How do You Stay Sane?

Greetings all,

I wonder how people in this world stay sane and emotionally centered and calm. I am very disciplined in my spiritual practice, although I don't talk about it to others.

I have done hatha yoga for 8 years, qigong for 3 and now have been doing kundalini yoga for over a year and a half. I also have experience working with sanskrit mantras for 4 years.

I also keep a journal to write down my fears, anger, frustrations, etc.

I often wonder, how does everyone else keep sane?

I think I'd be in a mental institute or massively fucked up if I didn't make use of these calming spiritual tools. This world seems mad for me and I shudder to think how stressed I would be if I didn't have access to this information that is readily available to people.

I'm sure people centre themselves in other ways but I wonder how effective it is in helping them to truly relax.

Is there something wrong with me?

Greetings all,

I think many people probably feel this way about themselves, i.e. that they feel like something is wrong with them. Today I was wondering if maybe what I really am feeling, is me becoming aware of some of my 'weaknesses' that I may not have wanted to acknowledge. I know that I do have some limitations and weaknesses and for the most part I accept them but maybe I'm becoming aware of other things. I guess we all possess strengths and weaknesses.

Being that I possess a raging ego, maybe this is sort of a process of humbling.

I feel that I am socially ackward too. Like people scare me. I think once I get used to seeing the same people, the fear dissipates.

I don't know if I've mentioned this already, but when I took my career exploration workshop back in August, we got to take the official Myers-Briggs personality test. I was an INTP. I got to keep the test and technically I am an INTJ as well since my J(judging) and P(perceiving) were tied and the way they structure the test is that P takes precedence if there is a tie.

My thinking and feeling were the ones with the most difference. My introvert (I) and extrovert were quite close as I probably have become more extroverted over the years. My score for thinking was 20 and my feeling was 4.

I wonder if this is why I feel like something is wrong with me. Maybe I am too strong of a thinker. A lot of things people do doesn't make sense to me. I guess maybe because I can be so logical, alot of emotional decisions people make just doesn't make sense to me.

I think this affects how I feel as a woman as well, because typically we women are the 'emotional' ones but I actually have a high ability to shut out my emotions, which I find can be an unhealthy thing so that is why I consciously try to talk about my feelings but it's not natural for me.

Sometimes when I am around women, I just can't relate to what they talk about. I don't really like shopping. I know actually I am not the only one as I mentioned to some other women and I know at least a few that aren't shoppers. I know women don't always talk about this stuff but sometimes they do and I just don't get it.

I am trying to increase my emotional intelligence but it is hard. I can just be very cold about situations simply because I look at them logically but I think as a thinker, I do care about being fair and compassionate.

I am in a very weird place in my life. I am almost done being 30 but I feel odd. I am no longer able to slack off in life, like in your 20s, you can get away with doddling but now it's crunch time, otherwise by the time I hit 40 I'll be messed up and unhappy.

I have read that Marriage is one of the big markers into adulthood. I wonder though if I would gain some 'credibility' as an adult if I were to get married. I also had this fear that I would settle but then I realized I probably wouldn't because it's just not in my nature to settle.

I don't have the 'career' thing going.

It is frustrating because I know of several people my age who have nice careers and are married with children. I still feel like a child, even though I am responsible at work and pay my bills. I get the freedom to do what I want. When am I going to start feeling like an adult?

I think these are my current neurotic thoughts and insecurities going on.

My Rapper Name

Greetings all,

I went to an event in Toronto called Hip Hop Karaoke on Friday night. It's a little different then regular karaoke because first of all, it focuses on hip hop songs and secondly it is like going to a concert with the singers as the performers.

There was a stage and people would dance in the crowd. There was not too many places to sit. The place was packed and it had the vibe of a concert. It was cool to be there. Also some people from NYC showed up because they do this in New York as well.

I decided that I needed to come up with a rapper name and so I came up with it last Saturday, in my car driving to Hamilton.

My rapper name is MC Cussalot. Because I cuss a lot. Bitch

(that is my tag line as well)

I rapped Maestro Fresh Wes' song Let Your Backbone Slide. I apparently did good and someone was telling me that he heard I 'destroyed' the house. I memorized that song a few years ago but with most rap songs, if you are going to perform them, it certainly helps to know the words.

They have this once a month so I think I would like to go back there again.

The Violinist

Greetings all,

I have been taking violin lessons starting I think in October. I'm renting my violin because I wanted to rent one out first to see if I liked the instrument. I actually enjoy playing it so I plan on actually buying myself one.

My instructor is 21 but has been playing it since 4. I think she went to a school for it. She is British as well. I am not sure if I like her though. She seems to be doing an okay job as an instructor but I wonder if she is too hung up on how her teachers were. For example, I got to learn a piece from the Suzuki book but she didn't want me to write down anything and she made notes on my book (with my permission). I personally learn better when I write things out and she didn't want me to get into the habit of writing out what each note is or how to play it. I think that I'm new to this so it would make sense to do it in the beginning and eventually I won't need to.

Also she doesn't seem to want to show me how to tune the top part of my violin because it's 'too difficult'. There are tuners on the bottom and they do the job fine. I don't know if others would agree that I don't really need to learn that but I'm one of those people that if I want to know something or have a question, I want answers or how to do it!

I could probably try another instructor but I am not sure.

She has said playing violin is one of the hardest instruments. Is she saying this because her teachers have told her it is? Because violin has to maintain this image of being hard because it's a classical instrument? I think playing the guitar is harder because I have experience playing it. I am doing well as a beginner and I think maybe that's because of my guitar experience. A violin has 2 less strings and it is more compact to play. One thing in the beginning I kept doing was overstretching my fingers but that's because that's how you have to play the guitar so I think my muscles are now learning a new set of skills.

The only thing tricky I find is that you have to be precise in violin and where you are to put your fingers, is not clearly identified as in a guitar (by the frets)

I don't think violin uses chords so that's another reason why I think it's easier to learn. I am enjoying it though and find it soothing to play.