Vacation Update

Greetings and salutations,

Today I am in Paris. I arrived last evening from London. I arrived in London on the 24th and hated my night flight. I couldn't even sleep so I don't know if I will ever take an overnight flight again.

I actually got to meet the English Muffin on Wednesday as he skipped out on work. He took me to Stonehenge and then we went to this town called Bath. We got there late so there wasn't much to do so we wondered around and eventually went to his place.
Where I got none.

Yes that's right folks, the English Muffin didn't want to put out on the first meeting because he wanted to be a 'gentleman' and had some bizarre superstition that if we had sex on the first meeting, the relationship wouldn't work out.

Whatever!

He thinks it's a little weird how direct we Canadian women are about sex. Sex is just like anything else in this world. I don't talk about it all the time but when talking about it, why not just cut to the chase and tell it like it is???

He has some other Canadian female friend who is similar to me about being open to talking about sex but I don't think everyone in Canada is like that.

I liked the subway system better in London and find it more cleaner.

I managed to get hit on on my first night out in London. Usually I go out in the day but this was my first day there and I was so tired from the overnight flight, that I took a nap and decided to hit some bars. I had my nice sexy top that showcased my lovely cleavage. Near the end of my night I had someone approach me and ask me for directions but I said I was lost as well and we started chatting. I think that was just a pick up line. We went to some pub and he bought me a drink. It turns out he is an Italian doctor. A gynecologist specifically. I chuckled when he told me that because that is comedy material right there!!! He says he delivers babies and does examinations. He walked me back to my hostel but not all the way as I didn't want him to know where I was staying.

This of course was all prior to me speaking to the english muffin, who responded to my emails Saturday evening while I was out.

Well I must begin my day of exploring Paris so I will eventually write some more.

Au revoir mon amies!

Some Stand-up for you...

Greetings all,

I thought I'd post a set I did about 2 months ago at a show in Toronto. It's available at youtube. You can watch me here.

This was a show my roommate and her friend went to see so my roommate was kind enough to videotape my performance so I can critique and learn from myself.

One of my critiques is that I use the word um too much. I'm a little embarassed to be posting this but this is part of the process when evolving as a performer.

Enjoy!

Oy Vey!

Greetings and Salutations,

I'm getting excited about my vacation to England, France and Spain. I haven't really planned anything and I would have done so during this long weekend but I have been super busy, which annoys the crap out of me. I'm going to start preparing tomorrow night.

My roommate is going to England as well for a week 2 days before I leave. She's going to some friend's wedding. I look forward to my vacation, although it will be a little bitter-sweet since I was hoping to meet the English Muffin but I don't think that's going to happen. I never really explained to you my beloved audience what happened between us and I will take a moment to do so.

I was getting frustrated that I hadn't chatted with him for 5 days. Normally we talk a bit more frequently. Not using it as an excuse, but my week was a bit stressful and I was hoping to at least have someone whom I felt would understand some of my stress. Low and behold, I send him a break up email(I referred to him as my potential boyfriend so I wanted to end that). I put some thought into it and wanted to at least stay friends. A couple of days later I realized maybe I was being impulsive so I wanted to at least explain to him on the phone (Skype). He was ignoring me and then I sent an email just explaining myself and still no reply. I was hoping to at least meet up with him for coffee but I haven't heard from him, which saddens and confuses me. However life goes on. I have managed to date one person and so now I am back into this ever so interesting dating process.

I'm going to couchsurf as well. My one friend used the site and had a positive experience. It works similar to ebay in that people do leave feedback so at least you can find out if this person is decent. They have an address verification process as well. I might hostel as well but I want to try out this couchsurfing thing.

My parents gave me some Euro dollars and I'll have to get some Pounds as well this week. I hope I can get myself organized soon. I'm not going to plan everything but need a beginning planned. I'm also wondering if I should rent a car for a few days here and there. I plan to stay in London for a couple of days and Paris as well.

I'm nervous and excited!
* * *
I'm starting to refer to myself now as a Tempermental Artist. I think I'm over this being a nerd and then becoming a Diva while still thinking I'm a nerd. I like this idea of being a Tempermental Artist. I used to dislike the term 'artist'. I heard some young woman refer to herself as that and I thought how stupid and wussy it sounds but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am an artist. I like to write and think of jokes and funny things. I create therefore I am an artist. And I am a perfectionist in certain parts of my life. In fact I don't think the word perfectionist is accurate. I am a precisionist. I like to be precise about things and when it comes to my art, my comedy, I am a precisionist which is why I can be tempermental and fussy about certain things.

Yucky

Greetings and Salutations,

I am doing some videos for youtube and am forced to hear the sound of my voice. In my head I don't sound so bad but when I hear myself in reality, it saddens me and repulses me that I could have such an awful voice.

What bothers me the most is when my voice gets too high and it sounds whiny. Going over my tape, I don't think I sound whiny when I speak but sometimes it does.

And I hate looking at myself. Sometimes I think I look alright and other times I think I look weird.

Blah its moments like this where I wish I was someone else and looked and sounded better!

Predictable Sundays

Greetings and Salutations,

Every Sunday my brothers come over to visit my parents and we have a family dinner. Now that I've moved out I don't have to stop by every Sunday. I can tell you, however, that even if I am not showing up for the family dinner on Sunday, I can predict exactly what will happen.

I have 3 brothers, Rob, Tony and Louie. Tony and Louie are twins and they have a mental illness, schizoprenia. Rob is the oldest and he is not the smart one in the family.

Here is what typically happens on a Sunday at my parents. My mom will begin cooking the home cooked meal around 2 or 3 pm. My brothers usually show up at around 1.30. Tony generally arrives first and is around by 1.15. He usually goes to pet the family cat Sally, who will hiss at him because she only grew up with Rob, my parents and myself so she fails to recognize that my other brothers are also part of the family. Then Louie will arrive and then they both go out to Tim Horton's to get a coffee together.

When they return they will talk about the various people in their boarding homes and share stories about how dysfunctional the people in their homes behave.

Meanwhile my dad is either watching tv or sleeping on the sofa. Either way he is lying down on the couch.

Now that my parents bought a new computer, my mother will ask me to take a look at the computer or ask me various questions. I am now the family computer expert simply because I know how to use a computer, although I really have little expertise in computers.

I usually read the newspaper from the week or be on the computer and Tony will come right up to me, place his hand on my shoulder and violate my personal space by putting his face about 2 inches from mine. I will tell him to leave me alone. He apologizes but will do the same thing next week. Several times during his visit, Tony will turn on the radio and leave the room. I usually shut it, only to have him come back and turn it on.

At some point in the afternoon, Tony and Louie will wrestle each other standing up in the hallway. I yell to my mother to tell them to stop. My mother tells them in her typical submissive fashion to "please stop you'll ruin the walls".

My other brother Rob arrives around 4 and usually arrives after going to the gym. We eat at 4.30. Louie laughs during dinner for no reason. I ask what's so funny and I can never get a straight answer. I scowl and wonder why I was brought into this family. Rob is quiet and you can sense the tension between Rob and my dad.

Rob will share some useless facts during dinner in order to prove that he is intelligent although it just reinforces the fact that he isn't that bright. He would appear smarter if he didn't try so hard.

After dinner, my brothers all retreat to the basement, where Rob typically watches tv and my other brothers discuss various things and frequently discuss the behaviour of people and how little sense it makes. Louie will remark at some point "This life is a laugh".

So folks, that's basically what happens at my parent's house every Sunday. I could stop going for months and the behaviours I've just described will occur.

Evil from an Anthroposophical Perspective - Part 5: My Personal Experiences with Evil

I have had some personal experiences with evil. I have always believed that humans need to explore their dark side and not repress it. I believed that in repressing our dark nature, we would be making the situation worse. I felt that embracing it would allow us to gain something useful.

I had undergone trials of evil. I have checked my journal entries and the dates of my trials of evil are February 17, March 28, August 20 2002 and April 14, 2003. During these trials of evil, I experienced pure evil, a pure egoism in my thinking and in my feeling. It did not affect my will. I am not sure exactly what allowed me to have these experiences. I think I wanted to experience pure evil and I believe it was possible the spiritual world felt I was mature enough to handle these trials. I was able to live in it and let it work through me but at the same time it did not take a hold of me. Having this experience was extremely pleasurable. It felt good and made me feel good having this evil run through me.

I would feel this cruelty and coldness. I felt destructiveness and wanted to torture people. During my last experience, I felt a destructive darkness. It made me feel powerful. When I accepted this feeling, it seemed to go away. I began to realize the superficial power of evil.

I believe that if we deny our capacity for evil, we can never be truly human. I feel that in admitting our capacity for error, we become more human.

Another personal experience I had was in the summer of 2004. I went out with someone for a drink. I would spend time chatting, observing the person and observing my surroundings. When I was observing this person, I suddenly felt this wave of evil coming from his eye region. He was not talking about anything negative; it was just a regular conversation. For a couple of weeks, I first began questioning if that was my own evil reflecting back but I got the feeling that it was not and I realized that it was this person’s evil. I do not feel this person is absolute evil. I do not believe that a human can be pure evil. This person may have been 98% good and I accidentally discovered the 2% evil.

I do not look upon this person with hatred or fear. I feel compassionate for this person. I think this person can transform this evil with some inner effort.

References

Movie
The Corporation

Scott Peck
People of the Lie

Rudolf Steiner
The Ahrimanic Deception - lecture
The Apocalypse of St. John - 12 lectures from June 17 – 30 1908
The Concepts of Original Sin and Grace - lecture
The Deed of Christ and the Opposing Spiritual Powers – lecture
Evil – a collection of lectures
How to Know Higher Worlds
The Reappearance of Christ in the Etheric – a collection of lectures

Peter Tradowsky
Christ and Antichrist: Understanding the events at the end of the century and recognizing our task