Greetings and Salutations,
I generally hate dating because it is like job hunting. It's a numbers game and you just got to keep plugging away until you get a match. But there is some joy in this process so don't feel sorry for me my dear readers.
One thing I enjoy about dating is that, as a woman, men generally will pay for things in the beginning. I had gone on 4 dates these past 3 weeks and 2 of the guys offered to go out for dinner. I like to eat so how can I pass this opportunity up? I got to pick where we got to eat and I actually had leftovers so I got to take this home for lunch for the following day, so that means one dinner would be equivalent to 2 meals. I figure I need to get me some more dinner dates since I'm not a fan of cooking!
The other nice thing about dating in the beginning is that guys are so nice to you and they like to compliment you as well and I enjoy getting told how beautiful I am.
One guy I recently went on a couple of dates does art and he did a portrait of me. I have never dated a guy who did something like that so he definitely got some brownie points for that.
Another guy I went out with, we went to the mall and I had to buy myself a photo album. We went to Walmart as I went to some other stores on my own and they didn't have what I wanted. The guy I was with bought some small items for himself. I wanted to pay for my own photo album but he was insistent on paying for it. I really didn't want him to pay so instead of arguing with him in line, I let him buy me it. How can I refuse a man who wants to be generous?
So folks, even though being single can be harsh and lonely at times, there are some benefits to it.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thoughts on Work
Greetings and Salutations,
Since I've been laid off, I thought I'd express some thoughts about this very concept of work in our society. My department was notified we'd be laid off about 3 weeks prior to the actual date. I told my parents probably a few days after we were notified and my dad tells me I should start looking as soon as I was notified.
I really didn't appreciate being told how to run my life because I am not stupid. I know that you need money to pay the bills. I understand how things work. I am fortunate enough that I live in a society where we pay into a system that gives us some money if we have been laid off.
I feel like I shouldn't just take a job just for the sake of taking a job. I think sometimes people use work as a distraction so that they don't have to deal with their failures and feelings of inadequacies.
I actually want to enjoy the work that I do in life and I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to take some time to assess my life and the direction I want to take it.
The main reason people work is to buy things. The reality is the more money you have the more you spend. I'm not big on owning lots of stuff because the reality is most stuff that is out there is useless.
I've been in the work force for 9 years (not including working in high school) and I am not lazy and do have some level of ambition. I will figure out my life in my own way and in my time. I don't need to feel like I am scum and lazy because I am taking the time to evaluate my life and address my inner soul and spiritual needs.
* * *
I went out on Tuesday with the 'rents for dinner at the Mandarin and my father was quite grouchy and angry. My mother says he's been like that since they have returned from Italy (they were there for a month). He seems to like being there and chatting with all the relatives.
He said he was angry because he's not happy that I'm unemployed (through no fault of my own) and that he is worried. Now I don't know if he meant that or if he was really just angry because he likes being in Italy as my mom suggested and just wanted to use my being unemployed as an excuse.
It bothers me that they can be so negative and unsupportive. They have little faith in me. I had to remind them that it hurts me that they are so negative and pessimistic. I don't need them to worry about me. How is worrying about me going to land me a job? Honestly I keep my worrying to a minimum because largely worrying is unproductive.
I am tempted to lie to them that I found a job just so that they don't get worried.
Since I've been laid off, I thought I'd express some thoughts about this very concept of work in our society. My department was notified we'd be laid off about 3 weeks prior to the actual date. I told my parents probably a few days after we were notified and my dad tells me I should start looking as soon as I was notified.
I really didn't appreciate being told how to run my life because I am not stupid. I know that you need money to pay the bills. I understand how things work. I am fortunate enough that I live in a society where we pay into a system that gives us some money if we have been laid off.
I feel like I shouldn't just take a job just for the sake of taking a job. I think sometimes people use work as a distraction so that they don't have to deal with their failures and feelings of inadequacies.
I actually want to enjoy the work that I do in life and I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to take some time to assess my life and the direction I want to take it.
The main reason people work is to buy things. The reality is the more money you have the more you spend. I'm not big on owning lots of stuff because the reality is most stuff that is out there is useless.
I've been in the work force for 9 years (not including working in high school) and I am not lazy and do have some level of ambition. I will figure out my life in my own way and in my time. I don't need to feel like I am scum and lazy because I am taking the time to evaluate my life and address my inner soul and spiritual needs.
I went out on Tuesday with the 'rents for dinner at the Mandarin and my father was quite grouchy and angry. My mother says he's been like that since they have returned from Italy (they were there for a month). He seems to like being there and chatting with all the relatives.
He said he was angry because he's not happy that I'm unemployed (through no fault of my own) and that he is worried. Now I don't know if he meant that or if he was really just angry because he likes being in Italy as my mom suggested and just wanted to use my being unemployed as an excuse.
It bothers me that they can be so negative and unsupportive. They have little faith in me. I had to remind them that it hurts me that they are so negative and pessimistic. I don't need them to worry about me. How is worrying about me going to land me a job? Honestly I keep my worrying to a minimum because largely worrying is unproductive.
I am tempted to lie to them that I found a job just so that they don't get worried.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Not Bitchy Enough?
Greetings and Salutations,
I consider myself a fairly nice and considerate person. I am also fairly assertive and generally do not have people taking advantage of me. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more of a bitch.
Some women seem to think that they need to be mean and bitchy to get what they want and they think that it's okay to be pushy and forceful.
Sometimes I've wondered if I should be like that but I feel like that's not my style. I think I've become more laid back as I have gotten older and I have noticed that I don't really need to stress out about things and get dramatic when things aren't going the way I want.
I wasn't born with the best social skills but over the years I have made an effort to understand human behaviour so that I can get along with others but also go after the things I want while still maintaining some sort of peaceful existence with others.
I sometimes think I should be bitchier but I seem to get what I want in a charming manner. I also think as well that these women think they have to be bitchy to get what they want but I think maybe if they had more social skills developed, maybe they'd understand that being forceful and bitchy can be a waste of energy and that there are more efficient techniques for being assertive.
Any comments and thoughts would be appreciated.
I consider myself a fairly nice and considerate person. I am also fairly assertive and generally do not have people taking advantage of me. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more of a bitch.
Some women seem to think that they need to be mean and bitchy to get what they want and they think that it's okay to be pushy and forceful.
Sometimes I've wondered if I should be like that but I feel like that's not my style. I think I've become more laid back as I have gotten older and I have noticed that I don't really need to stress out about things and get dramatic when things aren't going the way I want.
I wasn't born with the best social skills but over the years I have made an effort to understand human behaviour so that I can get along with others but also go after the things I want while still maintaining some sort of peaceful existence with others.
I sometimes think I should be bitchier but I seem to get what I want in a charming manner. I also think as well that these women think they have to be bitchy to get what they want but I think maybe if they had more social skills developed, maybe they'd understand that being forceful and bitchy can be a waste of energy and that there are more efficient techniques for being assertive.
Any comments and thoughts would be appreciated.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Philosophy of Freedom
Greetings and Salutations,
I began this project a couple of months ago and it's on You Tube. It is an anthroposophy project and I am getting an article published in the Canadian Anthroposophical Society's newsletter. I'm just going to post the article (not edited by them so it's the RAW version). Here is what I am submitting:
I am in a book group that meets weekly in Dundas, Ontario. Back in September 2003, our group decided we would study Rudolf Steiner’s challenging and insightful book, Philosophy of Freedom (Intuitive Thinking as a Spiritual Path).
We had Paul Hodkins join us for an evening to give us an outline of how to study this book. I believe he taught a series workshop at the Rudolf Steiner Centre in Thornhill, which a couple of my group members attended.
The method he taught us was to summarize each paragraph. There are 2 versions of this book. One is the English translation and the other is the American translation. It is the American translation that identifies the paragraph in numerical format.
Our group found this method of studying this book very demanding and yet very worthwhile. I feel that it disciplines your thinking in a way that is much needed in today’s world. One member had remarked she found it useful to read and study this book in a group as she may not have the discipline to do this if she were alone.
Our group managed to summarize the first 7 chapters of this book. For the reminder of the book, we decided to read it and have discussions. One of the members and I continued to summarize the paragraphs on our own.
A few months ago I had decided that I would share the work that my group and I have done. I decided to start recording myself and sharing this information on You Tube. I feel that Philosophy of Freedom has a lot to offer to its readers and I recommend reading it through a few times and then trying out this method to get a better understanding of it.
You Tube is a very popular internet site which offers viewers a broad range of topics and content. I felt that putting up a study guide about Philosophy of Freedom would be very helpful to those who may not have access to a book group or who would like additional help in learning and understanding this important book. I think it is useful as well since you can study the material at your own pace and listen to the sessions multiple times.
I encourage everyone who wants to deepen their understanding of this wonderful book by visiting my You Tube page at http://www.youtube.com/user/1funnyanthropop. Please subscribe so that you can be notified when I release a new video. I also encourage viewers to email questions or comments so that I can address them.
I have been deeply enriched by studying this book through this method and I hope to share what I have learned and grasped in this videos series with those who want to deepen their understanding of this great book.
I began this project a couple of months ago and it's on You Tube. It is an anthroposophy project and I am getting an article published in the Canadian Anthroposophical Society's newsletter. I'm just going to post the article (not edited by them so it's the RAW version). Here is what I am submitting:
I am in a book group that meets weekly in Dundas, Ontario. Back in September 2003, our group decided we would study Rudolf Steiner’s challenging and insightful book, Philosophy of Freedom (Intuitive Thinking as a Spiritual Path).
We had Paul Hodkins join us for an evening to give us an outline of how to study this book. I believe he taught a series workshop at the Rudolf Steiner Centre in Thornhill, which a couple of my group members attended.
The method he taught us was to summarize each paragraph. There are 2 versions of this book. One is the English translation and the other is the American translation. It is the American translation that identifies the paragraph in numerical format.
Our group found this method of studying this book very demanding and yet very worthwhile. I feel that it disciplines your thinking in a way that is much needed in today’s world. One member had remarked she found it useful to read and study this book in a group as she may not have the discipline to do this if she were alone.
Our group managed to summarize the first 7 chapters of this book. For the reminder of the book, we decided to read it and have discussions. One of the members and I continued to summarize the paragraphs on our own.
A few months ago I had decided that I would share the work that my group and I have done. I decided to start recording myself and sharing this information on You Tube. I feel that Philosophy of Freedom has a lot to offer to its readers and I recommend reading it through a few times and then trying out this method to get a better understanding of it.
You Tube is a very popular internet site which offers viewers a broad range of topics and content. I felt that putting up a study guide about Philosophy of Freedom would be very helpful to those who may not have access to a book group or who would like additional help in learning and understanding this important book. I think it is useful as well since you can study the material at your own pace and listen to the sessions multiple times.
I encourage everyone who wants to deepen their understanding of this wonderful book by visiting my You Tube page at http://www.youtube.com/user/1funnyanthropop. Please subscribe so that you can be notified when I release a new video. I also encourage viewers to email questions or comments so that I can address them.
I have been deeply enriched by studying this book through this method and I hope to share what I have learned and grasped in this videos series with those who want to deepen their understanding of this great book.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Bored!
Greetings and Salutations,
Well last week marked my first week of being unemployed and as of now I am officially bored. I've made a personal decision that since the government is now my Sugar Daddy for a year, I want to try and take this comedy thing a bit seriously. I know there are people out there who are making a living out of it and that is what I plan to do. I know it will require me to step out of my comfort zone a bit and so that is why I've been hesitant to actually look for a regular job.
I know if I go and get a regular job, I'll keep thinking about comedy. I'll just keep repeating this cycle that I have been on and never be happy with the work that I do. i'm quite tired of this cycle and tired of having my talents go to waste - largely due to my lack of confidence in myself. It's not enough that I can make my co-workers laugh. I need more!
The good thing is that since I've been doing open mic nights since February, my confidence in stand up is increasing and I have 20 minutes worth of decent material.
Part of my strategy also involves producing short videos for youtube, of which I've already done my first. I would like to do at least one a week.
I bet making a living in comedy isn't as hard as I think it is in my head. I can get very emotional about things sometimes but I think if I try and think strategically it would probably help me feel less overwhelmed.
I am going to be doing something that I am not used to so I have to train myself. I have to train myself to take action in ways I am not used it.
I must rise above my feelings of self doubt and lack of confidence!
Huzzah!
Well last week marked my first week of being unemployed and as of now I am officially bored. I've made a personal decision that since the government is now my Sugar Daddy for a year, I want to try and take this comedy thing a bit seriously. I know there are people out there who are making a living out of it and that is what I plan to do. I know it will require me to step out of my comfort zone a bit and so that is why I've been hesitant to actually look for a regular job.
I know if I go and get a regular job, I'll keep thinking about comedy. I'll just keep repeating this cycle that I have been on and never be happy with the work that I do. i'm quite tired of this cycle and tired of having my talents go to waste - largely due to my lack of confidence in myself. It's not enough that I can make my co-workers laugh. I need more!
The good thing is that since I've been doing open mic nights since February, my confidence in stand up is increasing and I have 20 minutes worth of decent material.
Part of my strategy also involves producing short videos for youtube, of which I've already done my first. I would like to do at least one a week.
I bet making a living in comedy isn't as hard as I think it is in my head. I can get very emotional about things sometimes but I think if I try and think strategically it would probably help me feel less overwhelmed.
I am going to be doing something that I am not used to so I have to train myself. I have to train myself to take action in ways I am not used it.
I must rise above my feelings of self doubt and lack of confidence!
Huzzah!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
My New Video
Greetings all,
I produced a video this Thursday entitled How I Spend my Time when my Roommate is Away. I posted it on youtube and would love for my wonderful readers to check it out and give it a 5 star rating!
Hope you enjoy it!
I produced a video this Thursday entitled How I Spend my Time when my Roommate is Away. I posted it on youtube and would love for my wonderful readers to check it out and give it a 5 star rating!
Hope you enjoy it!
Monday, August 04, 2008
Sad Musings
Greetings and Salutations,
Today is a holiday in Canada and today is my official last day at my job (we got holiday pay as we worked Friday).
I'm quite sad as I feel overwhelmed and frustrated by numerous things.
I began this detox program which supposedly helps people to lose weight called the Master Cleanse (aka lemonade diet). I am on Day 3 and to get the most out of it you are to do for 10 days although I read somewhere you can do it for a minimum of 3 days.
I am interested to see if this detoxes my body and see if it helps me to lose some weight. I don't know if I want to do for 10 days. I find it to be a bit more expensive then when I buy my regular groceries because you are supposed to buy organic lemons and they cost $1 each. I've also boughten organic maple syrup and have finished the bottle already and that was expensive as well.
I think I have the discipline to do it but the cheapskate in me doesn't want to spend all this money. I have the time to do it but since I lost my job, I don't want to spend money so quickly.
I think 3 days is good though. I've always been someone that doesn't skip meals and I've broken Italian Law because I have not been eating solid foods for the past 3 days.
I find drinking the lemon drink helps to ease the hunger pains. Today I don't feel as bad as yesterday where I felt a bit stupid and slow to think. I woke up yesterday feeling really angry and I think that was because I was hungry.
* * *
Another thing that I'm going through that is causing me much heartache is I had some argument via email with the English Muffin and now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. I largely think that he misunderstood why I was angry. I made some comment about his friend and he obviously got defensive and protective. I was probably off when I made my initial attack and I was most likely being impulsive (largely due to my anger over what I perceived to be inappropriate behaviour). I think he didn't try to get where I was coming from because he saw my comments as an attack on the person whereas I saw them more as an attack on the behaviour and so I kept arguing my position on this behaviour.
I just don't think it was fair for him to not give this a chance to be verbally discussed because I probably would have apologized sooner or at least stop the argument and talk about it over skype so that it doesn't get too heated.
I've sent him a couple of apologies but have not heard from him. The last time we had some fight like this he didn't talk to me for some time and it really bothers me because if someone is mad at me, I'd rather talk about it and get it out of the way.
I think most people find this relationship with the English Muffin as strange. I'm still making myself open to dating other guys but I'm not really into it. I think because we have seen each other on skype and talked, I at least know that I find him attractive and I find for the most part we are compatible.
I probably should talk to him about these things but haven't gotten the nerve because it is a little strange situation to me to have feelings for someone that you just email and talk on skype with.
I probably should have told him that I think about him alot.
I probably should have told him that when I am out by myself or with friends, I wish he was there along side me.
I probably should have told him that I can see a future with him and that we can make this odd situation work (although he'd have to be the one to do most of the work as he has told me he wants to leave England)
I guess I feel a bit defensive and awkward about opening up about my feelings for someone whom I don't actually get to physically be with. I guess some people probably are skeptical or naive and I guess they can be.
And I find it even more strange that I have these feelings for someone and haven't had a chance to have sex with him!
All I know is that I've pissed off this guy that I really like and I may not get the chance to tell him my feelings because I've pissed him off so much.
Crrkk
The sound of my heart breaking
Today is a holiday in Canada and today is my official last day at my job (we got holiday pay as we worked Friday).
I'm quite sad as I feel overwhelmed and frustrated by numerous things.
I began this detox program which supposedly helps people to lose weight called the Master Cleanse (aka lemonade diet). I am on Day 3 and to get the most out of it you are to do for 10 days although I read somewhere you can do it for a minimum of 3 days.
I am interested to see if this detoxes my body and see if it helps me to lose some weight. I don't know if I want to do for 10 days. I find it to be a bit more expensive then when I buy my regular groceries because you are supposed to buy organic lemons and they cost $1 each. I've also boughten organic maple syrup and have finished the bottle already and that was expensive as well.
I think I have the discipline to do it but the cheapskate in me doesn't want to spend all this money. I have the time to do it but since I lost my job, I don't want to spend money so quickly.
I think 3 days is good though. I've always been someone that doesn't skip meals and I've broken Italian Law because I have not been eating solid foods for the past 3 days.
I find drinking the lemon drink helps to ease the hunger pains. Today I don't feel as bad as yesterday where I felt a bit stupid and slow to think. I woke up yesterday feeling really angry and I think that was because I was hungry.
Another thing that I'm going through that is causing me much heartache is I had some argument via email with the English Muffin and now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. I largely think that he misunderstood why I was angry. I made some comment about his friend and he obviously got defensive and protective. I was probably off when I made my initial attack and I was most likely being impulsive (largely due to my anger over what I perceived to be inappropriate behaviour). I think he didn't try to get where I was coming from because he saw my comments as an attack on the person whereas I saw them more as an attack on the behaviour and so I kept arguing my position on this behaviour.
I just don't think it was fair for him to not give this a chance to be verbally discussed because I probably would have apologized sooner or at least stop the argument and talk about it over skype so that it doesn't get too heated.
I've sent him a couple of apologies but have not heard from him. The last time we had some fight like this he didn't talk to me for some time and it really bothers me because if someone is mad at me, I'd rather talk about it and get it out of the way.
I think most people find this relationship with the English Muffin as strange. I'm still making myself open to dating other guys but I'm not really into it. I think because we have seen each other on skype and talked, I at least know that I find him attractive and I find for the most part we are compatible.
I probably should talk to him about these things but haven't gotten the nerve because it is a little strange situation to me to have feelings for someone that you just email and talk on skype with.
I probably should have told him that I think about him alot.
I probably should have told him that when I am out by myself or with friends, I wish he was there along side me.
I probably should have told him that I can see a future with him and that we can make this odd situation work (although he'd have to be the one to do most of the work as he has told me he wants to leave England)
I guess I feel a bit defensive and awkward about opening up about my feelings for someone whom I don't actually get to physically be with. I guess some people probably are skeptical or naive and I guess they can be.
And I find it even more strange that I have these feelings for someone and haven't had a chance to have sex with him!
All I know is that I've pissed off this guy that I really like and I may not get the chance to tell him my feelings because I've pissed him off so much.
Crrkk
The sound of my heart breaking
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