The Karma of Getting Laid

I actually have 2 prospects that I have been lusting over this past week. It is great. My mind has been continuously looping a tape about a certain ex of mine featuring thoughts as such "I still have feelings for you" and "Will we ever hook up in the future?" and now that tape has been thrown into the garbage and replaced with a wonderful dvd featuring new prospects. Clips include prospects throwing me up against the wall and throwing one into me. Ah yes nothing like new prospects to help you to move forward in your love life.

I haven't had a chance to talk with these prospects and I am slightly nervous to make an approach. My new dating plan that I implemented a few months ago was that if a guy was really interested in me, he would make an effort to ask me out. This was based on the book He's Just Not into You. My days of chasing dick are over. If a man really wants me, then he would do what it takes to ask me out.

So I'm thinking do I abandon this new dating plan and go for the men? I should at least make conversation. That really should be all that I am willing to do. I have already conversed briefly with one but don't see him often. My interaction with the other prospect just involves making eye contact(which he seems to reciprocate) and polite smiles. But someone must speak! This is what I dislike about meeting new people. Some days it's easy for me to take charge and ask who they are and their name and their interests and tell them about myself and other times I am just too filled with fear in taking that first step in connecting with someone socially.

It all seems so much like being in high school. I don't know if these prospects have women. They might. They might assume I have a boyfriend. Maybe they believe that it is now women who make the move in starting a relationship.

I think there's way too much dating 'experts' and people that provide advice on this whole dating experience. I tried reading some stuff by some guy named Christian Carter but I can hardly stomach any dating advice. Some of it is useful but they just complicate things. As a woman I'm told I need to control my emotions and if I'm having feelings for a guy, I have to do it in a certain way otherwise it will frighten the man. He'll perceive me as emotionally out of control if I don't try to establish that we have a serious relationship in a certain way.
I've also read the advice for men and again the same technique is used. Woman are blah blah blah and you have to be act this way and say this to be successful.

It reminds of me of kids on a playground and 2 friends are having some fight and there's one person who is the mediator who is going back and forth between these arguing friends and this mediator is the one that is really perpetuating the fight and confusing both sides and making up all sorts of nonsense just to alienate them from each other even more, for their own selfish amusement.

For years I've been sticking with the plan that I'm going to be myself and be honest to myself about myself and it has been working well for me. I'm sticking with this plan for expressing myself as I see fit and doing what I think is right. I'm sticking with this plan to trust my own inner guidance and instincts.

I don't want to continue my rant with the dating advice industry. I am happy to have new prospects to lust over and think unholy thoughts about.

I have 2 weddings that I will be attending this year. There's actually 3 relatives that are getting married but one of them I didn't get invited to and it's probably because there's so many other relatives for them to invite. Tomorrow I have a bridal shower to attend. I know that there's going to be lots of Italian cookies and other baked goodies. This young lady's brother got married 2 years ago and I attended that bridal shower and there was a plethora of cookies. I had to leave early because I had to attend a baby shower the same day. Italian weddings are really the best. You know Italians are going to do weddings right and have the good food and desert. You know the Italians are going to do it in a nice banquet hall not some cheap unclassy place. Tomorrow I will gorge.