There's this interesting web site that features surveys and I'll occasionally amuse myself by taking some of them. They have one that I've taken 4 times and it's related to the chakras. As someone who is interested in spirituality, I am quite familiar with them and what they are. Also referred to as 'power centres' by Caroline Myss, a term more appealing to us crazy Westerners. The web site is http://www.tickle.com.
The first time I took it, I assumed that my 3rd chakra would be the most highest as I tend to have a pretty strong will. If you take the test, they will give you more info on what each chakra is responsible for and what are signs of imbalance. But much to my surprise, I found that my heart chakra was the highest. Only one time was it not the highest and that was because my crown chakra was a 9.8 whereas my heart was 9.0. I'm not a huge fan of these quizzes but I think it had some accuracy to it. They only give you 4 options to choose from but they should give a 5th because for some of the answers, like maybe 2 or 3, I felt more neutral to the question.
I'll copy the description from today's test. I've placed in bold, the text that pissed me off.
This chakra is located in the center of your chest, near the heart. The fourth chakra represents higher emotions, such as love, tenderness, and compassion. In your case, this chakra appears to be clear and unblocked so that positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your fourth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to possess an emotional maturity and depth that allows you to empathize with others. Whether you're interacting with strangers or the people closest to you, your fourth chakra conveys the kind of true compassion that can set others at ease.So when loved ones have problems, yours is the shoulder that they're likely to cry on. Perhaps they simply know that you'd be a good listener, or they sense your deep appreciation of people and their problems. It's not that you're always drowning in emotion; you have the ability to be self-contained. It also doesn't mean that you're so focused on others that you fail to care for yourself. It just implies that you have a ready knowledge of and connection with other human beings. This is a gift. Another gift that comes from strong fourth chakra energy is that of forgiveness. Being able to look past others' trespasses is a valuable life skill that has surely served you well in your relationships.
Your fourth chakra is a level 9.8 out of 10. This means that right now, you appear to be the epitome of embodied compassion. As a result, you likely feel an unconditional acceptance of most people with whom you come in contact. You're also much more able than most people are to make your heart open and available to others. This is sure to engender not only positivity in your fourth chakra but also positivity in your life.
I feel rage at the above statement. I don't think it's true. But I keep taking this test and keep getting the same answer. Damn it I'm narcisstic and self absorbed. Maybe people who read this entry should take this test and tell me if you find it to be somewhat reputable or accurate.
To take the test you need to create an account, which doesn't cost you anything. (if you want a more detailed report on some of these tests, then there is a fee, but I just take the free information that they gave as it is sufficient. Taking the chakra test below is free unless you want to upgrade. I personally do not upgrade) The link to the test is http://web.tickle.com/tests/chakra/index.jsp.
The tests done on this site claim to be PhD certified premium tests.
I could have scored high simply because I am delusional. Either that or the test isn't really well constructed. See for yourself folks, particularly those who have some knowledge about chakras.
What an insult... to be called the embodiment of compassion...
Fuck
That
Shit
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
Reality TV
I must admit that I like reality tv. I don't watch much tv but since I've been off the past 3 days, I've allowed myself to vegetate in front of the television. I was watching The Surreal Life. I've also enjoyed watching Big Brother (BB) this season. I watched BB the first time it aired and it was so lame and yet I continued to watch it. Everyone was all nice and saccharine to each other. This was because it was the audience who decided who was going to get evicted. The following season they decided to adapt some show techniques from Survivor and decided to let them vote each other out, making the show somewhat more palatable. I think I just followed the first 2 seasons and maybe caught an episode here and there since, but this year I actually followed along the whole season. I think this year's season was one giant metaphor of what's wrong with America. It was a microcosm of the macrocosm. The people ended up splitting into 2 groups, the self-righteous people who stated they played the game with integrity but in reality all they did was trash talk the other team and the regular intelligent people who knew they were flawed but didn't act all self righteous. And then there was the floater guy who attempted to pit the 2 sides against each other. A Senator if you will.
The winner of this show was one of the people from the self-righteous group. It was eerie because this person really believed she played the game right and that her 'team' were good people. I see this as a representation of what's wrong with America because the intelligent people allowed themselves to be duped by the self righteous people. They believed that when the self righteous people said they were going to follow through with the plan that both groups decided on (i.e. they both agreed at one point in the game to oust the Senator, however when the self righteous people had power, they went against their word and voted against someone from the intelligent group).
The key fact that the intelligent people ignored about these self righteous people is that they are delusional. They will always think they are doing what is right when in reality, they are just out to please themself and only take care of their own self-centered needs. People like this are not trust worthy and yet these intelligent people in their naivety, placed their trust that these people would follow through with the agreed plan.
Again doesn't this sound a little familiar America?
Intelligent people naively and falsely trusting the untrustyworthy?
Other reality shows I have watched and enjoyed, include The Surreal Life and America's Top Model. When I first saw commercials for the Surreal Life, they just paint the participants as such washed up losers but when I watch the show, they seemed like decent humans. Well some of them were weird, but I could see through to their humanity inspite of their highly eccentric or self centeredness behaviour. I don't understand however, Omarosa. She seems highly sociopathic. She says this is her new profession - to be an actress for unscripted television. So it seems like she sometimes plays an evil and villanious person and she sometimes plays a nice person. Omarosa, you got issues. If you think people watch you for your outlandish behaviour and can't stand you if you are being yourself and being 'real', then woman you've just issues and you need to reassess your life.
I also liked America's Top model because models to me are something I personally despise and it was interesting for me to watch, because I could see their humanness, they weren't just pretty faces. Sure many of them were not bright but there was the odd one who was and some of them had a sweetness to them. My feelings of despise had been greatly minimized. Models are people too.
I must confess as well that I enjoy watching the reruns of Pamela Anderson's VIP show. That show has such lame plots and it's so unrealistic but for some reason I find it entertaining. And I like Pamela. She doesn't seem stupid in real life but she plays a ditz in the show and it's funny. Maybe I like it because the show doesn't take itself seriously. I don't watch the show often but if it's on, and I'm in the mood to watch television, I will watch it. It is a mystery as to why I like this show.
The winner of this show was one of the people from the self-righteous group. It was eerie because this person really believed she played the game right and that her 'team' were good people. I see this as a representation of what's wrong with America because the intelligent people allowed themselves to be duped by the self righteous people. They believed that when the self righteous people said they were going to follow through with the plan that both groups decided on (i.e. they both agreed at one point in the game to oust the Senator, however when the self righteous people had power, they went against their word and voted against someone from the intelligent group).
The key fact that the intelligent people ignored about these self righteous people is that they are delusional. They will always think they are doing what is right when in reality, they are just out to please themself and only take care of their own self-centered needs. People like this are not trust worthy and yet these intelligent people in their naivety, placed their trust that these people would follow through with the agreed plan.
Again doesn't this sound a little familiar America?
Intelligent people naively and falsely trusting the untrustyworthy?
Other reality shows I have watched and enjoyed, include The Surreal Life and America's Top Model. When I first saw commercials for the Surreal Life, they just paint the participants as such washed up losers but when I watch the show, they seemed like decent humans. Well some of them were weird, but I could see through to their humanity inspite of their highly eccentric or self centeredness behaviour. I don't understand however, Omarosa. She seems highly sociopathic. She says this is her new profession - to be an actress for unscripted television. So it seems like she sometimes plays an evil and villanious person and she sometimes plays a nice person. Omarosa, you got issues. If you think people watch you for your outlandish behaviour and can't stand you if you are being yourself and being 'real', then woman you've just issues and you need to reassess your life.
I also liked America's Top model because models to me are something I personally despise and it was interesting for me to watch, because I could see their humanness, they weren't just pretty faces. Sure many of them were not bright but there was the odd one who was and some of them had a sweetness to them. My feelings of despise had been greatly minimized. Models are people too.
I must confess as well that I enjoy watching the reruns of Pamela Anderson's VIP show. That show has such lame plots and it's so unrealistic but for some reason I find it entertaining. And I like Pamela. She doesn't seem stupid in real life but she plays a ditz in the show and it's funny. Maybe I like it because the show doesn't take itself seriously. I don't watch the show often but if it's on, and I'm in the mood to watch television, I will watch it. It is a mystery as to why I like this show.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Pretty Boys suck!
We had our improv gift exchange. I enjoyed watching what other people got. I got what I wanted which was a capo for my guitar. Again thank you Santa! You rock! I chose to remain anonymous and my victim enjoyed their gift, which I am glad that it was enjoyed.
For several years I've been wanting to come up with my own way of celebrating Christmas, instead of the typical spend lots of money and go frantic for 2 weeks. I've never officially come up with my own Christmas ritual but I guess maybe I have my own unconscious ritual. On my days off of work I like to spend time in my room thinking. I guess I would be considered highly introspective because I enjoy thinking and solitude. I always wonder what other people do. Am I the only one in the world who needs solitude on a regular basis? I reallly don't think so but sometimes it just seems like that to me.
With my new job, I have to be nice and polite to people all the time because it is customer service type work. I really don't think I'm a mean person but I'm not exactly known for being polite. In fact I would rather just be blunt and direct with people and tell them they are stupid. It just saves so much time. But now I am learning how to tell people they are stupid in a non-direct way - in a subtle, polite manner if you will. This goes against my whole nature. It's called 'soft skills'. This seems to be a skill inherent in women but I somehow seemed to be missing that gene.
We got moved to our desks on Thursday and that guy in my training class - the one who I said I flirted with a bit in the beginning - is now sitting behind me. The arrangement of the office is open style cubicles of 4 and they are back to back. So in my little area, there's 8 of us. I don't know why I flirted with this guy but now he just pisses me off. He's just some annoying pretty boy. A social butterfly. A slut.
He's Oakville pussy!
Some of my classmates were teasing me that now we are together, but I really don't want him around me. I don't find him attractive at all. He just looks like he's had an easy life. Never experienced pain. Living a carefree life and getting drunk all the time and fucking many girls with not a care in the world.
Why the hell would a guy like that annoy me? Pretty boys like him are a dime a dozen. He thinks he's great in bed. I've never actually met ANYONE who stated that they were horrible in bed.
Here's a scenario:
Me: So what are you like in bed? Are you good at pleasing the ladies?
Some guy: No. I'm horrible in bed. My dick is small and all I can think of is having my own orgasm.
No one ever admits to people their sexual inadequecies.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
Anyways, maybe he bugs me because my inner nerd just wants to be noticed and is jealous that he doesn't notice me, an attractive and wonderful single person.
Yeah maybe that's it...
I wonder if I try and read into people too much but I just wonder with him if there is anything more to his personality. I can't believe that he is just a pretty boy and that maybe he possesses some substance or has experienced some hardship. But maybe that's all he is. Maybe he is shallow. I find it hard to understand people like that because I really want to believe that people have some substance, even if it is a tiny speck. I can't fathom someone being 100% shallow.
I never grew up with the concept that I was beautiful or pretty (I was like a tomboy) so I tended to rely on my personality and intelligence. Whenever I meet a woman who is considered 'beautiful' by North American standards, I always wonder how much substance she has. Or if she is just superficial, incapable of intelligent thought. I've seen some girls at work who look 'fake' (someone pointed out a chick who looked fake and I agreed. This was one of the many chicks 'pretty boy' is chasing) and there's an automatic assossociation of fake with that of stupid or vacuous. She seems like an okay person. I can't really say.
But an intelligent person can be vacuous, they can choose to be shallow, to be vain and sacrifice their intelligence.
Why does it take so long to get to know people???
For several years I've been wanting to come up with my own way of celebrating Christmas, instead of the typical spend lots of money and go frantic for 2 weeks. I've never officially come up with my own Christmas ritual but I guess maybe I have my own unconscious ritual. On my days off of work I like to spend time in my room thinking. I guess I would be considered highly introspective because I enjoy thinking and solitude. I always wonder what other people do. Am I the only one in the world who needs solitude on a regular basis? I reallly don't think so but sometimes it just seems like that to me.
With my new job, I have to be nice and polite to people all the time because it is customer service type work. I really don't think I'm a mean person but I'm not exactly known for being polite. In fact I would rather just be blunt and direct with people and tell them they are stupid. It just saves so much time. But now I am learning how to tell people they are stupid in a non-direct way - in a subtle, polite manner if you will. This goes against my whole nature. It's called 'soft skills'. This seems to be a skill inherent in women but I somehow seemed to be missing that gene.
We got moved to our desks on Thursday and that guy in my training class - the one who I said I flirted with a bit in the beginning - is now sitting behind me. The arrangement of the office is open style cubicles of 4 and they are back to back. So in my little area, there's 8 of us. I don't know why I flirted with this guy but now he just pisses me off. He's just some annoying pretty boy. A social butterfly. A slut.
He's Oakville pussy!
Some of my classmates were teasing me that now we are together, but I really don't want him around me. I don't find him attractive at all. He just looks like he's had an easy life. Never experienced pain. Living a carefree life and getting drunk all the time and fucking many girls with not a care in the world.
Why the hell would a guy like that annoy me? Pretty boys like him are a dime a dozen. He thinks he's great in bed. I've never actually met ANYONE who stated that they were horrible in bed.
Here's a scenario:
Me: So what are you like in bed? Are you good at pleasing the ladies?
Some guy: No. I'm horrible in bed. My dick is small and all I can think of is having my own orgasm.
No one ever admits to people their sexual inadequecies.
I don't know where I'm going with this.
Anyways, maybe he bugs me because my inner nerd just wants to be noticed and is jealous that he doesn't notice me, an attractive and wonderful single person.
Yeah maybe that's it...
I wonder if I try and read into people too much but I just wonder with him if there is anything more to his personality. I can't believe that he is just a pretty boy and that maybe he possesses some substance or has experienced some hardship. But maybe that's all he is. Maybe he is shallow. I find it hard to understand people like that because I really want to believe that people have some substance, even if it is a tiny speck. I can't fathom someone being 100% shallow.
I never grew up with the concept that I was beautiful or pretty (I was like a tomboy) so I tended to rely on my personality and intelligence. Whenever I meet a woman who is considered 'beautiful' by North American standards, I always wonder how much substance she has. Or if she is just superficial, incapable of intelligent thought. I've seen some girls at work who look 'fake' (someone pointed out a chick who looked fake and I agreed. This was one of the many chicks 'pretty boy' is chasing) and there's an automatic assossociation of fake with that of stupid or vacuous. She seems like an okay person. I can't really say.
But an intelligent person can be vacuous, they can choose to be shallow, to be vain and sacrifice their intelligence.
Why does it take so long to get to know people???
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thoughts on Christmas
I have been meaning to write my opinion on Christmas. I went to my friend Karl the bunny's blog (which I list on the right column). He had some interesting points which also are similar to my view of Christmas (see his What is Christmas? post)
I do not agree with buying stuff for people. I've participated in a work secret Santa and this year I'm participating in the improv secret Santa. I don't mind buying one person a present but I think the holidays are for becoming introspective.
December 21st marks the Winter Solstice and the winter is the most ripe time for introspection and deep soul searching. It is a 'yin' season and like the bear, we are meant to 'hibernate'.
Instead the collective consciousness still believes in spending and keeping busy.
And searching in vain for the coveted 'toy of the year'.
I love this time of year but can't stand the Christmas part. I normally don't feel guilt because I try and do my best and if I fall short then I try to learn and move on. And it's hard to manipulate me with guilt. I seem to have been born guilt-resistant as a manipulation tactic.
But I feel like I'm a bad person because I don't believe in buying stuff. I feel like I'm some cold uncaring Scrooge and that who I am and how I treat people isn't good enough, that I have to buy them something. And it can't just be anything, it has to be good.
I've already mentioned that I have this issue with money and spending it so maybe that's part of my issue but I also don't care to receive presents. Obviously if someone wants to give me something, I'm not going to object.
I think this time of the year is designed so that humans can get into a quiet soul state so that they can listen to their heart and what the spirit of the universe has to say to them. It's a season that is ripe for listening and realizing profound spiritual truths. The soltice is like a portal and this portal is most easily accessible during the winter. This portal is particularly ripe until the 6th of January.
But what do people do? Completely ignore the portal and go the other way, the path of materialism. Products and material wealth is meaningless. They have a place in our life because realistically, if I didn't have food, clothes, shelter etc, I would be suffering. But if you don't get the basic idea that without love and without operating from that place, you have nothing. All the presents in the world will never fulfill that vacuum in your soul.
My training class officially graduated yesterday and we got moved to our new desks. My normal hours start Tuesday and I work from 1 to 9.30 pm. I'm sharing my desk with someone on the night shift but I got to see him this morning as he was done at 8.30. It was nice to meet my deskmate. Today was not a good day but it wasn't horrible either.
Humans are fickle!
I do not agree with buying stuff for people. I've participated in a work secret Santa and this year I'm participating in the improv secret Santa. I don't mind buying one person a present but I think the holidays are for becoming introspective.
December 21st marks the Winter Solstice and the winter is the most ripe time for introspection and deep soul searching. It is a 'yin' season and like the bear, we are meant to 'hibernate'.
Instead the collective consciousness still believes in spending and keeping busy.
And searching in vain for the coveted 'toy of the year'.
I love this time of year but can't stand the Christmas part. I normally don't feel guilt because I try and do my best and if I fall short then I try to learn and move on. And it's hard to manipulate me with guilt. I seem to have been born guilt-resistant as a manipulation tactic.
But I feel like I'm a bad person because I don't believe in buying stuff. I feel like I'm some cold uncaring Scrooge and that who I am and how I treat people isn't good enough, that I have to buy them something. And it can't just be anything, it has to be good.
I've already mentioned that I have this issue with money and spending it so maybe that's part of my issue but I also don't care to receive presents. Obviously if someone wants to give me something, I'm not going to object.
I think this time of the year is designed so that humans can get into a quiet soul state so that they can listen to their heart and what the spirit of the universe has to say to them. It's a season that is ripe for listening and realizing profound spiritual truths. The soltice is like a portal and this portal is most easily accessible during the winter. This portal is particularly ripe until the 6th of January.
But what do people do? Completely ignore the portal and go the other way, the path of materialism. Products and material wealth is meaningless. They have a place in our life because realistically, if I didn't have food, clothes, shelter etc, I would be suffering. But if you don't get the basic idea that without love and without operating from that place, you have nothing. All the presents in the world will never fulfill that vacuum in your soul.
My training class officially graduated yesterday and we got moved to our new desks. My normal hours start Tuesday and I work from 1 to 9.30 pm. I'm sharing my desk with someone on the night shift but I got to see him this morning as he was done at 8.30. It was nice to meet my deskmate. Today was not a good day but it wasn't horrible either.
Humans are fickle!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Drunken Wanton
I've had quite a psychologically demanding week this week.
At my new job we finally began taking live calls on Tuesday. I was quite terrified. I have this fear of people. I'm usually afraid of meeting people who are new. Someone has to break that initial unknowingness and I'm certainly not one who likes to do that. Usually if I'm surrounded by my friends, I am more brave.
So why the hell am I in a field where I have to help people out all day?
It's a fear that I've got to get over. It has been a life long struggle to be comfortable with people. I don't understand where this mistrust of people comes from, because I haven't experienced torture or extreme suffering in this life.
I can't say I believe in reincarnation but of the 3 existential possibilities (1. we just live once and go to heaven, 2. we just live, there is no afterlife or 3. our spirit is eternal and we come back so that we can make up for past errors and to grow), reincarnation is the one that makes most sense to me.
I recall listening to Gary Zukac when I was around 18 and he was talking about past lives and I remember just not agreeing with that and doing all the numbers to not support his statement. I eventually pondered these 3 possibilities and over the years I have found myself gravitating towards the concept of reincarnation.
For me reincarnation doesn't mean you can spend your life slacking because you'll make up for it later. When I was a child, growing up Catholic, I was exposed to the idea that you die and go to heaven. That didn't make much sense to me either. What the hell do you do up there for eternity? It seems boring to me. And what's the standard of goodness for going up to heaven? Not everyone is virtuous. And those who aren't virtous aren't really evil enough to go to hell. Is there a remedial heaven for these people? A heaven for the mediocre?
Anyways, I digress. I read earlier this year a book by Dr. Brian Weiss who is a psychologist and his book is entitled, Many Lives Many Masters. It talks about how he had a client and he was just using regular hypnosis and this person ended up sharing stories from her previous life and because she was able to resolve the pain she experienced, her life began to improve and her highly neurotic personality was becoming more calm, confident and loving. Dr. Weiss was skeptical about this because he considered himself to possess an academic mind and this was not something he learned about. It's an interesting read and I recommend looking into it.
Obviously there is the possibility that people have false ideas planted into their mind through hypnosis, but people need to know that there's good hypnosis sessions and bad ones and the bad ones are where your subconscious is being misguided or manipulated.
I use hypnosis but I think a better term is to call it a guided meditation.
I bought one of his books that included a regression session. I think I tried it for about a month and a half. I don't know what I got out of it but I had one interesting experience as I was getting ready to go to bed. I had this feeling that someone kicked a stool from underneath me and I saw this quick flash of someone being hung.
I don't know what to make of that experience. It would make sense that my mistrust of people comes from an experience like that. For now, I've just made a mental note that I've had this experience. I don't know what to make of it but it is something I will keep in mind and perhaps I will get an answer or maybe realize that it meant nothing.
I had this interesting dream a few weeks ago that I think occured because of my eye mantra discipline. I just finished my 40 days on that one and am continuing another 40 days because I think it is something that needs to be worked on.
Anyways, in this dream I was talking to a healer. This healer happened to be some middle aged black woman. I can't explain how cool she was. She had a no-nonesense sass to her. She had this ability to look into people's bodies and find out what's wrong with them and so I asked her to look into my eyes and tell me what's wrong with my eyes because I want to heal my myopia. So she looks into my eyes and just breaks down and cries. I got this feeling from her that she saw someone who has experienced alot of suffering.
I believe many times my dreams are just based on things I unconsciously noticed in my day and my dream is just a way of processing these things . But somethings I think my dreams are revealing a message to me and that dream was certainly revealing something to me.
I know sometimes my blog seems really personal but since I already keep a personal journal and tend to write my more intimate thoughts there first, my blog is something that I am comfortable sharing with anyone. I just feel like I'm talking to an invisible friend. I don't know who you are but I know that you're there.
Anyways, some of us from work went out for a drink. I had a pizza at this sports bar and it was really good. My training class is also going out after work on our 'graduation' day which is on the 21st.
I ended up missing my study group last Sunday. I think it was because my family went to the Mandarin. We went along with my widowed grandmother (this is our first Christmas without our grandfather) and my aunt and uncle came, along with my 2 cousins and their wives. Whenever we all go out for a family gathering, it's usually to the Mandarin and frankly I get sick of going there. I enjoy eating the food when I'm there but I just don't like how I feel sick afterwards. And I don't eat to excess since it is a buffet and normally at a buffet, people gorge.
My obsession with jazz continues. I've learned a few more. I'm focusing on jazz licks from the Swing era. There's 14 in this book and I'm going to learn 11 of them which is 79%. I decided to focus on a section at a time and just learn the ones I like and/or are challenging. It's actually quite fun and I am getting more of a feel for this music and getting a feel of the speed.
It's fucking hard eh!
At my new job we finally began taking live calls on Tuesday. I was quite terrified. I have this fear of people. I'm usually afraid of meeting people who are new. Someone has to break that initial unknowingness and I'm certainly not one who likes to do that. Usually if I'm surrounded by my friends, I am more brave.
So why the hell am I in a field where I have to help people out all day?
It's a fear that I've got to get over. It has been a life long struggle to be comfortable with people. I don't understand where this mistrust of people comes from, because I haven't experienced torture or extreme suffering in this life.
I can't say I believe in reincarnation but of the 3 existential possibilities (1. we just live once and go to heaven, 2. we just live, there is no afterlife or 3. our spirit is eternal and we come back so that we can make up for past errors and to grow), reincarnation is the one that makes most sense to me.
I recall listening to Gary Zukac when I was around 18 and he was talking about past lives and I remember just not agreeing with that and doing all the numbers to not support his statement. I eventually pondered these 3 possibilities and over the years I have found myself gravitating towards the concept of reincarnation.
For me reincarnation doesn't mean you can spend your life slacking because you'll make up for it later. When I was a child, growing up Catholic, I was exposed to the idea that you die and go to heaven. That didn't make much sense to me either. What the hell do you do up there for eternity? It seems boring to me. And what's the standard of goodness for going up to heaven? Not everyone is virtuous. And those who aren't virtous aren't really evil enough to go to hell. Is there a remedial heaven for these people? A heaven for the mediocre?
Anyways, I digress. I read earlier this year a book by Dr. Brian Weiss who is a psychologist and his book is entitled, Many Lives Many Masters. It talks about how he had a client and he was just using regular hypnosis and this person ended up sharing stories from her previous life and because she was able to resolve the pain she experienced, her life began to improve and her highly neurotic personality was becoming more calm, confident and loving. Dr. Weiss was skeptical about this because he considered himself to possess an academic mind and this was not something he learned about. It's an interesting read and I recommend looking into it.
Obviously there is the possibility that people have false ideas planted into their mind through hypnosis, but people need to know that there's good hypnosis sessions and bad ones and the bad ones are where your subconscious is being misguided or manipulated.
I use hypnosis but I think a better term is to call it a guided meditation.
I bought one of his books that included a regression session. I think I tried it for about a month and a half. I don't know what I got out of it but I had one interesting experience as I was getting ready to go to bed. I had this feeling that someone kicked a stool from underneath me and I saw this quick flash of someone being hung.
I don't know what to make of that experience. It would make sense that my mistrust of people comes from an experience like that. For now, I've just made a mental note that I've had this experience. I don't know what to make of it but it is something I will keep in mind and perhaps I will get an answer or maybe realize that it meant nothing.
I had this interesting dream a few weeks ago that I think occured because of my eye mantra discipline. I just finished my 40 days on that one and am continuing another 40 days because I think it is something that needs to be worked on.
Anyways, in this dream I was talking to a healer. This healer happened to be some middle aged black woman. I can't explain how cool she was. She had a no-nonesense sass to her. She had this ability to look into people's bodies and find out what's wrong with them and so I asked her to look into my eyes and tell me what's wrong with my eyes because I want to heal my myopia. So she looks into my eyes and just breaks down and cries. I got this feeling from her that she saw someone who has experienced alot of suffering.
I believe many times my dreams are just based on things I unconsciously noticed in my day and my dream is just a way of processing these things . But somethings I think my dreams are revealing a message to me and that dream was certainly revealing something to me.
I know sometimes my blog seems really personal but since I already keep a personal journal and tend to write my more intimate thoughts there first, my blog is something that I am comfortable sharing with anyone. I just feel like I'm talking to an invisible friend. I don't know who you are but I know that you're there.
Anyways, some of us from work went out for a drink. I had a pizza at this sports bar and it was really good. My training class is also going out after work on our 'graduation' day which is on the 21st.
I ended up missing my study group last Sunday. I think it was because my family went to the Mandarin. We went along with my widowed grandmother (this is our first Christmas without our grandfather) and my aunt and uncle came, along with my 2 cousins and their wives. Whenever we all go out for a family gathering, it's usually to the Mandarin and frankly I get sick of going there. I enjoy eating the food when I'm there but I just don't like how I feel sick afterwards. And I don't eat to excess since it is a buffet and normally at a buffet, people gorge.
My obsession with jazz continues. I've learned a few more. I'm focusing on jazz licks from the Swing era. There's 14 in this book and I'm going to learn 11 of them which is 79%. I decided to focus on a section at a time and just learn the ones I like and/or are challenging. It's actually quite fun and I am getting more of a feel for this music and getting a feel of the speed.
It's fucking hard eh!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Jazzified
Since last night, Jazz has officially taken over my soul. I keep hearing these various jazz riffs in my head and now all I want to do is play jazz on my guitar.
At improv we are doing a Secret Santa. I got my 'victim' their gift already. I put on my wish list that I wanted a capo for my guitar. I asked someone a few months ago how much a capo is and it was within the budget we were given. I don't really care if my Santa gets me a capo, because a surprise would be okay. But really it's not up to me!
I'm a really practical person so I don't like it when people give you things that you can't use. At work last year we had a secret Santa and I said I wanted a Green Day cd and that's what I got and I listened to it a lot. I still listen to it since I love Green Day.
My birthday will be coming up soon. My birthday is January 13th and I will be turning 3 Cubed. My birthday is also on a Friday and the last time my birthday was on a Friday the 13th was when I turned 16 - which is 4 Squared.
Coincidence? I think not!
I was hoping that I'd be getting magical powers.
So when I turn 3 cubed, I am hoping that this time I will be getting magical powers or something. I used to watch Out of this World when I was a kid and the main character Eve, could freeze time by having her index fingers touch each other. So when I was 16, I did that in hopes that I had that gift.
Hey you never know unless you try!
Anyways, we all know that 3 is a magical number and so now I'll be 3x3x3 (3 3s) and so that's got to have some sort of significance. When I was 23, I had this feeling that when I turn 27, things in my life will start to come together.
I am excited to be at an age where I can state my age as a math equation.
The last time I was able to do that was when I was 5 Squared and I thought that my next chance is when I'm 6 Squared, which seemed so far away. I was quite happy when I realized I could cube 27.
I explained this story to a few of my co-workers but they didn't really get it. You have to be into numbers in order to appreciate my story.
At improv we are doing a Secret Santa. I got my 'victim' their gift already. I put on my wish list that I wanted a capo for my guitar. I asked someone a few months ago how much a capo is and it was within the budget we were given. I don't really care if my Santa gets me a capo, because a surprise would be okay. But really it's not up to me!
I'm a really practical person so I don't like it when people give you things that you can't use. At work last year we had a secret Santa and I said I wanted a Green Day cd and that's what I got and I listened to it a lot. I still listen to it since I love Green Day.
My birthday will be coming up soon. My birthday is January 13th and I will be turning 3 Cubed. My birthday is also on a Friday and the last time my birthday was on a Friday the 13th was when I turned 16 - which is 4 Squared.
Coincidence? I think not!
I was hoping that I'd be getting magical powers.
So when I turn 3 cubed, I am hoping that this time I will be getting magical powers or something. I used to watch Out of this World when I was a kid and the main character Eve, could freeze time by having her index fingers touch each other. So when I was 16, I did that in hopes that I had that gift.
Hey you never know unless you try!
Anyways, we all know that 3 is a magical number and so now I'll be 3x3x3 (3 3s) and so that's got to have some sort of significance. When I was 23, I had this feeling that when I turn 27, things in my life will start to come together.
I am excited to be at an age where I can state my age as a math equation.
The last time I was able to do that was when I was 5 Squared and I thought that my next chance is when I'm 6 Squared, which seemed so far away. I was quite happy when I realized I could cube 27.
I explained this story to a few of my co-workers but they didn't really get it. You have to be into numbers in order to appreciate my story.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Don't you just hate it when, after putting in a good week of work, you wake up on your day off tired? I'm all tired and restless and I have errands to do.
We have completed our 3rd week of training. I find the process of integrating so slow. Many have been stressed this week because we've been getting tested. We had Q.A. mark our calls yesterday morning and everyone was tense. I was nervous as well and I just started writing so I could focus my mind. We're having a written 'test' this Monday and we were told to study as we wait for our mock phone call. So here I am sitting in class just writing away my thoughts because I just couldn't focus on studying. Calmness was washing over me and then I began writing poetry. I produced some really nice lines that perhaps have potential to become something more.
At the end of our training period, we need to have 2 consecutive calls at 80% in order to become certified, which I think they will do by the end of next week. We got our scores back in the morning and I think everyone passed. It's not that hard really, I just don't know why people get so worked up. I averaged 86%. One person got 100% but she studied and was so nervous about failing.
I was always one of those people who - whenever everyone else started stressing over something like a test and got anxious about pressure - would always stay calm.
I only seem to get stressed and anxious (not that that happens a lot) when everyone else is calm.
I ordered these 3 books (from the same author) that features 101 licks (aka riffs) in Rock, Jazz and Blues. I've been learning jazz licks this week. I thought I should just focus on one lick at a time but I found I would get frustrated a lot and decided it would be better if I focused on several at a time and keep learning new ones and reviewing ones that I've memorized.
Jazz is really fast and I haven't been able to keep up to the speed yet. I'm not really a jazz fan either. I took guitar lessons when I first started for 2 months and my teacher kept raving about jazz. I'm feeling some of the jazz, but some of it I just don't get. I'm learning licks from the swing section.
I find memorizing the licks easy because I'm good at pattern recognition and memorization. I want to be really good at the guitar but it is so slow. I started in July 2004. I want to comfortable playing in front of people too because I'm still self-conscious about my skills.
Anyways, I've learned 4 for this week. I'm not going to learn all 101 because many of them sound similar and I don't think it's necessary.
I finished my first 2 40 day mantra discipline this week and will continue for the full 120 days. My eye mantra discipline will finish next week. I read that stubborn issues may need a full 120 practice. I think these disciplines have had an effect on me and I definitely think fruit will bear within the 120 days. I've had some interesting experiences so I think it will be worth doing them for 120 days (i.e. 3 40 day disciplines). I'm just taking it a day at a time to see how they go.
I've got so much self-discipline coming out of my ass. Does anyone need self-discipline because I've got lots of it...
I'm giving it away folks, take it!
We have completed our 3rd week of training. I find the process of integrating so slow. Many have been stressed this week because we've been getting tested. We had Q.A. mark our calls yesterday morning and everyone was tense. I was nervous as well and I just started writing so I could focus my mind. We're having a written 'test' this Monday and we were told to study as we wait for our mock phone call. So here I am sitting in class just writing away my thoughts because I just couldn't focus on studying. Calmness was washing over me and then I began writing poetry. I produced some really nice lines that perhaps have potential to become something more.
At the end of our training period, we need to have 2 consecutive calls at 80% in order to become certified, which I think they will do by the end of next week. We got our scores back in the morning and I think everyone passed. It's not that hard really, I just don't know why people get so worked up. I averaged 86%. One person got 100% but she studied and was so nervous about failing.
I was always one of those people who - whenever everyone else started stressing over something like a test and got anxious about pressure - would always stay calm.
I only seem to get stressed and anxious (not that that happens a lot) when everyone else is calm.
I ordered these 3 books (from the same author) that features 101 licks (aka riffs) in Rock, Jazz and Blues. I've been learning jazz licks this week. I thought I should just focus on one lick at a time but I found I would get frustrated a lot and decided it would be better if I focused on several at a time and keep learning new ones and reviewing ones that I've memorized.
Jazz is really fast and I haven't been able to keep up to the speed yet. I'm not really a jazz fan either. I took guitar lessons when I first started for 2 months and my teacher kept raving about jazz. I'm feeling some of the jazz, but some of it I just don't get. I'm learning licks from the swing section.
I find memorizing the licks easy because I'm good at pattern recognition and memorization. I want to be really good at the guitar but it is so slow. I started in July 2004. I want to comfortable playing in front of people too because I'm still self-conscious about my skills.
Anyways, I've learned 4 for this week. I'm not going to learn all 101 because many of them sound similar and I don't think it's necessary.
I finished my first 2 40 day mantra discipline this week and will continue for the full 120 days. My eye mantra discipline will finish next week. I read that stubborn issues may need a full 120 practice. I think these disciplines have had an effect on me and I definitely think fruit will bear within the 120 days. I've had some interesting experiences so I think it will be worth doing them for 120 days (i.e. 3 40 day disciplines). I'm just taking it a day at a time to see how they go.
I've got so much self-discipline coming out of my ass. Does anyone need self-discipline because I've got lots of it...
I'm giving it away folks, take it!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I'm almost finished reading Steiner's World Economy book and around the 7th lecture, it started getting really awesome. The beginning, he's just talking weird stuff and then his concepts all start to come together. He completely 'revolutionized' the concept of supply and demand and how they really interact in the real world.
If I were a Steiner groupie, I'd blow him.
Anyways, I finally found myself a nice pair of black shoes to wear for work. It was so hard to find a decent pair. I wanted one with a low heel and that was stylish but so many shoes have high heels or just look cheap.
This is what is upsetting me with the quality of shoes. They are producing such shoddy work with poor material. I can't even stand looking at Walmart or Payless most of the time because so many of the shoes they have are just so damn cheap looking. Oh sure they might have the occasional nice decent shoe, but I have a keen eye for quality.
Have you noticed how they now create a wooden look to the heel of the shoe by just placing some sticker that looks like wood? I bought these pair of shoes about 8-10 years ago and the heel is actually made out of wood. The majority of the heel is rubber, but they have enough interest in their product to create a centimetre layer of wood that goes around it. That is acceptable to me.
Not placing a fucking 'wood' sticker over cheap plastic to create the illusion of wood.
Next time ladies and gents, take a good look at how the heel of the shoe looks like.
I also bought myself another pair of runners. They are so cool. They are brown and pink.
I like runners. I have a bunch but I tend to wear one pair most of the time. I don't mix it up much.
I have grown to detest shopping. It's too hard to find stuff that I like and it just takes too much time. You go to a bunch of stores and sometimes find nothing. My shopping habits are becoming more and more like a man. I just want to quickly go in, buy something and move on.
But I struggle because I tend to operate on the principle of quality. I want quality clothes and quality fabric. I'm not a fashion diva but I do not like buying clothes that look cheap. Get some decent fabric! It makes such a huge difference.
We only have 2 guys in our training class, one of which is single. He sat next to me for a few days as we had our seats changed. He's cute and we were flirting a bit. He's interested in some girl (not in the training) but she's all wishy washy and doesn't know what she wants. He's pretty open, like I am and because we flirt, he just comes out and asks if I'm interested in him. He's a bit younger then me and he's cute.
Here's a secret guys, I don't know if other women are like this or if it's just me.
I usually envision myself with someone and if that idea doesn't appeal to me, then I generally show little interest in someone (sexually). I think pretty much every guy I've ever met, I always mentally analyze if he is someone who I can potentially mate with. It's largely done unconsciously and on an instinctual level, however I am more conscious about my own mental inner workings then the majority of the population.
So I don't really find myself attracted to this person.
Of course I can just sleep with him because I want to up my numbers.
But as I've previously mentioned in another entry, it's just a lot of work in getting involved with someone new and finding what they like sexually and becoming comfortable with each other.
I am currently with an excellent service provider.
I see no reason for leaving my service provider. I get good, reliable quality service and I feel understood as a person.
Where are the incentives?
Oh the vicissitudes of life!
If I were a Steiner groupie, I'd blow him.
Anyways, I finally found myself a nice pair of black shoes to wear for work. It was so hard to find a decent pair. I wanted one with a low heel and that was stylish but so many shoes have high heels or just look cheap.
This is what is upsetting me with the quality of shoes. They are producing such shoddy work with poor material. I can't even stand looking at Walmart or Payless most of the time because so many of the shoes they have are just so damn cheap looking. Oh sure they might have the occasional nice decent shoe, but I have a keen eye for quality.
Have you noticed how they now create a wooden look to the heel of the shoe by just placing some sticker that looks like wood? I bought these pair of shoes about 8-10 years ago and the heel is actually made out of wood. The majority of the heel is rubber, but they have enough interest in their product to create a centimetre layer of wood that goes around it. That is acceptable to me.
Not placing a fucking 'wood' sticker over cheap plastic to create the illusion of wood.
Next time ladies and gents, take a good look at how the heel of the shoe looks like.
I also bought myself another pair of runners. They are so cool. They are brown and pink.
I like runners. I have a bunch but I tend to wear one pair most of the time. I don't mix it up much.
I have grown to detest shopping. It's too hard to find stuff that I like and it just takes too much time. You go to a bunch of stores and sometimes find nothing. My shopping habits are becoming more and more like a man. I just want to quickly go in, buy something and move on.
But I struggle because I tend to operate on the principle of quality. I want quality clothes and quality fabric. I'm not a fashion diva but I do not like buying clothes that look cheap. Get some decent fabric! It makes such a huge difference.
We only have 2 guys in our training class, one of which is single. He sat next to me for a few days as we had our seats changed. He's cute and we were flirting a bit. He's interested in some girl (not in the training) but she's all wishy washy and doesn't know what she wants. He's pretty open, like I am and because we flirt, he just comes out and asks if I'm interested in him. He's a bit younger then me and he's cute.
Here's a secret guys, I don't know if other women are like this or if it's just me.
I usually envision myself with someone and if that idea doesn't appeal to me, then I generally show little interest in someone (sexually). I think pretty much every guy I've ever met, I always mentally analyze if he is someone who I can potentially mate with. It's largely done unconsciously and on an instinctual level, however I am more conscious about my own mental inner workings then the majority of the population.
So I don't really find myself attracted to this person.
Of course I can just sleep with him because I want to up my numbers.
But as I've previously mentioned in another entry, it's just a lot of work in getting involved with someone new and finding what they like sexually and becoming comfortable with each other.
I am currently with an excellent service provider.
I see no reason for leaving my service provider. I get good, reliable quality service and I feel understood as a person.
Where are the incentives?
Oh the vicissitudes of life!
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Gail
I have to tell these amusing stories about my training at work. They are probably jokes that you could only understand if you were there or if you had a sense of my personality.
I will tell my best anyways to recreate the day.
Part of our training involves doing these role playing exercises done via the telephone. We haven't gone into dialogue training in depth, just doing basics. So when I play the customer, I get into improvisor mode. See there's a switch in my brain that I can activate when I want to get into this spontaneous, creative mode. It also has various levels, i.e. I can put it to 10 (which is the highest). I usually keep it at a low 2-3 level so that I can 'fit' in with the normal people of society.
I never really turn this switch off, I just keep it low so I can integrate into society.
We had been assigned partners and we got to switch roles as well, so I did get a chance to be serious. When I was the customer (improvisor mode), I was making unusal requests (but appropriate and relevant to the training) and using an accent of some sort. I hate to say it but I had so much fun being the customer. I obviously was also paying attention to what my partner was doing and making sure that we both were doing things right and learning what we are supposed to be doing.
Being in improvisor mode is about messing with people's minds and throwing things at them that they aren't used to. It's about waking people up from their slumber. Getting their chemical soup going.
Our trainer took a few people and we played that "who am I?" game where you are only allowed to ask questions that will produce a yes or no answer. We were asked to come up with people for them to be. I was thinking about who is someone who is famous but obscure? Someone shouted out Oprah Winfrey and I associated obscure and Oprah and shouted out "Oprah Winfrey's best friend Gail". Again I accelerated into improvisor mode because I wanted to come up with someone whom they could never figure out. For all of you who don't know, Oprah's best friend Gail has appeared on her show at times as a guest correspondent. Her full name is Gail King and I think she works as a television reporter.
I'm generally quiet in class and every once in a while I burst verbally. I'll use a metafuckaphor to clarify: I'm like a bolt of lightning on a clear sunny day.
We had someone re-do their person because our trainor accidently gave away the answer. Our training assistant wasn't there when I first shouted out Oprah Winfrey's best friend Gail and so I thought I'd go with that answer again and shouted it out and that surprised the assistant and she laughed pretty hard. They didn't go with my answer.
I will tell my best anyways to recreate the day.
Part of our training involves doing these role playing exercises done via the telephone. We haven't gone into dialogue training in depth, just doing basics. So when I play the customer, I get into improvisor mode. See there's a switch in my brain that I can activate when I want to get into this spontaneous, creative mode. It also has various levels, i.e. I can put it to 10 (which is the highest). I usually keep it at a low 2-3 level so that I can 'fit' in with the normal people of society.
I never really turn this switch off, I just keep it low so I can integrate into society.
We had been assigned partners and we got to switch roles as well, so I did get a chance to be serious. When I was the customer (improvisor mode), I was making unusal requests (but appropriate and relevant to the training) and using an accent of some sort. I hate to say it but I had so much fun being the customer. I obviously was also paying attention to what my partner was doing and making sure that we both were doing things right and learning what we are supposed to be doing.
Being in improvisor mode is about messing with people's minds and throwing things at them that they aren't used to. It's about waking people up from their slumber. Getting their chemical soup going.
Our trainer took a few people and we played that "who am I?" game where you are only allowed to ask questions that will produce a yes or no answer. We were asked to come up with people for them to be. I was thinking about who is someone who is famous but obscure? Someone shouted out Oprah Winfrey and I associated obscure and Oprah and shouted out "Oprah Winfrey's best friend Gail". Again I accelerated into improvisor mode because I wanted to come up with someone whom they could never figure out. For all of you who don't know, Oprah's best friend Gail has appeared on her show at times as a guest correspondent. Her full name is Gail King and I think she works as a television reporter.
I'm generally quiet in class and every once in a while I burst verbally. I'll use a metafuckaphor to clarify: I'm like a bolt of lightning on a clear sunny day.
We had someone re-do their person because our trainor accidently gave away the answer. Our training assistant wasn't there when I first shouted out Oprah Winfrey's best friend Gail and so I thought I'd go with that answer again and shouted it out and that surprised the assistant and she laughed pretty hard. They didn't go with my answer.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Random health thoughts
I got sick on Monday afternoon and ended up getting a fever of 101 when I woke up on Tuesday. I didn't want to miss my training for work, because we were actually going to be doing live work.
I never thought I'd utter those words in my life... wanting to go to work, not wanting to miss work. It sends me shivers but it is true. My trainer told me we'd be doing more live work next week so that's good.
I think I'm like most people in that sometimes it's better to be thrown to the lions. I understand the necessity of class training but really things don't gel until you know what you're doing is for real and not just practice.
I was feeling better on Tuesday afternoon as my fever seemed to reach its peak when I woke up in the morning. I've been taking it easy this week and just attending my training.
I care alot about my health and inspite of my young age, my health and vitality is something I value. It's my top priority to make sure my body is in the best state it can be.
I don't like being one of those people who go into work even though they are sick. You're not helping yourself or those around you when you show up for work sick. The body has certain needs and if you don't give it what it needs, it's going to become sicker, maybe not immeditately but most definitely in the long term.
For me, my body is my 'temple'. I enjoy exercising, particularly doing qigong. I think a lot of problems in our society can be solved if people choose a physical discipline and stick to it.
The body needs to move around, period.
If it doesn't get that, people start getting anxious and restless and fidgety and fat and unfocused.
I started doing yoga when I was 18 and abandoned that practice this year because I started learning qigong and found it to be more relaxing, without the muscle soreness.
I think a few months into my yoga practice, I started becoming aware that I had an anxiety problem and that becoming anxious over life events was a common reaction for me. I eventually learned how to relax and I think I get anxious once in a while but I feel pretty calm most of the time. And plus I don't hold onto my anxiety. Our bodies hold onto negative emotions and through exercises like qigong or yoga, you slowly learn how to release them. You also start to learn that you are not your emotions and that emotions come and go. It's important when negative feelings come up to just witness and acknowledge them and let them go.
Who would have thought you could learn emotional maturity through mindful exercises such as qigong and yoga??!!
I learned a back qigong routine in August (see my archive where I briefly mention about the routine) and I had this pain on the right side of my back. After doing this routine a few times I felt anger towards my mother one day and that night I had this dream about how my mother would force me to go to church when I was a teenager and I didn't want to go (as a side note, my mother felt attending church was important and I just didn't like church anymore but was coerced against my own will. My mother has stopped this coercing once I went to university. She wasn't violent but said if I wanted to take the car to school, then I had to go to church. Every Sunday morning was a bitch because we'd always argue. I hold no resentment towards my mother and my mother is usually an understanding and decent human).
I had a lot of anger and thought I had 'dealt' with this issue. I woke up and wrote about this dream in my journal and started to cry. That pain that I had in that area of my back disappeared.
The body doesn't lie!
Because I've been learning qigong, I've also been looking briefly into the theories of Chinese Medicine. I haven't studied it extensively so please keep that in mind that my research is not indepth. In North American medicine, diseases are basically seen in terms of cause and effect. It looks into medicine in mechanical terms and doesn't really seek to grasp the whole of the person and how they may be making lifestyle choices that are making them sick or more vulnerable.
Chinese medicine is based on the whole yin yang concept but it also recognizes the key role our internal organs play into our health. So someone may have a problem that may not be directed related to their organs, however the problem can be because one organ is weak or is too dominant.
I find it interesting to compare these 2 different views on health and they are quite opposite.
I read a long time ago but every year the psychiatric society or something, keeps adding a list of diseases and keeps 'discovering' illnesses.
Our society is so fucked up, it's funny.
Why do we have a medical view that is so clearly negative and just focuses on what's wrong with us? Why are we so pathogen-centric?
Our natural state is health. It's not disease and yet we consider feeling like crap or being mentally dysfunctional as something normal, when it's not. Everyone is pretty much on some sort of drug and maybe people need to realize that you don't need to be.
I'm not anti-drug, but I just think taking drugs should be your last choice and so should surgery. You should look at your diet, your lifestyle and whether you are engaging in activities that are not healthy. You also need to look at your environment because it could be a reaction to chemicals. And most of all getting quality sleep.
But here's something interesting that I've been pondering for a while that shows the key role our organs play in our health. I'm not sure if I'm stating this correctly, but what does the body do when it gets into a coma (it's basically the body has some sort of crisis and I think it's a coma but I'm not 100% sure. Maybe it's hypothermia)?
The body protects the inner organs first. It conserves its energy and directs it towards the major organs.
Nobody cares about the organs in our Western culture. Nobody even talks about them unless they are in serious trouble.
I'm getting tired but probably will discuss health in the future.
But I will say one quick thing.
I have 2 brothers with a serious mental illness and this happened when I was 11. I've always wondered what is the real cause to this problem because the doctor's claim it was stressed induced and it's a brain chemical problem (again this to me demonstrates the doctor's don't really understand mental illness. The brain is more then just chemical reactions and processes).
I basically think we don't understand what mental illness is.
But I'm wondering if maybe mental illness is really a problem that starts in our organs.
According to Chinese Medical theory, our anger is related to our liver. They also attribute various emotions to the organs, but the one that I remember is anger and liver. So people that get angry alot may have too much energy(aka chi or qi) in that area and it's creating an imbalance. Chinese Medicine talks about chi (aka life energy) which is something we don't even have an English equivalent for. Qigong basically means working with qi. I do not know if chi is real based on my qigong practice but I definitely feel warm when I practice qigong. How can moving slowly make you feel warm and make your toes warm too?
Anyways, that is just my speculative theory on mental illness.
I don't know anything about anything!
I never thought I'd utter those words in my life... wanting to go to work, not wanting to miss work. It sends me shivers but it is true. My trainer told me we'd be doing more live work next week so that's good.
I think I'm like most people in that sometimes it's better to be thrown to the lions. I understand the necessity of class training but really things don't gel until you know what you're doing is for real and not just practice.
I was feeling better on Tuesday afternoon as my fever seemed to reach its peak when I woke up in the morning. I've been taking it easy this week and just attending my training.
I care alot about my health and inspite of my young age, my health and vitality is something I value. It's my top priority to make sure my body is in the best state it can be.
I don't like being one of those people who go into work even though they are sick. You're not helping yourself or those around you when you show up for work sick. The body has certain needs and if you don't give it what it needs, it's going to become sicker, maybe not immeditately but most definitely in the long term.
For me, my body is my 'temple'. I enjoy exercising, particularly doing qigong. I think a lot of problems in our society can be solved if people choose a physical discipline and stick to it.
The body needs to move around, period.
If it doesn't get that, people start getting anxious and restless and fidgety and fat and unfocused.
I started doing yoga when I was 18 and abandoned that practice this year because I started learning qigong and found it to be more relaxing, without the muscle soreness.
I think a few months into my yoga practice, I started becoming aware that I had an anxiety problem and that becoming anxious over life events was a common reaction for me. I eventually learned how to relax and I think I get anxious once in a while but I feel pretty calm most of the time. And plus I don't hold onto my anxiety. Our bodies hold onto negative emotions and through exercises like qigong or yoga, you slowly learn how to release them. You also start to learn that you are not your emotions and that emotions come and go. It's important when negative feelings come up to just witness and acknowledge them and let them go.
Who would have thought you could learn emotional maturity through mindful exercises such as qigong and yoga??!!
I learned a back qigong routine in August (see my archive where I briefly mention about the routine) and I had this pain on the right side of my back. After doing this routine a few times I felt anger towards my mother one day and that night I had this dream about how my mother would force me to go to church when I was a teenager and I didn't want to go (as a side note, my mother felt attending church was important and I just didn't like church anymore but was coerced against my own will. My mother has stopped this coercing once I went to university. She wasn't violent but said if I wanted to take the car to school, then I had to go to church. Every Sunday morning was a bitch because we'd always argue. I hold no resentment towards my mother and my mother is usually an understanding and decent human).
I had a lot of anger and thought I had 'dealt' with this issue. I woke up and wrote about this dream in my journal and started to cry. That pain that I had in that area of my back disappeared.
The body doesn't lie!
Because I've been learning qigong, I've also been looking briefly into the theories of Chinese Medicine. I haven't studied it extensively so please keep that in mind that my research is not indepth. In North American medicine, diseases are basically seen in terms of cause and effect. It looks into medicine in mechanical terms and doesn't really seek to grasp the whole of the person and how they may be making lifestyle choices that are making them sick or more vulnerable.
Chinese medicine is based on the whole yin yang concept but it also recognizes the key role our internal organs play into our health. So someone may have a problem that may not be directed related to their organs, however the problem can be because one organ is weak or is too dominant.
I find it interesting to compare these 2 different views on health and they are quite opposite.
I read a long time ago but every year the psychiatric society or something, keeps adding a list of diseases and keeps 'discovering' illnesses.
Our society is so fucked up, it's funny.
Why do we have a medical view that is so clearly negative and just focuses on what's wrong with us? Why are we so pathogen-centric?
Our natural state is health. It's not disease and yet we consider feeling like crap or being mentally dysfunctional as something normal, when it's not. Everyone is pretty much on some sort of drug and maybe people need to realize that you don't need to be.
I'm not anti-drug, but I just think taking drugs should be your last choice and so should surgery. You should look at your diet, your lifestyle and whether you are engaging in activities that are not healthy. You also need to look at your environment because it could be a reaction to chemicals. And most of all getting quality sleep.
But here's something interesting that I've been pondering for a while that shows the key role our organs play in our health. I'm not sure if I'm stating this correctly, but what does the body do when it gets into a coma (it's basically the body has some sort of crisis and I think it's a coma but I'm not 100% sure. Maybe it's hypothermia)?
The body protects the inner organs first. It conserves its energy and directs it towards the major organs.
Nobody cares about the organs in our Western culture. Nobody even talks about them unless they are in serious trouble.
I'm getting tired but probably will discuss health in the future.
But I will say one quick thing.
I have 2 brothers with a serious mental illness and this happened when I was 11. I've always wondered what is the real cause to this problem because the doctor's claim it was stressed induced and it's a brain chemical problem (again this to me demonstrates the doctor's don't really understand mental illness. The brain is more then just chemical reactions and processes).
I basically think we don't understand what mental illness is.
But I'm wondering if maybe mental illness is really a problem that starts in our organs.
According to Chinese Medical theory, our anger is related to our liver. They also attribute various emotions to the organs, but the one that I remember is anger and liver. So people that get angry alot may have too much energy(aka chi or qi) in that area and it's creating an imbalance. Chinese Medicine talks about chi (aka life energy) which is something we don't even have an English equivalent for. Qigong basically means working with qi. I do not know if chi is real based on my qigong practice but I definitely feel warm when I practice qigong. How can moving slowly make you feel warm and make your toes warm too?
Anyways, that is just my speculative theory on mental illness.
I don't know anything about anything!
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