Thanks Mom...

Greetings all,

Today I told my mom I planned to go to Peru and Brazil in 2010 for a vacation since I never got to go anywhere for vacation, being that I was out of work this year. I've been debating over to go to Peru or Brazil but then I decided I can do both. I really just want to see Manchu Picchu in Peru and then probably spend most of my time in Brazil. I have a major need to travel and explore and 2 weeks in those countries should satisfy my craving for travel.

She told me I want to do too many things. I try to keep active and busy (but within reason). I've mentioned a while ago that I'd like to get involved in a charity but she just complains that I want to do too much.

I'd rather go out and enjoy life then do whatever she does. Like knit or go to church or obsess about food.

Not my cup of tea!

So I asked what should I be focusing on then? And her response was to get married.

Wow, thanks for throwing that in my face. My mother is such a bitch!

Like I enjoy being single at 30! Of course I want to get married and have babies but I'm not going to sit at home and feel sorry for myself and make finding a husband my life's priority.

I've put myself out there and frankly I am taking a break from men. They just aren't worth the effort. I don't think I'll find anyone anyways. I've tried enough and maybe it's not in the cards for me so I might as well be happy and do whatever the fuck I want.

I know she's wanted me to get married, but her stating it should be my focus is just ridiculous!

Hate Moving

Greetings all,

I have read on some relationship forum for women and have heard other stories from men who were in relationships, how they would move in with someone quickly, like say after 3 months of dating.

Frankly, I hate the whole idea of moving and I can't even imagine rushing into something like that. I am thinking about if I should move out of my apartment, but it's such effort to find a place and then pack everything and then I'd have to hire movers, but I'd have to research them since the last ones I had were assholes.

I guess if you move in with the person you are dating, you don't worry about finding a place, but I know I like where I live, and I am fussy about where I live.

Anyways, I wonder why these people rush into relationships like that by moving in with someone that they have only known for 3 months. I know with my last ex-roommate, we didn't know each other, but that is a different scenario but I just can't fathom moving in with someone so quickly

Merry Christmas!

Greetings all,

I spent my Christmas in Hamilton and left work on the 24th at 2. We were supposed to stay until 3 but frankly I was getting fed up of work and took off. My boss already took off early too and it seems other people in other departments were so I don't think it was much of a big deal. I was sick with a cold all week so I was irritable as well and just wanted to get out of there and get ready for Hamilton.

My Christmas with family is usually boring. I did some kundalini yoga yesterday and took it easy. Today my mother and I went for a hike but first we went by the casino, near the falls and I ended up winning $200 after playing a couple of slot machines for about 5 minutes. I played a bit more and then we left to go for a hike. Sometimes I would hike first and then go to the casino but I felt that it was better to end on a positive note since sometimes when I went to the casino, I wouldn't win much. I felt as well going for a hike was a more 'spiritually' oriented activity and gambling 'sinful' so I would rather do the sinful act first and atone with something evolved.

They really are quite opposite environments. The casino being loud with all the noise, people being mindless, whereas Hilton Falls is more calm, inspiring.

Good Riddance 2009!

Greetings all,

I have made plans to go out for New Year's and hopefully will enjoy more then last year's (which was for 2009). I will be glad when this year is officially over. It has been the worst year of my life. And it didn't even start out well as I made plans for New Year's and ended up buying tickets for the wrong event. I was looking forward to New Year's this year and the event I was at was not as fun as I wanted it to be. Major letdown, but life goes on. It was full of older people. I tried to make the best of it but I think it was symbolic of how the rest of the year, every thing was falling apart.

Things were looking better for me in September. So 2/3s of the year were hellish and difficult but because the majority of the year was so bad, I feel it overides the rest of the year where things were better.

My year in a nutshell:
- dealing with a roommate who went psycho and made my life miserable for a month. followed by stalking me in my home for several days after she officially moved out (creepy!)
- dealing with a woman who ran a spiritual meetup but was a spiritual poser and had sent me negative energy. being that I was emotionally vulnerable, I was not as quick to discern that she had no spiritual authority, although she was rather arrogant and cocky that she did
- having some crazy woman try to steal my purse after I spent an afternoon job hunting at the library
- finding out my so called friend stole my wallet and said her 2 year daughter took it and used it to make a purchase at the grocery store. It took me a while to even decide to report this to the police but she had moved to PEI at this point so it was too late
- being unemployed for 8 months (not including the 4 months from last year) and having no money coming in for 3 months, thanks to this recession
- having feelings for someone whom I have known for a couple of years (long distance situation) and realizing that things weren't going to go anywhere, even though I thought this situation had some chance to work out and then deciding to end it (we were not officially a couple, which is what I wanted and that didn't seem to be happening) and officially deleting all my saved emails and my skype account
- having to deal with this all on my own, and wanting to kill myself because some days the pain was just too intense

All of this bullshit happened while I was unemployed. Life is stressful already when you are unemployed but this was just too much to deal with.

This whole year has shaken me and my ego and I am now trying to make something out of my life. This year was a blow to my ego and I am still licking the wounds. I need no patronizing and to be told to focus on the positive. The positive was just a drop in the ocean of misery I was in this year.

The good things that happened were:
- moving to Toronto. My apartment is not the greatest and I think my super is lazy and an ass but I like living in this city. There is always something to do
- finding a job. It's not my ideal job but it is paying my bills while I figure out what to do with my life
- joining an anthroposophical book group for young people where we are discussing Towards Social Renewal
- learning violin. I have gotten a new instructor, whom I think is probably better then the last so I should hopefully progress more

I have a lot of work ahead of me but I should hope next year things will get better. I hope this year will just be a year to forget and a distant memory.

Speed Dating

Greetings all,

I went on a speed dating event on Wednesday as it was free for me. It was free because I went to one of their other events and I guess they have me on their mailing list and someone cancelled so to keep the number of men and women as balanced as possible, they were giving away a couple of free spots.

I didn't get any matches. I must have said yes to 4 or 5 different men out of probably 20.

I've done speed dating twice and a speed hating event, which is really speed dating with a twist - you talk about what you hate.

I'm somewhat annoyed that with all 3 events, I never managed one match. I am trying not to take it personally but how the hell does that happen? Not even one match and I've done this 3 times??

Well I don't think speed dating is for me. I wonder what the success rate is. I feel it's hard to decide in 3 - 5 minutes if this person is right for you, but then again maybe really that is all it takes to formulate a decision. I would think in some cases, chemistry is instant but in others it can build over time.

Chemistry is definitely noticeable in the beginning and this time around this is what I focused on. I felt some attraction for the guys I said yes to.

here's an article that suggests it's a better form of dating
http://www.love-sessions.com/speed_dating.htm

I'm taking a hiatus from dating so I probably shouldn't have gone to this but they had appetizers and I wanted some free food. They had pizza and it was so good. I think the pizza was the best thing of the night. As well someone talked to me about books and he gave some good book suggestions

Review of Steve Harvey's Book "Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man"

Greetings all,

I was at the library and one of the books I took out was Steve Harvey's book "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man"

I got a couple of chapters into it and he talked about there are 3 ways men show love. The 2 I remember was protecting you and providing for you. I forgot the 3rd P.

He shares a story about how he was on a boat with some people and his wife was scuba diving. He did not go with her and he started freaking out and threatening those on the boat that she better be alive or they all have to save her.

I was thinking, he doesn't sound like he is protecting her, he sounds more like a control freak. The kicker for me was when he said that she was an adventurous girl and now doesn't do as much of the stuff she used to (like para sailing, etc)

I would think this is not demonstrating he is protecting her.

As well, this wife has probably lost an important piece of her personality as she has ended up sacrificing hobbies that made her happy - just to keep her man calm, when in reality he is the one that needs to deal with his issues. This is not the basis of a happy and emotionally balanced relationship.

I think this is sending a dangerous message to women - that it is okay to tolerate a control freak, who claims he is protecting you. That to me is showing that you are concerned about her safety and trying to protect her in healthy ways.

I would think if he were concern, he'd fret about making sure she was prepared with her oxygen tank, etc and ensuring she was properly certified.

Another example was that he shares a story of his dad threatening to kill the insurance man who was being rude to his wife. Threatening one's life is taking it to the extreme. I can understand speaking to him and telling him to stop harassing them but again that shows to me that this is an unhealthy form of protecting a woman.

Steve Harvey is condoning violence and that is not cool!
I would not want to be with a man who was a control freak. I'd rather be happy alone!
That is not love!

Towards Social Renewal

Greetings all,

I recently joined a new anthroposophical book group and we started meeting last week. I just found out about them as well last week in the Steiner Centre e-newsletter. The guy who hosts lives near where I live. When it warms up I potentially can walk as it's probably a 20 minute walk but since it's so damn dark so early, I'd feel safer driving.

The group is for young anthroposophists, although we have one guy who is 'old' but I think he knows some of the people in the group. There are some guys in my group, a few which are 'hotties'. There's about 5 or 6 guys and one other girl (not including me). It's a switch from my last book group which had mainly older women and one guy close to my age and one older man (everyone was pretty much over 40 when I joined).

I read the book for the first time probably when I was like 23 or 25 so it's been quite a long time. The biggest thing I remember was that the spheres of economy, politics (rights) and culture/spirit, had to be autonomous. I wonder what I'll get out of reading this book again.

Steiner wrote it after the first World War, so a lot I think has changed but I am sure the principles are still timely and relevant. I know lots of people are cynical about the way our society is but I think humanity is evolving and progressing, I just think it takes time and I think we sometimes don't look back to how far we have come.

I think it would be foolish to say there aren't things that need to be worked out, rights that need to be established, laws that need to be honoured, evil that needs to be dealt with.

I think in the past 1000 years there has been progress. People have various rights and have access to education and other resources. I think humanity is trying to work together to some degree.

Anyways, I think change is possible but I think it requires as Steiner talks about, social will.

I think humanity is evolving, although maybe not as smoothly as possible, but I think nevertheless, progress is being made. I know that might sound naive but I really feel it's possible, it just takes some time and effort.

Besides, most of the problems that are created, are really problems humanity has created for itself so I think as well that is why these things can be solved. Society is a human construct so if it's a mess we made, then surely it can be a mess we clean up.