Sugar

I'm in the mood for sugar. I am craving sweets right now. I bought some sour candy after my study group. I got those sour sticks, they're like licorice but are coated with sour sugar. I bought 3 packs of the blue raspberry ones and one of the strawberry. My study groups meets in someone's house in Dundas on Sundays and I went to the corner store near the Tim Horton's and apparently on a Sunday night that parking lot is filled with young unproductive teenagers and their cars. I also purchased myself a pack of new candy that I've never had called Warheads. They claim to be extremely sour. They even have a warning label on the back of the package stating "Eating multiple pieces within a short time period may cause a temporary irritation to sensitive tongues and mouths."

Let me give you a review on this product. These were not extreme sour like the package claimed. They give me this nice burst of sourness the very first time I had one but it only lasted for 2 seconds and then it just became a regular candy. If candy were living, I would inject some viagra into this because that's what it needs. It just didn't have the staying power. I'm a 'stayin' power' kind of gal. I'm not into sprinters, I'm into long distance runners. When I had another one, I embraced myself for this quick burst but it didn't seem necessary. I had already become desensitized. So I have one left now.

My other complaint has to do with the fact that the cocksucking manufacturers had to individually wrap each candy. These candies did not need to be individually wrapped. I found this product to be environmentally unfriendly. And I only got 8 of these candies in a bag. They are probably a bit smaller then a Werthers. Put more in the bag and get rid of the excess packaging. This product was imported by TOL/GAF Canada. There's no number that I could contact to complain but I will certainly not endorse this candy.
You are no Willy Wonka!

I have a wedding to go to this Saturday. It's my second cousin I believe. He's about 3 years younger then me. In my family there have been many weddings since 2000 since everyone was starting to hit their mid 20s or early 30s. There's probably a few more that will get married in the next few years and then there will be another draught. Weddings seem to be cyclical. My relative who's getting married is a cop and he apparently invited some cop friends to his stag and so maybe some of them will show up at the wedding and possibly be hot and single. My relative and his future wife went to my high school as well so I wonder if there will be people from my high school. I had 2 other second cousins go to the same high school but they never said hi to me but this relative did. He's a pretty nice person. I always had this sense of sadness for their family situation since their dad died when they were young. The father died in 1997, so my relative was around 15. And their mother has MS and she's had that for probably over 10 years. She's bed ridden as well. So his parents won't make it for the wedding. I think they had to grow up a bit faster as well and did not enjoy their youth as much since they had to help their mother.

I had this dream that some people I knew were on the Dr. Phil show. One person there I knew didn't really like Dr. Phil. I was sending them an email saying I saw them on the Dr. Phil show but then I realized that this was a dream and so I didn't need to email them.

This man I know was interested in me going on a date with his son. I don't really like this man to begin with as he's quite paranoid. So if I think he's a loonie toon, why would I want to date his son? He showed me a picture of his son. The son looked quite old for his age. And he's 18. I told this man that I'm not interested in dating an 18 year old. He said his son was mature for his age. 18 year olds are so 2005. If I were to go out with this 18 year old who looks like he's 30, people would think he's the 27 year old and I'm the 18 year old.

I find it disturbing that a father would even attempt to get his son a date. This man asked for my number a long time ago so we could keep in touch but he's old and paranoid and gives me the willies. I thought he had a thing for me so that's why this whole 'date my son' creeps me out. I thought at first maybe he made up this whole idea that he had a son but it appears his son really does exist.

Another thing that disturbs me are arranged marriages. I found out someone I knew is having an arranged marriage in a few weeks. She's Muslim and her father is a priest or whatever the equivalent is for Muslims. I feel incredibly sorry for her. Her father is very strict. She's a nice girl but she has no will of her own. I understand the idea that the parents want what's best and probably 'know' what kind of a person would make a suitable marriage partner. I understand the idea that these people learn to love each other. It's whacked. It's such an archaic concept. I've read in magazine that it worked out for the couples and they were happy. Well many people who've been captured by kidnappers show great love towards their captors eventually and are even reluctant to leave. I don't understand these people. They enjoy having others dictate their life for them. They enjoy being a slave. I don't understand that. It's so beyond me. I consider myself pretty strong willed and I can't imagine having anyone tell me what to do. I'm open to listening to people but in the end it's up to me.

I think a better transition for this community would be that the parents have some sort of contest where suitors vie for their daughter's hand in marriage, like in American Idol. And the parents and their daughter can be judges.

This whole idea just gets me extremely angry. I get angry at religion and angry at these weak willed people who can't stand up for themselves. I get angry that people look to others for approval and can't direct their own lives. I don't like religion because it makes people complacent. I don't like how people just exist and don't have a clue on how to live.

I'm going to have to buy myself a dress for this wedding I have on the 3rd. I need a dress that says I'm classy but I'll put out on the second date. This relative of mine is about 3 or 4 years younger then me and he went to my high school. I wonder if he will invite any of his friends.

Le shower

I went to the bridal shower this afternoon. I'm not really a fan of events like these but it gives me a chance to socialize with my relatives and people watch. They gave us names of famous women or female characters. My mother was Christina Applegate and I was Marge Simpson. They gave out door prizes. Our table won this one contest where we do a scavenger list of the items in our purse. The list was quite long. I'm a minimalist so I keep the basics in my purse. Our table came in second and we might have missed 2 items. We didn't have nail polish. My mother had 4 items on the list and mainly supplied all the religious items that were on the list. She had a rosary in her purse and a picture of a saint. Other items on the list included a nail file, a stamp, American money, hand lotion, zip lock bags and a bunch of other stuff. I contributed nothing. I'm thinking who would carry all this stuff in their purse? Women are strange creatures! All I got in my purse is gum, tissues, my wallet, a mini notebook and pens.

There was this one game where someone from the table had to draw the future bride and they had to wear these silly glasses. I didn't do the drawing as drawing is not a strongpoint for me but I liked the glasses and decided to keep them. They may come in handy in the future. My hair is messy in this picture. Here is a picture of me afterwards with these special glasses.


The doorprizes I got include coasters and a manicure set. We got to pick from a table. There were lots of candles and by the time I got to win something, all the good prizes were taken. Some of these things were ornamental and I am definitely not a fan of candles. I like getting things I can use. I'm not a knicknack person. I know at least in the future I might possibly use coasters. The end was the best part because that was the chance to take home the cookies. These aren't storebought cookies, these are homemade cookies and some of them are deee-licious. Most of the cookies they had were cookies I didn't like but I mainly focused on getting chocolate type cookies.

There was this one type of dessert there that my mother used to always make when I was a child and it was a favourite of mine. I haven't had or seen this dessert for many, many years. They are called peaches and one side contained chocolate creme and the other contained vanilla. Ever since I've been improvising, some objects that I will encounter in my day, I will perceive them as something else. There's an exercise where we take an ordinary object and then pretend it's something else. Because I've done that exercise so many times, it is automatic for me to look at something and then imagine it as something else. So when I saw this peach dessert, it just looked like an ass. You know when you watch a porn and there's that scene where the woman bends over and gets it up the ass? Yeah you know what I'm talking about because every porn has that standard 'fuck her up the ass' shot. Yeah that's what I thought of when I saw this dessert. So here's a picture I took of the dessert. Does it look like porn ass or what?

The Karma of Getting Laid

I actually have 2 prospects that I have been lusting over this past week. It is great. My mind has been continuously looping a tape about a certain ex of mine featuring thoughts as such "I still have feelings for you" and "Will we ever hook up in the future?" and now that tape has been thrown into the garbage and replaced with a wonderful dvd featuring new prospects. Clips include prospects throwing me up against the wall and throwing one into me. Ah yes nothing like new prospects to help you to move forward in your love life.

I haven't had a chance to talk with these prospects and I am slightly nervous to make an approach. My new dating plan that I implemented a few months ago was that if a guy was really interested in me, he would make an effort to ask me out. This was based on the book He's Just Not into You. My days of chasing dick are over. If a man really wants me, then he would do what it takes to ask me out.

So I'm thinking do I abandon this new dating plan and go for the men? I should at least make conversation. That really should be all that I am willing to do. I have already conversed briefly with one but don't see him often. My interaction with the other prospect just involves making eye contact(which he seems to reciprocate) and polite smiles. But someone must speak! This is what I dislike about meeting new people. Some days it's easy for me to take charge and ask who they are and their name and their interests and tell them about myself and other times I am just too filled with fear in taking that first step in connecting with someone socially.

It all seems so much like being in high school. I don't know if these prospects have women. They might. They might assume I have a boyfriend. Maybe they believe that it is now women who make the move in starting a relationship.

I think there's way too much dating 'experts' and people that provide advice on this whole dating experience. I tried reading some stuff by some guy named Christian Carter but I can hardly stomach any dating advice. Some of it is useful but they just complicate things. As a woman I'm told I need to control my emotions and if I'm having feelings for a guy, I have to do it in a certain way otherwise it will frighten the man. He'll perceive me as emotionally out of control if I don't try to establish that we have a serious relationship in a certain way.
I've also read the advice for men and again the same technique is used. Woman are blah blah blah and you have to be act this way and say this to be successful.

It reminds of me of kids on a playground and 2 friends are having some fight and there's one person who is the mediator who is going back and forth between these arguing friends and this mediator is the one that is really perpetuating the fight and confusing both sides and making up all sorts of nonsense just to alienate them from each other even more, for their own selfish amusement.

For years I've been sticking with the plan that I'm going to be myself and be honest to myself about myself and it has been working well for me. I'm sticking with this plan for expressing myself as I see fit and doing what I think is right. I'm sticking with this plan to trust my own inner guidance and instincts.

I don't want to continue my rant with the dating advice industry. I am happy to have new prospects to lust over and think unholy thoughts about.

I have 2 weddings that I will be attending this year. There's actually 3 relatives that are getting married but one of them I didn't get invited to and it's probably because there's so many other relatives for them to invite. Tomorrow I have a bridal shower to attend. I know that there's going to be lots of Italian cookies and other baked goodies. This young lady's brother got married 2 years ago and I attended that bridal shower and there was a plethora of cookies. I had to leave early because I had to attend a baby shower the same day. Italian weddings are really the best. You know Italians are going to do weddings right and have the good food and desert. You know the Italians are going to do it in a nice banquet hall not some cheap unclassy place. Tomorrow I will gorge.

Ben Stiller

I saw the movie Meet the Parents on television a few weeks ago and Ben Stiller was in it. I never found him attractive. I remember seeing him when he had his own tv series and in Zoolander. But for some reason, I found myself oddly attracted to this man while watching this movie. I don't know, it was something in his eyes that I found myself drawn to. I found his eyes to be piercing, to be magnetic. I know he's married, so I'm going to try and keep my lust to a minimum.

Lilipoh

I've been told that I look innocent. I've been told that I'm hot. I'm completely oblivious to certain aspects of my appearance. I know I have a decent figure because I make it a priority to have an active lifestyle. But I have this weird relationship with my face. I never really considered my face to be attractive. I always saw it as having a weirdness to it and maybe on occasion I would use my face in a pretty way. In my youth, I would enjoy declaring my hotness. I didn't really think I was hot or that I wasn't hot but just saying I was hot made me feel good. I noticed one day when someone asked me how I was and I said that I wasn't doing good, it made me feel worse. When asked by someone else another time how I was doing, I said I felt excellent, even though I wasn't. I actually felt better. In a sense I was lying but lying made me feel good and my lie became a truth. Was I really lying?
I'm not a fan of lying. If I feel like crap, then that's how I feel. If I don't like you then that's how I feel. But does my declaring these things make it a truth? Am I just expressing a feeling that has the potential to change? I don't really know where this is going but I find that it's an interesting observation.

I actually started getting laser hair removal done. I'm getting my pits, bikini and full leg done. This place had the best prices for laser so I'm glad about that. I can't use silk epil anymore, which is an electric hair remover, that pulls the hair out by the root. It's not painful. I've also used Nads and then the silk epil to get the miscellaneous hairs. It's too time consuming. I'm the perfect candidate for laser. I'm light skinned with dark hair. It's nice to know that being a hairy Canadian of Italian parents is finally going to pay off for me. I need to go every 5 weeks. In 4 to 6 treatments I should see a significiant reduction.

I've also been having some craniosacral therapy sessions. I've been mocked as it's an alternative therapy. I'm a pragmatist by nature. I like theory to a degree but I'm always willing to try something once for the experience. I read the theory behind cranio and it doesn't make sense so maybe these people need to come up with a different theory. I find it to be enjoyable and have 3 sessions. My next one is next Wednesday. With my yoga and qigong practice, I noticed my body feeling progressively lighter and fluid but for some reason my head always felt tense. My head has always felt a certain disconnected from me and my body. My head has been feeling more open. On my second session, I heard this big pop in my head but the cranio lady wasn't able to hear it. It wasn't that she missed it because it was pretty loud to me but the sound was probably only heard by me. My last one my head felt extremely warm. It didn't feel this warm in previous sessions. I notice a difference. Before I started, I began placing my hands on various areas on my face and head and focusing on releasing tension. I think I need a few more sessions.

After my last craniosacral session, I suddenly felt like working on Steiner's Philosophy of Freedom later on in the day. My study group began studying it in September 2004 and we had a guest come over who has done a course at the Steiner Centre about this book. He suggested we summarize each paragraph as a study method. We did that and it was quite challenging. It was worth it though because it really forces you to try and understand what he is trying to say in each paragraph. It really exercises and disciplines the thinking faculty. I enjoy my group because everyone knows how to get along and there isn't alot of ego there so I found it to be amazing that a handful of adults could gather together and work on creating short paragraph summaries on a book that can be quite hard at times. Anyways, we weren't sure if we could continue with this method so we ended up stoping after the first section, which was about 7 chapters. The remaining 7 chapters we decided to read through. So I saw someone in my group continued to do her own summaries of each paragraph and I decided that I would do the same. I got up to chapter 9. I started working on it again after 1 year. I didn't know that's how long ago it was that I worked on it.

Philosophy of Freedom is the kind of book that takes about 5-10 years to really digest and process the concepts. I first read the book on my own 7 years ago. The first 2 times I read it, it made very little sense to me but after reading it again a couple of more times over the years, I really began to see how wonderful it was. It's quite easy to work with the book now. It's always funny to me when I meet someone who is just beginning to get interested in Steiner and they tell me they've read POF and don't understand it. Of course you're not going to get it right away, it takes practice to get used to what he is trying to say. You'll get it eventually.