Saturday, June 17, 2006
Paranoia
I've been having to encounter many different personalities due to a new job that I have. Some people I'm noticing are mildly paranoid. It got me thinking about the nature of people whom are paranoid. It's pretty clear to me that the roots of paranoia is egoism. It's some weird combination of fear and ego mixed together. For a paranoid person, everyone is out to get them or someone is out to make their life difficult. They seem to possess this myopic sense of self. What is so special about you and about information that you possess that would make someone go out of their way to get it? Yes there are some people who actually have valuable access to info and probably need to possess a certain amount of discrimination towards whom they are to open up to. But realistically most people are nobody important. There are billions of people on this planet. What makes you so sure that you are the one being targeted?
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Google for your soul
My meditation disciplines are going well. Lots of soul searching. Everyone seems to be doing interesting things for the summer like going to Ireland or to the East Coast. But no not me, I am chooseing to explore my inner world and my soul. This is the sucky part of undergoing meditation disciplines. It requires a great deal of introspection and it is a lot of work. So I was thinking that it would be nice if someone invented a search engine for the soul. The world needs an inner google so that we can quickly sift through our inner issues quickly and efficiently.
I got a call today from one of the owners of the agency and he wanted to know about my pay situation. I told him about it and about the letter I wrote and about how my problem was with the manager/owner and not the staffing consultant and how she told me she got pulled aside. I was glad to have them phone me back. I hope this manager gets in shit because that psycho deserves it. I filed a complaint with the government about their violation of the Employment Act so I basically don't care about the situation anymore. I got my money. I filed my complaints. I followed through on my letter that I sent to them.
I was reading my local paper this morning and was reading an article by a regular columnist. He ususally does humour type columns and he mentioned 2 of my passions; Steiner and improv. If I were paranoid and mentally unstable, I would probably think he was directing this article to me and speaking in code. It was a column about raising kids and how there are always these theories that get put out on how to raise your kids.
I finished reading this book on cults by Margaret Thaler Singer entitled Cults in our Midst. It talks about how they operate and some psychological tactics they use to get people involved. They are highly deceptive. Many people wonder how someone would get sucked in but this book explains how it is usually done. Usually cults are very nice to you and at first they do no coerce you. Eventually through their psychological tactics they make people dependent on them. They also recruit people with social status such as doctors and lawyers because if people see that intelligent people are apart of it, then it can't be that bad.
I began contemplating whether my interest in antroposophy could be considered cultish. I've contemplated this before I think it's important to review and critique the activities that you do in life. Many cults tend to register as a church so they can evade taxes. I don't think anthroposophy is recognized as a 'church'. I don't think during Steiner's time, there was that status. I don't think he really profited from all the lecturing he did. I wikkied Steiner and they seemed to have a good description of his work. It's a philosophy and he would state that you have to question and think. Many cults advocate no thinking but he clearly argues and discussing the necessity of thinking and devotes much thought to thinking about thinking, which is what Philosophy of Freedom deals with. He also discusses how an interest in spirituality should not get in the way of doing your earthly tasks. So if you have a job and children and friends, an interest in anthroposophy should not make you slack off in these areas.
There are some critiques mainly from people in the US about the Waldorf system and how they believe anthroposophy is being taught in the schools and is therefore a religion. (this is completely untrue. Anthroposophy is specifically not meant to be discussed to children.)It has to do with how certain schools got public funding. The situation is different up here in Canada so I can't really explain well but there is stuff on the net. This group of people had their own online group and I might have joined for 2 weeks but they were quite full of venom and hatred. They were distorting so much about the Waldorf system. I'm all for challenging and questioning ideas, especially anthroposophy but if you're going to act like your beliefs are so right and you're not willing to rethink some of your ideas and listen to other people's perspective, then we can't have a useful dialogue. I see very little point in discussing things with people like that because whatever their issue is, it is clearly an emotional issue and rational thought will do no good.
For me, I enjoy reading his lectures and books. It's pleasurable for me. I'm interested in spiritual ideas and he's not the only person I've read. In my youth I was interested in other religions. I just have a preference for his work. I will continue to explore my own spiritual nature and I guess that anthroposophy is just one piece of my spiritual toolkit. Anyways, I feel like I have to justify my interest but I really shouldn't. I am what I am, I do what I do and that's that!
I got a call today from one of the owners of the agency and he wanted to know about my pay situation. I told him about it and about the letter I wrote and about how my problem was with the manager/owner and not the staffing consultant and how she told me she got pulled aside. I was glad to have them phone me back. I hope this manager gets in shit because that psycho deserves it. I filed a complaint with the government about their violation of the Employment Act so I basically don't care about the situation anymore. I got my money. I filed my complaints. I followed through on my letter that I sent to them.
I was reading my local paper this morning and was reading an article by a regular columnist. He ususally does humour type columns and he mentioned 2 of my passions; Steiner and improv. If I were paranoid and mentally unstable, I would probably think he was directing this article to me and speaking in code. It was a column about raising kids and how there are always these theories that get put out on how to raise your kids.
I finished reading this book on cults by Margaret Thaler Singer entitled Cults in our Midst. It talks about how they operate and some psychological tactics they use to get people involved. They are highly deceptive. Many people wonder how someone would get sucked in but this book explains how it is usually done. Usually cults are very nice to you and at first they do no coerce you. Eventually through their psychological tactics they make people dependent on them. They also recruit people with social status such as doctors and lawyers because if people see that intelligent people are apart of it, then it can't be that bad.
I began contemplating whether my interest in antroposophy could be considered cultish. I've contemplated this before I think it's important to review and critique the activities that you do in life. Many cults tend to register as a church so they can evade taxes. I don't think anthroposophy is recognized as a 'church'. I don't think during Steiner's time, there was that status. I don't think he really profited from all the lecturing he did. I wikkied Steiner and they seemed to have a good description of his work. It's a philosophy and he would state that you have to question and think. Many cults advocate no thinking but he clearly argues and discussing the necessity of thinking and devotes much thought to thinking about thinking, which is what Philosophy of Freedom deals with. He also discusses how an interest in spirituality should not get in the way of doing your earthly tasks. So if you have a job and children and friends, an interest in anthroposophy should not make you slack off in these areas.
There are some critiques mainly from people in the US about the Waldorf system and how they believe anthroposophy is being taught in the schools and is therefore a religion. (this is completely untrue. Anthroposophy is specifically not meant to be discussed to children.)It has to do with how certain schools got public funding. The situation is different up here in Canada so I can't really explain well but there is stuff on the net. This group of people had their own online group and I might have joined for 2 weeks but they were quite full of venom and hatred. They were distorting so much about the Waldorf system. I'm all for challenging and questioning ideas, especially anthroposophy but if you're going to act like your beliefs are so right and you're not willing to rethink some of your ideas and listen to other people's perspective, then we can't have a useful dialogue. I see very little point in discussing things with people like that because whatever their issue is, it is clearly an emotional issue and rational thought will do no good.
For me, I enjoy reading his lectures and books. It's pleasurable for me. I'm interested in spiritual ideas and he's not the only person I've read. In my youth I was interested in other religions. I just have a preference for his work. I will continue to explore my own spiritual nature and I guess that anthroposophy is just one piece of my spiritual toolkit. Anyways, I feel like I have to justify my interest but I really shouldn't. I am what I am, I do what I do and that's that!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Temp News
Greetings and salutations,
I have managed to solve my financial dilemna with the temp agency. I don't really want to go too much into it. I ended up having to call the head office and told them that I didn't get paid. The agency is a franchise so the head office at least has some interest in making sure the offices aren't causing too much trouble. I called the head office after speaking with the owner of the agency and again she just didn't seem to really get the concept that I was wronged and that I should get money in some form. I ended up speaking with a staffing consultant after I called the head office and we had agreed that I would get a certificate. Now I never bothered calling the head office again to let them know that we had agreed on a certificate for the mall but I found out on Monday that this staffing consultant was pulled aside for this problem. I spoke to her and she felt like I went behind her back. Unfortunately I never had a problem with her. She has always been nice. I felt like the head office should know about this incident regardless so I didn't bother calling them back. It's unfortunate that she got in trouble because it was really the owner that should have gotten in trouble. I don't know what happened to the owner and if the owner got in trouble.
I am not sure if I should call the head office again and let them know how much trouble the owner was giving me and how I had to send a letter. This staffing consultant shouldn't have gotten flak but I don't know if I should tell the head office. I also should have told the head office that my pay stubs were missing for quite some time and that they violated section 12 of the Employment Act and how the owner said that I was wrong even though I spoke to 2 people from the Ministry of Labour.
I filed a complaint with the Ministry of Labour about the section 12 violation and it will probably take a while.
I was contacted by someone from the Guelph agency and they notified me I was getting a paycheque. So I'll have to pick that up.
Any advice on whether I should complain about the owner to the Head office and possibly send them a letter? I don't know. How many other people is this woman pissing off with her ignorant way of conducting business? I asked the staffing consultant if she liked the owner, her boss and she said yes and that she's really nice. I just don't understand why the owner didn't just offer me a certicate in the first place.
I like the idea that I can get this owner in trouble but it would take some effort, mind you a phone call or two. I'm always getting into trouble and offending others, it would be fun to get someone else in trouble for a change.
I have managed to solve my financial dilemna with the temp agency. I don't really want to go too much into it. I ended up having to call the head office and told them that I didn't get paid. The agency is a franchise so the head office at least has some interest in making sure the offices aren't causing too much trouble. I called the head office after speaking with the owner of the agency and again she just didn't seem to really get the concept that I was wronged and that I should get money in some form. I ended up speaking with a staffing consultant after I called the head office and we had agreed that I would get a certificate. Now I never bothered calling the head office again to let them know that we had agreed on a certificate for the mall but I found out on Monday that this staffing consultant was pulled aside for this problem. I spoke to her and she felt like I went behind her back. Unfortunately I never had a problem with her. She has always been nice. I felt like the head office should know about this incident regardless so I didn't bother calling them back. It's unfortunate that she got in trouble because it was really the owner that should have gotten in trouble. I don't know what happened to the owner and if the owner got in trouble.
I am not sure if I should call the head office again and let them know how much trouble the owner was giving me and how I had to send a letter. This staffing consultant shouldn't have gotten flak but I don't know if I should tell the head office. I also should have told the head office that my pay stubs were missing for quite some time and that they violated section 12 of the Employment Act and how the owner said that I was wrong even though I spoke to 2 people from the Ministry of Labour.
I filed a complaint with the Ministry of Labour about the section 12 violation and it will probably take a while.
I was contacted by someone from the Guelph agency and they notified me I was getting a paycheque. So I'll have to pick that up.
Any advice on whether I should complain about the owner to the Head office and possibly send them a letter? I don't know. How many other people is this woman pissing off with her ignorant way of conducting business? I asked the staffing consultant if she liked the owner, her boss and she said yes and that she's really nice. I just don't understand why the owner didn't just offer me a certicate in the first place.
I like the idea that I can get this owner in trouble but it would take some effort, mind you a phone call or two. I'm always getting into trouble and offending others, it would be fun to get someone else in trouble for a change.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
MVEMSJUNP
I've been practicing my mantra meditations again. I started up a few months ago again after taking a month's break. It felt like longer. It's amazing how a week feels like a month for me. I feel like saying very little as I am deep in my meditations and it always feels like you're some miner or something, plumbing the depths of your soul and thoughts will bubble up or things get murky or you realize how stupid a once held previous belief or idea was. I'm at that stage where it's quiet but it's still digging deeper. I'm just waiting for something to come out, whether it is positive or negative. I've been trying to look for research online on the benefits of mantra meditation but I haven't found anything yet that meets my scientific requirements.
I'm practicing just a couple now. I have 2 main issues I am focusing on. My previous meditation attempts may not have gone as well because I was doing several and that can dilute your efforts. I've read that some disciplines may require the chanting of 125000 repititions to attain mantra siddha. In one book, someone had to do 3 of these to solve his dilema. Another person only did it for 2 weeks. It's all dependent on your particalur karma and so that's why I think for me these 2 issues that I am working on are more stubborn so I am making it a goal to do the 125,000 reps. I might do 3 of these if necessary. I'm going to see how it goes.
It doesn't take me long. I'm setting time in the morning and at night. I'm doing about 21 minutes or 7 rounds of 108, twice daily for my one discipline. The other one involves 2 mantras and I am doing 3 rounds of 108 for both, twice daily. That takes me 9 minutes for the one and 12 for the other. So my minimum meditation time is approximately 84 minutes. It's manageable for me, especially since I do it twice. I'm also keeping track of any extra rounds of 108 that I am doing.
I wonder if mantras are effective because there is really something to the sounds that they produce. I'm doing sanskrit mantras and it is based on the chakra system and that certain sounds stimulate certain parts of the chakras. I also wonder if it helps just because you are saying the same thing over and over.
I can't really say for sure. Because I'm under 28, I cannot use swaha as an ending. Many mantras end in swaha or namaha and if you are under 28, any swaha ending must be changed to namaha. It has to do with the energy of someone under 28 isn't ready for swaha. It might be related to that idea of Saturn making a full solar cycle in 28 years and so a human under 28 hasn't made a full solar cycle. Anyways, my point is that I rebelled because I am a spiritual rebel and I would chant my one mantra that normally ends with swaha instead of changing it to namaha. I might have switched the ending a week into it. I did it for a week but I starting to feel like I really shouldn't and I felt a bit off, like using this ending was too intense for me. Things were more normal when I went back to the namaha ending. But then I decided to try it again because I am impatient in my spiritual pursuits and I had that similar experience of where I was starting to feel it was too intense. I found myself more irritable.
I actually have a mantra program for relationships and there is a mantra for finding a spiritual wife and one for finding a spiritual husband. I want to do the discipline for finding a man but I've got other issues to work on and finding a mate isn't my top priority. The mantra for finding a wife has 13 words in it. Guess how many the mantra to find a husband is? It's only 4 words!
It's common for people in these new age groups to believe that they create their own realities but I have found that I don't have enough wisdom to create my own life. I have to submit my will to a higher will, a more all knowing will. I don't always know what's best for me. I may have a certain direction that I want a discipline to take but I can only do my work and let the universe or god sort out the rest. I don't run the show but I do have control over my life.
I'm practicing just a couple now. I have 2 main issues I am focusing on. My previous meditation attempts may not have gone as well because I was doing several and that can dilute your efforts. I've read that some disciplines may require the chanting of 125000 repititions to attain mantra siddha. In one book, someone had to do 3 of these to solve his dilema. Another person only did it for 2 weeks. It's all dependent on your particalur karma and so that's why I think for me these 2 issues that I am working on are more stubborn so I am making it a goal to do the 125,000 reps. I might do 3 of these if necessary. I'm going to see how it goes.
It doesn't take me long. I'm setting time in the morning and at night. I'm doing about 21 minutes or 7 rounds of 108, twice daily for my one discipline. The other one involves 2 mantras and I am doing 3 rounds of 108 for both, twice daily. That takes me 9 minutes for the one and 12 for the other. So my minimum meditation time is approximately 84 minutes. It's manageable for me, especially since I do it twice. I'm also keeping track of any extra rounds of 108 that I am doing.
I wonder if mantras are effective because there is really something to the sounds that they produce. I'm doing sanskrit mantras and it is based on the chakra system and that certain sounds stimulate certain parts of the chakras. I also wonder if it helps just because you are saying the same thing over and over.
I can't really say for sure. Because I'm under 28, I cannot use swaha as an ending. Many mantras end in swaha or namaha and if you are under 28, any swaha ending must be changed to namaha. It has to do with the energy of someone under 28 isn't ready for swaha. It might be related to that idea of Saturn making a full solar cycle in 28 years and so a human under 28 hasn't made a full solar cycle. Anyways, my point is that I rebelled because I am a spiritual rebel and I would chant my one mantra that normally ends with swaha instead of changing it to namaha. I might have switched the ending a week into it. I did it for a week but I starting to feel like I really shouldn't and I felt a bit off, like using this ending was too intense for me. Things were more normal when I went back to the namaha ending. But then I decided to try it again because I am impatient in my spiritual pursuits and I had that similar experience of where I was starting to feel it was too intense. I found myself more irritable.
I actually have a mantra program for relationships and there is a mantra for finding a spiritual wife and one for finding a spiritual husband. I want to do the discipline for finding a man but I've got other issues to work on and finding a mate isn't my top priority. The mantra for finding a wife has 13 words in it. Guess how many the mantra to find a husband is? It's only 4 words!
It's common for people in these new age groups to believe that they create their own realities but I have found that I don't have enough wisdom to create my own life. I have to submit my will to a higher will, a more all knowing will. I don't always know what's best for me. I may have a certain direction that I want a discipline to take but I can only do my work and let the universe or god sort out the rest. I don't run the show but I do have control over my life.
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