Greetings all,
I went on a coffee date this Thursday with a guy. He called me Wednesday and he seemed decent and nice. The coffee date went okay. I didn't feel much chemistry but I would have given him another chance.
We exchanged a few messages as I had agreed to go out with him again since I'm willing to give someone 3 dates. He then suggests that he:
"would love to take a drive with you, go for a nice lunch, cuddle, hug and stuff."
WTF? Cuddle and stuff? So you buy me a coffee and now you think you are entitled to groping and touching me? Cuddle is just a female-friendly term for I want to make out with you and hopefully fuck you. I'm sorry but you just don't say that kind of stuff to a woman after the first date. You don't even say it. What kind of a hunter are you? If you plan on making the moves on a woman, you just don't tell her. Ever! You just do it.
The other problem was he was 38 and still living with his parents. His parents are Indian so I don't know how much an effect this had on him but he was born in Canada. He had a good job and his parents didn't need a caretaker so he had no excuse to be living with them. It's a big problem if you are over 30 and still living with your parents. You have to have a really good reason to be with them. I've been laid off twice after I moved out but I never went back to my parents. I didn't want to. It's wrong unless you are in school and needing to save money. Or are taking care of them. Again, there has to be a real legitimate reason to live with them. I think too you just don't learn full independence and I want a man who is self sufficient. I do not want a mama's boy. If you live with your parents, you just don't struggle as much because you know you have them to cushion you.
I emailed him back saying I wasn't comfortable being with someone who suggested to hug and cuddle and wished him good luck. He comes back saying it was just a suggestion and asks me what to do.
Some men just don't get it.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wear Purple Campaign
What currently seems to be popular on facebook is the event to wear purple to support the gays that commit suicide. I frankly don't support that cause. I'm all for gay rights but what I have a problem with is that tonnes of students experience trauma in high school and have to deal with the issue of not fitting in. A lot of students kill themselves, not just gays. I don't think it's an issue with being gay, although gays are at risk. It's a mental/emotional health issue.
I think if young gays are killing themselves, there's got to be more to the story. It's symptomatic of a deeper issue. No one just goes and kills themselves because they aren't fitting in. They do it either because they are in deep pain that may or may not be related to their sexuality or they don't really understand the consequence of taking their own life and do so to hurt others.
The fact is there are a lot of young people who hate themselves. Who hate life. Who hate their peers. They are gay and straight.
Maybe these gay teens have an unsupportive home life and their parents are the ones who have a problem with homosexuality.
Or maybe they have an undiagnosed mental illness and were already mentally/emotionally unstable
Here's one incident I read about that was one of the students that spawned this purple campaign:
The recent attention comes in the wake of nine recent suicides stemming from bullying, including Tyler Clementi, a Rudgers University freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his freshman roommate filmed him without permission having a "sexual encounter" in his dorm room and broadcast it over the Internet.
My take on this, is that this is certainly an ignorant way to handle this. I can imagine how humiliating this would feel but I wouldn't take my life over this. This incident probably has happened to straight students but maybe it's not as newsworthy as a gay person killing themself. Frankly this student could have sued them. It certainly makes me wonder why they thought killing themself would be a solution. Again, was this person stressed from school and this was just the last straw? It's not fair to assume the suicide is related to their sexuality.
I think I just don't support this cause because it doesn't talk about why this is going on. It's a fact that lots of teenagers commit suicide. It's not just gays.
Is this campaign about suicide? What is it really about?
Of course this is unfortunate that teens kill themselves and I sympathize, but why are they doing this? Is it the environment? Is it a mental/emotional problem they have?
Is this what we teach our children? That everytime there is a problem, we choose a colour and then get people to rally behind us? This isn't teaching anything.
As well, since I think this is more a mental health issue, what does wearing purple teach people? We should be educating people on how to handle their problems and how to deal with their anxiety, fear, anger and pain. Telling people to wear purple just lets them know that gays are dying but it's not a real solution
Gays are more at risk for committing suicide but it would make sense to educate them on dealing with their sexuality and what the social discrimination they will experience so that they can be prepared. I think it would be more practical to launch a campaign for this then some lame fashion campaign that really isn't going to empower the gay community.
I just think people support this campaign blindly and don't really think about the overall social pressures teens and young college/university students experience. As well we just don't teach people to be strong. We teach people to seek acceptance from material things and we don't teach them to love themselves. Maybe because we still don't know how.
As well there are plenty of gays that learn to deal with not fitting in and are happy and secure. Why don't we start focusing on the behaviours and mental attitudes of gays that succeed in life and are happy? I'm sure there are plenty who have faced social difficulties but they chose to make the best of things.
My final point is it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight or have a mental illness, you have to learn to stand up for yourself. You have to grow some balls in life and learn how to fight for yourself. Instead of getting people to change their clothes, why don't schools and parents teach their children empowerment classes? People need to learn that you're not always going to fit in, so it's more important to love yourself and not care what people think. Not everyone will like you and it doesn't matter your sexual orientation.
PS
Don't tell me that that I've proven this purple campaign succeeded because I've written about them. I'm just pointing out how short sighted I think it is. It certainly has some work if they want to take their work seriously.
I think if young gays are killing themselves, there's got to be more to the story. It's symptomatic of a deeper issue. No one just goes and kills themselves because they aren't fitting in. They do it either because they are in deep pain that may or may not be related to their sexuality or they don't really understand the consequence of taking their own life and do so to hurt others.
The fact is there are a lot of young people who hate themselves. Who hate life. Who hate their peers. They are gay and straight.
Maybe these gay teens have an unsupportive home life and their parents are the ones who have a problem with homosexuality.
Or maybe they have an undiagnosed mental illness and were already mentally/emotionally unstable
Here's one incident I read about that was one of the students that spawned this purple campaign:
The recent attention comes in the wake of nine recent suicides stemming from bullying, including Tyler Clementi, a Rudgers University freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his freshman roommate filmed him without permission having a "sexual encounter" in his dorm room and broadcast it over the Internet.
My take on this, is that this is certainly an ignorant way to handle this. I can imagine how humiliating this would feel but I wouldn't take my life over this. This incident probably has happened to straight students but maybe it's not as newsworthy as a gay person killing themself. Frankly this student could have sued them. It certainly makes me wonder why they thought killing themself would be a solution. Again, was this person stressed from school and this was just the last straw? It's not fair to assume the suicide is related to their sexuality.
I think I just don't support this cause because it doesn't talk about why this is going on. It's a fact that lots of teenagers commit suicide. It's not just gays.
Is this campaign about suicide? What is it really about?
Of course this is unfortunate that teens kill themselves and I sympathize, but why are they doing this? Is it the environment? Is it a mental/emotional problem they have?
Is this what we teach our children? That everytime there is a problem, we choose a colour and then get people to rally behind us? This isn't teaching anything.
As well, since I think this is more a mental health issue, what does wearing purple teach people? We should be educating people on how to handle their problems and how to deal with their anxiety, fear, anger and pain. Telling people to wear purple just lets them know that gays are dying but it's not a real solution
Gays are more at risk for committing suicide but it would make sense to educate them on dealing with their sexuality and what the social discrimination they will experience so that they can be prepared. I think it would be more practical to launch a campaign for this then some lame fashion campaign that really isn't going to empower the gay community.
I just think people support this campaign blindly and don't really think about the overall social pressures teens and young college/university students experience. As well we just don't teach people to be strong. We teach people to seek acceptance from material things and we don't teach them to love themselves. Maybe because we still don't know how.
As well there are plenty of gays that learn to deal with not fitting in and are happy and secure. Why don't we start focusing on the behaviours and mental attitudes of gays that succeed in life and are happy? I'm sure there are plenty who have faced social difficulties but they chose to make the best of things.
My final point is it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight or have a mental illness, you have to learn to stand up for yourself. You have to grow some balls in life and learn how to fight for yourself. Instead of getting people to change their clothes, why don't schools and parents teach their children empowerment classes? People need to learn that you're not always going to fit in, so it's more important to love yourself and not care what people think. Not everyone will like you and it doesn't matter your sexual orientation.
PS
Don't tell me that that I've proven this purple campaign succeeded because I've written about them. I'm just pointing out how short sighted I think it is. It certainly has some work if they want to take their work seriously.
Friday, October 22, 2010
First Impressions
Greetings all,
I had met someone who said they were taking a communications course from Landmark. I believe I've heard some negative things about them but there seems to be some people who like them.
I met this person a few weeks ago but he was talking how in the communications course they ask you to ask people what their first impression of you is. There were 3 questions, which I couldn't remember. It is basically pointing out that your first impression of someone is right but for me and I think most people, my first impression is not accurate.
Sometimes I meet someone for the first time and I form no impression. Maybe on some unconscious level I do but I think it takes time to get to know someone. I'm generally a skeptical person.
There are people though, who I genuinely do not like initially and sometimes it never changes.
I think there is some truth to what your initial impression of someone is but I think it can limit you. Then you think you know all there is to know about the person. Then you don't bother getting to know them on a deeper level.
I read this article that mentions at the end that we stereotype people based on their physical features. I think this is true. I have an innocent looking face and look young for my age. I tend to be serious and not smile much, maybe as a way to look older?
I tend to take my first impression of people with a grain of salt. Sometimes I am right but I believe in giving people a chance.
I had met someone who said they were taking a communications course from Landmark. I believe I've heard some negative things about them but there seems to be some people who like them.
I met this person a few weeks ago but he was talking how in the communications course they ask you to ask people what their first impression of you is. There were 3 questions, which I couldn't remember. It is basically pointing out that your first impression of someone is right but for me and I think most people, my first impression is not accurate.
Sometimes I meet someone for the first time and I form no impression. Maybe on some unconscious level I do but I think it takes time to get to know someone. I'm generally a skeptical person.
There are people though, who I genuinely do not like initially and sometimes it never changes.
I think there is some truth to what your initial impression of someone is but I think it can limit you. Then you think you know all there is to know about the person. Then you don't bother getting to know them on a deeper level.
I read this article that mentions at the end that we stereotype people based on their physical features. I think this is true. I have an innocent looking face and look young for my age. I tend to be serious and not smile much, maybe as a way to look older?
I tend to take my first impression of people with a grain of salt. Sometimes I am right but I believe in giving people a chance.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Comedy Class and the Drama that Goes with it
Greetings all,
I am taking a standup comedy workshop just for women. This is the 2nd level, which is basically identical to the first. I took it last year and one woman who was in my class last year is in this one. The woman who teaches it is a comedian so I don't really want to say anything negative about her especially if I have to ever work in the future with her. I have no intention of burning bridges.
There were a few females who are 24 in my class and it makes me feel really old because one of them is really outspoken and though she is probably really a decent human being underneath it all, I find she seems a little vapid and hostile. I don't know her well enough to say. She has a valley girl voice. One of the girls in the class is her roommate as I think they met earlier on this year at the first level and hit it off and decided to move in. Her friend said she was smart. I don't know if this is true or not. You know how dumb people say their friend is super smart but really it's relative to that person. But I don't think that the other female is stupid. I think calling this female super smart is a bit of a stretch.
Since I'm so smart, I think it's best if I decide whom I think is smart or not. So I'm giving this chick a chance. She's self publishing a book so I may be a little intrigued. It shows initiative, which I think is a sign of intelligence. However it is possible that this book sucks. She has said it's a collection of boyfriend stories and I guess guys she's dated.
I listened to her on a podcast for comedians, which now I am trying to get on since she was on it and I've been involved in standup a little bit longer and think I'm a little bit more funnier.
In the podcast there was a discussion on what is it like being a female comic and discussing if it is tougher. She said it was and I have to agree. I think you probably have to be better to get the same amount of respect a man innately gets on stage. She had said that she sometimes will say things randomly to shock people to get their attention. Since I haven't seen her perform, it makes me wonder if she's doing that because she doesn't have enough substance or charisma on stage. If anything it suggests to me that she's not confident in herself and is insecure. I don't think I've ever had to resort to throwing out random shock lines. I know I get laughs and maybe others get more laughs but I don't take the entitlement attitude with me. I get the laughs I get but I know this is something one has to persist in. And I am confident that I am funny. I may not be that great at writing standup but at least I am working towards it and am naturally funny.
My feelings are neutral on this young woman but we'll see what happens.
The other woman who was in my class last year is taking this 2nd level again for networking purposes. This basically means she is not willing to work hard in standup and is basically looking for someone's coat tails to ride. Or maybe she just wants to socialize with those in this scene.
She is a bit older and I think early 50s. In last year's class, I think out of the 8 of us performing, she was the least funniest. I was the funniest. There is a bit of drama going on with her and the teacher and it was really apparent on Monday's class. I had talked to her briefly about the class we had on Thanksgiving. There was only 3 of us that showed up. I took this class because I was curious as to what new stuff she would teach but it was basically the same stuff that she was teaching in the first level. I wasn't even sure if I got anything out of the 1st level. I had standup experience already when I took the first level. I had read books and a dvd program. I was just looking for a system that I can produce jokes but maybe that's just not going to work for me. I know about how to write jokes and about set ups and punchlines and act outs, etc but I was really wanting some method that works for me. The dvd I got had some useful techniques and the basic format for joke telling but the teacher's style was constricting to me.
Maybe I just have to create my own system of making jokes. I get ideas randomly and then jot them down. I probably need to rewrite most of my stuff but I hate that and it's work. But since I am an improviser, sometimes what I joke while performing can be written down so I need some system that is flexible. I did tape a few sets and have a digital recorder and maybe listening to that can help.
Anyways, I took the initial risk of starting to talk bad about the teacher. I was saying I wasn't sure if it's me that's getting annoyed at myself or I'm getting annoyed at the instructor. Either way, I was annoyed. This woman said she was feeling the same way. When I talked about my ideas, some of them weren't being taken to the direction I wanted to go in and standup is about self expression. I had coffee with some friends on Sunday and they gave me better direction for my joke. I think if anything, she probably needs to learn to teach better because it's really about us finding out the essence of what we are trying to say. Or to make us realize an idea or observation we have may not be suitable for a joke.
During the class the woman threw out a suggestion to someone's joke. It may not have been funny but the teacher was a little rude to her. But then the woman can play the child role and be helpless. So I think I see both sides of their drama and they both need to smarten up a little. If you're a teacher, you should have inexhaustible patience or you are in the wrong profession!
It's been an interesting but I think now I have officially decided I probably will not take any more. I don't think it's worth the price of admission.
I am taking a standup comedy workshop just for women. This is the 2nd level, which is basically identical to the first. I took it last year and one woman who was in my class last year is in this one. The woman who teaches it is a comedian so I don't really want to say anything negative about her especially if I have to ever work in the future with her. I have no intention of burning bridges.
There were a few females who are 24 in my class and it makes me feel really old because one of them is really outspoken and though she is probably really a decent human being underneath it all, I find she seems a little vapid and hostile. I don't know her well enough to say. She has a valley girl voice. One of the girls in the class is her roommate as I think they met earlier on this year at the first level and hit it off and decided to move in. Her friend said she was smart. I don't know if this is true or not. You know how dumb people say their friend is super smart but really it's relative to that person. But I don't think that the other female is stupid. I think calling this female super smart is a bit of a stretch.
Since I'm so smart, I think it's best if I decide whom I think is smart or not. So I'm giving this chick a chance. She's self publishing a book so I may be a little intrigued. It shows initiative, which I think is a sign of intelligence. However it is possible that this book sucks. She has said it's a collection of boyfriend stories and I guess guys she's dated.
I listened to her on a podcast for comedians, which now I am trying to get on since she was on it and I've been involved in standup a little bit longer and think I'm a little bit more funnier.
In the podcast there was a discussion on what is it like being a female comic and discussing if it is tougher. She said it was and I have to agree. I think you probably have to be better to get the same amount of respect a man innately gets on stage. She had said that she sometimes will say things randomly to shock people to get their attention. Since I haven't seen her perform, it makes me wonder if she's doing that because she doesn't have enough substance or charisma on stage. If anything it suggests to me that she's not confident in herself and is insecure. I don't think I've ever had to resort to throwing out random shock lines. I know I get laughs and maybe others get more laughs but I don't take the entitlement attitude with me. I get the laughs I get but I know this is something one has to persist in. And I am confident that I am funny. I may not be that great at writing standup but at least I am working towards it and am naturally funny.
My feelings are neutral on this young woman but we'll see what happens.
The other woman who was in my class last year is taking this 2nd level again for networking purposes. This basically means she is not willing to work hard in standup and is basically looking for someone's coat tails to ride. Or maybe she just wants to socialize with those in this scene.
She is a bit older and I think early 50s. In last year's class, I think out of the 8 of us performing, she was the least funniest. I was the funniest. There is a bit of drama going on with her and the teacher and it was really apparent on Monday's class. I had talked to her briefly about the class we had on Thanksgiving. There was only 3 of us that showed up. I took this class because I was curious as to what new stuff she would teach but it was basically the same stuff that she was teaching in the first level. I wasn't even sure if I got anything out of the 1st level. I had standup experience already when I took the first level. I had read books and a dvd program. I was just looking for a system that I can produce jokes but maybe that's just not going to work for me. I know about how to write jokes and about set ups and punchlines and act outs, etc but I was really wanting some method that works for me. The dvd I got had some useful techniques and the basic format for joke telling but the teacher's style was constricting to me.
Maybe I just have to create my own system of making jokes. I get ideas randomly and then jot them down. I probably need to rewrite most of my stuff but I hate that and it's work. But since I am an improviser, sometimes what I joke while performing can be written down so I need some system that is flexible. I did tape a few sets and have a digital recorder and maybe listening to that can help.
Anyways, I took the initial risk of starting to talk bad about the teacher. I was saying I wasn't sure if it's me that's getting annoyed at myself or I'm getting annoyed at the instructor. Either way, I was annoyed. This woman said she was feeling the same way. When I talked about my ideas, some of them weren't being taken to the direction I wanted to go in and standup is about self expression. I had coffee with some friends on Sunday and they gave me better direction for my joke. I think if anything, she probably needs to learn to teach better because it's really about us finding out the essence of what we are trying to say. Or to make us realize an idea or observation we have may not be suitable for a joke.
During the class the woman threw out a suggestion to someone's joke. It may not have been funny but the teacher was a little rude to her. But then the woman can play the child role and be helpless. So I think I see both sides of their drama and they both need to smarten up a little. If you're a teacher, you should have inexhaustible patience or you are in the wrong profession!
It's been an interesting but I think now I have officially decided I probably will not take any more. I don't think it's worth the price of admission.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Irked
Greetings all,
I've been irked these past few days. First of all I will start to say one woman on the relationship forum I am on (where we discuss men and relationships) has been irking me. We'll call her SM. I had started a topic about the difference between work and effort, i.e. basically it's not healthy to be working really hard on a relationship and that it is symptomatic that you are not in the right relationship. I had said that putting effort is required but you're not struggling to make it work. I was inspired to start this discussion because I've seen a few women on the board basically putting too much effort and thinking about the men they were interested in. The creator of the forum has her own ebook. Her basic premise is to focus on your life and make yourself happy and work on your confidence and self esteem. I was good at this since I always did this kind of stuff and didn't give up my hobbies when I started to date a guy.
Now this one woman SM, irks my chain. I've stated to her in another thread that I just don't like her style. She does a bit of story telling but for me I find it hard to follow her train of thought. It's not concise at times. Sometimes she makes good points but I find it's too convoluted for my taste. I have seen the occasional newbie mention her style is confusing. Some people seem to really like her and specifically request her help in threads and I don't think that's right but now that I think about it, they are probably the really fucked up women and maybe that's why they like her so much.
There are some mighty fucked up women that show up here on occasion and I sometimes just can't handle that. I think they need professional help and the board just is not enough for them. There are normal women though who may just have minor issues with men, women like me who have a pretty good head on their shoulder but maybe experience some man glitches. But you know, some women are martyrs and so can sit down and try and dissect their dysfunctions. It's too much for me. I have my own life to worry about. I encourage people but you really have to deal with your own drama and just grow up. It's that simple but it's hard to do. SM tends to focus on these 'meatier' women and so can write alot about their situation. Some of which I think is not necessary. I don't know but as I said, these women have to learn to help themselves. I think it would be wiser for her to advise them on books to read or actions to take. But there's a lot of analyzing that goes on. I'm an action oriented person so I know analyzing your situation can only do so much. Then it's time to turn to action. I mention that I do yoga to help me deal with things and I basically recommend people do that. There are other tools out there and that's what these women need to focus on. Not analyzing men. I think women just need to empower themselves and focus on themselves.
I think with SM in that she can really analyze something. Sometimes she is right about what she says but sometimes I think she is off the mark and sometimes I think she is hypothesizing something that may not be true. But she's very confident and I think a know-it-all and maybe that's what irks me. Know-it-alls are my biggest pet peeve.
There was one thread a few months ago that I commented on. SM and I were giving different advice. The woman was pining for an ex and he happened to be living with a woman who was a girlfriend. At the time it was not verified that he had a girlfriend already but the poster was suspect of him. I have always advised that it was time to let go and move on. However SM advised her to stick it out. That this is just a test. I really felt I was the only one on the thread who know that this woman pining for this man was wrong. It wasn't going to work out. She had to let go of her obsessions. SM said she was running a marathon and had to let him act out whatever was going on with this woman and that he probably still loved her since he would contact her.
It made me cringe because SM is so popular on the board but she was guiding her along the wrong path. Eventually this woman gave up on this man (like I suggested, although I don't think my advice got into her thick skull) and was seeing someone else and seemed happier. In essence I was right. In a case like that, it doesn't matter if the man still loves her. He's with someone else. You have to let go and move on and not talk to him. Some people didn't get that not talking to him, didn't mean you were cutting him out of your life. Sometimes I don't talk to people but that doesn't mean I've burned a bridge.
Some people are codependent on the board and I think SM advocates codependency. This is extremely unhealthy. I don't think she's aware of how she acts sometimes.
So back to my thread that I started. I was inspired to start that thread on the difference between work and effort in a relationship because SM and I were having the same disagreement on another thread that was similar to the thread I just mentioned. Women here think their situation is so unique but they are not. Many people experience similar problems and we really are not that much different from each other.
SM wants her to tough it out and be patient and that this guy she was interested is just confused and figuring out things. But this has been going on for too long and I said to move on. Now when I say to move on, it means to focus on yourself. If the man comes back to you, it's because you were focusing on your own happiness. You are not trying to make him love you or want a relationship. That's impossible.
SM totally disagreed with my thread and used an example of how she used to play a piano and worked really hard to learn it. Her point is that people now-a-days give up too easy when things get tough. I was not against that, but that was not the perspective I was talking about. I think I was carrying some frustration from a previous thread because I may have been hostile but in the end I was trying to be civil. It is hard when you are dealing with someone a bit crazy. But then maybe I should not deal with crazies!
She could not argue my counter argument and did her fancy nonsensical analyzing and ended up saying I was annoying. I was pushing her buttons but that's how it goes sometimes. I had said that a piano does not have free will like a man. A piano can't up and leave. A man can. And that wasn't the kind of work I was against. Her playing the piano gave her a sense of fulfillment. Many of these women are struggling to make something work with these men but there is no sense of happiness or fulfillment. I think I made some good points but she couldn't see my perspective and it irked me. How many times do I have to say my point? Then she says I keep saying the same thing. Hello, I'm just trying to get you to see my perspective.
A good relationship doesn't require work. I've seen many happy couples in my life. One key ingredient is chemistry. It's there or it isn't. The second is compatibility. That covers a lot and basically you have to have some solid compatibility or the relationship will be too rocky. Both are important and obviously there is give and take but both parties are happy and no one compromises to the point of unhappiness. Sure there may be some issues that you struggle with but that's called growth and pushing past your comfort zone. But it's not the struggle that drains you in the end. It's struggle that fulfills you.
I finally said that we will have to agree to disagree, that it's a stalemate. I think she just doesn't understand what I am saying. But I understand what she is saying. Working hard is like fire. It has to be applied appropriately. I think I read Steiner saying this in a lecture about evil. Sometimes hard work is right and appropriate but sometimes in the wrong case, it just causes more trouble.
There have been 11 responses since my post last night so I will have to check that out. I think I'm done with her. There was hostility on both parts but I think she was carrying over stuff from other threads that just aren't appropriate. I feel frustrated that no one now seems to be mediating between us but then maybe they are too afraid? I may have been hostile but it's because I see someone misleading someone and it's not right. I suppose I can cut her some slack, but because she's so insistent she knows better, it's hard. I just need to realize she doesn't have as much power as she acts like. I had said in another thread it's like she's the Wizard of Oz and I'm Toto, and have pulled the curtain away to reveal an ordinary woman. She just acts so great and is not aware of it.
* * *
Another thing that has irked me this week is that I posted on my facebook that I was in post-Scranton bliss. I really enjoyed my road trip. I had an idea and made it happen thanks to some friends of mine who were open to the idea.
My improv friend had said anything after Scranton would be bliss. I said he was jealous and then he got upset and said what's there to be jealous of. Then we bantered and he was really being foolish in his comments, making assumptions. He called me a lemming because I went because of the Office. He didn't know how I came up with the idea and was being judgemental. He said I should go on a real vacation. I had said that I was out of work and wanted to go to Peru but have to watch my money. Going to Scranton would fulfill my need for going somewhere but within my budget.
I wish he had some balls to realize how ignorant he was but he was just lashing out. I deleted the comments. He was quite rude. Who are you to judge me and say I'm a lemming? Scranton is like going to Montreal. People take road trips all the time. So I'm an Office fan. Big deal. I don't go on your facebook and be rude.
I really truly feel he was jealous and was just lashing out on me. So not appropriate!
He's good friends with the other improviser whom I unfriended on facebook because he was too hostile towards me and I had enough. This guy is not nearly as mean. Maybe because he's married and so has some sane woman keeping him grounded. But he can be insensitive like the other improviser. I probably won't unfriend him, but I'll certainly keep this in mind. If he needs a favour, probably won't get one from me.... unless he does something to redeem himself.
* * *
The final thing that has me irked is that I've had a reoccuring dream that I am getting my old job back and this happened last week, a few weeks ago and last night. I don't know what it means. Does it mean I am still pining for my old job and needing to let go?
I want to find a job. Hopefully I can find a better job. Hopefully I can figure out my life and start doing work I enjoy.
Blah!
I've been irked these past few days. First of all I will start to say one woman on the relationship forum I am on (where we discuss men and relationships) has been irking me. We'll call her SM. I had started a topic about the difference between work and effort, i.e. basically it's not healthy to be working really hard on a relationship and that it is symptomatic that you are not in the right relationship. I had said that putting effort is required but you're not struggling to make it work. I was inspired to start this discussion because I've seen a few women on the board basically putting too much effort and thinking about the men they were interested in. The creator of the forum has her own ebook. Her basic premise is to focus on your life and make yourself happy and work on your confidence and self esteem. I was good at this since I always did this kind of stuff and didn't give up my hobbies when I started to date a guy.
Now this one woman SM, irks my chain. I've stated to her in another thread that I just don't like her style. She does a bit of story telling but for me I find it hard to follow her train of thought. It's not concise at times. Sometimes she makes good points but I find it's too convoluted for my taste. I have seen the occasional newbie mention her style is confusing. Some people seem to really like her and specifically request her help in threads and I don't think that's right but now that I think about it, they are probably the really fucked up women and maybe that's why they like her so much.
There are some mighty fucked up women that show up here on occasion and I sometimes just can't handle that. I think they need professional help and the board just is not enough for them. There are normal women though who may just have minor issues with men, women like me who have a pretty good head on their shoulder but maybe experience some man glitches. But you know, some women are martyrs and so can sit down and try and dissect their dysfunctions. It's too much for me. I have my own life to worry about. I encourage people but you really have to deal with your own drama and just grow up. It's that simple but it's hard to do. SM tends to focus on these 'meatier' women and so can write alot about their situation. Some of which I think is not necessary. I don't know but as I said, these women have to learn to help themselves. I think it would be wiser for her to advise them on books to read or actions to take. But there's a lot of analyzing that goes on. I'm an action oriented person so I know analyzing your situation can only do so much. Then it's time to turn to action. I mention that I do yoga to help me deal with things and I basically recommend people do that. There are other tools out there and that's what these women need to focus on. Not analyzing men. I think women just need to empower themselves and focus on themselves.
I think with SM in that she can really analyze something. Sometimes she is right about what she says but sometimes I think she is off the mark and sometimes I think she is hypothesizing something that may not be true. But she's very confident and I think a know-it-all and maybe that's what irks me. Know-it-alls are my biggest pet peeve.
There was one thread a few months ago that I commented on. SM and I were giving different advice. The woman was pining for an ex and he happened to be living with a woman who was a girlfriend. At the time it was not verified that he had a girlfriend already but the poster was suspect of him. I have always advised that it was time to let go and move on. However SM advised her to stick it out. That this is just a test. I really felt I was the only one on the thread who know that this woman pining for this man was wrong. It wasn't going to work out. She had to let go of her obsessions. SM said she was running a marathon and had to let him act out whatever was going on with this woman and that he probably still loved her since he would contact her.
It made me cringe because SM is so popular on the board but she was guiding her along the wrong path. Eventually this woman gave up on this man (like I suggested, although I don't think my advice got into her thick skull) and was seeing someone else and seemed happier. In essence I was right. In a case like that, it doesn't matter if the man still loves her. He's with someone else. You have to let go and move on and not talk to him. Some people didn't get that not talking to him, didn't mean you were cutting him out of your life. Sometimes I don't talk to people but that doesn't mean I've burned a bridge.
Some people are codependent on the board and I think SM advocates codependency. This is extremely unhealthy. I don't think she's aware of how she acts sometimes.
So back to my thread that I started. I was inspired to start that thread on the difference between work and effort in a relationship because SM and I were having the same disagreement on another thread that was similar to the thread I just mentioned. Women here think their situation is so unique but they are not. Many people experience similar problems and we really are not that much different from each other.
SM wants her to tough it out and be patient and that this guy she was interested is just confused and figuring out things. But this has been going on for too long and I said to move on. Now when I say to move on, it means to focus on yourself. If the man comes back to you, it's because you were focusing on your own happiness. You are not trying to make him love you or want a relationship. That's impossible.
SM totally disagreed with my thread and used an example of how she used to play a piano and worked really hard to learn it. Her point is that people now-a-days give up too easy when things get tough. I was not against that, but that was not the perspective I was talking about. I think I was carrying some frustration from a previous thread because I may have been hostile but in the end I was trying to be civil. It is hard when you are dealing with someone a bit crazy. But then maybe I should not deal with crazies!
She could not argue my counter argument and did her fancy nonsensical analyzing and ended up saying I was annoying. I was pushing her buttons but that's how it goes sometimes. I had said that a piano does not have free will like a man. A piano can't up and leave. A man can. And that wasn't the kind of work I was against. Her playing the piano gave her a sense of fulfillment. Many of these women are struggling to make something work with these men but there is no sense of happiness or fulfillment. I think I made some good points but she couldn't see my perspective and it irked me. How many times do I have to say my point? Then she says I keep saying the same thing. Hello, I'm just trying to get you to see my perspective.
A good relationship doesn't require work. I've seen many happy couples in my life. One key ingredient is chemistry. It's there or it isn't. The second is compatibility. That covers a lot and basically you have to have some solid compatibility or the relationship will be too rocky. Both are important and obviously there is give and take but both parties are happy and no one compromises to the point of unhappiness. Sure there may be some issues that you struggle with but that's called growth and pushing past your comfort zone. But it's not the struggle that drains you in the end. It's struggle that fulfills you.
I finally said that we will have to agree to disagree, that it's a stalemate. I think she just doesn't understand what I am saying. But I understand what she is saying. Working hard is like fire. It has to be applied appropriately. I think I read Steiner saying this in a lecture about evil. Sometimes hard work is right and appropriate but sometimes in the wrong case, it just causes more trouble.
There have been 11 responses since my post last night so I will have to check that out. I think I'm done with her. There was hostility on both parts but I think she was carrying over stuff from other threads that just aren't appropriate. I feel frustrated that no one now seems to be mediating between us but then maybe they are too afraid? I may have been hostile but it's because I see someone misleading someone and it's not right. I suppose I can cut her some slack, but because she's so insistent she knows better, it's hard. I just need to realize she doesn't have as much power as she acts like. I had said in another thread it's like she's the Wizard of Oz and I'm Toto, and have pulled the curtain away to reveal an ordinary woman. She just acts so great and is not aware of it.
Another thing that has irked me this week is that I posted on my facebook that I was in post-Scranton bliss. I really enjoyed my road trip. I had an idea and made it happen thanks to some friends of mine who were open to the idea.
My improv friend had said anything after Scranton would be bliss. I said he was jealous and then he got upset and said what's there to be jealous of. Then we bantered and he was really being foolish in his comments, making assumptions. He called me a lemming because I went because of the Office. He didn't know how I came up with the idea and was being judgemental. He said I should go on a real vacation. I had said that I was out of work and wanted to go to Peru but have to watch my money. Going to Scranton would fulfill my need for going somewhere but within my budget.
I wish he had some balls to realize how ignorant he was but he was just lashing out. I deleted the comments. He was quite rude. Who are you to judge me and say I'm a lemming? Scranton is like going to Montreal. People take road trips all the time. So I'm an Office fan. Big deal. I don't go on your facebook and be rude.
I really truly feel he was jealous and was just lashing out on me. So not appropriate!
He's good friends with the other improviser whom I unfriended on facebook because he was too hostile towards me and I had enough. This guy is not nearly as mean. Maybe because he's married and so has some sane woman keeping him grounded. But he can be insensitive like the other improviser. I probably won't unfriend him, but I'll certainly keep this in mind. If he needs a favour, probably won't get one from me.... unless he does something to redeem himself.
The final thing that has me irked is that I've had a reoccuring dream that I am getting my old job back and this happened last week, a few weeks ago and last night. I don't know what it means. Does it mean I am still pining for my old job and needing to let go?
I want to find a job. Hopefully I can find a better job. Hopefully I can figure out my life and start doing work I enjoy.
Blah!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Men
Greetings all,
I'm in a meetup group and am an assistant organizer. The group is for introverts. It has probably been the one group I am most active in. I don't know if introvert men are like this or if it's just some random people but some of the men I find in the group to be very passive. I don't think many of them have had a lot of girlfriends in their life.
I have noticed a couple seem like they have low self esteem and lack self confidence. Sometimes I wonder if people like that just join the group. That is not what an introvert is.
From this site the following is a definition of introvert.
an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
One guy in the group has stopped coming because he got upset after a meetup that someone was suggesting that we go to a Tim Horton's with outside food. He stormed out at the suggestion but we all thought he was joking. He has been out of work for probably a few weeks so I think he was just stressed and being pissy and overreacted. I had contacted him saying that we were just talking about it and didn't carry it out. He said it went against his beliefs. I had given him a day to cool off and realize that he's overreacted but that didn't help. I organized another meetup and this time around he rsvped maybe so that was a sign he was starting to realize he's been overreacting.
The man is however 50 and so I find it immature. It wasn't like he didn't know about his job getting let go, they were notified 4 weeks in advance. As well he has only been there for 2-3 years so it's not like he's worked there for 30 years and has to start over.
I like to trade barbs at people but most of them aren't into that. Is that an extravert trait of mine? To me it's like how two puppies fight each other. It's all in fun and I want to see how intelligent you are and how you can spar. One guy says I was being mean. I don't think I was but it makes me wonder if these guys are just too sensitive. I want a man, a real man. One who can put up a fight if necessary. Not a pansy that I have to worry about if I hurt his feelings. Life is a challenge and I want a man that can tough it out and not hide in a corner.
I don't know if I want to stay in the group so much. The women are fine but the men are just perhaps too sensitive for my liking and I'd like to be around more aggressive men. Not too much, just a touch more.
One of them I can say doesn't seem like a pansy. I don't know all of them well enough to say so I'm just thinking out loud here. There have been a few people with social anxiety but I don't know why they join. Not that there's anything wrong with doing so. I just find it annoying. I've had social anxiety but I've dealt with it for the most part although I can still feel anxious.
I think at the end of the day, a nice, strong and balanced man is what I would like.
I'm in a meetup group and am an assistant organizer. The group is for introverts. It has probably been the one group I am most active in. I don't know if introvert men are like this or if it's just some random people but some of the men I find in the group to be very passive. I don't think many of them have had a lot of girlfriends in their life.
I have noticed a couple seem like they have low self esteem and lack self confidence. Sometimes I wonder if people like that just join the group. That is not what an introvert is.
From this site the following is a definition of introvert.
an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."
One guy in the group has stopped coming because he got upset after a meetup that someone was suggesting that we go to a Tim Horton's with outside food. He stormed out at the suggestion but we all thought he was joking. He has been out of work for probably a few weeks so I think he was just stressed and being pissy and overreacted. I had contacted him saying that we were just talking about it and didn't carry it out. He said it went against his beliefs. I had given him a day to cool off and realize that he's overreacted but that didn't help. I organized another meetup and this time around he rsvped maybe so that was a sign he was starting to realize he's been overreacting.
The man is however 50 and so I find it immature. It wasn't like he didn't know about his job getting let go, they were notified 4 weeks in advance. As well he has only been there for 2-3 years so it's not like he's worked there for 30 years and has to start over.
I like to trade barbs at people but most of them aren't into that. Is that an extravert trait of mine? To me it's like how two puppies fight each other. It's all in fun and I want to see how intelligent you are and how you can spar. One guy says I was being mean. I don't think I was but it makes me wonder if these guys are just too sensitive. I want a man, a real man. One who can put up a fight if necessary. Not a pansy that I have to worry about if I hurt his feelings. Life is a challenge and I want a man that can tough it out and not hide in a corner.
I don't know if I want to stay in the group so much. The women are fine but the men are just perhaps too sensitive for my liking and I'd like to be around more aggressive men. Not too much, just a touch more.
One of them I can say doesn't seem like a pansy. I don't know all of them well enough to say so I'm just thinking out loud here. There have been a few people with social anxiety but I don't know why they join. Not that there's anything wrong with doing so. I just find it annoying. I've had social anxiety but I've dealt with it for the most part although I can still feel anxious.
I think at the end of the day, a nice, strong and balanced man is what I would like.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Scranton Road Trip
Greetings all,
This weekend was Thanksgiving weekend for us Canadians and so I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to go to a Scranton road trip as Scranton is where the NBC show, The Office takes place. I had threw out this idea on my Facebook and a couple of my friends were up for the adventure.
I had googled the distance from Scranton to Toronto and it's basically the same distance as driving to Montreal (5-6 hours) so it didn't seem too crazy of an idea. On the first day we did some shopping at an outlet mall in the US. We then made our way to Hornell NY. The next day we made our way to Scranton and stopped at Corning to see the Glass Museum. They had some modern glass pieces and some historical glass on display. There also was a section that talked about the science of glass.
When we arrived at Pennsylvania, we stopped at the tourist centre and got a booklet that featured Scranton. Apparently The Office does official tours once a month so we were not able to make that.
We finally arrived there and got to take some pictures. It was getting late so we didn't have too much time. I took a picture of one of the buildings that is featured on the opening credits and at the Steamtown mall there is the Welcome to Scranton sign that is featured in the opening credits as well.
I didn't get much sleep the first night, maybe a few hours. I slept better the second night. To cross to the US, we had to wait for 2 hours so I ended up stretching in the backseat but also doing some car dancing. I also stuck my head out the window and pretended to be a dog.
What else can you do in these situations???
Coming back from the border probably only took 30 minutes and then I had dinner with my family. I had bought a Pirate costume for Halloween since that is what I am going as this year and so I wore my Pirate hat and hook for a while during dinner.
I am in Post-Scranton bliss!
This weekend was Thanksgiving weekend for us Canadians and so I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to go to a Scranton road trip as Scranton is where the NBC show, The Office takes place. I had threw out this idea on my Facebook and a couple of my friends were up for the adventure.
I had googled the distance from Scranton to Toronto and it's basically the same distance as driving to Montreal (5-6 hours) so it didn't seem too crazy of an idea. On the first day we did some shopping at an outlet mall in the US. We then made our way to Hornell NY. The next day we made our way to Scranton and stopped at Corning to see the Glass Museum. They had some modern glass pieces and some historical glass on display. There also was a section that talked about the science of glass.
When we arrived at Pennsylvania, we stopped at the tourist centre and got a booklet that featured Scranton. Apparently The Office does official tours once a month so we were not able to make that.
We finally arrived there and got to take some pictures. It was getting late so we didn't have too much time. I took a picture of one of the buildings that is featured on the opening credits and at the Steamtown mall there is the Welcome to Scranton sign that is featured in the opening credits as well.
I didn't get much sleep the first night, maybe a few hours. I slept better the second night. To cross to the US, we had to wait for 2 hours so I ended up stretching in the backseat but also doing some car dancing. I also stuck my head out the window and pretended to be a dog.
What else can you do in these situations???
Coming back from the border probably only took 30 minutes and then I had dinner with my family. I had bought a Pirate costume for Halloween since that is what I am going as this year and so I wore my Pirate hat and hook for a while during dinner.
I am in Post-Scranton bliss!
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
The Experienced Newbie
Greetings all,
I recently decided to take a Second City workshop. I was quite hesitant because I already have improv experience, however I decided I would like 'official' training. I've been doing improv at the Staircase theatre for about 8 years. I learned alot about being an improvisor there. The intention of this theatre is to make improv more accessible to the community. Second City is a for profit organization and so offer more training, but I guess one can see that as creating cash opportunities.
At the Staircase, it was more simpler. There was a beginning workshop and an advanced. And at one point there was an intermediate.
So I took a Level A intensive which I finished last weekend. It ran during 2 weekends, which was easy for me since I didn't have to drag it out over 6-8 weeks. Some of my classmates I told that I was here just for the official training and already have experience. I checked the SC web site and if I wanted to audition for their Conservatory program, my improv experience may not be recognized. Now that I've taken a level, it might help me look more appealing. There are 5 levels and the conservatory has 5 levels as well which you pay for. So essentially there are 10 levels. A little nuts if you ask me.
My teacher didn't know I have improv experience so I probably looked good as an improvisor.
Tonight, however I learned there was a musical improv jam and I decided to go down. The woman running it asked me as I arrived early about what class I took and I said A, not saying I also have other experience. I've taken a comedy song writing class at Bad Dog theater years ago and made 2 original musical songs. I took a musical improv class a long time ago at the Staircase as well and on the rare occasion we would get a chance to do music.
I finally got to play a musical game and it was the last game of the night. I did well and the host whom I told earlier that I was at Level A, had centred me out in front of the jam participants. The spotlight was on me, she embraced me and was patting my back. Told everyone that I was Level A and did such a great job. She said how brave I was for coming up as a Level A student. Everyone was cheering for me and clapping. I felt so embarrassed and felt like I was a bit of a fraud. The musical game we did was new to me as it was one I never did. Some of them I don't think I've tried but I certainly didn't feel right receiving such praise when in fact I am experienced.
I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible and I did.
I recently decided to take a Second City workshop. I was quite hesitant because I already have improv experience, however I decided I would like 'official' training. I've been doing improv at the Staircase theatre for about 8 years. I learned alot about being an improvisor there. The intention of this theatre is to make improv more accessible to the community. Second City is a for profit organization and so offer more training, but I guess one can see that as creating cash opportunities.
At the Staircase, it was more simpler. There was a beginning workshop and an advanced. And at one point there was an intermediate.
So I took a Level A intensive which I finished last weekend. It ran during 2 weekends, which was easy for me since I didn't have to drag it out over 6-8 weeks. Some of my classmates I told that I was here just for the official training and already have experience. I checked the SC web site and if I wanted to audition for their Conservatory program, my improv experience may not be recognized. Now that I've taken a level, it might help me look more appealing. There are 5 levels and the conservatory has 5 levels as well which you pay for. So essentially there are 10 levels. A little nuts if you ask me.
My teacher didn't know I have improv experience so I probably looked good as an improvisor.
Tonight, however I learned there was a musical improv jam and I decided to go down. The woman running it asked me as I arrived early about what class I took and I said A, not saying I also have other experience. I've taken a comedy song writing class at Bad Dog theater years ago and made 2 original musical songs. I took a musical improv class a long time ago at the Staircase as well and on the rare occasion we would get a chance to do music.
I finally got to play a musical game and it was the last game of the night. I did well and the host whom I told earlier that I was at Level A, had centred me out in front of the jam participants. The spotlight was on me, she embraced me and was patting my back. Told everyone that I was Level A and did such a great job. She said how brave I was for coming up as a Level A student. Everyone was cheering for me and clapping. I felt so embarrassed and felt like I was a bit of a fraud. The musical game we did was new to me as it was one I never did. Some of them I don't think I've tried but I certainly didn't feel right receiving such praise when in fact I am experienced.
I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible and I did.
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