Greetings and Salutations,
My Seasonal Affective Disorder has kicked in yet again. I must invest in a light box so that I feel more alive and less sluggish and depressed during this time of year.
I have decided to listen to some hard trance music at work. I have found that it has perked up my spirit while listening to it, whereas when I stop, I slip back into my winter depression. This is yet another observation for science to take a hold of.
I normally do not like the hard core trance music. I usually can sustain listening to the fast thump thump thump sound for about 10 minutes. However today because I am so depressed and miserable, I was able to listen to this music for the whole day and not feel irritable. In fact it has enhanced my mental and emotional state, allowing me to continue on in my day.
No other genre of music was able to do this. Not even my beloved Green Day and Hawksley Workman.
Hard core trance: mood elevator for Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Twisted Sister
Greetings and Salutations Withering Fools,
I have been watching American Idol lately. I normally don't watch it but since I am bored out of my mind and lazy, it helps pass the time, thus bringing me closer to my inevitable death.
So many people want to be famous. I wouldn't mind being famous and successful. I've actually spent time contemplating whether I'd be willing to sell my soul for success. After much soul searching, I decided that I would be willing to sell my soul to be wealthy, successful and famous. I've been a nobody for 28 years and I feel that I have suffered enough. I have no social rank and the only place where I feel I get respect is in my anthroposophy group because I'm so insightful and deep.
Well let me tell you, being deep and sensitive don't boost the ego and my ego definitely needs to be stroked. I stroke my own ego so much, it gets tiring. It's time for the rest of the world to make a contribution to keep my ego satiated.
Hey Satan... I'm willing to sell my soul for some worldly success.
On the flip side, it is possible to be successful, wealthy and famous without comprimising one's integrity... or is it?
I have been watching American Idol lately. I normally don't watch it but since I am bored out of my mind and lazy, it helps pass the time, thus bringing me closer to my inevitable death.
So many people want to be famous. I wouldn't mind being famous and successful. I've actually spent time contemplating whether I'd be willing to sell my soul for success. After much soul searching, I decided that I would be willing to sell my soul to be wealthy, successful and famous. I've been a nobody for 28 years and I feel that I have suffered enough. I have no social rank and the only place where I feel I get respect is in my anthroposophy group because I'm so insightful and deep.
Well let me tell you, being deep and sensitive don't boost the ego and my ego definitely needs to be stroked. I stroke my own ego so much, it gets tiring. It's time for the rest of the world to make a contribution to keep my ego satiated.
Hey Satan... I'm willing to sell my soul for some worldly success.
On the flip side, it is possible to be successful, wealthy and famous without comprimising one's integrity... or is it?
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Psuedo Lesbians
I have seen women kiss women, usually just on the lips with no tongue. I've seen in clubs or in various social events. I think it is probably one of the lamest ways a woman can declare her sexual independence. Sure a woman may protest that she is doing it because she feels like it but the reality is woman do it in a desperate attempt to be cool. To be lesbian sheek. To prove that she is sexually 'out there' and wild.
I remember being in a club and seeing a couple of girls doing a little grinding dance together. They only do it to get attention. They don't do it because they are genuinely turned on by the female form. If they were genuinely turned on by women, they would take her somewhere private, rip her pants off, lick her cunt and give her the best oral sex imaginable.
See, I consider myself a real woman. I don't need to play those silly little games that wannabe lesbians play where they give pecks on the lips. If you want to be a real wannabe lesbian, slip some tongue at least.
I remember being in a club and seeing a couple of girls doing a little grinding dance together. They only do it to get attention. They don't do it because they are genuinely turned on by the female form. If they were genuinely turned on by women, they would take her somewhere private, rip her pants off, lick her cunt and give her the best oral sex imaginable.
See, I consider myself a real woman. I don't need to play those silly little games that wannabe lesbians play where they give pecks on the lips. If you want to be a real wannabe lesbian, slip some tongue at least.
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Day is Coming
Greetings and Salutations,
Tomorrow on January 13th, is my birthday. I will be 28. Based on a life expectancy of 84, this means that 1/3 of my life is over. Now I actually feel old.
I actually feel impending doom and actually do not look forward to turning this age. I had read somewhere that the period of 28-35 is where many life changes occur. It is where people most likely marry if they haven't or get divorced if they are married, where people have children, where people change careers, where people become mentally ill. I sure hope that I experience major life shifts in that span.
I just want more out of life.
I feel like I don't have much time left to make something out of myself.
I guess that's not really true as there are people who are productive in their old age. But that's not the point.
Anyways, a couple of my co-workers in my department got me a card with some scratch tickets and brought donuts. I wasn't expecting that and thought that was very nice of them. I didn't win. I think if I were to win a significant amount, say anything over $1000, I think I would want to split it in cases like that where people buy you that as a gift. If I were giving it, I wouldn't care if they didn't split it.
*
I have been sick alot these past few weeks. I don't know if it is a reoccuring sickness. My throat is bugging me and I'll have a fever. I'll be fine for a week and then get sick again. I think there was only one cold that was going around at work that I didn't pick up. It's good to know that if there is an epidemic flu, my immune system probably would not help me survive.
*
I had an eye doctor appointment this Wednesday. The secretary puts you into another waiting room and there you wait until the doctor tells you to take a seat. I was waiting with some old man for a long time. I came in early too because I was hoping that I wouldn't be in for long. The doctor was ready to see me and then she told me to go to the room. I waited for another 5 minutes. I decided to look through my chart because I wonder what they put down in these things. I looked through some past entries and one of them was where the doctor wrote that I was 10 minutes late. I didn't appreciate that. I checked the clock and it was 30 minutes past my appointment. So I wrote in my notes that the doctor was 30 minutes late. I normally don't do stuff like that but that room where they make you wait has toys in it and I was playing with some of them. Playing with toys does help me get out of my head and into a more defenseless and child-like state of mind.
The doctor never said anything. I felt a bit bad because I probably should have asked about why she would write that I was 10 minutes late. I wasn't angry that she was late but just that she would write that down.
I think I should get another eye doctor. She was an opthamologist. I didn't feel cared for as a patient. You know if the eyes are the window to the soul, you would think they eye doctors would be more sensitive and gentle but she was not.
Tomorrow on January 13th, is my birthday. I will be 28. Based on a life expectancy of 84, this means that 1/3 of my life is over. Now I actually feel old.
I actually feel impending doom and actually do not look forward to turning this age. I had read somewhere that the period of 28-35 is where many life changes occur. It is where people most likely marry if they haven't or get divorced if they are married, where people have children, where people change careers, where people become mentally ill. I sure hope that I experience major life shifts in that span.
I just want more out of life.
I feel like I don't have much time left to make something out of myself.
I guess that's not really true as there are people who are productive in their old age. But that's not the point.
Anyways, a couple of my co-workers in my department got me a card with some scratch tickets and brought donuts. I wasn't expecting that and thought that was very nice of them. I didn't win. I think if I were to win a significant amount, say anything over $1000, I think I would want to split it in cases like that where people buy you that as a gift. If I were giving it, I wouldn't care if they didn't split it.
I have been sick alot these past few weeks. I don't know if it is a reoccuring sickness. My throat is bugging me and I'll have a fever. I'll be fine for a week and then get sick again. I think there was only one cold that was going around at work that I didn't pick up. It's good to know that if there is an epidemic flu, my immune system probably would not help me survive.
I had an eye doctor appointment this Wednesday. The secretary puts you into another waiting room and there you wait until the doctor tells you to take a seat. I was waiting with some old man for a long time. I came in early too because I was hoping that I wouldn't be in for long. The doctor was ready to see me and then she told me to go to the room. I waited for another 5 minutes. I decided to look through my chart because I wonder what they put down in these things. I looked through some past entries and one of them was where the doctor wrote that I was 10 minutes late. I didn't appreciate that. I checked the clock and it was 30 minutes past my appointment. So I wrote in my notes that the doctor was 30 minutes late. I normally don't do stuff like that but that room where they make you wait has toys in it and I was playing with some of them. Playing with toys does help me get out of my head and into a more defenseless and child-like state of mind.
The doctor never said anything. I felt a bit bad because I probably should have asked about why she would write that I was 10 minutes late. I wasn't angry that she was late but just that she would write that down.
I think I should get another eye doctor. She was an opthamologist. I didn't feel cared for as a patient. You know if the eyes are the window to the soul, you would think they eye doctors would be more sensitive and gentle but she was not.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
You Spin Me
I was watching this political documentary entitled Outfoxed: Rupert Murdoch's War on Journalism. I thought it was interesting. I don't get the Fox station up here in Canada so Fox news plays a non existent role in my life.
I began thinking about the word spin. Spin is defined in my dictionary as "a bias in information to give a favourite impression". Isn't the word spin a spin of itself? Isn't using the word spin really just a more fancier way to say that something is a lie? People seem to be waking up to the fact that media 'spins' things and we now use that word so freely. Why don't we just call it like it is, which is spreading lies and misinformation? Why are we Disneyfying something that is a serious issue?
I began thinking about the word spin. Spin is defined in my dictionary as "a bias in information to give a favourite impression". Isn't the word spin a spin of itself? Isn't using the word spin really just a more fancier way to say that something is a lie? People seem to be waking up to the fact that media 'spins' things and we now use that word so freely. Why don't we just call it like it is, which is spreading lies and misinformation? Why are we Disneyfying something that is a serious issue?
Monday, January 01, 2007
Cleanin' Up
I was cleaning upstairs with my mom. She has so many magazines that she's kept over the years and I have a bit of stuff upstairs that I could have gotten rid of. I did some cleaning up this evening by myself and got rid of my notes from high school. I kept my report cards and a couple of assignments that I liked. I went through some of my notes and apparently we did study in religion class Judaism, Islam and Hinduism. I went to a Catholic school and I remember learning about Judaism but not the other 2 religions. I am surprised Buddhism wasn't covered. Perhaps it sounds a bit too nihilistic and maybe it would be too depressing for teenagers.
I decided to keep my notes from university, which I attended for one year. I am a bit attached to my university notes. How many other people keep their notes from high school or university?
I considered myself smart but until I took chemistry and physics, my confidence in my intelligence took a bit of a dive. I had to work really hard in physics and it still didn't make sense to me. We had grade 13 when I was in high school and I think for grade 11(or 12) and grade 13 I must have gotten 59% or 60% in physics which was the lowest grade I ever got in my entire life. I had an academic weakness and it was rawly exposed. I think to this day it still affects me to some degree. I hope that perhaps one day I will make a contribution to science, particularly the field of physics. I hope that by the time I hit my 40s, I will develop an interest in physics and then come up with some revolutionary theory. I'll be the physics underdog who makes a comeback.
I hope you appreciate my little nerd fantasy.
Calculus too also crippled my confidence as well. I was always good in math and in elementary school was always a top performer. In many of the tests we were given, I would get 100% and most of the time was the top student in my class for math. In high school I would do well. Not necessarily the top student but usually got above 85%.
I have wounds from high school. I had academic wounds, social wounds and romantic wounds. I think I am over my social wounds but I think the academic wounds still linger. Growing up I always had faith and confidence in my academic ability but in high school there were a few courses that I didn't excel at and were quite a struggle. My faith in my intelligence was being chipped away at.
Physics was the first class I actually had to ask my teacher for help. I am usually someone who likes to figure things out on my own. I had to get over my pride in asking for help.
Life is about moving on and letting go. So I hope that getting rid of my notes signals to my subconscious that it is time to completely purify myself of these past experiences, whether they were were positive or negative and move on.
I decided to keep my notes from university, which I attended for one year. I am a bit attached to my university notes. How many other people keep their notes from high school or university?
I considered myself smart but until I took chemistry and physics, my confidence in my intelligence took a bit of a dive. I had to work really hard in physics and it still didn't make sense to me. We had grade 13 when I was in high school and I think for grade 11(or 12) and grade 13 I must have gotten 59% or 60% in physics which was the lowest grade I ever got in my entire life. I had an academic weakness and it was rawly exposed. I think to this day it still affects me to some degree. I hope that perhaps one day I will make a contribution to science, particularly the field of physics. I hope that by the time I hit my 40s, I will develop an interest in physics and then come up with some revolutionary theory. I'll be the physics underdog who makes a comeback.
I hope you appreciate my little nerd fantasy.
Calculus too also crippled my confidence as well. I was always good in math and in elementary school was always a top performer. In many of the tests we were given, I would get 100% and most of the time was the top student in my class for math. In high school I would do well. Not necessarily the top student but usually got above 85%.
I have wounds from high school. I had academic wounds, social wounds and romantic wounds. I think I am over my social wounds but I think the academic wounds still linger. Growing up I always had faith and confidence in my academic ability but in high school there were a few courses that I didn't excel at and were quite a struggle. My faith in my intelligence was being chipped away at.
Physics was the first class I actually had to ask my teacher for help. I am usually someone who likes to figure things out on my own. I had to get over my pride in asking for help.
Life is about moving on and letting go. So I hope that getting rid of my notes signals to my subconscious that it is time to completely purify myself of these past experiences, whether they were were positive or negative and move on.
Word up 2007
Happy New Year's y'all,
I just hung out with a couple of my friends at their house for New Year's. We watched some movies and played some games. I was not in the mood to go out and wanted something quiet and simple.
I ended up cleaning my room yesterday. I thought that it would be nice to ring in the new year with a clean room. I clean my room about once a month. I probably should do it more but I don't care if my room is always clean.
I went to my car as I had some items to get there and some items to put back. I tend to keep my gas receipts in the car and so I quickly cleaned up whatever loose papers I had. I'm cleaning the back seat from the front seat. I don't mind that my ass is up in the air because sometimes I like to put myself in odd physical positions, just for the sake of it. I would look at my backseat thinking, how the hell did I manage to have sex in the backseat is beyond me. I don't know if I would have sex again in my backseat.
I finished gathering the loose papers and had this lame cd program I got for free which I decided to throw out. I went inside and sorted through the papers and found a receipt for this product that I returned. I returned this 5 dvd set back in June but I never got a refund for it. I called them several times but they said I needed a receipt. I normally keep these things until it gets processed and I think I did check my car for the receipt. This company said they'd do an inquiry but I never heard from them. I called them up to say I found my receipt and they gave me my refund. I was pleased as the product was about $275 US.
*
There are 2 singers who originally were in bands and they decided to step out and do solo albums. They are Gwen Stefani of No Doubt and Stacey 'Fergie' Ferguson of Black Eyed Peas. I liked them both when they were in their respective bands. However when they decided to do their own work, I thought their music was absolute crap. Both of them have done several rap-type songs and it's not good. Gwen's new song Wind it Out is probably the worst song I've heard all year. It's shit coated shit. 'Fergie' seems to be a Gwen clone but a more sluttier clone. I'm all for women being sexy but some of these performers take skank to a whole new level. Fergie wears such outlandish outfits and excessive make up that she actually looks like a transvestite. To be redundant, she looks like a man who is trying to look like a woman. I find it ironic when these performers try and look sexy and provocative by dressing slutty, it ends up making them look unfeminine.
Please Gwen and Stacey, go back to your respective bands. When you do your solo work, it's too weird and stupid.
*
I want to be a breatharian. I get tired of eating and would just like to survive on air and not need to eat. I of course eat because I get hungry. I don't care to eat. I don't mind chocolate and sweets occasionally. And I wouldn't mind eating every once in a while. But I just get tired of always needing to eat 3 meals a day. I know some people can just eat breakfast and dinner but I can't because I get hungry around noon or 1 pm.
I just would like to be more fuel efficient. I love you stomach but you are too high maintenance for me!
I just hung out with a couple of my friends at their house for New Year's. We watched some movies and played some games. I was not in the mood to go out and wanted something quiet and simple.
I ended up cleaning my room yesterday. I thought that it would be nice to ring in the new year with a clean room. I clean my room about once a month. I probably should do it more but I don't care if my room is always clean.
I went to my car as I had some items to get there and some items to put back. I tend to keep my gas receipts in the car and so I quickly cleaned up whatever loose papers I had. I'm cleaning the back seat from the front seat. I don't mind that my ass is up in the air because sometimes I like to put myself in odd physical positions, just for the sake of it. I would look at my backseat thinking, how the hell did I manage to have sex in the backseat is beyond me. I don't know if I would have sex again in my backseat.
I finished gathering the loose papers and had this lame cd program I got for free which I decided to throw out. I went inside and sorted through the papers and found a receipt for this product that I returned. I returned this 5 dvd set back in June but I never got a refund for it. I called them several times but they said I needed a receipt. I normally keep these things until it gets processed and I think I did check my car for the receipt. This company said they'd do an inquiry but I never heard from them. I called them up to say I found my receipt and they gave me my refund. I was pleased as the product was about $275 US.
There are 2 singers who originally were in bands and they decided to step out and do solo albums. They are Gwen Stefani of No Doubt and Stacey 'Fergie' Ferguson of Black Eyed Peas. I liked them both when they were in their respective bands. However when they decided to do their own work, I thought their music was absolute crap. Both of them have done several rap-type songs and it's not good. Gwen's new song Wind it Out is probably the worst song I've heard all year. It's shit coated shit. 'Fergie' seems to be a Gwen clone but a more sluttier clone. I'm all for women being sexy but some of these performers take skank to a whole new level. Fergie wears such outlandish outfits and excessive make up that she actually looks like a transvestite. To be redundant, she looks like a man who is trying to look like a woman. I find it ironic when these performers try and look sexy and provocative by dressing slutty, it ends up making them look unfeminine.
Please Gwen and Stacey, go back to your respective bands. When you do your solo work, it's too weird and stupid.
I want to be a breatharian. I get tired of eating and would just like to survive on air and not need to eat. I of course eat because I get hungry. I don't care to eat. I don't mind chocolate and sweets occasionally. And I wouldn't mind eating every once in a while. But I just get tired of always needing to eat 3 meals a day. I know some people can just eat breakfast and dinner but I can't because I get hungry around noon or 1 pm.
I just would like to be more fuel efficient. I love you stomach but you are too high maintenance for me!
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