Lesbian Dreams

Greetings and Salutations,

Alright so I had some interesting lesbian dream this morning. I'm not a lesbian at all. I've never been with a woman. I've thought about it but I never really felt much attraction to women. I can appreciate a good looking woman. I might be willing to make out with a woman but...
I am a fan of the penis and a huge fan of the penis in the vagina, especially my vagina.

When I was in grade 9 my friends starting calling me a dyke. This was probably a few months into starting grade 9. These were my friends from elementary school and at this point many miner niners would still hang out with their friends from elementary school. I am surprised how high school can change some people into jerks and that's what happened with some of my friends. I didn't have a boyfriend and didn't date. I was one of those shy kids so although I like guys, I was rather quite scared of them. My 'friend', who I'll call Lisa (which is by the way her real name) starting calling me a dyke and then my other 'friend' Amanda (which is her real name as well) would join in. Amanda was one of those people who was really nice but when she was with Lisa she became a different person and would follow Lisa. Those 2 had some weird relationship. They would always have a fight, break up and then be friends again.

Perhaps Lisa was projecting her fears of being a lesbian onto me, a blazing hot sex goddess trapped in the body of a shy, genius nerd.

Because they kept calling me a dyke, I seriously began contemplating whether I really was a lesbian. But I came to realize that I wasn't. I wish I had stopped hanging out with them at lunch sooner and eventually I did find other friends to hang out. Ones that were more accepting towards me.

So this brings me back to my lesbian dream. I had a lesbian dream a few years ago that was quite explicit, which I will not go into. I'm secure with my sexuality and what I like. So maybe for other women, having a lesbian dream might freak them out. But for me, I try and be aware of what my subconscious is saying.

My lesbian dream was not really sexual in nature. Some woman was present and we both felt drawn to each other and attracted to each other. It wasn't sexual. We had this feeling of love and connection with each other. She would reach out and was feeling the energy around my hands. She liked me and I liked her. We were falling in love.

Perhaps this dream was symbolic of me accepting my feminin nature.

False Advertising

Today my co-workers and I ordered pitas from an undisclosed Pita store (here's a hint... it's called Extreme Pita). We all ordered combos and you have the option of getting a snack like cookies or chips. I went with cookies. I went with the double chocolate cookies.

I went to pick up the order as we called it in. I had faith that these cookies would be double cookie as the name implies. After I finished my pita, I began to eat my cookies. Apparently these cookies contain white chocolate chips as well. I felt betrayed. Here I was expecting just chocolate in my cookies. I don't want no whitie chocolate chips. I didn't want cookies that had 2 different types of chocolate.

These cookies should have been called something else. Something like double chocolate with white chocolate chips or jungle fever double chocolate or mottled double chocolate.

I shake my first in rage.

Skinner update

Greetings and Salutations,

We had contacted the vet today and the doctor told us to use a cotton ball with hydrogen peroxide with warm water on the injured areas. It appears Skinner will recover. Hopefully he will recover quickly and start using his injured leg more. And sing again.

An insider's job

Greetings and Salutations,

The family canary, Skinner is currently not doing well. I have previously mentioned that he faces danger from external birds, however the greater evil lies within the house. Skinner has a band on his leg which is common for birds. He was picking at it yesterday and my parents decided to take the leg band off.
The band was successfully removed.

My parents also decided to trim his nails since it appeared long to them. The first nail was trimmed. For the second nail, Skinner flinched and my dad ended up cutting too much of his nail, causing him to bleed profusely.

Bird nails have a blood vessel in them. You are to trim the nail 1/8 of an inch from that blood vessel. It is possible that a bird can bleed to death if you cut the blood vessel.

Skinner is surviving. The incident happened yesterday around 4 pm. He has been standing on his good leg for most of the evening. For this who do not know, canaries sleep standing on one leg. I do not know if excessive use of just one leg causes stress on the leg. He can fly and I have seen his stand on his damaged leg, but usually it is brief. I was concerned that he might die overnight but he made it through. I'm no doctor but I think if he lost too much blood, he would probably die within a few hours.

He has blood on his cheek and his belly, as he relaxs his damaged leg against his belly. How he got blood on his face is unclear.

It deeply saddens me to see an innocent creature suffer because of an accident. Let this be a lesson for those who care for birds. I have suggested to my parents to contact the vet for suggestion on aftercare, which they will do this afternoon. I don't think he needs medicine for preventing an infection as it was just his nail that was cut and not skin. I think he will probably just need to have his leg hand washed.

Skinner also has stopped singing and hopefully he will recover quickly from this genuine tragedy.

I love you Skinner!

A poem...

The trappings of existence has befallen the many
Crafted by an unknown intelligence
We wander
The trappings are many
The knowers are few

Segregation
Elimination
Discrimination

The temptation has yielded a fruit of unbearable consequences
The salvation exists
We mine for this salvation
The cost is high

Unrelenting is the pain
To go back crosses the mind
Comforted by the familiar
Warmed by the safe
Mortifed by the realization of ossification

A longing pervades
A desire persists
A decision is made

The sword is sharpened
The vision expands
The heart engulfs

Skinner Stalking

Greetings and Salutations Carriers of Cerebral fluid,

My canary Skinner is located near the window. It has given him new life to be placed in that location, however, today I was exposed to the harsh reality of how vulnerable my canary is to potential stalkers.

I was sitting on the couch reflecting upon whether I will attain Buddahood or not when I suddenly saw a Cardinal dive towards our window aiming straight for Skinner. The impact of the bird against the window startled me. Fortunately the Cardinal was okay. I don't think Skinner realized that another bird was after him.

My mother came into the living room and asked me why I was so upset and I notified her about the bird situation. She told me that the Cardinal was lurking around in the morning.

I am scared for my Skinner. He is being stalked.
I began contemplating what was the intention of this Cardinal? Did the Cardinal want to eat him? Or play with him?

Yesterday I had also noticed that another bird was fluttering in front of our window. Skinner seems to be popular. The bird from yesterday seemed curious about Skinner but today, this Cardinal seemed ready to attack. Although technically the only way an outsider bird will be able to hurt Skinner is if it waits by the side door until someone in my family leaves or enters the house. It would then have to fly into the living room, open the cage door either with its beak or feet and then begin to continuously peck at Skinner until he bleeds to death.

Or the bird would have to learn karate and break our front window. Both have a slim chance of actually happening. Skinner enjoys his location and I should hope that he doesn't get traumatized from other birds wanting to attack him.

Seepage in the brain

Reason #27 for wanting to move out of my parents house:

My mother is currently playing music by Engelbert Humperdinck.

A love note

Since it's Valentine's and I'm single, I thought I'd write about how much I love myself and tell myself how fabulous. Here goes Paula, I hope my writing makes you proud.

Why I love Paula: a message

You are a fabulous person. Paula you are funny and your highly accurate analytical mind puts many to shame. You are one of the most smartest people I know and the fact that you continously seek to grow as a person and actively seek to become better is something I highly value in you.
You are truly one of the most persistent spirits I have ever met. Most people don't know about the intensely painful inner experiences you have undergone in your early 20s. The spiritual trials you have undergone and will continue to experience is a testament to how truly strong you are. You have faced many demons. You have astounded me with your courage.
Your devotion to truth is also something very admirable. You love the truth and being honest with yourself so much that you don't care how much it hurts your ego. You have developed a high level of objectivity within yourself and that you should be proud of.
You have strong ethics and morals. I can always count on you to step up when things look bleak.
But what I truly love about you the most Paula is your highly compassionate nature. Because you have dedicated yourself to the painful task of self knowledge, you have learned many life lessons in a short span. Your understanding of how your emotions work within you has enabled you to deeply empathize with others and what struggles they deal with. Because you have dealt with your demons and have learned how to make yourself happy, you have truly gained a wonderful perspective on life.

I am so glad to have met you Paula. You have blessed me with your presence and glorious spirit.

I love you!

3 Cheers for Monogamy

I began reading a book entitled The Minds of Birds. I thought I would share a fact about birds with my mostly monogamous audience.

According to this book, 90% of all birds are monogamous.


Here's to monogamy!

Greetings and salutations,

Last night I completed my 6th journal. I have been keeping a physical journal since February 2000. It's not one of those wussy journals, it's 9 x 7 inches and is 196 pages. I tend to write more about my emotional states in my journals. I don't like to discuss my frustrations and lows in public as so I try to keep my blog perverted and happy.

I like to think that what I am writing will be valued in the future for historians. I like to think that someone reading it in the future will find it interesting to hear one's intimate thoughts during this time. I don't think they would find it valuable because it's mine but rather because the concept of struggle is universal and something everyone can relate. Although we live in such a materialistic age, I think they would find it interesting to see how someone copes and see what one values in life and how one seeks meaning and what theire hopes and aspirations are.

I do actually write positive things in my journal as well as sometimes good things do happen to me. And yes I do write about my sexual experiences and in one of my journals I begin my first journal entry (volume 2) writing about the first time I had sex with a partner (I was not a virgin at the time, it was just our first time getting it on).

I'm sure my future grandchildren would love to read sex stories about their grandmother.

Shhhhh

I don't want my mother to hear me say this so please keep this a secret.

I wanna crank me out some babies
My biological clock is ticking...
I can wait a few years so I am not in a rush to spawn.

I must be like a plant and germinate to continue my lineage. My lineage of weirdness and reliability.

Cage-ed Canary

Greeting and Salutations,

I decided to name my parent's canary Skinner. I named him that the day after they got him. I was hoping to come up with something better but that was the first thing I came up with. My parents moved him near the window after Christmas as the Christmas tree was at the window. Skinner was not singing when we first got him. He was just chirping. Skinner was on a 30 day probation period where we could return him if he didn't sing. A few days after he was moved to his new area, he did begin to sing. He is a good singer He seems to enjoy looking out the window. Prior to him being moved, I thought about what we could do to get him to sing. I thought that maybe there is a canary cd for birds. I looked online and came across several that say it encourages canaries to sing because it features other canaries. A canary can learn to sing by mimicking other canaries.

When we had our previous canary many moons ago, I would often open the cage door so that he could fly around the house. Usually Bobby would stay in the living room. I had opened the cage door for Skinner on Saturday but he did not go out. I opened it again on Sunday and left it open for the whole afternoon and he did not go out. When I first opened the door, I noticed that he aware of the door being open. But for some reason, he didn't make the connection that he could fly and have some fun.

I think this behaviour is something that we humans tend to do as well. We're all in some form of a metaphorical cage. When someone opens the door, we may see that there is an opening and yet we do not go out. We stay in for various reasons. And we miss out on exploring. Skinner could have explored the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, etc, but he could never go beyond his own cage. The cage represents our egotistical nature. We ususally stick with what is familiar, rarely challenging the false ideas and beliefs that our minds contain.

One can argue that perhaps there is nothing wrong about Skinner staying in his cage because maybe he felt he didn't need to leave because all of his needs are met.

I had pondered this and I myself couldn't come up with a counter argument. So maybe we all should just be content and stick with what is familar. Being complacent is underrated.

A rap for all my bitches and hoes

To all my bitches and hoes
I say can I getta what what
On the Saturday bend
I takin it
Like a freefall side of the loo
I say to all my bitches and hoes
Where yo heart be at
I'm from the mean streets of
Simpleness.
I'm from the ghetto projects of
Harlequinn.

Where does my master lie?
Can you take the baseball and hit it
Likes I rhymes wit you
You likes to rhymes with me
Yo holiday bitches and hoes
Take my cornucorpia
And make slide slide
down the Saturday bend
Yo bithces and hoes
Yo bitches and hoes
Yo bitches and hoes

I be bringin' it to ya
Tay Bell
I be bringin' it to ya
Mo tell
I be bringin' it to ya
Funer Rail

Ghetto back
Ghetto hoes
Ghetto bitches and hoes

Welcome to all my bitches and hoes
Don't be messin with the
Medicine
Don't be playin' with my
Cabinet
You ain't got my quickness
My slickness
My ghetto fabulous
Mmmmmm VEM
Shut up all y'all snitches and no hoes

Ghetto back
Ghetto front
Ghetto spiral it all out

Welcome to all my bitches and hoes
I say welcome to all my bitches and hoes