Greetings all,
There has been a re-occurring theme in my meditation practice of feeling like a failure. For me, I feel I am fairly ambitious and have goals of wanting to be successful but it seems my whole life, any attempt at success gets thwarted so I do feel I am not successful. I've struggled with seeing people have careers with ease and they do the appropriate schooling and get experience. These feelings of failure have been coming up a lot in my meditation and I figure if I keep at my practice, eventually they will clear out and I will feel better in my life. At this point, I am trying to pinpoint why this is occurring and what can I do about it so that I can deal with it and move on.
Is there a lesson the universe is trying to teach me? I think that there is a lesson but I am not sure what it is. I think the experience is making me feel more humble in life. I think for me at this point, I am just trying to get to the core which I am sure will happen with continued practice. I definitely do not feel at this point in time I know where my life is going. There are stories of people who keep trying at something and 'fail' many times at it and then be successful. I think at this point I am not neutral with this concept of failure because it obviously makes me emotional when I face it in meditation. Is this a way to teach me more inner strength? To be more neutral with failure? To be persistent? I think if failure didn't bug me, I would keep at things. So is this more about I have a fear of failure and I am confronting it in meditation?
I know I am doing some thinking out loud here but I think at some point I can really deal with this at the root. At this point, I am not sure what exactly is going on but it sounds like I have a fear of failure?
Anyways, the bottom line is that I have many negative feelings come up when I face this concept and I definitely do not feel successful in life and I deeply desire to make something of myself. All I can do is keep at my practice and trust that in time I will get the inner strength and be ready to deal with it and no longer be affected by my sense of failure in life. It has been very heart breaking to deal with and it has been coming up a lot in my practice.
