Greetings all,
I did Laughter Yoga for the first time tonight. It was something I've been meaning to try. Basically you are guided through various activities where you are forcing yourself to laugh. The theory is that your body can't tell the difference between a fake laugh and a real laugh so either way, laughing is good for you. Forcing laughter generates real laughter. For me I didn't find that happening. In my own life yes sometimes forcing a smile makes me smile but I felt this whole one hour was forced so it didn't make me genuinely laugh. It was much too long.
I thought I would like it, but I just found it creepy. I've been doing improv for over 10 years and this laughter yoga had some similarities but it felt very contrived and actually odd. I prefer doing improv over this to laugh and have a good time. We introduced ourselves by saying our name and than laughing. There was one guy who has been tried to be a laughter yoga leader and he was quite the extrovert and overall annoying because he'd be talking back to the instructor. I think he was just being his extroverted self but I felt he was being disruptive. It just didn't jive with me.
There was one guy who also was trained to be a leader and he laughed so much. I think he had a good laugh but it just made me wonder. I forced myself to laugh but at the same time, I felt myself retreating inside my own head. It was just weird!
At the end they have us lie down in a circle where our heads are in the middle and we were to laugh for 10 minutes. I found it hard to laugh that long and probably after 3 minutes, my laughter was so fake and my jaw started to hurt as well because of my wisdom teeth. I think I took a break from the laughing because at that point it was annoying!
One of the games we did was to double high 5 someone and say 'your alright', although at some point I wanted to say 'you're awesome' because that's what I tell myself.
We also played some game where we were mud slinging and than we had to hug each other because the mud covers what we look like and so we are all the same. Again, it seemed really contrived to me.
I don't think I'd want to go back. It wasn't my thing and I prefer improv. Laughter yoga is like the creepy older uncle of Improv. The games aren't really that fun like in improv and it just seems like a lot of forced laughter. At least for me, I'm not a believer in forcing things and I think that takes away from the humour. I feel like I'm in that fake laughter mode and hopefully I'll get out of it. My qigong practice makes me feel good for the most part and I feel pretty happy in life because of it. I don't feel I am repressed. I guess laughter yoga isn't for me. It just was too creepy and I'm definitely one not afraid to step out of my comfort zone so if I find something creepy, it usually is because it is since I am not one that gets creeped out too easily.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Why Be Hatin' on Hello Kitty?
Greetings all,
A friend of mine on facebook posted Avril Lavigne's new video Hello Kitty. Lots of people complained how awful the song and video is but I think these people don't understand that it probably was made to be a silly video. Why do regular people forget that these people are artists and sometimes just want to put together a silly and funny video, without it necessarily having to be amazing?
I actually like it and think it's very colourful. I find it funny too. Many people were overreacting and called her a racist but it wasn't racist at all. The asian back up dancers were just like dolls and it made sense. I don't get the hate but it reminded me of how my favourite Canadian musician did a similar music video but he wasn't criticized because he's not terribly famous. He spent a lot of time touring in Japan and other Asian countries so he probably got influenced by their culture. I think Avril probably had the same experience and wanted to do something based on her own time there. It's not racism but it just goes to show, people want to be miserable and unhappy. If you don't like the song, don't listen or watch it. I'm not an Avril fan, I find her annoying at times but I can relate to how artists are and where their thinking is coming from since I used to do improv and comedy and am creative so I can relate to just wanting to be experimental. Avril has proven herself and has been in the industry for a long time. She can do what she wants!
I can like a song even though the artist is not a favourite but I guess other people are more intolerant and once you don't like an artist, you just don't like them at all.
The other thing is the public doesn't like when artists branch out to do new things or try different sounds or looks. They bitch how they want the old musician back. People want the old Avril in her beginning but even when she came out, people hated on her and complained how her image is all manufactured. People say they liked her back then but even back then they didn't. They just liked her old image when they see this new one.
Artists are meant to explore different styles and looks and people shouldn't get so upset about it. I like the video due to its silliness. At the end of the day, it's just a video and people need to chill out.
Hawksley's We Dance to Yesterday:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeJdIuAYpHY
Avril's Hello Kitty:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkY3Quj8BSA
A friend of mine on facebook posted Avril Lavigne's new video Hello Kitty. Lots of people complained how awful the song and video is but I think these people don't understand that it probably was made to be a silly video. Why do regular people forget that these people are artists and sometimes just want to put together a silly and funny video, without it necessarily having to be amazing?
I actually like it and think it's very colourful. I find it funny too. Many people were overreacting and called her a racist but it wasn't racist at all. The asian back up dancers were just like dolls and it made sense. I don't get the hate but it reminded me of how my favourite Canadian musician did a similar music video but he wasn't criticized because he's not terribly famous. He spent a lot of time touring in Japan and other Asian countries so he probably got influenced by their culture. I think Avril probably had the same experience and wanted to do something based on her own time there. It's not racism but it just goes to show, people want to be miserable and unhappy. If you don't like the song, don't listen or watch it. I'm not an Avril fan, I find her annoying at times but I can relate to how artists are and where their thinking is coming from since I used to do improv and comedy and am creative so I can relate to just wanting to be experimental. Avril has proven herself and has been in the industry for a long time. She can do what she wants!
I can like a song even though the artist is not a favourite but I guess other people are more intolerant and once you don't like an artist, you just don't like them at all.
The other thing is the public doesn't like when artists branch out to do new things or try different sounds or looks. They bitch how they want the old musician back. People want the old Avril in her beginning but even when she came out, people hated on her and complained how her image is all manufactured. People say they liked her back then but even back then they didn't. They just liked her old image when they see this new one.
Artists are meant to explore different styles and looks and people shouldn't get so upset about it. I like the video due to its silliness. At the end of the day, it's just a video and people need to chill out.
Hawksley's We Dance to Yesterday:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeJdIuAYpHY
Avril's Hello Kitty:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkY3Quj8BSA
Losing My Wisdom
Greetings all,
Yesterday I got my last 2 wisdom teeth taken out. I had my top 2 taken out about 12 years ago. On my right side, my tooth was starting to erupt and had managed to become visible. I had been wanting it out for the past 6 months but because I got busy with school, it was difficult to schedule a day for a consultation.
I wasn't sure about getting my left tooth out because it was below the surface but I figure I should get them both out because I am on a student dental plan so might as well take advantage of it as who knows if the left tooth will ever cause me trouble down the road.
My right tooth would sometimes give me pain as I could feel it when it was pushing through my gums. It was more of a nuisance pain. I was rather happy getting the surgery yesterday. I'm not sure what other patients are like but they kept saying I was doing good. Are they just saying that or am I really a good patient? I was just on the local anesthesia and not the laughing gas. For the most part I was fine although there was some times where it hurt a bit.
They worked on my left side first as that required more work. They had to drill a bit on my right and made incisions but I thought it would have been easier to remove that one since it was already coming out. It took maybe a bit longer than I expected.
My left cheek is very swollen now and I hope it goes down soon but they said it would take about 3 days. I am putting ice on it but I don't know if that is helping.
I have an antibiotic to take and also percacet (not sure of spelling) and ibruprofen. I also have a mouth rinse to use. I don't think I've ever used so many drugs in my life.
I have one more exam to worry about but I don't think my surgery will impact my studying. I am going to study a bit today and hopefully get focused solely on this exam over the next few days
Yesterday I got my last 2 wisdom teeth taken out. I had my top 2 taken out about 12 years ago. On my right side, my tooth was starting to erupt and had managed to become visible. I had been wanting it out for the past 6 months but because I got busy with school, it was difficult to schedule a day for a consultation.
I wasn't sure about getting my left tooth out because it was below the surface but I figure I should get them both out because I am on a student dental plan so might as well take advantage of it as who knows if the left tooth will ever cause me trouble down the road.
My right tooth would sometimes give me pain as I could feel it when it was pushing through my gums. It was more of a nuisance pain. I was rather happy getting the surgery yesterday. I'm not sure what other patients are like but they kept saying I was doing good. Are they just saying that or am I really a good patient? I was just on the local anesthesia and not the laughing gas. For the most part I was fine although there was some times where it hurt a bit.
They worked on my left side first as that required more work. They had to drill a bit on my right and made incisions but I thought it would have been easier to remove that one since it was already coming out. It took maybe a bit longer than I expected.
My left cheek is very swollen now and I hope it goes down soon but they said it would take about 3 days. I am putting ice on it but I don't know if that is helping.
I have an antibiotic to take and also percacet (not sure of spelling) and ibruprofen. I also have a mouth rinse to use. I don't think I've ever used so many drugs in my life.
I have one more exam to worry about but I don't think my surgery will impact my studying. I am going to study a bit today and hopefully get focused solely on this exam over the next few days
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Gyppity Gypped Gyopped
Greetings all,
For one of my courses, we have an online forum where we can ask the instructors questions and our peers or the instructors answer them.
For my one course, we got a new instructor after reading week. The last class before reading week, our prof at the time never showed up for class. Most students stuck around for a bit but after 30 minutes, people started leaving and so did I as next door at the Part Time student union, they were offering free massages and they happened to have a free spot. Free massage or wait for a prof that may not come? I made the obvious choice.
Last week, I think I sent a private post to the person who runs this course and I asked if we get a make up class or something because we 'got gypped out of a class'. Apparently my school is very PC and the prof said I was being insensitive and frankly that really hurt my feelings because it implied I was a racist, which I am not.
First of all, I know the 'gypsies' do not like to be called 'gypsies'. They are now officially known as 'Roma'. Okay fine. If that's what you guys want to be called now, fine, I don't care. They are just words, they don't really mean anything. It's just a label. Just like being Italian is a label. It really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.
I posted a question on my facebook saying something about when did the word 'gypped' become PC and one of the female alphas from my improv community in Hamilton commented on it and basically seemed to be rude about it. Again, implying I was some racist. If she didn't like what I asked, there are other more effective ways to make a point without coming off as antagonistic (I don't think this person realizes that she comes off that way sometimes, mainly when she disagrees with my opinion. I am a sensitive person so pick up the emotionality of people very quickly. I would not classify her as a rational debater, rather more of an emotional debater).
Wouldn't it be politically incorrect for me to say I got Roma-ed? Or I got Rom-ed?
This blog will now be about how I don't agree with this banning of words bullshit. I am very anti political correctedness and this does not make me a racist. I consider myself a realist and feel that banning words really does not address the issue of racism. In fact, I think it white washes the real issue. Do you honestly think that banning a word or making a word taboo is going to eliminate racist behaviour? Because if that were true, we wouldn't have discrimination anymore.The Roma people would be respected, the black community wouldn't be automatically stereotyped as criminals and gay people would be able to get married in the US and all over the world.
Am I saying it's okay to use words that may offend people? No but I'm offering a more realistic perspective.
We need to start examining people's tone and intention when they speak. We can't just assume someone is being racist just because they use a word. You can be a racist without using racist or derogatory words. I think probably the biggest issue I have with banning words or being so anal about people's use of words that may not be the best is that it really ignores the fact that it's not actually words that communicate the message, it's the tone, it's the emotionality, it's the intention. As I said, you can have the most closed minded and ignorant mentality and yet use the most beautiful words. It's all how you say things and the actions you take towards people that speak volumes. Or it's your lack of words (eg read my blogs about aimee buxton who totally embodies this quality) and your body language that conveys your racist attitude towards people. You can be a racist and an asshole without saying a single world to someone! One of the biggest things I learned in my Catholic school days was there was a type of sin called Sins of Omission which basically where sins where you didn't take action when you could of, think of the Good Samaritan and the people before him who didn't bother helping out the person that was in need, but his so called enemy, the Samaritan, saved his life. So you can ignore people and demonstrate that your racist because you're just too good to talk to them. But no one would call you racist if you actually never said anything. You're deemed not racist, which we all know is not the truth of the situation.
I'm a blood donor and if a 'gypsy' needed my blood, I wouldn't object. I'm not a racist and if I ever saw a Roma person who needed genuine help, their cultural background isn't going to impact my decision on whether I would help them.
I'm sorry but I am not going to stop using the word 'gypped'. I see no harm in it and if people want to be offended, that's there business.
I know in Pakistan, calling someone a Paki is common and not racist but in North America, it's considered racist. Again, words in and of themselves have no meaning. We ascribe the meaning. Clearly when I made this comment in the forum for my course, there was no attack towards anyone.
I have another example of over PC behaviour at my school. There is a regular Thursday afternoon coffee discussion gathering. I thought I would check it out. When I was there, I realized everyone seemed...well gay. When they started the topic discussion about Positive Space, I realized this was a group for gay people. Positive Space are these logos that are plastered all over the school that are safe places for gay students. For me, I actually don't like them because as a straight person, it makes me feel like I'm not wanted. I kept quiet the whole time but I wanted to speak out on some of their issues. I wanted to offer a straight person's perspective who isn't homophobic. There was one key topic that came up, I can't remember it now, I would have to check my journal as I think I wrote about it but I just wanted to tell them that they shouldn't give a shit what others think of their sexuality. I think lots of them felt insecure but they are all probably in their early 20s so most people feel insecure anyways at that age. Eventually as you get older, you realize most people don't care about your sexuality and are too self absorbed with their own life. Just be happy and be yourself.
The other comment that was brought up that irked me was how they were getting offended by how people use the word gay in a derogatory manner, like if someone wears something odd, they will say 'that's so gay'. I'm sorry but I remember the word 'queer' was highly derogatory and now they use that all the time and it's not. Gay used to mean happy.
The point is that the meaning of words change. This again proves my point in a logical manner that words in and of themselves have no meaning. It's the meaning we give it. And words can have multiple meanings.
I think the bottom line is this reaffirms my theory that people just want to be offended. People cannot just be happy and let people be. They have to find something to be offended by, even it really has no direct impact on them. People have been very hurtful to me and as an Italian, there are lots of racist attitudes I have experienced but because I am white, it doesn't really matter.
I think people just get so caught up in these little details and I am a big picture person. I look at the big picture and that's why most things don't upset me. I think if people weren't so reactive about being PC, we may as a society be able to become more progressive because we are giving people the opportunity to express themselves, rather than banning words and giving ourselves a false sense that we are eliminating the problem by simple not using a very small percentage of words.
For me, I just have a different world view from this prof. I believe more that's important to have free speech. Usually these PC people are obsessed about hurting people's feelings but for me, that's not something I value too much because I value freedom of speech more. Doesn't mean I don't care about people's feelings, it's just that freedom is my highest value and something I will protect.
For one of my courses, we have an online forum where we can ask the instructors questions and our peers or the instructors answer them.
For my one course, we got a new instructor after reading week. The last class before reading week, our prof at the time never showed up for class. Most students stuck around for a bit but after 30 minutes, people started leaving and so did I as next door at the Part Time student union, they were offering free massages and they happened to have a free spot. Free massage or wait for a prof that may not come? I made the obvious choice.
Last week, I think I sent a private post to the person who runs this course and I asked if we get a make up class or something because we 'got gypped out of a class'. Apparently my school is very PC and the prof said I was being insensitive and frankly that really hurt my feelings because it implied I was a racist, which I am not.
First of all, I know the 'gypsies' do not like to be called 'gypsies'. They are now officially known as 'Roma'. Okay fine. If that's what you guys want to be called now, fine, I don't care. They are just words, they don't really mean anything. It's just a label. Just like being Italian is a label. It really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things.
I posted a question on my facebook saying something about when did the word 'gypped' become PC and one of the female alphas from my improv community in Hamilton commented on it and basically seemed to be rude about it. Again, implying I was some racist. If she didn't like what I asked, there are other more effective ways to make a point without coming off as antagonistic (I don't think this person realizes that she comes off that way sometimes, mainly when she disagrees with my opinion. I am a sensitive person so pick up the emotionality of people very quickly. I would not classify her as a rational debater, rather more of an emotional debater).
Wouldn't it be politically incorrect for me to say I got Roma-ed? Or I got Rom-ed?
This blog will now be about how I don't agree with this banning of words bullshit. I am very anti political correctedness and this does not make me a racist. I consider myself a realist and feel that banning words really does not address the issue of racism. In fact, I think it white washes the real issue. Do you honestly think that banning a word or making a word taboo is going to eliminate racist behaviour? Because if that were true, we wouldn't have discrimination anymore.The Roma people would be respected, the black community wouldn't be automatically stereotyped as criminals and gay people would be able to get married in the US and all over the world.
Am I saying it's okay to use words that may offend people? No but I'm offering a more realistic perspective.
We need to start examining people's tone and intention when they speak. We can't just assume someone is being racist just because they use a word. You can be a racist without using racist or derogatory words. I think probably the biggest issue I have with banning words or being so anal about people's use of words that may not be the best is that it really ignores the fact that it's not actually words that communicate the message, it's the tone, it's the emotionality, it's the intention. As I said, you can have the most closed minded and ignorant mentality and yet use the most beautiful words. It's all how you say things and the actions you take towards people that speak volumes. Or it's your lack of words (eg read my blogs about aimee buxton who totally embodies this quality) and your body language that conveys your racist attitude towards people. You can be a racist and an asshole without saying a single world to someone! One of the biggest things I learned in my Catholic school days was there was a type of sin called Sins of Omission which basically where sins where you didn't take action when you could of, think of the Good Samaritan and the people before him who didn't bother helping out the person that was in need, but his so called enemy, the Samaritan, saved his life. So you can ignore people and demonstrate that your racist because you're just too good to talk to them. But no one would call you racist if you actually never said anything. You're deemed not racist, which we all know is not the truth of the situation.
I'm a blood donor and if a 'gypsy' needed my blood, I wouldn't object. I'm not a racist and if I ever saw a Roma person who needed genuine help, their cultural background isn't going to impact my decision on whether I would help them.
I'm sorry but I am not going to stop using the word 'gypped'. I see no harm in it and if people want to be offended, that's there business.
I know in Pakistan, calling someone a Paki is common and not racist but in North America, it's considered racist. Again, words in and of themselves have no meaning. We ascribe the meaning. Clearly when I made this comment in the forum for my course, there was no attack towards anyone.
I have another example of over PC behaviour at my school. There is a regular Thursday afternoon coffee discussion gathering. I thought I would check it out. When I was there, I realized everyone seemed...well gay. When they started the topic discussion about Positive Space, I realized this was a group for gay people. Positive Space are these logos that are plastered all over the school that are safe places for gay students. For me, I actually don't like them because as a straight person, it makes me feel like I'm not wanted. I kept quiet the whole time but I wanted to speak out on some of their issues. I wanted to offer a straight person's perspective who isn't homophobic. There was one key topic that came up, I can't remember it now, I would have to check my journal as I think I wrote about it but I just wanted to tell them that they shouldn't give a shit what others think of their sexuality. I think lots of them felt insecure but they are all probably in their early 20s so most people feel insecure anyways at that age. Eventually as you get older, you realize most people don't care about your sexuality and are too self absorbed with their own life. Just be happy and be yourself.
The other comment that was brought up that irked me was how they were getting offended by how people use the word gay in a derogatory manner, like if someone wears something odd, they will say 'that's so gay'. I'm sorry but I remember the word 'queer' was highly derogatory and now they use that all the time and it's not. Gay used to mean happy.
The point is that the meaning of words change. This again proves my point in a logical manner that words in and of themselves have no meaning. It's the meaning we give it. And words can have multiple meanings.
I think the bottom line is this reaffirms my theory that people just want to be offended. People cannot just be happy and let people be. They have to find something to be offended by, even it really has no direct impact on them. People have been very hurtful to me and as an Italian, there are lots of racist attitudes I have experienced but because I am white, it doesn't really matter.
I think people just get so caught up in these little details and I am a big picture person. I look at the big picture and that's why most things don't upset me. I think if people weren't so reactive about being PC, we may as a society be able to become more progressive because we are giving people the opportunity to express themselves, rather than banning words and giving ourselves a false sense that we are eliminating the problem by simple not using a very small percentage of words.
For me, I just have a different world view from this prof. I believe more that's important to have free speech. Usually these PC people are obsessed about hurting people's feelings but for me, that's not something I value too much because I value freedom of speech more. Doesn't mean I don't care about people's feelings, it's just that freedom is my highest value and something I will protect.
Monday, April 07, 2014
My New Dating Rule
Greetings all,
I came up with this dating rule last year but I thought I'd share with others one of my new rules. The new rule is basically I will not even consider dating a man that has children. I've dated 2 of them and both seem to complicate things unnecessarily. I read an article in the Spectator this morning about how a man left his wife and kids to be in a new relationship and the children are not very nice to the girlfriend.
I can relate to this as my last boyfriend's son was very cold towards me and would rarely say anything. It made me feel like I was the bad guy and I wasn't. I tried to talk to him but it was like talking to a wall, much like what it was like to be around aimee, in fact I would say it was worse. It's bad enough that my ex made me look like the bad guy in front of our friends but now I have to feel like that when the son was around? It was a little too much for me.
I can understand why kids act that way towards a new love interest. It ruins their fantasy that mommy and daddy are not together and may never be. I don't know what it's like to come from a broken home because my parents are still married and maybe if I were him, I would be resentful. I have some understanding towards this type of situation, but this is where the parent is to step in and teach the child that it's not appropriate to treat someone like that, especially if they have never done anything wrong. But obviously my ex sides with his son and believed that I was the mean one and that I didn't like the son. I don't know how my ex would feel if the tables were turned. Would he like it if I had a daughter who basically said nothing to him and was rude when he tried to make conversation towards her? After experiencing that a few times, wouldn't he just not talk as much and be polite so as not to experience the cruelty of the silence and unspoken rejection?
Maybe the mother was making me look like the bad guy, I don't know but why would I, a grown woman, have anything against a pre-teen? Let's just say my ex was not a very rational and logical man so he tends to react to things emotionally so I can see where he is irrationally coming from.
When I dated a divorced man with 2 children 10 years ago, his children really liked me, although they probably thought I was weird. And I probably was considering most adults didn't act silly like I do. They still seemed to like me as my weirdness is endearing to most people.
I think these men with children are better off sticking with 'their own kind'. My ex with the 2 kids ended up remarrying and remarried a woman that had kids so they probably understand each other and he probably wanted a mother figure for his children since his ex wife was not a good role model, considering she never worked and probably suffered from depression. I've seen what his wife looks like (the new one of probably 5 years) and she looks very working class (What do you expect from Hamilton anyways?) i.e. she was ugly as a boot.
When I told my friend this a few years ago, she pointed out how he probably was looking for a mother and I never really thought about this. This was probably why he stopped loving me when I went away to Yellowknife to work for 4 months.
The sad thing I learned about this ex is that his son, now 18 or 19 already had a child at the age of either 17 or 18. My theory is that the son never felt loved and cared for by his mother and so was probably desperate for female affection. I know most kids have sex at that age but usually they are responsible. It's sad because in a way he may struggle for years trying to find a good job to provide. You change so much from 18-25 and I doubt that relationship will last, although he does seem happy and in love but I chalk that up to youthful naivety.
On some level it bothers me, because I want to have children and be married but the older I get, I wonder if it will happen. I am in school too and I might not feel ready to have a child until I finish school and by that time I may be 39 and that's old!
I don't know what my ex's son's relation to his mother is like but I think he may be on the same path if he is not adequately receiving love from a woman caretaker. My ex painted his ex as a demon but that's his perception. Maybe she is nice and a good mother. I don't know and it's not my business.
I know our society talks about girls who don't have positive father figures in their lives and how they act out this deficiency by seeking love by being promiscuous and confusing sex with love. We don't seem to make the connection that boys that grow up with out receiving adequate love from a mother figure end up acting the same way and I think my ex's son is a perfect example.
The other reason why I am no longer even going to consider dating a man with kids is that the men don't seem to realize the sacrifice you make as the single person with no 'baggage' (are kids really baggage? in some sense they are). I didn't get to spend as much time with my last boyfriend because he required time to be with his son. My other ex with the 2 kids was primarily a full time dad and I didn't get to spend too much time alone with him because the kids always came first.
I clearly can handle being on my own but not my ex. When I had to temporarily live out of town with my parents, he couldn't handle his alone time and started pursuing a relationship with another woman. I could have been an asshole while we were dating and spent time with other men while he was in daddy mode but I never did. I am an honorable woman and being disloyal is not in my nature.
He never said a kind word about my sacrifice. I could have pursued any man I wanted to and probably should have pursued a man that had a more simpler life.
The other issue I had was that he seemed to think somehow being a dad made him more special than everyone else. One example was I would visit him using my parent's car while I was temporarily living with them. This was the period when we were trying to get back together after the 'titles' issue. I parked on the street and he kept saying I wouldn't get a ticket as I stayed until 12.45am and the law states you cannot park on the street after midnight without a permit. I ended up getting a ticket and he said he would pay for it. He never did. I broke up with him a few days later because he lied to me that night about how he went to Hamilton with friends. He told me a week before he was planning to clean his house (which seems to be a common excuse) and then after that weekend passed said he went to Hamilton and that the day trip was planned for the weekend a week ahead. We all know, I can't handle liars. Normally a white lie may not have phased me but we were trying to get back together and I was getting suspicious of how he was defending aimee (his current girlfriend, the Mighty Leader of the Introverts!). I don't know but I can't handle someone lying but I can't handle someone whom I am starting to mistrust because I could tell something strange was going on between him and another woman.
My parent's car is obviously in their name and I couldn't pay the ticket because I was in school and not working. I told my mom about the ticket and how he said he would pay but never did. She emailed him (and I am guessing he thought it was me but it wasn't) but the asshole ignored her. She even said she would accept half the cost of the ticket. Sadly she ended up paying for it since I didn't have the money (I was on welfare at the time too. I was literally poor). I just don't get people that don't take responsibility for their actions. If you said you were going to pay for it, man up and pay for it. Just because I broke up with him for being an asshole and lying about going to Hamilton, doesn't make it right to shirk responsibility.
My parents are important to me and are just as important to me as his son is to him but he didn't seem to care and the fact that he never paid the bill was ridiculous. My mom was disappointed by his behaviour as well. My parents are my only family at this time in my life and I really respected their car and how they allowed me to use it. I used to use their past cars when I was a teenager and I was not the best of drivers and so I have caused some damage to their car and it made me feel bad. Now that I am an adult, I try to take care of their things and my ex at the time wasn't being helpful and supportive when I wanted to move my car so that it wouldn't get ticketed.
My ex was a very selfish, yet charming 'man'. I do realize I need to pick better men and at least I realized eventually that he would not make a good life long partner due to his selfishness. I have decided to have dating rules and not dating dads is one of them. As mentioned in previous posts, I have done lots of reading about relationships and basically I am looking for a man that meets the following criteria (based on the dating coach Evan Marc Katz): kindness, consistency, compromise, communication and values.
I came up with this dating rule last year but I thought I'd share with others one of my new rules. The new rule is basically I will not even consider dating a man that has children. I've dated 2 of them and both seem to complicate things unnecessarily. I read an article in the Spectator this morning about how a man left his wife and kids to be in a new relationship and the children are not very nice to the girlfriend.
I can relate to this as my last boyfriend's son was very cold towards me and would rarely say anything. It made me feel like I was the bad guy and I wasn't. I tried to talk to him but it was like talking to a wall, much like what it was like to be around aimee, in fact I would say it was worse. It's bad enough that my ex made me look like the bad guy in front of our friends but now I have to feel like that when the son was around? It was a little too much for me.
I can understand why kids act that way towards a new love interest. It ruins their fantasy that mommy and daddy are not together and may never be. I don't know what it's like to come from a broken home because my parents are still married and maybe if I were him, I would be resentful. I have some understanding towards this type of situation, but this is where the parent is to step in and teach the child that it's not appropriate to treat someone like that, especially if they have never done anything wrong. But obviously my ex sides with his son and believed that I was the mean one and that I didn't like the son. I don't know how my ex would feel if the tables were turned. Would he like it if I had a daughter who basically said nothing to him and was rude when he tried to make conversation towards her? After experiencing that a few times, wouldn't he just not talk as much and be polite so as not to experience the cruelty of the silence and unspoken rejection?
Maybe the mother was making me look like the bad guy, I don't know but why would I, a grown woman, have anything against a pre-teen? Let's just say my ex was not a very rational and logical man so he tends to react to things emotionally so I can see where he is irrationally coming from.
When I dated a divorced man with 2 children 10 years ago, his children really liked me, although they probably thought I was weird. And I probably was considering most adults didn't act silly like I do. They still seemed to like me as my weirdness is endearing to most people.
I think these men with children are better off sticking with 'their own kind'. My ex with the 2 kids ended up remarrying and remarried a woman that had kids so they probably understand each other and he probably wanted a mother figure for his children since his ex wife was not a good role model, considering she never worked and probably suffered from depression. I've seen what his wife looks like (the new one of probably 5 years) and she looks very working class (What do you expect from Hamilton anyways?) i.e. she was ugly as a boot.
When I told my friend this a few years ago, she pointed out how he probably was looking for a mother and I never really thought about this. This was probably why he stopped loving me when I went away to Yellowknife to work for 4 months.
The sad thing I learned about this ex is that his son, now 18 or 19 already had a child at the age of either 17 or 18. My theory is that the son never felt loved and cared for by his mother and so was probably desperate for female affection. I know most kids have sex at that age but usually they are responsible. It's sad because in a way he may struggle for years trying to find a good job to provide. You change so much from 18-25 and I doubt that relationship will last, although he does seem happy and in love but I chalk that up to youthful naivety.
On some level it bothers me, because I want to have children and be married but the older I get, I wonder if it will happen. I am in school too and I might not feel ready to have a child until I finish school and by that time I may be 39 and that's old!
I don't know what my ex's son's relation to his mother is like but I think he may be on the same path if he is not adequately receiving love from a woman caretaker. My ex painted his ex as a demon but that's his perception. Maybe she is nice and a good mother. I don't know and it's not my business.
I know our society talks about girls who don't have positive father figures in their lives and how they act out this deficiency by seeking love by being promiscuous and confusing sex with love. We don't seem to make the connection that boys that grow up with out receiving adequate love from a mother figure end up acting the same way and I think my ex's son is a perfect example.
The other reason why I am no longer even going to consider dating a man with kids is that the men don't seem to realize the sacrifice you make as the single person with no 'baggage' (are kids really baggage? in some sense they are). I didn't get to spend as much time with my last boyfriend because he required time to be with his son. My other ex with the 2 kids was primarily a full time dad and I didn't get to spend too much time alone with him because the kids always came first.
I clearly can handle being on my own but not my ex. When I had to temporarily live out of town with my parents, he couldn't handle his alone time and started pursuing a relationship with another woman. I could have been an asshole while we were dating and spent time with other men while he was in daddy mode but I never did. I am an honorable woman and being disloyal is not in my nature.
He never said a kind word about my sacrifice. I could have pursued any man I wanted to and probably should have pursued a man that had a more simpler life.
The other issue I had was that he seemed to think somehow being a dad made him more special than everyone else. One example was I would visit him using my parent's car while I was temporarily living with them. This was the period when we were trying to get back together after the 'titles' issue. I parked on the street and he kept saying I wouldn't get a ticket as I stayed until 12.45am and the law states you cannot park on the street after midnight without a permit. I ended up getting a ticket and he said he would pay for it. He never did. I broke up with him a few days later because he lied to me that night about how he went to Hamilton with friends. He told me a week before he was planning to clean his house (which seems to be a common excuse) and then after that weekend passed said he went to Hamilton and that the day trip was planned for the weekend a week ahead. We all know, I can't handle liars. Normally a white lie may not have phased me but we were trying to get back together and I was getting suspicious of how he was defending aimee (his current girlfriend, the Mighty Leader of the Introverts!). I don't know but I can't handle someone lying but I can't handle someone whom I am starting to mistrust because I could tell something strange was going on between him and another woman.
My parent's car is obviously in their name and I couldn't pay the ticket because I was in school and not working. I told my mom about the ticket and how he said he would pay but never did. She emailed him (and I am guessing he thought it was me but it wasn't) but the asshole ignored her. She even said she would accept half the cost of the ticket. Sadly she ended up paying for it since I didn't have the money (I was on welfare at the time too. I was literally poor). I just don't get people that don't take responsibility for their actions. If you said you were going to pay for it, man up and pay for it. Just because I broke up with him for being an asshole and lying about going to Hamilton, doesn't make it right to shirk responsibility.
My parents are important to me and are just as important to me as his son is to him but he didn't seem to care and the fact that he never paid the bill was ridiculous. My mom was disappointed by his behaviour as well. My parents are my only family at this time in my life and I really respected their car and how they allowed me to use it. I used to use their past cars when I was a teenager and I was not the best of drivers and so I have caused some damage to their car and it made me feel bad. Now that I am an adult, I try to take care of their things and my ex at the time wasn't being helpful and supportive when I wanted to move my car so that it wouldn't get ticketed.
My ex was a very selfish, yet charming 'man'. I do realize I need to pick better men and at least I realized eventually that he would not make a good life long partner due to his selfishness. I have decided to have dating rules and not dating dads is one of them. As mentioned in previous posts, I have done lots of reading about relationships and basically I am looking for a man that meets the following criteria (based on the dating coach Evan Marc Katz): kindness, consistency, compromise, communication and values.
Saturday, April 05, 2014
My Hair
Greetings all,
I started bleaching my hair last year and basically had blonde hair. I realized at the end of last year that I could do more funky things with my hair so I decided to start colouring it a variety of different colours. A couple of months ago I got it coloured pink. I was like Jem, a child hood show that I used to love. And I actually still have my own Jem doll from childhood.
Two weeks ago I coloured it aqua and now the colour is fading so it's looking a bit like a light sky blue. The colour I got is semi permanent colour so it's only supposed to last a few weeks. The day after I coloured my hair aqua, I felt like I was a super hero. And I liked it!
My parents however, do not like it and constantly bitch to me about it. They bitched a lot when I bleached my hair to be blonde and now they complain how they prefer the blonde. My mother admits she likes my blonde better, even though she would bitch when I was blonde, she liked my natural hair colour.
Honestly I do not see what the big deal is. I am allowed to experiment with my hair and I might as well do it now since I am in school. It's just hair but it seems to be this massive topic of conversation in my family. It's like, fuck I have coloured hair. Big deal. Can we talk about partial derivatives or something more interesting?
You don't like my hair, I get it. Now shut up about it. I have to hear about it constantly.
I don't like when my mother perms her hair. She looks like a poodle. But I don't bitch every 5 minutes about it. They need to get lives. They ask me if other students have their hair coloured. Maybe a few but mostly there are Asians in my school and Asians aren't really known for being experimental with their hair. I've seen a few, but the majority of kids at my school are not wild or creative with their hair styles.
I don't get it. I do what I feel like doing. I don't copy people. I do my own thing. I follow the beat of my own drum. You don't like what I do? Okay. Whatever. I'm going to live my life the way I want to.
It's very annoying to have such conservative parents like mine. For most people, it's not a big deal but for them that's all they seem to talk about. Annoying. But I'm not going to change. I'm a free spirit and I change for no one!
I started bleaching my hair last year and basically had blonde hair. I realized at the end of last year that I could do more funky things with my hair so I decided to start colouring it a variety of different colours. A couple of months ago I got it coloured pink. I was like Jem, a child hood show that I used to love. And I actually still have my own Jem doll from childhood.
Two weeks ago I coloured it aqua and now the colour is fading so it's looking a bit like a light sky blue. The colour I got is semi permanent colour so it's only supposed to last a few weeks. The day after I coloured my hair aqua, I felt like I was a super hero. And I liked it!
My parents however, do not like it and constantly bitch to me about it. They bitched a lot when I bleached my hair to be blonde and now they complain how they prefer the blonde. My mother admits she likes my blonde better, even though she would bitch when I was blonde, she liked my natural hair colour.
Honestly I do not see what the big deal is. I am allowed to experiment with my hair and I might as well do it now since I am in school. It's just hair but it seems to be this massive topic of conversation in my family. It's like, fuck I have coloured hair. Big deal. Can we talk about partial derivatives or something more interesting?
You don't like my hair, I get it. Now shut up about it. I have to hear about it constantly.
I don't like when my mother perms her hair. She looks like a poodle. But I don't bitch every 5 minutes about it. They need to get lives. They ask me if other students have their hair coloured. Maybe a few but mostly there are Asians in my school and Asians aren't really known for being experimental with their hair. I've seen a few, but the majority of kids at my school are not wild or creative with their hair styles.
I don't get it. I do what I feel like doing. I don't copy people. I do my own thing. I follow the beat of my own drum. You don't like what I do? Okay. Whatever. I'm going to live my life the way I want to.
It's very annoying to have such conservative parents like mine. For most people, it's not a big deal but for them that's all they seem to talk about. Annoying. But I'm not going to change. I'm a free spirit and I change for no one!
What Does it Mean to Act Like a Man?
Greetings all,
I read this newspaper article that talked about what does it mean to act like a man? This was something I talked about with a previous boyfriend I had and I would always comment that men are only allowed to show certain emotions. 1. lust (within reason) and 2. happiness. That's it. I don't want to deal with a man that is fearful, angry and insecure.
I've done a lot of reading about men and their inner lives, mainly because I was wanting to be in a relationship and wanted to get a better understanding of men and have read how many times men's emotional lives get repressed because it's not considered 'manly' to be emotional.
One point from the article that I have heard before in books that men complain about when they do attempt to open up to their wives or girlfriends was as follows:
A friend once remarked, "My wife always says I should open up, but when I do she doesn't want me to have the feelings I have."
Most women I know want a man to be a protector and at least a provider (now-a-days sometimes they are the bread winner so at least they want a man that makes money, not necessarily more than them). Most women want a man to make them feel safe. I know I do. But how can a man make a woman feel safe if he always goes on about how scared he is of stuff? Or if he is always angry?
From this perspective, I totally feel these common responses of women toward men are justified. We want to feel safe and we only want to hear certain things from our men. I don't think hearing other men talk about their fears would bother me as much but if my man is so fearful and insecure, it's just a turn off.
I think there is a fine line between being vulnerable and being insecure. Openly talking about if you feel worried about something would be fine or maybe you have a small fear. But if you all you do is go on about how insecure you are or how you are always worried, it's just not attractive.
If a woman was the same way, I think eventually it would wear a man down. I think women as well need to talk responsibility for their thoughts and feelings and if they are in a state of always insecure, that's not healthy either.
I keep a journal and have done so for over 10 years. I write my most darkest thoughts and insecurities there but I don't go sharing it with everybody. If I do talk about my feelings, I give people the processed feelings for the most part because I want to be able to self reflect. I expect this from my man as well. I do not use men as emotional dumping grounds and if I were to be married or in a relationship, I would expect the same courtesy. Take some time for yourself and do some self reflection and then come open up to me about how you feel. I certainly would be more receptive to that.
Maybe in that quote I quoted earlier, the man was just dumping on the wife. No one wants that.
The only other point I had to make was that sometimes people can only handle the insecurities of others that they are comfortable with and have worked out for themselves. If you are fearful about something and your man or a friend brings up something that triggers this fear or insecurity, you are less likely to be receptive to them.
For example, if you as a woman already have deep fears and insecurity when it comes to money (like me for example), you don't want your man to come talk to you about his own fears about money because you may not have gotten around to being more at peace with your issues so you react and be triggered and just don't want to hear his fears or insecurities. If you were in a more better emotional state and dealt with your stuff, then you wouldn't have that reaction.
So to me if a woman does react to a man bringing up his fears appropriately, it to me signals she may have issues about that particular subject. Either way, we should not be making men and women feel bad about their fears because most people are insecure to some degree. Some more than others.
The other point I wanted to make was since I read a lot about men, I have read how men do not like women baring their full emotions so this article may not totally be accurate and just a whine piece. Men do not like when a woman gets angry and I have read that if you are to approach a man and are angry, you have to do it a certain way. I think in general this applies to everyone. If you are angry, there are ways to deal with it and be approachable.
I think men can tolerate a woman being more insecure because men are still to be the protector and so it's cute if a woman is insecure but after a while, if the woman is always insecure, it turns off the man.
To me everyone needs to work on their emotions and improving their emotional intelligence. Men and women. This isn't a gender issue but a human issue. I have seen many women demonstrate low emotional intelligence by not dealing with problems and running away from things all the time or just ignoring the feelings of others and being passive about what happens. There is really only one way to be and that is to take responsibility for your inner world and how you communicate with others your inner world. While we may not always communicate gracefully, it should be something we strive for in our relationships and friendships.
I read this newspaper article that talked about what does it mean to act like a man? This was something I talked about with a previous boyfriend I had and I would always comment that men are only allowed to show certain emotions. 1. lust (within reason) and 2. happiness. That's it. I don't want to deal with a man that is fearful, angry and insecure.
I've done a lot of reading about men and their inner lives, mainly because I was wanting to be in a relationship and wanted to get a better understanding of men and have read how many times men's emotional lives get repressed because it's not considered 'manly' to be emotional.
One point from the article that I have heard before in books that men complain about when they do attempt to open up to their wives or girlfriends was as follows:
A friend once remarked, "My wife always says I should open up, but when I do she doesn't want me to have the feelings I have."
Most women I know want a man to be a protector and at least a provider (now-a-days sometimes they are the bread winner so at least they want a man that makes money, not necessarily more than them). Most women want a man to make them feel safe. I know I do. But how can a man make a woman feel safe if he always goes on about how scared he is of stuff? Or if he is always angry?
From this perspective, I totally feel these common responses of women toward men are justified. We want to feel safe and we only want to hear certain things from our men. I don't think hearing other men talk about their fears would bother me as much but if my man is so fearful and insecure, it's just a turn off.
I think there is a fine line between being vulnerable and being insecure. Openly talking about if you feel worried about something would be fine or maybe you have a small fear. But if you all you do is go on about how insecure you are or how you are always worried, it's just not attractive.
If a woman was the same way, I think eventually it would wear a man down. I think women as well need to talk responsibility for their thoughts and feelings and if they are in a state of always insecure, that's not healthy either.
I keep a journal and have done so for over 10 years. I write my most darkest thoughts and insecurities there but I don't go sharing it with everybody. If I do talk about my feelings, I give people the processed feelings for the most part because I want to be able to self reflect. I expect this from my man as well. I do not use men as emotional dumping grounds and if I were to be married or in a relationship, I would expect the same courtesy. Take some time for yourself and do some self reflection and then come open up to me about how you feel. I certainly would be more receptive to that.
Maybe in that quote I quoted earlier, the man was just dumping on the wife. No one wants that.
The only other point I had to make was that sometimes people can only handle the insecurities of others that they are comfortable with and have worked out for themselves. If you are fearful about something and your man or a friend brings up something that triggers this fear or insecurity, you are less likely to be receptive to them.
For example, if you as a woman already have deep fears and insecurity when it comes to money (like me for example), you don't want your man to come talk to you about his own fears about money because you may not have gotten around to being more at peace with your issues so you react and be triggered and just don't want to hear his fears or insecurities. If you were in a more better emotional state and dealt with your stuff, then you wouldn't have that reaction.
So to me if a woman does react to a man bringing up his fears appropriately, it to me signals she may have issues about that particular subject. Either way, we should not be making men and women feel bad about their fears because most people are insecure to some degree. Some more than others.
The other point I wanted to make was since I read a lot about men, I have read how men do not like women baring their full emotions so this article may not totally be accurate and just a whine piece. Men do not like when a woman gets angry and I have read that if you are to approach a man and are angry, you have to do it a certain way. I think in general this applies to everyone. If you are angry, there are ways to deal with it and be approachable.
I think men can tolerate a woman being more insecure because men are still to be the protector and so it's cute if a woman is insecure but after a while, if the woman is always insecure, it turns off the man.
To me everyone needs to work on their emotions and improving their emotional intelligence. Men and women. This isn't a gender issue but a human issue. I have seen many women demonstrate low emotional intelligence by not dealing with problems and running away from things all the time or just ignoring the feelings of others and being passive about what happens. There is really only one way to be and that is to take responsibility for your inner world and how you communicate with others your inner world. While we may not always communicate gracefully, it should be something we strive for in our relationships and friendships.
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