Lilipoh

I've been told that I look innocent. I've been told that I'm hot. I'm completely oblivious to certain aspects of my appearance. I know I have a decent figure because I make it a priority to have an active lifestyle. But I have this weird relationship with my face. I never really considered my face to be attractive. I always saw it as having a weirdness to it and maybe on occasion I would use my face in a pretty way. In my youth, I would enjoy declaring my hotness. I didn't really think I was hot or that I wasn't hot but just saying I was hot made me feel good. I noticed one day when someone asked me how I was and I said that I wasn't doing good, it made me feel worse. When asked by someone else another time how I was doing, I said I felt excellent, even though I wasn't. I actually felt better. In a sense I was lying but lying made me feel good and my lie became a truth. Was I really lying?
I'm not a fan of lying. If I feel like crap, then that's how I feel. If I don't like you then that's how I feel. But does my declaring these things make it a truth? Am I just expressing a feeling that has the potential to change? I don't really know where this is going but I find that it's an interesting observation.

I actually started getting laser hair removal done. I'm getting my pits, bikini and full leg done. This place had the best prices for laser so I'm glad about that. I can't use silk epil anymore, which is an electric hair remover, that pulls the hair out by the root. It's not painful. I've also used Nads and then the silk epil to get the miscellaneous hairs. It's too time consuming. I'm the perfect candidate for laser. I'm light skinned with dark hair. It's nice to know that being a hairy Canadian of Italian parents is finally going to pay off for me. I need to go every 5 weeks. In 4 to 6 treatments I should see a significiant reduction.

I've also been having some craniosacral therapy sessions. I've been mocked as it's an alternative therapy. I'm a pragmatist by nature. I like theory to a degree but I'm always willing to try something once for the experience. I read the theory behind cranio and it doesn't make sense so maybe these people need to come up with a different theory. I find it to be enjoyable and have 3 sessions. My next one is next Wednesday. With my yoga and qigong practice, I noticed my body feeling progressively lighter and fluid but for some reason my head always felt tense. My head has always felt a certain disconnected from me and my body. My head has been feeling more open. On my second session, I heard this big pop in my head but the cranio lady wasn't able to hear it. It wasn't that she missed it because it was pretty loud to me but the sound was probably only heard by me. My last one my head felt extremely warm. It didn't feel this warm in previous sessions. I notice a difference. Before I started, I began placing my hands on various areas on my face and head and focusing on releasing tension. I think I need a few more sessions.

After my last craniosacral session, I suddenly felt like working on Steiner's Philosophy of Freedom later on in the day. My study group began studying it in September 2004 and we had a guest come over who has done a course at the Steiner Centre about this book. He suggested we summarize each paragraph as a study method. We did that and it was quite challenging. It was worth it though because it really forces you to try and understand what he is trying to say in each paragraph. It really exercises and disciplines the thinking faculty. I enjoy my group because everyone knows how to get along and there isn't alot of ego there so I found it to be amazing that a handful of adults could gather together and work on creating short paragraph summaries on a book that can be quite hard at times. Anyways, we weren't sure if we could continue with this method so we ended up stoping after the first section, which was about 7 chapters. The remaining 7 chapters we decided to read through. So I saw someone in my group continued to do her own summaries of each paragraph and I decided that I would do the same. I got up to chapter 9. I started working on it again after 1 year. I didn't know that's how long ago it was that I worked on it.

Philosophy of Freedom is the kind of book that takes about 5-10 years to really digest and process the concepts. I first read the book on my own 7 years ago. The first 2 times I read it, it made very little sense to me but after reading it again a couple of more times over the years, I really began to see how wonderful it was. It's quite easy to work with the book now. It's always funny to me when I meet someone who is just beginning to get interested in Steiner and they tell me they've read POF and don't understand it. Of course you're not going to get it right away, it takes practice to get used to what he is trying to say. You'll get it eventually.