Greetings all,
I tend to do 40 day disciplines and so am good at sticking to them. Some people have a hard time doing them because it is about breaking your karma and sometimes there is resistance to that.
I am doing 3 meditations that I learned at my sat nam rasayan workshop and my 40 days will be up on the 6th of February. Usually when I am nearing the end, I think of what to work on next and so the past few days I have been feeling nervous about what to do because I wanted to work on a meditation that would help me with my issues and current problems.
I had previously worked with the ganpattee kriya for just over a year and that has helped me a lot. I tried it for 11 minutes a few days ago but didn't feel drawn to it. I think I wanted to work with it again because it helped in the past but I wasn't feeling drawn to it. I think for me I was looking at past success to determine my future which sometimes doesn't work.
I also worked with sat kriya for just over 6 months and that helped alot. Again, I didn't feel drawn to it.
So I thought - with reluctance - that since I am still in the middle of a discipline, that I need to delve into it because with the 3 meditations, I felt like not much was happening. I felt release when I first used them, but not much lately.
I just let go with my wanting to find the next meditation and I found it was a cathartic meditation. I guess even when you think there is nothing to let go, you still can.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Overvaluing Self
Greetings all,
One thing I occasionally notice on the message board that I post on, sometimes women seem to have this tendency to overvalue themselves. I mean, I think it's great to think you have value and are 'expensive' and thus supposed to be treated with respect but sometimes I wonder what quality are these women? I mean, I don't know them too much and I can only go by what is posted.
One woman whom has always been a trouble maker on the board has this over inflated sense of self and is a bit of a bully. It's actually common for bullies to overestimate their talents. This woman thinks she is hot. I have seen her picture on facebook and she is far from hot. She has what is known as 'butter face'. Everything is nice about her but her face. She thinks she is smart. She is not. She makes claims but doesn't support them and expects you to do the research. Honey, it does not work like that. If you make a statement, you are the one that is obligated to prove its validity not label others as lazy if they do not do the research you are supposed to do.
Now I think love can bloom with all sorts of people. Boring people find love. Dumb people find love. Ugly, boring and dumb people find love. We all know that like attracts like. So obviously someone like me is seeking a hot, silly genius man.
I think at the end of the day, it's about finding someone whom is compatible with your personality. Everyone had a different personality. I may think someone is incredibly dumb or lazy but they can hook up with someone who thinks they are great and smart. It's all relative.
Birds of a feather flock together.
As well, when someone overvalues themselves, they sometimes need to ask themselves what they bring to a relationship. Of course, men really need to be the ones that prove themselves first but sometimes men hook up with substandard women but yet these women may need to make some inner changes to get to a standard level. I guess it's just easier to look at someone and see what's wrong with them, rather then looking at what you need to work on. The bottom line is that I have strengths and weaknesses and the people around me have strengths and weaknesses.
I think if you want to be treated like royalty, then one needs to have the inner qualities as well and show respect to others.
One thing I occasionally notice on the message board that I post on, sometimes women seem to have this tendency to overvalue themselves. I mean, I think it's great to think you have value and are 'expensive' and thus supposed to be treated with respect but sometimes I wonder what quality are these women? I mean, I don't know them too much and I can only go by what is posted.
One woman whom has always been a trouble maker on the board has this over inflated sense of self and is a bit of a bully. It's actually common for bullies to overestimate their talents. This woman thinks she is hot. I have seen her picture on facebook and she is far from hot. She has what is known as 'butter face'. Everything is nice about her but her face. She thinks she is smart. She is not. She makes claims but doesn't support them and expects you to do the research. Honey, it does not work like that. If you make a statement, you are the one that is obligated to prove its validity not label others as lazy if they do not do the research you are supposed to do.
Now I think love can bloom with all sorts of people. Boring people find love. Dumb people find love. Ugly, boring and dumb people find love. We all know that like attracts like. So obviously someone like me is seeking a hot, silly genius man.
I think at the end of the day, it's about finding someone whom is compatible with your personality. Everyone had a different personality. I may think someone is incredibly dumb or lazy but they can hook up with someone who thinks they are great and smart. It's all relative.
Birds of a feather flock together.
As well, when someone overvalues themselves, they sometimes need to ask themselves what they bring to a relationship. Of course, men really need to be the ones that prove themselves first but sometimes men hook up with substandard women but yet these women may need to make some inner changes to get to a standard level. I guess it's just easier to look at someone and see what's wrong with them, rather then looking at what you need to work on. The bottom line is that I have strengths and weaknesses and the people around me have strengths and weaknesses.
I think if you want to be treated like royalty, then one needs to have the inner qualities as well and show respect to others.
Friday, January 21, 2011
This Week
Greetings all,
This week sucked for me as I was getting sick on Monday night and had spent most of the day at the library job searching. I had a sore throat and fever. I missed my book group on Tuesday night and Wednesday my fever went down. Today I am out and job searching again but this morning I had a coughing fit so I can't really strain my voice with too much talking.
Usually, like most people, when I get sick, I get depressed and discouraged so this week I didn't feel good and I feel hopeless about my job situation. I don't know what to do with myself either. I just am anti-school but it's time I figure out what to do with myself. I just think it's not fair. I have enough troubles in my life and this week again I felt deserted.
I hate not having much money and being on such a tight budget. I just don't get life sometimes.
Woe is me!
This week sucked for me as I was getting sick on Monday night and had spent most of the day at the library job searching. I had a sore throat and fever. I missed my book group on Tuesday night and Wednesday my fever went down. Today I am out and job searching again but this morning I had a coughing fit so I can't really strain my voice with too much talking.
Usually, like most people, when I get sick, I get depressed and discouraged so this week I didn't feel good and I feel hopeless about my job situation. I don't know what to do with myself either. I just am anti-school but it's time I figure out what to do with myself. I just think it's not fair. I have enough troubles in my life and this week again I felt deserted.
I hate not having much money and being on such a tight budget. I just don't get life sometimes.
Woe is me!
Rooftop Walking
Greetings all,
I had this dream either this week or last week but it was a dream where I was walking on rooftops. For some reason they were primarily connected and it was actually not easy to walk on some of them. I remember at one point I had to leap to the other building as it was probably 5 feet apart and so I did a running jump. It was quite risky and I potentially could have died. There was some steep terrain as well so it wasn't easy.
Today I dreamed that I was doing this again but this time my mother was meeting me from the other direction and I remember thinking how terrible it would be for my mother to make that leap as I barely made it. I was thinking, I am too old for this and didn't want to go through all this difficulty walking. Too old for leaping... now I know I am getting old. Even in my dreams I am being conservative. Apparently my mother figured another way around it.
I don't know if I figured out what to do in another dream but at some point I thought about the dream while in a dream state and I realized that I don't have to do this and that I could just get to my destination by walking on the ground. Pretty simple.
I don't know if this means my subconscious is making some shift but I do feel like I don't want a life where I am rooftop climbing because I want to take an easier road. I think it is representing on some level that in some part of my life I am making things difficult by trying too hard. That's my theory. We'll see what happens.
I had this dream either this week or last week but it was a dream where I was walking on rooftops. For some reason they were primarily connected and it was actually not easy to walk on some of them. I remember at one point I had to leap to the other building as it was probably 5 feet apart and so I did a running jump. It was quite risky and I potentially could have died. There was some steep terrain as well so it wasn't easy.
Today I dreamed that I was doing this again but this time my mother was meeting me from the other direction and I remember thinking how terrible it would be for my mother to make that leap as I barely made it. I was thinking, I am too old for this and didn't want to go through all this difficulty walking. Too old for leaping... now I know I am getting old. Even in my dreams I am being conservative. Apparently my mother figured another way around it.
I don't know if I figured out what to do in another dream but at some point I thought about the dream while in a dream state and I realized that I don't have to do this and that I could just get to my destination by walking on the ground. Pretty simple.
I don't know if this means my subconscious is making some shift but I do feel like I don't want a life where I am rooftop climbing because I want to take an easier road. I think it is representing on some level that in some part of my life I am making things difficult by trying too hard. That's my theory. We'll see what happens.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Pretty Girls
Greetings all,
I had previously written about pretty girls but I will probably go more into it. As mentioned, I don't consider myself classically pretty but because I've worked on my confidence I believe that I am hot and so I am not threatened by the 'pretty' girls.
The thing that irks me is that many men get distracted by the Pretty and they all go after that girl who is the prettiest of the bunch. They don't seem to realize that they at the same time are competing with many other men who want this girl. If they had enough intelligence, maybe they would go for the lesser pretty girls but who had interesting personalities and were probably a better catch overall.
I know guys have seen the same thing. Girls going after the pretty boy. I know for me, I want someone who has an interesting personality. I am not blinded by good looks like many men are.
The way I see it, if people want to be so superficial and go for the pretty one, they get what they deserve. They may not be compatible with the person and it may not work out for them. As well, if you are the pretty one you may not be a nice person because what I find is that pretty people can get away with being mean and being thoughtless. All because they look pretty. Now not all pretty people are like that but you definitely get way with more and get judged less harshly then someone who is less attractive. They've done studies on this as well. We think people who are pretty are good but in reality they may not be.
Going after someone who is pretty may blind you to their other flaws. In the beginning you can overlook these flaws because they are so pretty and you are so attracted to them but at some point, you have have to probe into their soul just a little bit more to see the truth of whom they are. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses but someone who is pretty can deceive you based on this one 'strength' of looks, of being pretty.
I have written out a list a while ago about what I want in a man and they are all inner qualities. I do list that I want an attractive man, but that is general and it is not limiting because what I find attractive can be broad. Some people get so fussy about what they want physically but it is nuts. They want someone who is a certain height or with certain eye colours and it's largely superficial. Then they wonder why they are single.
It's the old, don't judge a book by its cover.
I've been overlooked before by men and yes it probably did bother me but now at my age, I know that people that overlook me and do not appreciate me for the person I am are just a waste of my time. I can see my hotness and if others can't, they are just losers in my book (or dumb).
I had previously written about pretty girls but I will probably go more into it. As mentioned, I don't consider myself classically pretty but because I've worked on my confidence I believe that I am hot and so I am not threatened by the 'pretty' girls.
The thing that irks me is that many men get distracted by the Pretty and they all go after that girl who is the prettiest of the bunch. They don't seem to realize that they at the same time are competing with many other men who want this girl. If they had enough intelligence, maybe they would go for the lesser pretty girls but who had interesting personalities and were probably a better catch overall.
I know guys have seen the same thing. Girls going after the pretty boy. I know for me, I want someone who has an interesting personality. I am not blinded by good looks like many men are.
The way I see it, if people want to be so superficial and go for the pretty one, they get what they deserve. They may not be compatible with the person and it may not work out for them. As well, if you are the pretty one you may not be a nice person because what I find is that pretty people can get away with being mean and being thoughtless. All because they look pretty. Now not all pretty people are like that but you definitely get way with more and get judged less harshly then someone who is less attractive. They've done studies on this as well. We think people who are pretty are good but in reality they may not be.
Going after someone who is pretty may blind you to their other flaws. In the beginning you can overlook these flaws because they are so pretty and you are so attracted to them but at some point, you have have to probe into their soul just a little bit more to see the truth of whom they are. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses but someone who is pretty can deceive you based on this one 'strength' of looks, of being pretty.
I have written out a list a while ago about what I want in a man and they are all inner qualities. I do list that I want an attractive man, but that is general and it is not limiting because what I find attractive can be broad. Some people get so fussy about what they want physically but it is nuts. They want someone who is a certain height or with certain eye colours and it's largely superficial. Then they wonder why they are single.
It's the old, don't judge a book by its cover.
I've been overlooked before by men and yes it probably did bother me but now at my age, I know that people that overlook me and do not appreciate me for the person I am are just a waste of my time. I can see my hotness and if others can't, they are just losers in my book (or dumb).
Monday, January 17, 2011
Love Triangle
Greetings all,
I have some drama to report in my personal life. Since I'm not into drama, I choose to no longer engage with the situation. Anyways, I am an assistant organizer for a group on meetup and it's for introverts. It's been interesting to meet so many introverts but the problem that happens is that they are too much like me in that they can be too quiet. I don't like being the one that initiates things but with a group that has the tendency to be quiet, sometimes you have to initiate conversations. Anyways sometimes it's easy to get people talking, especially if some of us are more extraverted introverts. I find some of them are extremely introverted whereas I am more balanced but still an introvert. I don't feel a need to talk all the time but then I am a doer so I would rather get active.
Well here's some of the drama. One guy I have a crush on. There really aren't too many guys that I like anyways and I use meetup for socializing, not pick up. He flirts back with me and one time tried to kiss me outside of my car as I was getting into my car. The problem with that was that I had the organizer of the group in my car as I was going to drive her home and I don't think it's appropriate to kiss someone for the first time if there is someone else there. So I didn't reciprocate the kiss. The organizer and I are friendly and she went with me to Scranton.
I went out with a few people from the group on Friday, outside of meetup and we hung out at Tim's and then they closed and we decided to go to someone's else. I cuddled the girl of the house as we have some bond. If we were lesbians, we probably would date. Then one of the guys left and it was the three of us. I cuddled with the guy I had a crush on for a while. Now I know I probably shouldn't have but I know in my mind that he probably isn't right for me. As my friend told me afterwards, he would be a Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. But I knew that and was hoping maybe to date for a bit to see where it goes. The thing with crushes is that sometimes they never lead anywhere but sometimes they may. He seemed to enjoy it and I did too. My friend was amused by our cuddling
The next day there was a meetup to go dancing. I organized it because my birthday was a few days ago. A few of us went and by the end of the night four of us were left. The organizer is pretty so most of the guys in our group think she is hot. I think she's pretty but I wouldn't call her hot. I'm not threatened either by her looks because I am fairly confident in myself. I know I was never a conventional beauty and I don't really think of myself as pretty but I know I'm hot and I think highly of myself. There's always going to be some girl out there who is prettier then me that all the guys flock to. Guys can be dumb sometimes. They get distracted by the pretty. Now the organizer isn't mean or anything. She's nice and quiet. I have nothing against her. I think she just needs more spunk, more fire. I think many people in that group need spunk and fire.
So the guy I have a crush on admitted while we were cuddling the other day that he likes the organizer. I didn't know what to make of that since I look at what a guy does, not what he says. He flirts with me a lot and was cuddling with me. Not saying there's a relationship and I don't feel entitled but there is obviously something there. Why are you cuddling me then if you like her? I wasn't sure if he was afraid to admit maybe he had a thing for me.
So he dances with me a bit and then dances with her a bit but probably more with me. And I thought at the time, maybe to not make her feel left out. At the end of the night they separate from the group and go off dancing. They are maybe 6 feet away from me and I was getting angry at the both of them. I kept it cool and then eventually they came back and I felt like leaving since it was late anyways. We did and he offered to drive us home. I said I'd just take the streetcar home because I didn't want a drive from him after how he acted. So he dropped her home and the other guy in the group was waiting with me at the streetcar stop.
I ended up talking the next day with the girl whose house we went to and let her know what happened. We hung out later on in the afternoon and she had people over and we had dinner. We talked about what was going on. I had thought about quitting and leaving the group because of this but I knew I couldn't just be impulsive and react. I do have to talk to the organizer first.
I think by the end of the night I probably felt more anger to the guy. I will have to speak to the organizer because maybe she just went with him and he was the one that 'dragged' her away from the rest of us. I definitely believe that women have to stick together and not let a man ruin their friendship but I will probably talk to her on Wednesday as I am a little angry and don't want to explode. Or maybe tonight. She is obviously aware of the flirting and thought maybe there was something going on. Last week some of us met up for coffee and we had learned they went to a movie together. Maybe she thought it was innocent but he probably is looking for more and is probably playing the both of us.
This guy is clearly a player and I definitely will not hang out with him anymore outside of the group. I know for me, I want a guy to pursue me, not be interested in more then one person. I want to be #1. I want someone who only has eyes for me and me only.
I don't think the organizer is interested in him so I now just think he is a bone head.
I've had this happen to me with my first boyfriend and I found out after things didn't work out that he was interested in my friend and tried to hit on her. This was the summer after we finished high school so I think what this guy is doing is just so high school and juvenile. I think guys don't realize that women talk to each other and some of them aren't stupid and trade information.
I certainly believe women have to stick together. Chicks before dicks is what I say. We can't let men get in the way of the friendship.
I have some drama to report in my personal life. Since I'm not into drama, I choose to no longer engage with the situation. Anyways, I am an assistant organizer for a group on meetup and it's for introverts. It's been interesting to meet so many introverts but the problem that happens is that they are too much like me in that they can be too quiet. I don't like being the one that initiates things but with a group that has the tendency to be quiet, sometimes you have to initiate conversations. Anyways sometimes it's easy to get people talking, especially if some of us are more extraverted introverts. I find some of them are extremely introverted whereas I am more balanced but still an introvert. I don't feel a need to talk all the time but then I am a doer so I would rather get active.
Well here's some of the drama. One guy I have a crush on. There really aren't too many guys that I like anyways and I use meetup for socializing, not pick up. He flirts back with me and one time tried to kiss me outside of my car as I was getting into my car. The problem with that was that I had the organizer of the group in my car as I was going to drive her home and I don't think it's appropriate to kiss someone for the first time if there is someone else there. So I didn't reciprocate the kiss. The organizer and I are friendly and she went with me to Scranton.
I went out with a few people from the group on Friday, outside of meetup and we hung out at Tim's and then they closed and we decided to go to someone's else. I cuddled the girl of the house as we have some bond. If we were lesbians, we probably would date. Then one of the guys left and it was the three of us. I cuddled with the guy I had a crush on for a while. Now I know I probably shouldn't have but I know in my mind that he probably isn't right for me. As my friend told me afterwards, he would be a Mr. Right Now, not Mr. Right. But I knew that and was hoping maybe to date for a bit to see where it goes. The thing with crushes is that sometimes they never lead anywhere but sometimes they may. He seemed to enjoy it and I did too. My friend was amused by our cuddling
The next day there was a meetup to go dancing. I organized it because my birthday was a few days ago. A few of us went and by the end of the night four of us were left. The organizer is pretty so most of the guys in our group think she is hot. I think she's pretty but I wouldn't call her hot. I'm not threatened either by her looks because I am fairly confident in myself. I know I was never a conventional beauty and I don't really think of myself as pretty but I know I'm hot and I think highly of myself. There's always going to be some girl out there who is prettier then me that all the guys flock to. Guys can be dumb sometimes. They get distracted by the pretty. Now the organizer isn't mean or anything. She's nice and quiet. I have nothing against her. I think she just needs more spunk, more fire. I think many people in that group need spunk and fire.
So the guy I have a crush on admitted while we were cuddling the other day that he likes the organizer. I didn't know what to make of that since I look at what a guy does, not what he says. He flirts with me a lot and was cuddling with me. Not saying there's a relationship and I don't feel entitled but there is obviously something there. Why are you cuddling me then if you like her? I wasn't sure if he was afraid to admit maybe he had a thing for me.
So he dances with me a bit and then dances with her a bit but probably more with me. And I thought at the time, maybe to not make her feel left out. At the end of the night they separate from the group and go off dancing. They are maybe 6 feet away from me and I was getting angry at the both of them. I kept it cool and then eventually they came back and I felt like leaving since it was late anyways. We did and he offered to drive us home. I said I'd just take the streetcar home because I didn't want a drive from him after how he acted. So he dropped her home and the other guy in the group was waiting with me at the streetcar stop.
I ended up talking the next day with the girl whose house we went to and let her know what happened. We hung out later on in the afternoon and she had people over and we had dinner. We talked about what was going on. I had thought about quitting and leaving the group because of this but I knew I couldn't just be impulsive and react. I do have to talk to the organizer first.
I think by the end of the night I probably felt more anger to the guy. I will have to speak to the organizer because maybe she just went with him and he was the one that 'dragged' her away from the rest of us. I definitely believe that women have to stick together and not let a man ruin their friendship but I will probably talk to her on Wednesday as I am a little angry and don't want to explode. Or maybe tonight. She is obviously aware of the flirting and thought maybe there was something going on. Last week some of us met up for coffee and we had learned they went to a movie together. Maybe she thought it was innocent but he probably is looking for more and is probably playing the both of us.
This guy is clearly a player and I definitely will not hang out with him anymore outside of the group. I know for me, I want a guy to pursue me, not be interested in more then one person. I want to be #1. I want someone who only has eyes for me and me only.
I don't think the organizer is interested in him so I now just think he is a bone head.
I've had this happen to me with my first boyfriend and I found out after things didn't work out that he was interested in my friend and tried to hit on her. This was the summer after we finished high school so I think what this guy is doing is just so high school and juvenile. I think guys don't realize that women talk to each other and some of them aren't stupid and trade information.
I certainly believe women have to stick together. Chicks before dicks is what I say. We can't let men get in the way of the friendship.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sat Nam Rasayan
Greetings all,
I had mentioned that I am practicing Sat Nam Rasayan(SNR), which is basically a healing technique in kundalini yoga. It is different from Reiki in that there is no exchanging of energy and it is about not reacting when working on a partner and just being observant and being in the state of shuniya, which means to be neutral.
I took a workshop by Hari Nam Singh back in October and he is coming again back in Toronto, which I will probably take. Someone in the workshop asked if it could be arranged to practice this and so eventually that got started up so on Sundays I go and practice the meditations and the partner work that we did in the workshop. The workshop was 3 hours but the practice session is 1.5 hours so some things get shortened.
We get to practice the 3 meditations given in the workshop and in between, we would work with a partner. We sit next to them and then put ourselves into the meditative state.
I find the experience almost puzzling, because a few times I would have some weird experiences being in the healer position. For example, last week I was coughing at the end of the session. We had an odd number so 3 of us were in a group. The week before that my head felt like it was hardening and that I felt something was pushing my head to the right. My head wasn't moving but I was just experiencing this weird sensation in my head, which I don't understand. Is this a reaction to my partner? I feel as well that I am being healed while I am in the healer position, which is probably what I find most puzzling about this practice. I had emailed the instructor and basically he said to just accept the feeling. I know for me, I want more of an explanation of what is going on.
According to SNR, what causes sickness or suffering is how our body reacts to the stimulus outside. So we only really perceive our reactions to things. I find there is some truth to this. I have noticed practicing this is helping to take my practice to another level and that I observing more how my mind reacts to various events.
The other concept as well that we learn through practicing is that we can affect change to the person who needs the healing through the deep meditative and observing state. I think if we realize that we create all these problems just because of how we react to things. If we just learn to be still and relax and not react, we might actually have less problems in the world.
I had mentioned that I am practicing Sat Nam Rasayan(SNR), which is basically a healing technique in kundalini yoga. It is different from Reiki in that there is no exchanging of energy and it is about not reacting when working on a partner and just being observant and being in the state of shuniya, which means to be neutral.
I took a workshop by Hari Nam Singh back in October and he is coming again back in Toronto, which I will probably take. Someone in the workshop asked if it could be arranged to practice this and so eventually that got started up so on Sundays I go and practice the meditations and the partner work that we did in the workshop. The workshop was 3 hours but the practice session is 1.5 hours so some things get shortened.
We get to practice the 3 meditations given in the workshop and in between, we would work with a partner. We sit next to them and then put ourselves into the meditative state.
I find the experience almost puzzling, because a few times I would have some weird experiences being in the healer position. For example, last week I was coughing at the end of the session. We had an odd number so 3 of us were in a group. The week before that my head felt like it was hardening and that I felt something was pushing my head to the right. My head wasn't moving but I was just experiencing this weird sensation in my head, which I don't understand. Is this a reaction to my partner? I feel as well that I am being healed while I am in the healer position, which is probably what I find most puzzling about this practice. I had emailed the instructor and basically he said to just accept the feeling. I know for me, I want more of an explanation of what is going on.
According to SNR, what causes sickness or suffering is how our body reacts to the stimulus outside. So we only really perceive our reactions to things. I find there is some truth to this. I have noticed practicing this is helping to take my practice to another level and that I observing more how my mind reacts to various events.
The other concept as well that we learn through practicing is that we can affect change to the person who needs the healing through the deep meditative and observing state. I think if we realize that we create all these problems just because of how we react to things. If we just learn to be still and relax and not react, we might actually have less problems in the world.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Dream
Greetings all,
This is my first post of the new year. Happy New Years! I had a dream on the Epiphany that I went to the Summer Solstice event in New Mexico and my dad was there. I took that as a sign that maybe I should go to the Summer event since I went to the Winter event.
I had another weird dream the other day where Will Smith was wanting to have sex with me. He was rather persistent and I had told him no. I was tempted but I told him no since he was already married. I wonder what this means. I'm not really attracted to Will Smith in real life but find him funny and was a fan of his show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
I was telling my friend that now that I've gone so long without sex that I've hit that threshold where now I don't obsess about it or care for it. I just give up I guess in my search. What happens is that I hit a certain point where I can't take having it anymore and then I have dreams about it, which further aggravates my sexual frustration.
I do not like being sexually inactive. My body is hot and I am just getting older. It's a waste that no one is taking advantage of it. I'm just not living to my sexual potential.
I've tried looking and the process is as frustrating as finding a boyfriend. The truth is men don't just fuck anyone. Men just act like, we'll fuck anything that moves and that is bullshit. They have to be drunk probably to fuck anything that moves.
I'm currently on eharmony for 3 months but I might just cancel it as I feel I can't be bothered to find a man. I have other things to concern myself with and I've lost a lot of motivation in finding someone. It just seems like an impossible task.
This is my first post of the new year. Happy New Years! I had a dream on the Epiphany that I went to the Summer Solstice event in New Mexico and my dad was there. I took that as a sign that maybe I should go to the Summer event since I went to the Winter event.
I had another weird dream the other day where Will Smith was wanting to have sex with me. He was rather persistent and I had told him no. I was tempted but I told him no since he was already married. I wonder what this means. I'm not really attracted to Will Smith in real life but find him funny and was a fan of his show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
I was telling my friend that now that I've gone so long without sex that I've hit that threshold where now I don't obsess about it or care for it. I just give up I guess in my search. What happens is that I hit a certain point where I can't take having it anymore and then I have dreams about it, which further aggravates my sexual frustration.
I do not like being sexually inactive. My body is hot and I am just getting older. It's a waste that no one is taking advantage of it. I'm just not living to my sexual potential.
I've tried looking and the process is as frustrating as finding a boyfriend. The truth is men don't just fuck anyone. Men just act like, we'll fuck anything that moves and that is bullshit. They have to be drunk probably to fuck anything that moves.
I'm currently on eharmony for 3 months but I might just cancel it as I feel I can't be bothered to find a man. I have other things to concern myself with and I've lost a lot of motivation in finding someone. It just seems like an impossible task.
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