Greetings all,
Some of my friends and I went to see a movie called Friends with Benefits, which stars Justin Timberlake. I was having a conversation with one of my friends whom I have been having lusting for. We were having a conversation about the concept of having a Friends with Benefits (short form is FWB) arrangement. I said everyone has probably experienced being in this type of arrangement. Or at least you should have had this experience. To me, you haven't lived if you haven't had been in a FWB. I said I did this type of arrangement a few times in my 20s and to me that's almost standard behaviour for that age group. He apparently was the type of person who was always in a relationship and never really did this type of stuff.
I see being in a FWB as a smart way to sow your oats. Instead of always fucking random people when you aren't ready to commit to anyone, you can have consistent sex without the worry of getting a sexually transmitted disease.
Now for me, these past few years I have been wanting a meaningful relationship so I haven't engaged in this type of arrangement. He asked me what was the longest relationship I have had and most of them are short. I think with my first boyfriend, it was about a year and another guy I think it was just under a year, probably around 8 months.
I've spent most of my life single anyways and not actually involved with someone. This doesn't mean I was always in a FWB situation. I felt a bit awkward with this conversation because it was almost suggesting that I am not the type to be able to be in a relationship. For me, I just feel like I am fussy so I'm not going to stay in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. I'd rather be on my own. I obviously could handle being in a strictly sexual relationship but not everyone can. I probably could still do it and not get emotionally messed up but I'm just mentally and emotionally in a different place so it's not something I want to be involved with.
My friend thought this guy is probably gathering some data about me but I did say I'm in a different stage so looking for something more meaningful.
As well, just because someone is always the type to be in a relationship, doesn't mean they are good at it or that they are in healthy relationships. Someone who is just in FWB situations can be just as healthy or unhealthy emotionally as someone that is the relationship type.
At the end of the day, I don't think it matters if one has slept with lots of people before they meet the right person or if they have to plough through lots of relationships. The point is to be happy with yourself, regardless and hopefully find the right person. To me, there is no right or wrong way to live so I don't think the fact that I've been in a few FWB arrangements means I don't have what it takes to be in a meaningful long term relationship.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Creating Reality
Greetings all,
I have been feeling these past few weeks that I am creating my own reality. I've known this intellectually however it is starting to take deeper root into my being. I think because of my yoga practice and meditating, it really is giving me a deeper self awareness and consciousness about my life and the power that I have in my life.
I as well have been realizing that, although I am fairly open minded, there are ways in which I am limiting myself. And I can do something about it and not get trapped by my self imposed limitations. It's certainly liberating to understand that we create our reality.
What I notice is that if something bad happens to someone, they think it only happens only to them. People fail to realize (I think this is just common human psychology) that there are others out there going through the same thing and that they are not alone. I think getting to that stage, helps one to empower themselves too since they don't take the pain so personally. Definitely seems like an ego game we play - that we think we are the only ones suffering or experiencing difficulty in the world. It really is all about perception of events at the end of the day. Thank goodness for Sat Nam Rasayan as well (I am an avid practitioner). It's so key to not react to things and just accept what occurs. That helps to empower one as well since you can handle things better instead of fighting against reality. Most of suffering I would say is because we aren't accepting the reality of what is being presented to us.
I have been feeling these past few weeks that I am creating my own reality. I've known this intellectually however it is starting to take deeper root into my being. I think because of my yoga practice and meditating, it really is giving me a deeper self awareness and consciousness about my life and the power that I have in my life.
I as well have been realizing that, although I am fairly open minded, there are ways in which I am limiting myself. And I can do something about it and not get trapped by my self imposed limitations. It's certainly liberating to understand that we create our reality.
What I notice is that if something bad happens to someone, they think it only happens only to them. People fail to realize (I think this is just common human psychology) that there are others out there going through the same thing and that they are not alone. I think getting to that stage, helps one to empower themselves too since they don't take the pain so personally. Definitely seems like an ego game we play - that we think we are the only ones suffering or experiencing difficulty in the world. It really is all about perception of events at the end of the day. Thank goodness for Sat Nam Rasayan as well (I am an avid practitioner). It's so key to not react to things and just accept what occurs. That helps to empower one as well since you can handle things better instead of fighting against reality. Most of suffering I would say is because we aren't accepting the reality of what is being presented to us.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Need vs Want
Greetings all,
I was trying to have this discussion with my male friend about needing a relationship and wanting a relationship. We have a mutual friend, which I have mentioned in a previous post, that I think always has a need to be with a man as I think she is desperate on an emotional level. He seems to think what she is doing is okay because she is lonely. I probably know this person more then the male friend I was having this discussion. I know that she's not doing her inner work, she's done some but obviously there is more to do. I just know from a few conversations that she is looking for happiness in a man and the reality is, that will never happen because it's not the way reality works.
I know I obviously can't make someone wake up to the mistakes they are making and it's something they can change when they are ready and willing to change. I'm optimistic that she can learn her lessons when it comes to relationships. She might learn the lessons this year or 5 years. Who knows but if one is wanting a meaningful relationship, they are going to have to do some real inner work and soul searching to get to that place.
My friend whom I was talking about this female friend, just doesn't get the concept. He seems to think her needing a man is okay. I want a boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend. I feel fine emotionally and don't seek a man to fill an emotional void. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man. The difference between the two is that needing a man is coming from an emotionally unhealthy place, where you unconsciously believe it's someone else's job to make you emotionally fulfilled and happy. Wanting a man is coming from the place where you realize you can and do fulfill your own emotional needs. Your wanting a man comes from a secure place.
Wanting a man, means I have something to share. Wanting a man makes me more discerning because I don't waste my time with men who I am not interested in or don't think would be good matches. If I need a man, I will take whatever comes my way. I may display some discernment but because I don't know myself or invest enough time in myself, I tend to 'settle' and use men as emotional fillers. Needing a man means you are not bringing anything to the relationship. In fact you are arriving at it at a deficit, which to me is doomed to failure and doomed to cause drama for the participants
I think my male friend probably is a touch emotionally needy himself and maybe this is why he doesn't get what my point is and why I think she is needy, which is not healthy. All the healthy relationships I know of that work are ones where people want a relationship and are not emotionally needy. Looking outside of yourself for your own peace and happiness are just recipes for disaster. We all know it intellectually but it has to be something learned on an emotional level.
I was trying to have this discussion with my male friend about needing a relationship and wanting a relationship. We have a mutual friend, which I have mentioned in a previous post, that I think always has a need to be with a man as I think she is desperate on an emotional level. He seems to think what she is doing is okay because she is lonely. I probably know this person more then the male friend I was having this discussion. I know that she's not doing her inner work, she's done some but obviously there is more to do. I just know from a few conversations that she is looking for happiness in a man and the reality is, that will never happen because it's not the way reality works.
I know I obviously can't make someone wake up to the mistakes they are making and it's something they can change when they are ready and willing to change. I'm optimistic that she can learn her lessons when it comes to relationships. She might learn the lessons this year or 5 years. Who knows but if one is wanting a meaningful relationship, they are going to have to do some real inner work and soul searching to get to that place.
My friend whom I was talking about this female friend, just doesn't get the concept. He seems to think her needing a man is okay. I want a boyfriend. I don't need a boyfriend. I feel fine emotionally and don't seek a man to fill an emotional void. There's nothing wrong with wanting a man. The difference between the two is that needing a man is coming from an emotionally unhealthy place, where you unconsciously believe it's someone else's job to make you emotionally fulfilled and happy. Wanting a man is coming from the place where you realize you can and do fulfill your own emotional needs. Your wanting a man comes from a secure place.
Wanting a man, means I have something to share. Wanting a man makes me more discerning because I don't waste my time with men who I am not interested in or don't think would be good matches. If I need a man, I will take whatever comes my way. I may display some discernment but because I don't know myself or invest enough time in myself, I tend to 'settle' and use men as emotional fillers. Needing a man means you are not bringing anything to the relationship. In fact you are arriving at it at a deficit, which to me is doomed to failure and doomed to cause drama for the participants
I think my male friend probably is a touch emotionally needy himself and maybe this is why he doesn't get what my point is and why I think she is needy, which is not healthy. All the healthy relationships I know of that work are ones where people want a relationship and are not emotionally needy. Looking outside of yourself for your own peace and happiness are just recipes for disaster. We all know it intellectually but it has to be something learned on an emotional level.
Job
Greetings all,
I actually get to start a job tomorrow. I had the interview on Thursday and they said they would get back by Friday if I got it. I didn't hear from them Friday so I figured I didn't get it. The interview felt weird to me and I was late by a few minutes because the streetcar was going really slow in one spot. I gave myself plenty of time to get there butt I guess it wasn't enough. The company does planned giving and in the cover letter they wanted people to write about planned giving. I talked about how I was in a book group and we read World Economy by Rudolf Steiner and he talked about how gift money is the most productive money out there - in comparison to loan money or purchase money.
It is downtown so I am glad about that because I wanted to work downtown again. I think it's cool to be downtown.
I credit finding this job o the Job Mantra Stack that I did. I think my getting a cold was related to this because I have read that sometime around day 33 of the meditation, sometimes something may occur, like getting sick or things going wrong.
The stack is as follows:
Om (Gum Gum Gum)* Shrim Shrim Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Namaha
Om Shrim Gum Ganapatyei Namaha
Om Lakshmi Ganapatyei Namaha
Om Kshipra Prasadaya Namaha
Ha Sa Ka La E I La Hrim x2 (2 reps = 1 mantra)
*Note: When I chant this I add the 3 Gums before the 3 Shrims. It gives a wonderful momentum/energy to this mantra.
The benefit of each would be:
1. Om Shrim Shrim Shrim Maha Lakshmiyei Namaha - Blessings of abundance from Maha Lakshmi
2. Om Shrim Gum Ganapatyei Namaha - Removing obstacles by Lord Ganesh
3. Om Lakshmi Ganapatyei Namaha - Asking Lakshmi and Ganesh to work together to bring about our desire
4. Om Kshipra Prasadaya Namaha - Immediate help from Lord Ganesh
5. Ha Sa Ka La E I La Hrim
Ha Sa Ka La E I La Hrim
This Kubera mantra is specifically about the prosperity of $$ money $$ because Kubera is God's treasurer.
Our experience is that this stack is powerful and quick. Repeat each mantra at least 108 times every day. If you are concerned and have time, you could do the stack once in the morning and once in the evening. But, as Namadeva says, be ready, "cause this one could really blow your socks off."
These mantras are in various CDs of Namadeva's work, which you can learn about at Sanskritmantra.com. I've used his mantras years ago and then started doing kundalini yoga and not spending so much time chanting. I decided to start to chant again. I was skeptical to use this stack but it seemed to work. I've done lots of disciplines and I could never tell if they helped me. I was more into seeing drastic, real physical things manifest. I know working with Kali mantras, I was able to manifest things so I do know they work.
I know for me, I am a little shocked. Lately I have been realizing that I am creating my own reality and this is a big thing. It's one thing to know it intellectually but another thing when you start to really get it on a practical level. I've been more aware of various thoughts and have challenged them. I think I have limited myself and I am starting to realize that there is more out there then we could imagine.
I really know this is the beginning for me. I am wanting to be a comedian. Maybe I have to revise this but maybe now I can really take it to the next level. I need a day job for now. Who knows what will happen. Work and prosperity have always been issues for me and maybe I am finally able to resolve things.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Ah Neighbors...
Greetings all,
I recently kept running into one of my neighbors. We saw each other a few months ago and acknowledged each other a few times. He has a bit of an issue with his leg so he bends to his side and looks like he is lifting his leg. In my head, I nicknamed him Hobbie McHobbster (or something like that), since he hobbles when he walks.
Now the neighbor above me I hear sometimes having sex and so I have been curious to know who is above me. Now I just hear the bed noises, I don't hear moaning or anything. So it's annoying for me. Earlier on in the year, the bed noises had a certain rhythm to them and had a certain strength to them but lately they have been weaker sounding but also the rhythm has changed. I wondered if a new couple moved in or if it's a girl/guy who now has a new partner. As well, I had thought maybe it's a different man but it's possible the difference in sound is the woman being on top. Lots of theories floating about in my mind. As well, this neighbor would indulge in 5am sex, which was annoying for me as it would wake me up. I can't imagine having sex on a weekday. Weekend morning sex, sure I would indulge. But on the weekday? It's too much. I prefer night time so I can decompress. People would tell too if I indulged in morning sex. I'm just too obvious.
So Hobbie McHobbster I found out is the neighbor who lives above me. I was joking to myself that I bet he was the neighbor above me and I asked him and lo and behold he was.
We became friends on Facebook and he sent me a message saying he was interested in me. I declined and said we could be friends. He wanted to 'embrace the woman' in me. Translation: I want to fuck you because you are so close to me geographically.
I figured he was probably a player because he probably sleeps around or has a fuck buddy so I took his comment with a grain of salt. He was making his move about 2 weeks ago and just last Saturday I heard him going at it. Ah the joy of players!
I recently kept running into one of my neighbors. We saw each other a few months ago and acknowledged each other a few times. He has a bit of an issue with his leg so he bends to his side and looks like he is lifting his leg. In my head, I nicknamed him Hobbie McHobbster (or something like that), since he hobbles when he walks.
Now the neighbor above me I hear sometimes having sex and so I have been curious to know who is above me. Now I just hear the bed noises, I don't hear moaning or anything. So it's annoying for me. Earlier on in the year, the bed noises had a certain rhythm to them and had a certain strength to them but lately they have been weaker sounding but also the rhythm has changed. I wondered if a new couple moved in or if it's a girl/guy who now has a new partner. As well, I had thought maybe it's a different man but it's possible the difference in sound is the woman being on top. Lots of theories floating about in my mind. As well, this neighbor would indulge in 5am sex, which was annoying for me as it would wake me up. I can't imagine having sex on a weekday. Weekend morning sex, sure I would indulge. But on the weekday? It's too much. I prefer night time so I can decompress. People would tell too if I indulged in morning sex. I'm just too obvious.
So Hobbie McHobbster I found out is the neighbor who lives above me. I was joking to myself that I bet he was the neighbor above me and I asked him and lo and behold he was.
We became friends on Facebook and he sent me a message saying he was interested in me. I declined and said we could be friends. He wanted to 'embrace the woman' in me. Translation: I want to fuck you because you are so close to me geographically.
I figured he was probably a player because he probably sleeps around or has a fuck buddy so I took his comment with a grain of salt. He was making his move about 2 weeks ago and just last Saturday I heard him going at it. Ah the joy of players!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Summer Love
Greetings all,
A few people in my social circle have started dating and are now in the early stages of coupleness. My one friend recently broke up with someone, only after 2 months of dating and being a 'couple'. I didn't think they would last long because I didn't think the guy was right for her personality. And of course, I was right. As usual.
I think I am at this point in my life where - because many of my friends are single and only seem to partake in short term relationships - I don't really get too concerned if they announce that they are part of a relationship. I mean, I think to be a real couple you have to be together for over a year and to be a real, real couple at least for 5 years. I just notice that some people 'date' and are exclusive but then break up but they call themselves a couple in the process. I really don't see people as a couple until they have been together for quite a while. So if people want to play the game, that's fine but I won't take it serious until some time has elapsed.
Back to my friend whom recently broke up with someone. I didn't tell her I didn't think it would work out, because I knew right away after we had a conversation about how their relationship was going. We hardly had a chance to talk because as many people spend all their time together in the early stages. If someone is not happy and already bringing up their issues, it's just not going to work out. I mean, the truth is a relationship can last but it can be unhealthy but it is a working relationship and obviously is serving the needs of the participants. It doesn't mean they genuinely love each other.
My other friend I have learned is recently with a new boyfriend but I don't think it will work out either because from what I have observed in her, is she has this need to always be in relationships. She was living long term with someone and moved out last year but was quick to find a boyfriend. But as well, she seemed desperate to find someone and felt lonely. I don't feel lonely that often and I have been single for so long. I am used to figuring out how to spend my time on my own. I enjoy my company. While I prefer having a partner, I haven't met anyone that floats my boat. I think socializing with others helps. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy life. Which I think this person just hasn't done yet. She has yet to discover who she is and I think is seeking someone to fill the void that is lacking in herself that is really her responsibility to fulfill.
Is it really wise to tell people what you see is a mistake they are making? I guess we can hope they figure things out but what if they don't or are taking way too long (long of course is a relative term)? I'll be hanging out with these people tomorrow night and I know I can't make anyone change but I can certainly speak my mind and make observations and basically just have a conversation about what I observe.
A few people in my social circle have started dating and are now in the early stages of coupleness. My one friend recently broke up with someone, only after 2 months of dating and being a 'couple'. I didn't think they would last long because I didn't think the guy was right for her personality. And of course, I was right. As usual.
I think I am at this point in my life where - because many of my friends are single and only seem to partake in short term relationships - I don't really get too concerned if they announce that they are part of a relationship. I mean, I think to be a real couple you have to be together for over a year and to be a real, real couple at least for 5 years. I just notice that some people 'date' and are exclusive but then break up but they call themselves a couple in the process. I really don't see people as a couple until they have been together for quite a while. So if people want to play the game, that's fine but I won't take it serious until some time has elapsed.
Back to my friend whom recently broke up with someone. I didn't tell her I didn't think it would work out, because I knew right away after we had a conversation about how their relationship was going. We hardly had a chance to talk because as many people spend all their time together in the early stages. If someone is not happy and already bringing up their issues, it's just not going to work out. I mean, the truth is a relationship can last but it can be unhealthy but it is a working relationship and obviously is serving the needs of the participants. It doesn't mean they genuinely love each other.
My other friend I have learned is recently with a new boyfriend but I don't think it will work out either because from what I have observed in her, is she has this need to always be in relationships. She was living long term with someone and moved out last year but was quick to find a boyfriend. But as well, she seemed desperate to find someone and felt lonely. I don't feel lonely that often and I have been single for so long. I am used to figuring out how to spend my time on my own. I enjoy my company. While I prefer having a partner, I haven't met anyone that floats my boat. I think socializing with others helps. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy life. Which I think this person just hasn't done yet. She has yet to discover who she is and I think is seeking someone to fill the void that is lacking in herself that is really her responsibility to fulfill.
Is it really wise to tell people what you see is a mistake they are making? I guess we can hope they figure things out but what if they don't or are taking way too long (long of course is a relative term)? I'll be hanging out with these people tomorrow night and I know I can't make anyone change but I can certainly speak my mind and make observations and basically just have a conversation about what I observe.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Thoughts on the Census
Greetings all,
We are almost done doing the Census in my district and now we are dealing with the scum of scum! Some people just think they can outsmart the government. It is stupid. Some people have said they mailed in the Census. Then the postal strike started and ended. Some people actually really did mail in their Census as it was received quickly after the strike was over. Others just said that to get us to go away. Do they honestly think that lying would work? The past few weeks I have been making visits to people who have claimed they did it and it was not received or processed. If it doesn't get processed in a certain time frame then it is safe to say they were lying. This time you can do your Census online and maybe doing it online created some glitches but some people said they did it online and it just wasn't processed. It takes a day for it to register on our end it was done.
I think for me, doing this job has gotten annoying. Are people that stupid where they think the government is not going to notice that it hasn't arrived. Do they think they not keep track of things, especially in this day and age with computers?
I try not to take the lying personally but it really irks me. It is your duty as a citizen of this country. Other countries force you to join the military and serve for your country. Canada, however, just asks that you fill out a form that takes less then 5 minutes to do. It asks your date of birth, marital status and languages you speak. It's really not asking for a lot isn't it? I think this is a pretty good country if you ask me. It's not perfect and yes some of the people that run the show are idiots but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do your Census.
The other thing is people don't understand is that they think all government departments are the same. The government has different departments, like Health and Fisheries etc so if you don't like Harper, that doesn't mean you have to hate all government departments. Harper hates us and that is why the long form is not mandatory this time around. We just gather data and make it public. We probably are the nerdiest department out there. Maybe this is why I am so passionate about doing the Census.
We are almost done doing the Census in my district and now we are dealing with the scum of scum! Some people just think they can outsmart the government. It is stupid. Some people have said they mailed in the Census. Then the postal strike started and ended. Some people actually really did mail in their Census as it was received quickly after the strike was over. Others just said that to get us to go away. Do they honestly think that lying would work? The past few weeks I have been making visits to people who have claimed they did it and it was not received or processed. If it doesn't get processed in a certain time frame then it is safe to say they were lying. This time you can do your Census online and maybe doing it online created some glitches but some people said they did it online and it just wasn't processed. It takes a day for it to register on our end it was done.
I think for me, doing this job has gotten annoying. Are people that stupid where they think the government is not going to notice that it hasn't arrived. Do they think they not keep track of things, especially in this day and age with computers?
I try not to take the lying personally but it really irks me. It is your duty as a citizen of this country. Other countries force you to join the military and serve for your country. Canada, however, just asks that you fill out a form that takes less then 5 minutes to do. It asks your date of birth, marital status and languages you speak. It's really not asking for a lot isn't it? I think this is a pretty good country if you ask me. It's not perfect and yes some of the people that run the show are idiots but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do your Census.
The other thing is people don't understand is that they think all government departments are the same. The government has different departments, like Health and Fisheries etc so if you don't like Harper, that doesn't mean you have to hate all government departments. Harper hates us and that is why the long form is not mandatory this time around. We just gather data and make it public. We probably are the nerdiest department out there. Maybe this is why I am so passionate about doing the Census.
Sick
Greetings all,
I actually getting a cold since Saturday afternoon. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick for real because twice this year, I would feel like I am getting sick but I never did. I was just grazed. By Sunday, I was starting to feel worse and it looks like this is the first time this year I actually got sick. I have a cold and missed work last night. I am not sure if I want to work today because sometimes the best thing to do is rest and take it easy. Since I am an enumerator, my job requires I walk and at this stage in the game, I am dealing with idiots so maybe I need to take it easy? It is our last day working in this district and then we'll probably work to help another district.
I actually getting a cold since Saturday afternoon. I wasn't sure if I was getting sick for real because twice this year, I would feel like I am getting sick but I never did. I was just grazed. By Sunday, I was starting to feel worse and it looks like this is the first time this year I actually got sick. I have a cold and missed work last night. I am not sure if I want to work today because sometimes the best thing to do is rest and take it easy. Since I am an enumerator, my job requires I walk and at this stage in the game, I am dealing with idiots so maybe I need to take it easy? It is our last day working in this district and then we'll probably work to help another district.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)