The Lottery

Greetings all,

I have decided a few weeks ago that I will become one of those people that plays the lottery. I am used to being poor as I only work part time (won't be for too long since my contract is ending) and am a student. I was never into playing the lottery simply because the odds are not in your favour to win. My mother always plays the lottery but has never won much.

I am using my brain power to win the lottery because I learned last month that at one of my old companies, someone won Lotto Max and won about 1 million dollars. He is keeping his job. I figure if this dumb ass can win, maybe I have a shot. I could sure use some cash to buy a condo and pay for my education.

For the first few weeks, I haven't won much but this week I won $5 from Lottario and a Free Play with Lotto Max. My numbers are not winning but these lotteries give out computer generated ones and those were the numbers that won me a prize.

I feel that things can only get better and I should be winning a bigger prize soon. I know as a statistician that since it is random, that does not mean that I will improve in a linear fashion. But still I think it's a good sign.

Becoming Atheist

Greetings all,

I am starting to have these moments where I don't believe in god. I am sure I've had these moments when I was in my 20s and I think even when I was younger, I was never really convinced god existed but I feel myself almost wanting to declare outright I just don't believe in god.

I've been an anthroposophist since my 20s but even though the spiritual ideas were stimulating and nourishing, I still don't think I was convinced in the existence of god.

A part of me just wants to either know if one exists.

I've had my dark days and turned to things like journaling or my kundalini yoga and that makes me feel better but it doesn't make me experience god or I am not comforted by god. I do believe kundalini yoga is helpful in trying to access your inner reserves but this in no way indicates god exists.

I think I am disappointed in god, if there is such a thing. I just don't get all these problems in the world. And what about justice?

I guess it's okay that I don't need to take a side but I'd like to know one way or another.

I've been temporarily living with my parents and some days I am home on the weekdays and my mother watches some religious show where they are praying the rosary. Some times I just think my mother is nuts. I myself am guilty of chanting but sometimes I feel like she is too religious because sometimes praying is not enough. I think for me, I chant because it controls the mind and supposedly can put you in a better 'frequency' with your intention.