Greetings all,
It looks like I finally broke through my plateau with my meditation practice. I have been building up my time in sat kriya and did up to 3 sets of 8 minutes and then 3 sets of 9 minutes and then eventually did 31 minutes in sets of 11 mins and 2 10 minutes sets.
I must have hit through a major block because I had been crying so intensively during sat kriya for the past 3 days and that usually does not happen. I cried a lot when I first started doing kundalini yoga and then after a few months, I didn't have much crying to do because I cleared alot of emotional debris. I did feel I still had a way to go and I think I am finally hitting my deepest fears and blocks.
It has been intense emotionally these past 3 days and I hope I can move through this.
Last night I just felt so much pain inside my forehead and released some of it. My forehead has had a tremendous amount of tension and it has been very difficult to break down my defenses in that particular area of my body and hopefully I can really break through.
A few weeks ago, I really felt like I want to evolve my consciousness. I think I am tired of my life circumstances and just want to be happy and at peace with my life. I do feel I have more work to do on myself. While I feel I can see what other people's issues are, I feel I must devote my energy to working on myself and liberating myself.
I've been through this before and when you are going through such an emotional time, it can be confusing because you are clearing out a lot of emotional debris and ideas that no longer serve you. Depending how long this period lasts, it can take a while to settle in to the new energy and new way of being.
I definitely do not feel confident at this point in time but I know with continued practice I can make it through. I've been through this before and survived. I know it is for my own good and am accepting the process, no matter how painful it is.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
My First Meetup
Greetings all,
I had my first meetup with my new group. It went well. I had 18 people show up, including myself. I was feeling a bit nervous but I hope that eventually I'll relax more into my position as being the head organizer.
I had some people ask me why I left the previous group I was in. I figured this would come up and I really didn't want to get too much involved so I ended up talking neutrally about what happened. I didn't really go into how Aimee punished a new organizer or how someone came to my blog to comment on how I was missing from the group. I just said that I didn't find the joke about the titles made was funny and I felt very strongly about it and felt that those titles was ego driven and not about being a team player since I feel we are all contributing to making the group a success and no one should try and be better then anyone, especially if they have done nothing for the group. I also mentioned that we have hung outside of meetup so I truly felt they had become my friends and was let down that they couldn't respect my feelings.Many people understood where I was coming from and I think for me, this validated my experience and made me feel relieved that I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did about the titles. I was truly friends with the wrong people.
I know for me, I can't be friends with people who can't respect my feelings on something where I felt strongly about. I made it clear too to people who are still in that group that I don't want them to feel like they have to pick sides. Its up to them to go to meetups they want and I just have to focus on making my group a success. I can't go around trying to be like anyone else and have to be myself.
I told some of the people in my book group about what happened. They are all older and more experienced in life. One woman was very involved in many groups in her life and was telling me as soon as people start taking on these professional sounding titles, it usually ends up with the group falling apart. I think her groups had actual objectives so I am not sure if that will be the case for this group since it's just a social group. The group might end up becoming more successful without me. I know I was in a meetup group where it was about Angels and the woman Yvonne was very ego driven and narcissistic. She attracted many people to her meetups. Her group has grown since I left. She ran her own business and did Angel readings and she ended up dumping negative energy on me when I had a private consultation with her. I met other people who saw what I saw (her ego) and left her group so in my mind, I felt her days running that group would be numbered but it seems to be going strong and she has more members. So just because organizers are jerks, doesn't mean groups can't grow and appear successful.I am still carrying some hurt from the experience but I think this was good for me. I need people who are more evolved and not so egoistical and insecure. I need people will respect my feelings, not just dismiss them and belittle me.
It seems like making the most painful decision is sometimes the best decision.
I had my first meetup with my new group. It went well. I had 18 people show up, including myself. I was feeling a bit nervous but I hope that eventually I'll relax more into my position as being the head organizer.
I had some people ask me why I left the previous group I was in. I figured this would come up and I really didn't want to get too much involved so I ended up talking neutrally about what happened. I didn't really go into how Aimee punished a new organizer or how someone came to my blog to comment on how I was missing from the group. I just said that I didn't find the joke about the titles made was funny and I felt very strongly about it and felt that those titles was ego driven and not about being a team player since I feel we are all contributing to making the group a success and no one should try and be better then anyone, especially if they have done nothing for the group. I also mentioned that we have hung outside of meetup so I truly felt they had become my friends and was let down that they couldn't respect my feelings.Many people understood where I was coming from and I think for me, this validated my experience and made me feel relieved that I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did about the titles. I was truly friends with the wrong people.
I know for me, I can't be friends with people who can't respect my feelings on something where I felt strongly about. I made it clear too to people who are still in that group that I don't want them to feel like they have to pick sides. Its up to them to go to meetups they want and I just have to focus on making my group a success. I can't go around trying to be like anyone else and have to be myself.
I told some of the people in my book group about what happened. They are all older and more experienced in life. One woman was very involved in many groups in her life and was telling me as soon as people start taking on these professional sounding titles, it usually ends up with the group falling apart. I think her groups had actual objectives so I am not sure if that will be the case for this group since it's just a social group. The group might end up becoming more successful without me. I know I was in a meetup group where it was about Angels and the woman Yvonne was very ego driven and narcissistic. She attracted many people to her meetups. Her group has grown since I left. She ran her own business and did Angel readings and she ended up dumping negative energy on me when I had a private consultation with her. I met other people who saw what I saw (her ego) and left her group so in my mind, I felt her days running that group would be numbered but it seems to be going strong and she has more members. So just because organizers are jerks, doesn't mean groups can't grow and appear successful.I am still carrying some hurt from the experience but I think this was good for me. I need people who are more evolved and not so egoistical and insecure. I need people will respect my feelings, not just dismiss them and belittle me.
It seems like making the most painful decision is sometimes the best decision.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
21 Stages of Meditation
Greetings all,
I wrote previously how I was at a crossroads with my meditation practice and found reading the book 21 Stages of Meditation by Gurucharan helpful in making sense on what to do with my practice.
I was explaining to someone how I enjoyed this book but I also realized that this book was not covering the stage I was experiencing, even though the book gave me some sense of why one meditates.
I realized that I was going through the state of Doubt in regards to my meditating with Gan Pattee kriya. I had done many 120 day disciplines and during that time, it cleared a lot of mental and emotional garbage. I did wonder if there was anything more that I could do with this meditation because I wondered if I had 'exploited' it to the max. I tried using sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said was the highest meditation one could do but never really enjoyed doing that.
I think what I was going through was Doubt. I was doubting if I was using the right meditation for me. I was doubting if it would have anymore impact in my life. I doubted if meditation was worth doing. None of this was really covered in this book and I do wonder if Yogi Bhajan talked about it at all.
I think Doubt is probably that middle stage between starting out and attaining 'enlightenment'. I think the only way to progress is probably experiencing this stage and then becoming aware of it and moving on. I am glad I shared my opinion of this book with someone because now that I reflect upon it, Doubt has been plaguing me for a long time and I think now I can practice with more faith. I may not know what fruits my meditation practice will bear, but it will bear fruit at some point in time. All I need to do is Keep Up as Yogi Bhajan advises.
I wrote previously how I was at a crossroads with my meditation practice and found reading the book 21 Stages of Meditation by Gurucharan helpful in making sense on what to do with my practice.
I was explaining to someone how I enjoyed this book but I also realized that this book was not covering the stage I was experiencing, even though the book gave me some sense of why one meditates.
I realized that I was going through the state of Doubt in regards to my meditating with Gan Pattee kriya. I had done many 120 day disciplines and during that time, it cleared a lot of mental and emotional garbage. I did wonder if there was anything more that I could do with this meditation because I wondered if I had 'exploited' it to the max. I tried using sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said was the highest meditation one could do but never really enjoyed doing that.
I think what I was going through was Doubt. I was doubting if I was using the right meditation for me. I was doubting if it would have anymore impact in my life. I doubted if meditation was worth doing. None of this was really covered in this book and I do wonder if Yogi Bhajan talked about it at all.
I think Doubt is probably that middle stage between starting out and attaining 'enlightenment'. I think the only way to progress is probably experiencing this stage and then becoming aware of it and moving on. I am glad I shared my opinion of this book with someone because now that I reflect upon it, Doubt has been plaguing me for a long time and I think now I can practice with more faith. I may not know what fruits my meditation practice will bear, but it will bear fruit at some point in time. All I need to do is Keep Up as Yogi Bhajan advises.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
My Meditation Practice
I've been doing Kundalini Yoga (KY) for about 4 years now. I learned about it years ago but never practiced it as I was practicing hatha yoga and then qigong. When I first was learning KY, I felt it was by far the most effective technology for helping me gain emotional and internal strength. I began doing hatha yoga at 18 and was very much into practicing mindful activities like yoga because I felt they helped with my anxiety and fears in life and gave me a tool to help cope with the stresses of life. Kundalini yoga took me to a whole other level. It was by far the most fastest tool to help clear old emotional debris and to help me process my anger, fears and frustrations in a positive manner. I found working with the meditation Ganpati Kriya (GP) was a very powerful meditation for me.
It was emotional to work with and many tears were shed during this meditation. It was also soothing and it would leave me feeling more relaxed and more at peace. Sometimes it took me on an emotional roller-coaster but that is to be expected when one decides to begin the process of cleaning the mind and subconscious.
For over a year, however, I felt like I had plateaued in my kundalini yoga and meditation practice. Back in 2010 I was learning the healing technology called Sat Nam Rasayan, which is under the umbrella of Kundalini Yoga. That took my meditation practice to another level. I was learning a lot about being non-reactive and learning how to accept all experiences instead of rejecting the negative and learning how to be neutral. Even though I was doing a lot of growing and learning with the Sat Nam Rasayan component of Kundalini Yoga, I was still feeling like I was plateauing in my personal practice.
I currently am working towards increasing my time in Sat Kriya. I've worked with this kriya a lot and even though I'm quite experienced in practicing it regularly, I still feel with that kriya I have something to strive for. I don't doubt with that kriya that I've hit a plateau like I do with ganpati kriya. I was stuck at doing 11 mins and decided if I wanted to be more comfortable with doing 31 mins, I would have to figure out a different approach. I learned about the Sat Kriya workout and this method involved doing sat kriya in 3 or 5 mins increments. I started to do that and am now able to doing 15 or 20 mins more consistently and with less struggle. Eventually I hope to be able to do 31 mins on a more regular basis.
Ganapati kriya was very transformative for me but I did wonder if I got all that I could with the meditation. I wondered if it was time to commit myself to other meditations. I tried sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said is the highest meditation there is in kundanlini yoga. I tried it many times and have done a few 40 day disciplines but I could never click with this meditation. I never felt 100% about it being the best meditation for me.
I asked some of the regulars in my Sat Nam Rasayan group if it was possible to tap out all the benefit from a meditation but their response was that you can always learn and get something from a meditation. It never stops. I also posted this question on another forum for KY and the response was similar. Meditation is a life process and is supposed to be like cleaning your teeth except you are cleaning your mind. You never stop cleaning your teeth and if you use the best toothpaste and brush, you still have to practice it. You can never be done with cleaning your teeth. It is just part of your daily care.
I did do GP a few times after taking a break from it. I did it last night and I enjoyed doing it. I was yawning a lot, which is usually a good sign since it means it is something I am relaxing to.
I felt like maybe I am expecting too much from ganpati. Who knows how it will enhance my life. Maybe it seems like not much is going on but maybe it is working on a deeper level of my consciousness that I probably don't even have the capacity to be aware of at this stage in my life.
I recently got the book by Gurcharan The 21 Stages of Meditation and I think that was helpful in helping me figure out what to do with my practice. I was wondering why do I meditate. Why practice? I think the book was helpful in giving me a context with which to understand why I meditate and what the stages one can experience the more experienced they become.
I think the best thing for me to do with my practice in the long run is to make Ganpati kriya my default meditation and if there are meditations that look intriguing or strike my curiosity then I should try them. I don't need to go looking for the 'right' meditation. I think maybe I've found it already.
It was emotional to work with and many tears were shed during this meditation. It was also soothing and it would leave me feeling more relaxed and more at peace. Sometimes it took me on an emotional roller-coaster but that is to be expected when one decides to begin the process of cleaning the mind and subconscious.
For over a year, however, I felt like I had plateaued in my kundalini yoga and meditation practice. Back in 2010 I was learning the healing technology called Sat Nam Rasayan, which is under the umbrella of Kundalini Yoga. That took my meditation practice to another level. I was learning a lot about being non-reactive and learning how to accept all experiences instead of rejecting the negative and learning how to be neutral. Even though I was doing a lot of growing and learning with the Sat Nam Rasayan component of Kundalini Yoga, I was still feeling like I was plateauing in my personal practice.
I currently am working towards increasing my time in Sat Kriya. I've worked with this kriya a lot and even though I'm quite experienced in practicing it regularly, I still feel with that kriya I have something to strive for. I don't doubt with that kriya that I've hit a plateau like I do with ganpati kriya. I was stuck at doing 11 mins and decided if I wanted to be more comfortable with doing 31 mins, I would have to figure out a different approach. I learned about the Sat Kriya workout and this method involved doing sat kriya in 3 or 5 mins increments. I started to do that and am now able to doing 15 or 20 mins more consistently and with less struggle. Eventually I hope to be able to do 31 mins on a more regular basis.
Ganapati kriya was very transformative for me but I did wonder if I got all that I could with the meditation. I wondered if it was time to commit myself to other meditations. I tried sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said is the highest meditation there is in kundanlini yoga. I tried it many times and have done a few 40 day disciplines but I could never click with this meditation. I never felt 100% about it being the best meditation for me.
I asked some of the regulars in my Sat Nam Rasayan group if it was possible to tap out all the benefit from a meditation but their response was that you can always learn and get something from a meditation. It never stops. I also posted this question on another forum for KY and the response was similar. Meditation is a life process and is supposed to be like cleaning your teeth except you are cleaning your mind. You never stop cleaning your teeth and if you use the best toothpaste and brush, you still have to practice it. You can never be done with cleaning your teeth. It is just part of your daily care.
I did do GP a few times after taking a break from it. I did it last night and I enjoyed doing it. I was yawning a lot, which is usually a good sign since it means it is something I am relaxing to.
I felt like maybe I am expecting too much from ganpati. Who knows how it will enhance my life. Maybe it seems like not much is going on but maybe it is working on a deeper level of my consciousness that I probably don't even have the capacity to be aware of at this stage in my life.
I recently got the book by Gurcharan The 21 Stages of Meditation and I think that was helpful in helping me figure out what to do with my practice. I was wondering why do I meditate. Why practice? I think the book was helpful in giving me a context with which to understand why I meditate and what the stages one can experience the more experienced they become.
I think the best thing for me to do with my practice in the long run is to make Ganpati kriya my default meditation and if there are meditations that look intriguing or strike my curiosity then I should try them. I don't need to go looking for the 'right' meditation. I think maybe I've found it already.
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