Dealing with Loneliness

Greetings all,

This past week has been intense for me emotionally. I have been feeling really lonely. Part of it is because I am still trying to make new friends since I lost the ones I thought I had last year but also because I have been single for a year and haven't really had much male prospects.

I googled a bit on it and really just wanted to rid myself of this awful feeling. The thing too is that because I felt alone, I wanted to withdraw more from people, which is probably the opposite of what I should be doing.

I am feeling better now and have continued with my qigong practice. I also did some chanting and for now, I am 'over it'.

I haven't had much of a chance to talk about my spiritual practice but I stopped doing kundalini yoga last year. I did not complete my sadhana goal of 1000 days of Bound Lotus. I basically stopped at around 6 months. That was the longest consecutive discipline I did. I don't know why I stopped but I did and I was a little disappointed but I felt I had enough with it.

I also started doing qigong again, although I was learning from a new teacher. I was studying Master Teresa. She did a few sessions where she just did energy work and I was able to attend one and the next day I felt it cleared out some emotional stuff and it motivated to go back to learning qigong. This form she teaches is different from the other forms and I feel it is more gentle and subtle than the other styles I learned. I have learned set I of tai chi shibashi and a wild goose style. I got a whole bunch of videos years ago on the wild goose form.

I am currently practicing set II of the tai chi shibashi but have also learned from Master Teresa, Level 1-3. I am primarily doing level 1 and 2. We got dvds so it enables us to practice at home so I am alternating between the different sets for variety, but I find Level 1 by Master Teresa is more powerful. I feel more relaxed and it makes me feel happier. There have been a few times where it cleared out stuff and I was rather down but after a few days I felt good again.

I am not sure if my loneliness that I experienced was related to that. I got some reiki done last week and I didn't feel good after it for about a week. A friend of mine had said sometimes when we are doing this energy work, it can get worse before it gets better.

I think I am tired of being single, but it's not like I am not trying. I am on okcupid but I find it hard to find dates. I also was thinking of getting a match.com account but that costs money. I had reiki done last summer and the woman I knew her from a meetup group she used to run, said that I am energetically connected to a man so it's just a matter of divine timing. I trust her as I met another woman who was part of the spiritual arts and ran her own meetup group, but she was evil. This woman I feel I can trust her. I hope she is right but I wonder when will it happen? I already find being single for a year is too long and now I wonder if I'll ever find someone. Now that I've been single for so long, it makes me wonder if I can make it work with someone because now I am just more self absorbed and only think of myself and what I want.

I think it's hard to be single too because you start wondering why men online aren't approaching me. I think I have a good profile and look attractive. I think I'm pretty awesome and just don't understand why I'm not getting enough interest.

Maybe I'll be single for another year. I'm busy with school but that doesn't mean I can't make the time for a relationship. I still think I can find a man that is supportive of my education and the time required to pursue it. I know my last boyfriend was an unsupportive jerk but I'm sure there are better men out there that can manage not always having their girlfriend around.

Anyways, I hope I find someone soon. Too many people I know are getting married and I am feeling left behind. I am a good person and have lots of love to give and it would be a shame to not have someone to share my life with.