Then yesterday I has having the runs again and our toilet wouldn't flush properly so I had to email the owner to fix it. Again, that was embarrassing. Our toilet has been known to not flush properly and of all the times to act up, this was not a good time!
When I started getting the rash, I phoned the pharmacist so I should be fine as what I got was a delayed reaction to the medication and I should be fine after a week. I thought this was ridiculous. I had 2 of my wisdom taken out 10 years ago and I don't remember going through this amount of BS. I am never taking an antibiotic again in my life! I don't know how common amoxicillan reactions are, but I am never taking it again and hopefully I won't need to.
Hopefully this will be the end of my rash, stomach ache, runs.
I had to take Amoxicillan, an antibiotic when I got my wisdom teeth taken out 2 weeks ago. I ended up getting a rash about a week afterwards. I only had a week's worth of antibiotics and finished them up. I noticed the soles of my feet had a burning sensation and then I experience the runs all day, which for me is rather embarrassing since I have to share my bathroom with my housemate. Then I noticed a rash breaking out on my elbows and the side of my hips. I thought maybe I have bed bugs but I emailed my mom the pics and she said it was a rash. My brother had bed bug bites and she said they didn't look like them.
I also had an intense stomach ache on Sunday night. I went out to see a documentary and in the middle of it, my stomach hurt so bad that I wanted to throw up. I stuck it out to the end and went home. I didn't throw up. I googled what to do and read that you can drink baking soda, which is what I did. I went to bed and woke up fine. Then yesterday I has having the runs again and our toilet wouldn't flush properly so I had to email the owner to fix it. Again, that was embarrassing. Our toilet has been known to not flush properly and of all the times to act up, this was not a good time!
When I started getting the rash, I phoned the pharmacist so I should be fine as what I got was a delayed reaction to the medication and I should be fine after a week. I thought this was ridiculous. I had 2 of my wisdom taken out 10 years ago and I don't remember going through this amount of BS. I am never taking an antibiotic again in my life! I don't know how common amoxicillan reactions are, but I am never taking it again and hopefully I won't need to.
Hopefully this will be the end of my rash, stomach ache, runs.
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