Greetings and Salutations,
In this post I will be discussing singledom and its harsh reality.
I have for the most part of my life been single. I have had a couple of relationships that were over 8 months. One being for over a year I think. It was my first relationship and probably my worst!
Most times I date someone and it lasts for 3-4 months.
Many people seem to think that being single is great or they will tell me how important it is to be able to be by yourself.
Let me tell you it's not fun. It's not fun to always look to yourself to figure out things. It's not fun to go to social events by yourself. It's not fun during Valentine's Day. It's not fun when you're always surrounded by people who are in relationships. It's not fun knowing that you essentially are facing this life alone.
Let me also tell you that I think it's not fair that someone like me has endured years of suffering as a single person. I am proactive in my dating life but no one I find is compatible for my personality. I don't think it's fair that people younger then me find someone and are happy. I don't think it's fair that some of my older friends have found each other in their early 20s and they are still happily married.
I think this whole being single is good for you because you get to learn to be alone is a myth. I can have my solitude and still have someone. I don't need to be alone to figure out who I am.
I don't mean anything. I'm not loved. I'm not important in anyone's life. I'm nothing.
Love from my mother or my friends doesn't count. The love you get from someone when you are in a relationship is unique and I don't have it.
I usually like to be optimistic but I'm forced to accept that I perhaps will be a spinster and that if I haven't found someone by now, I may never. I'll always be this amazing people who never found someone.
Monday, August 27, 2007
My Experience with Ortho C Lenses - Part 2
Greetings and Salutations,
I have been wearing my ortho c lenses for a few minutes a day up to 4 or 5 times a week. I thought these lenses were supposed to improve my vision to -4, however I was to wear them to help retain and stabilize my 2 diopter improvement.
I went yesterday for a new lens. I was only given one for my left eye. Apparently getting a new lens helps to improve both eyes. I thought that was strange but it does make sense since your eyes work together.
I did improve one line (based on the Snellan chart) and I will be receiving a prescription for -4.5 this week. It's not much of a change but at least it is something.
I have been wearing my ortho c lenses for a few minutes a day up to 4 or 5 times a week. I thought these lenses were supposed to improve my vision to -4, however I was to wear them to help retain and stabilize my 2 diopter improvement.
I went yesterday for a new lens. I was only given one for my left eye. Apparently getting a new lens helps to improve both eyes. I thought that was strange but it does make sense since your eyes work together.
I did improve one line (based on the Snellan chart) and I will be receiving a prescription for -4.5 this week. It's not much of a change but at least it is something.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
A Flurry of Anger
Greetings and Salutations,
This week I have noticed an unusual amount of anger from people. It all started Sunday at my company soccer game. Where I work, there are different offices. One is in Mississauga, another in Windsor and one here in Burlington. We had a soccer game this Sunday against the Mississauga folks. We didn't have a ref and this probably was where it started to go wrong. The other team was taking this game way too seriously and they were constantly making calls against our team such as the goalie was too far out of his crease or that we were offside. This eventually caused a meltdown that involved uncalled for shoving that potentially could have lead to an actual fist fit had some people not attempted to stop this. It was decided to take a time out. The President of the company showed up at this point.
On Tuesday I went to the grocery store to purchase various items. I was nearly done and was in the bread section when I heard some woman yelling at these women. From my understanding it sounded like these women bumped into this woman and this woman didn't think their apology was enough. I think the women that bumped into this women were Muslims as well.
Another incident of anger occurred on Thursday at my office. Someone forwarded some email that showed how the people in the middle east had created their own winter wonderland. The caption, which I guess was created to incite anger in the viewer, was stating that this is how they are using the money that is generated from the rate increase in oil. The person who forwarded this email said in this email, "Fuck Arabs".
The final incident of anger I experienced in my apartment this morning. It was coming from down the hall. At first I thought it was either one of those yapper dogs yelping or some human having a freakout. It turns out it was a woman having a freakout. I heard words along the lines of "How could you bring her in...". I am guessing perhaps she caught her man cheating on her. I really can't say for sure but having someone have an emotional freak out like this just made me rather uncomfortable.
I really don't know what is going on with people this week. It seems like there is an unusual flurry of anger going on. You know there is this popular belief that Canadians are polite, but as a Canadian, there are many rude and ignorant Canadians. I choose to debunk this myth of Canadians being polite. We are just as fucked up and ignorant as anyone else. Away with this squeaky clean image! This week has showed me how emotionally immature people can be.
This week I have noticed an unusual amount of anger from people. It all started Sunday at my company soccer game. Where I work, there are different offices. One is in Mississauga, another in Windsor and one here in Burlington. We had a soccer game this Sunday against the Mississauga folks. We didn't have a ref and this probably was where it started to go wrong. The other team was taking this game way too seriously and they were constantly making calls against our team such as the goalie was too far out of his crease or that we were offside. This eventually caused a meltdown that involved uncalled for shoving that potentially could have lead to an actual fist fit had some people not attempted to stop this. It was decided to take a time out. The President of the company showed up at this point.
On Tuesday I went to the grocery store to purchase various items. I was nearly done and was in the bread section when I heard some woman yelling at these women. From my understanding it sounded like these women bumped into this woman and this woman didn't think their apology was enough. I think the women that bumped into this women were Muslims as well.
Another incident of anger occurred on Thursday at my office. Someone forwarded some email that showed how the people in the middle east had created their own winter wonderland. The caption, which I guess was created to incite anger in the viewer, was stating that this is how they are using the money that is generated from the rate increase in oil. The person who forwarded this email said in this email, "Fuck Arabs".
The final incident of anger I experienced in my apartment this morning. It was coming from down the hall. At first I thought it was either one of those yapper dogs yelping or some human having a freakout. It turns out it was a woman having a freakout. I heard words along the lines of "How could you bring her in...". I am guessing perhaps she caught her man cheating on her. I really can't say for sure but having someone have an emotional freak out like this just made me rather uncomfortable.
I really don't know what is going on with people this week. It seems like there is an unusual flurry of anger going on. You know there is this popular belief that Canadians are polite, but as a Canadian, there are many rude and ignorant Canadians. I choose to debunk this myth of Canadians being polite. We are just as fucked up and ignorant as anyone else. Away with this squeaky clean image! This week has showed me how emotionally immature people can be.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Wonderings
Greetings and Salutations,
At my current employer, there are various departments that have moved and my department is one of them. We moved from the office to another location that is about a 5 minute drive. My small department did not particularly care for this move. We routinely go out for breaks together and we began chatting up with a couple of guys from the old office. One person in our department, a lesbian, has an ex girlfriend that is working in the same building that we just moved into. We had found out some guys were attempting to hit on our co worker's ex (which they didn't know was her ex or that she was a lesbian).
So this topic that is not about me, leads me back to me. My dilemma is this. Why is a lesbian getting hit on more then I am, an attractive single woman? I have to be honest with you beloved audience but the truth is I don't get hit on very much. This question has plagued me for years. Why do I not get approached very often? The best answer I could come up with is that I am probably so attractive and intimidating. I know that despite the fact that I am brimming with confidence, I am just one of many in the sea of sexy.
But let's be honest, I really don't like to think I'm intimidating. I have my fears and insecurities that come and go just like everyone else.
If I reflect upon my body language and my personality, I think I probably come off as either aloof or as someone who doesn't take bullshit. And perhaps this is what the male species finds intimidating about a personality such as myself. This issue perhaps may never be solved. The fact remains that the male species are a simple lot and the female brain is best not suited to analyze.
At my current employer, there are various departments that have moved and my department is one of them. We moved from the office to another location that is about a 5 minute drive. My small department did not particularly care for this move. We routinely go out for breaks together and we began chatting up with a couple of guys from the old office. One person in our department, a lesbian, has an ex girlfriend that is working in the same building that we just moved into. We had found out some guys were attempting to hit on our co worker's ex (which they didn't know was her ex or that she was a lesbian).
So this topic that is not about me, leads me back to me. My dilemma is this. Why is a lesbian getting hit on more then I am, an attractive single woman? I have to be honest with you beloved audience but the truth is I don't get hit on very much. This question has plagued me for years. Why do I not get approached very often? The best answer I could come up with is that I am probably so attractive and intimidating. I know that despite the fact that I am brimming with confidence, I am just one of many in the sea of sexy.
But let's be honest, I really don't like to think I'm intimidating. I have my fears and insecurities that come and go just like everyone else.
If I reflect upon my body language and my personality, I think I probably come off as either aloof or as someone who doesn't take bullshit. And perhaps this is what the male species finds intimidating about a personality such as myself. This issue perhaps may never be solved. The fact remains that the male species are a simple lot and the female brain is best not suited to analyze.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Living on My Own
Greetings and Salutations,
I have officially moved into my new apartment on Friday night. I had my Last Supper with my parents and slept over in my new place. I used to have a desk but I got all new furniture and now I don't have a desk. At least not yet. In my previous desk, I had 4 drawers where I kept things such as my financial information, random papers, markers, old health cards and drivers licenses, my firearms handbook and my underwear.
For years I never questioned why I put my underwear and socks in my desk drawer because I did have a mirror dresser, but I believe a year or two ago I wondered why I would put those intimates in such a none intimate object of furniture.
So now that I don't have a desk, I am forced to put my financial information, random papers, markers, old health cards and drivers licenses, my firearms handbook and my underwear in either my dresser or mirror dresser.
* * *
I went out on Saturday by myself to Ikea and purchased a bookshelf. It's large and I managed to only fill half of it with stuff. I had difficulty getting the bookshelf into the car and I had to place it diagonally. I also had to lay flat the passenger seat and also I had to pull the driver's seat all the way up. It was not easy driving back home with the steering wheel practically right up my nose but luckily I am only a 5 minute drive.
Also nobody from Ikea was helping me to load these heavy and long boxes.
Thanks Ikea!
It took me several hours to assemble it and I had to do the backing but since I had no hammer, I decided to stop at that point and I thought perhaps my father would help me. I had placed the backing on the shelf and I noticed how the backing fit nicely on the one side of the shelf but the second piece was not. I figured this was just the way Ikea designed the bookshelf. Afterall it's Ikea and it was made in Poland. I also thought it would have been so much simpler if I had bought the wood myself, cut it and screwed them together. I find assembling Ikea is too complicated. I must have been assembling this for at least 6 hours.
So the next day my parents came over and my dad nailed the backing to the shelf and when we stood it up, we noticed that the holes on the one side of the shelf weren't lining up properly. It turns out that I had placed the one piece backwards. I was rather pissed and went to my balcony to gather my thoughts, thoughts such as "Fuck you Ikea" and "Fuck you fucken Ikea" and my favourite "Cocksucking Ikea".
I went back in and we took out some of the nails from the backing and underscrewed the bottom and shelves. It was rather difficult to get the piece out and it was also difficult getting it back in but after much yelling between my parents, it managed to get successfully put back together.
I have officially moved into my new apartment on Friday night. I had my Last Supper with my parents and slept over in my new place. I used to have a desk but I got all new furniture and now I don't have a desk. At least not yet. In my previous desk, I had 4 drawers where I kept things such as my financial information, random papers, markers, old health cards and drivers licenses, my firearms handbook and my underwear.
For years I never questioned why I put my underwear and socks in my desk drawer because I did have a mirror dresser, but I believe a year or two ago I wondered why I would put those intimates in such a none intimate object of furniture.
So now that I don't have a desk, I am forced to put my financial information, random papers, markers, old health cards and drivers licenses, my firearms handbook and my underwear in either my dresser or mirror dresser.
I went out on Saturday by myself to Ikea and purchased a bookshelf. It's large and I managed to only fill half of it with stuff. I had difficulty getting the bookshelf into the car and I had to place it diagonally. I also had to lay flat the passenger seat and also I had to pull the driver's seat all the way up. It was not easy driving back home with the steering wheel practically right up my nose but luckily I am only a 5 minute drive.
Also nobody from Ikea was helping me to load these heavy and long boxes.
Thanks Ikea!
It took me several hours to assemble it and I had to do the backing but since I had no hammer, I decided to stop at that point and I thought perhaps my father would help me. I had placed the backing on the shelf and I noticed how the backing fit nicely on the one side of the shelf but the second piece was not. I figured this was just the way Ikea designed the bookshelf. Afterall it's Ikea and it was made in Poland. I also thought it would have been so much simpler if I had bought the wood myself, cut it and screwed them together. I find assembling Ikea is too complicated. I must have been assembling this for at least 6 hours.
So the next day my parents came over and my dad nailed the backing to the shelf and when we stood it up, we noticed that the holes on the one side of the shelf weren't lining up properly. It turns out that I had placed the one piece backwards. I was rather pissed and went to my balcony to gather my thoughts, thoughts such as "Fuck you Ikea" and "Fuck you fucken Ikea" and my favourite "Cocksucking Ikea".
I went back in and we took out some of the nails from the backing and underscrewed the bottom and shelves. It was rather difficult to get the piece out and it was also difficult getting it back in but after much yelling between my parents, it managed to get successfully put back together.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
My Experience with Ortho C Lenses - Part 1
Greeting and Salutations,
I have been interested in improving my vision for several years now. I have researched lasik and ortho k but neither appealed to me. I had stumbled to a web site that offers an alternative to the above methods. The web site is called Reversing Nearsightedness. The person who created this technique is John William Yee and he calls this methodology Orthoculogy or ortho c for short. It is a natural form of eye therapy. I had purchased his book and I actually got to order my lens through him. He is located in Toronto.
Ortho C are semi hard contact lenses that you wear a few times a week for under 15 minutes. The book outlines the specifications for the lenses. They are also plain lenses in that they have no prescription.
Two weeks ago I went for my fitting and this Sunday (July 29) I went to pick them up and I got to try them. I only wore them for about 2 minutes. He first made me wear them on one eye at a time and then I got to wear them on both eyes. The lenses made me tear up but he did tell me that that would go away after wearing them a few times.
After wearing them individually on each eye, he checked my acuity. I got to rest my eyes for a few minutes and then I got to wear them on both eyes together for a few minutes. He had me look outside and scan various images. I looked at objects nearby and far away and kept shifting and moving my eyes at the various distant objects.
He tested my visual acuity again with the eye chart and I noticed that there was an improvement. My myopia is moderately high and so with the first time looking at the eye chart, it looked quite blurry. After my second time wearing them, the blur noticibly improved.
My prescription is -8.5 in my right eye and -8 in my left eye. After those few minutes of wearing these lenses, my vision now is -6.
I chose to start using contact lenses because I will now need to start wearing a weaker prescription and since my prescription will change frequently, it is easier to get new contacts rather then keep going to get my glasses changed. It felt weird to be wearing contacts again because I used to wear way back when I was in high school.
Mr. Yee has used these Ortho C lenses on the Toronto Police Department to help them pass the visual acuity test.
I will be receiving today or tomorrow a prescription for -4.75 so I look forward to wearing the lenses again once I receive this new prescription.
I have been interested in improving my vision for several years now. I have researched lasik and ortho k but neither appealed to me. I had stumbled to a web site that offers an alternative to the above methods. The web site is called Reversing Nearsightedness. The person who created this technique is John William Yee and he calls this methodology Orthoculogy or ortho c for short. It is a natural form of eye therapy. I had purchased his book and I actually got to order my lens through him. He is located in Toronto.
Ortho C are semi hard contact lenses that you wear a few times a week for under 15 minutes. The book outlines the specifications for the lenses. They are also plain lenses in that they have no prescription.
Two weeks ago I went for my fitting and this Sunday (July 29) I went to pick them up and I got to try them. I only wore them for about 2 minutes. He first made me wear them on one eye at a time and then I got to wear them on both eyes. The lenses made me tear up but he did tell me that that would go away after wearing them a few times.
After wearing them individually on each eye, he checked my acuity. I got to rest my eyes for a few minutes and then I got to wear them on both eyes together for a few minutes. He had me look outside and scan various images. I looked at objects nearby and far away and kept shifting and moving my eyes at the various distant objects.
He tested my visual acuity again with the eye chart and I noticed that there was an improvement. My myopia is moderately high and so with the first time looking at the eye chart, it looked quite blurry. After my second time wearing them, the blur noticibly improved.
My prescription is -8.5 in my right eye and -8 in my left eye. After those few minutes of wearing these lenses, my vision now is -6.
I chose to start using contact lenses because I will now need to start wearing a weaker prescription and since my prescription will change frequently, it is easier to get new contacts rather then keep going to get my glasses changed. It felt weird to be wearing contacts again because I used to wear way back when I was in high school.
Mr. Yee has used these Ortho C lenses on the Toronto Police Department to help them pass the visual acuity test.
I will be receiving today or tomorrow a prescription for -4.75 so I look forward to wearing the lenses again once I receive this new prescription.
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