Greetings all,
There has been a re-occurring theme in my meditation practice of feeling like a failure. For me, I feel I am fairly ambitious and have goals of wanting to be successful but it seems my whole life, any attempt at success gets thwarted so I do feel I am not successful. I've struggled with seeing people have careers with ease and they do the appropriate schooling and get experience. These feelings of failure have been coming up a lot in my meditation and I figure if I keep at my practice, eventually they will clear out and I will feel better in my life. At this point, I am trying to pinpoint why this is occurring and what can I do about it so that I can deal with it and move on.
Is there a lesson the universe is trying to teach me? I think that there is a lesson but I am not sure what it is. I think the experience is making me feel more humble in life. I think for me at this point, I am just trying to get to the core which I am sure will happen with continued practice. I definitely do not feel at this point in time I know where my life is going. There are stories of people who keep trying at something and 'fail' many times at it and then be successful. I think at this point I am not neutral with this concept of failure because it obviously makes me emotional when I face it in meditation. Is this a way to teach me more inner strength? To be more neutral with failure? To be persistent? I think if failure didn't bug me, I would keep at things. So is this more about I have a fear of failure and I am confronting it in meditation?
I know I am doing some thinking out loud here but I think at some point I can really deal with this at the root. At this point, I am not sure what exactly is going on but it sounds like I have a fear of failure?
Anyways, the bottom line is that I have many negative feelings come up when I face this concept and I definitely do not feel successful in life and I deeply desire to make something of myself. All I can do is keep at my practice and trust that in time I will get the inner strength and be ready to deal with it and no longer be affected by my sense of failure in life. It has been very heart breaking to deal with and it has been coming up a lot in my practice.
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
There She Blows
Greetings all,
It looks like I finally broke through my plateau with my meditation practice. I have been building up my time in sat kriya and did up to 3 sets of 8 minutes and then 3 sets of 9 minutes and then eventually did 31 minutes in sets of 11 mins and 2 10 minutes sets.
I must have hit through a major block because I had been crying so intensively during sat kriya for the past 3 days and that usually does not happen. I cried a lot when I first started doing kundalini yoga and then after a few months, I didn't have much crying to do because I cleared alot of emotional debris. I did feel I still had a way to go and I think I am finally hitting my deepest fears and blocks.
It has been intense emotionally these past 3 days and I hope I can move through this.
Last night I just felt so much pain inside my forehead and released some of it. My forehead has had a tremendous amount of tension and it has been very difficult to break down my defenses in that particular area of my body and hopefully I can really break through.
A few weeks ago, I really felt like I want to evolve my consciousness. I think I am tired of my life circumstances and just want to be happy and at peace with my life. I do feel I have more work to do on myself. While I feel I can see what other people's issues are, I feel I must devote my energy to working on myself and liberating myself.
I've been through this before and when you are going through such an emotional time, it can be confusing because you are clearing out a lot of emotional debris and ideas that no longer serve you. Depending how long this period lasts, it can take a while to settle in to the new energy and new way of being.
I definitely do not feel confident at this point in time but I know with continued practice I can make it through. I've been through this before and survived. I know it is for my own good and am accepting the process, no matter how painful it is.
It looks like I finally broke through my plateau with my meditation practice. I have been building up my time in sat kriya and did up to 3 sets of 8 minutes and then 3 sets of 9 minutes and then eventually did 31 minutes in sets of 11 mins and 2 10 minutes sets.
I must have hit through a major block because I had been crying so intensively during sat kriya for the past 3 days and that usually does not happen. I cried a lot when I first started doing kundalini yoga and then after a few months, I didn't have much crying to do because I cleared alot of emotional debris. I did feel I still had a way to go and I think I am finally hitting my deepest fears and blocks.
It has been intense emotionally these past 3 days and I hope I can move through this.
Last night I just felt so much pain inside my forehead and released some of it. My forehead has had a tremendous amount of tension and it has been very difficult to break down my defenses in that particular area of my body and hopefully I can really break through.
A few weeks ago, I really felt like I want to evolve my consciousness. I think I am tired of my life circumstances and just want to be happy and at peace with my life. I do feel I have more work to do on myself. While I feel I can see what other people's issues are, I feel I must devote my energy to working on myself and liberating myself.
I've been through this before and when you are going through such an emotional time, it can be confusing because you are clearing out a lot of emotional debris and ideas that no longer serve you. Depending how long this period lasts, it can take a while to settle in to the new energy and new way of being.
I definitely do not feel confident at this point in time but I know with continued practice I can make it through. I've been through this before and survived. I know it is for my own good and am accepting the process, no matter how painful it is.
My First Meetup
Greetings all,
I had my first meetup with my new group. It went well. I had 18 people show up, including myself. I was feeling a bit nervous but I hope that eventually I'll relax more into my position as being the head organizer.
I had some people ask me why I left the previous group I was in. I figured this would come up and I really didn't want to get too much involved so I ended up talking neutrally about what happened. I didn't really go into how Aimee punished a new organizer or how someone came to my blog to comment on how I was missing from the group. I just said that I didn't find the joke about the titles made was funny and I felt very strongly about it and felt that those titles was ego driven and not about being a team player since I feel we are all contributing to making the group a success and no one should try and be better then anyone, especially if they have done nothing for the group. I also mentioned that we have hung outside of meetup so I truly felt they had become my friends and was let down that they couldn't respect my feelings.Many people understood where I was coming from and I think for me, this validated my experience and made me feel relieved that I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did about the titles. I was truly friends with the wrong people.
I know for me, I can't be friends with people who can't respect my feelings on something where I felt strongly about. I made it clear too to people who are still in that group that I don't want them to feel like they have to pick sides. Its up to them to go to meetups they want and I just have to focus on making my group a success. I can't go around trying to be like anyone else and have to be myself.
I told some of the people in my book group about what happened. They are all older and more experienced in life. One woman was very involved in many groups in her life and was telling me as soon as people start taking on these professional sounding titles, it usually ends up with the group falling apart. I think her groups had actual objectives so I am not sure if that will be the case for this group since it's just a social group. The group might end up becoming more successful without me. I know I was in a meetup group where it was about Angels and the woman Yvonne was very ego driven and narcissistic. She attracted many people to her meetups. Her group has grown since I left. She ran her own business and did Angel readings and she ended up dumping negative energy on me when I had a private consultation with her. I met other people who saw what I saw (her ego) and left her group so in my mind, I felt her days running that group would be numbered but it seems to be going strong and she has more members. So just because organizers are jerks, doesn't mean groups can't grow and appear successful.I am still carrying some hurt from the experience but I think this was good for me. I need people who are more evolved and not so egoistical and insecure. I need people will respect my feelings, not just dismiss them and belittle me.
It seems like making the most painful decision is sometimes the best decision.
I had my first meetup with my new group. It went well. I had 18 people show up, including myself. I was feeling a bit nervous but I hope that eventually I'll relax more into my position as being the head organizer.
I had some people ask me why I left the previous group I was in. I figured this would come up and I really didn't want to get too much involved so I ended up talking neutrally about what happened. I didn't really go into how Aimee punished a new organizer or how someone came to my blog to comment on how I was missing from the group. I just said that I didn't find the joke about the titles made was funny and I felt very strongly about it and felt that those titles was ego driven and not about being a team player since I feel we are all contributing to making the group a success and no one should try and be better then anyone, especially if they have done nothing for the group. I also mentioned that we have hung outside of meetup so I truly felt they had become my friends and was let down that they couldn't respect my feelings.Many people understood where I was coming from and I think for me, this validated my experience and made me feel relieved that I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did about the titles. I was truly friends with the wrong people.
I know for me, I can't be friends with people who can't respect my feelings on something where I felt strongly about. I made it clear too to people who are still in that group that I don't want them to feel like they have to pick sides. Its up to them to go to meetups they want and I just have to focus on making my group a success. I can't go around trying to be like anyone else and have to be myself.
I told some of the people in my book group about what happened. They are all older and more experienced in life. One woman was very involved in many groups in her life and was telling me as soon as people start taking on these professional sounding titles, it usually ends up with the group falling apart. I think her groups had actual objectives so I am not sure if that will be the case for this group since it's just a social group. The group might end up becoming more successful without me. I know I was in a meetup group where it was about Angels and the woman Yvonne was very ego driven and narcissistic. She attracted many people to her meetups. Her group has grown since I left. She ran her own business and did Angel readings and she ended up dumping negative energy on me when I had a private consultation with her. I met other people who saw what I saw (her ego) and left her group so in my mind, I felt her days running that group would be numbered but it seems to be going strong and she has more members. So just because organizers are jerks, doesn't mean groups can't grow and appear successful.I am still carrying some hurt from the experience but I think this was good for me. I need people who are more evolved and not so egoistical and insecure. I need people will respect my feelings, not just dismiss them and belittle me.
It seems like making the most painful decision is sometimes the best decision.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
21 Stages of Meditation
Greetings all,
I wrote previously how I was at a crossroads with my meditation practice and found reading the book 21 Stages of Meditation by Gurucharan helpful in making sense on what to do with my practice.
I was explaining to someone how I enjoyed this book but I also realized that this book was not covering the stage I was experiencing, even though the book gave me some sense of why one meditates.
I realized that I was going through the state of Doubt in regards to my meditating with Gan Pattee kriya. I had done many 120 day disciplines and during that time, it cleared a lot of mental and emotional garbage. I did wonder if there was anything more that I could do with this meditation because I wondered if I had 'exploited' it to the max. I tried using sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said was the highest meditation one could do but never really enjoyed doing that.
I think what I was going through was Doubt. I was doubting if I was using the right meditation for me. I was doubting if it would have anymore impact in my life. I doubted if meditation was worth doing. None of this was really covered in this book and I do wonder if Yogi Bhajan talked about it at all.
I think Doubt is probably that middle stage between starting out and attaining 'enlightenment'. I think the only way to progress is probably experiencing this stage and then becoming aware of it and moving on. I am glad I shared my opinion of this book with someone because now that I reflect upon it, Doubt has been plaguing me for a long time and I think now I can practice with more faith. I may not know what fruits my meditation practice will bear, but it will bear fruit at some point in time. All I need to do is Keep Up as Yogi Bhajan advises.
I wrote previously how I was at a crossroads with my meditation practice and found reading the book 21 Stages of Meditation by Gurucharan helpful in making sense on what to do with my practice.
I was explaining to someone how I enjoyed this book but I also realized that this book was not covering the stage I was experiencing, even though the book gave me some sense of why one meditates.
I realized that I was going through the state of Doubt in regards to my meditating with Gan Pattee kriya. I had done many 120 day disciplines and during that time, it cleared a lot of mental and emotional garbage. I did wonder if there was anything more that I could do with this meditation because I wondered if I had 'exploited' it to the max. I tried using sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said was the highest meditation one could do but never really enjoyed doing that.
I think what I was going through was Doubt. I was doubting if I was using the right meditation for me. I was doubting if it would have anymore impact in my life. I doubted if meditation was worth doing. None of this was really covered in this book and I do wonder if Yogi Bhajan talked about it at all.
I think Doubt is probably that middle stage between starting out and attaining 'enlightenment'. I think the only way to progress is probably experiencing this stage and then becoming aware of it and moving on. I am glad I shared my opinion of this book with someone because now that I reflect upon it, Doubt has been plaguing me for a long time and I think now I can practice with more faith. I may not know what fruits my meditation practice will bear, but it will bear fruit at some point in time. All I need to do is Keep Up as Yogi Bhajan advises.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
My Meditation Practice
I've been doing Kundalini Yoga (KY) for about 4 years now. I learned about it years ago but never practiced it as I was practicing hatha yoga and then qigong. When I first was learning KY, I felt it was by far the most effective technology for helping me gain emotional and internal strength. I began doing hatha yoga at 18 and was very much into practicing mindful activities like yoga because I felt they helped with my anxiety and fears in life and gave me a tool to help cope with the stresses of life. Kundalini yoga took me to a whole other level. It was by far the most fastest tool to help clear old emotional debris and to help me process my anger, fears and frustrations in a positive manner. I found working with the meditation Ganpati Kriya (GP) was a very powerful meditation for me.
It was emotional to work with and many tears were shed during this meditation. It was also soothing and it would leave me feeling more relaxed and more at peace. Sometimes it took me on an emotional roller-coaster but that is to be expected when one decides to begin the process of cleaning the mind and subconscious.
For over a year, however, I felt like I had plateaued in my kundalini yoga and meditation practice. Back in 2010 I was learning the healing technology called Sat Nam Rasayan, which is under the umbrella of Kundalini Yoga. That took my meditation practice to another level. I was learning a lot about being non-reactive and learning how to accept all experiences instead of rejecting the negative and learning how to be neutral. Even though I was doing a lot of growing and learning with the Sat Nam Rasayan component of Kundalini Yoga, I was still feeling like I was plateauing in my personal practice.
I currently am working towards increasing my time in Sat Kriya. I've worked with this kriya a lot and even though I'm quite experienced in practicing it regularly, I still feel with that kriya I have something to strive for. I don't doubt with that kriya that I've hit a plateau like I do with ganpati kriya. I was stuck at doing 11 mins and decided if I wanted to be more comfortable with doing 31 mins, I would have to figure out a different approach. I learned about the Sat Kriya workout and this method involved doing sat kriya in 3 or 5 mins increments. I started to do that and am now able to doing 15 or 20 mins more consistently and with less struggle. Eventually I hope to be able to do 31 mins on a more regular basis.
Ganapati kriya was very transformative for me but I did wonder if I got all that I could with the meditation. I wondered if it was time to commit myself to other meditations. I tried sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said is the highest meditation there is in kundanlini yoga. I tried it many times and have done a few 40 day disciplines but I could never click with this meditation. I never felt 100% about it being the best meditation for me.
I asked some of the regulars in my Sat Nam Rasayan group if it was possible to tap out all the benefit from a meditation but their response was that you can always learn and get something from a meditation. It never stops. I also posted this question on another forum for KY and the response was similar. Meditation is a life process and is supposed to be like cleaning your teeth except you are cleaning your mind. You never stop cleaning your teeth and if you use the best toothpaste and brush, you still have to practice it. You can never be done with cleaning your teeth. It is just part of your daily care.
I did do GP a few times after taking a break from it. I did it last night and I enjoyed doing it. I was yawning a lot, which is usually a good sign since it means it is something I am relaxing to.
I felt like maybe I am expecting too much from ganpati. Who knows how it will enhance my life. Maybe it seems like not much is going on but maybe it is working on a deeper level of my consciousness that I probably don't even have the capacity to be aware of at this stage in my life.
I recently got the book by Gurcharan The 21 Stages of Meditation and I think that was helpful in helping me figure out what to do with my practice. I was wondering why do I meditate. Why practice? I think the book was helpful in giving me a context with which to understand why I meditate and what the stages one can experience the more experienced they become.
I think the best thing for me to do with my practice in the long run is to make Ganpati kriya my default meditation and if there are meditations that look intriguing or strike my curiosity then I should try them. I don't need to go looking for the 'right' meditation. I think maybe I've found it already.
It was emotional to work with and many tears were shed during this meditation. It was also soothing and it would leave me feeling more relaxed and more at peace. Sometimes it took me on an emotional roller-coaster but that is to be expected when one decides to begin the process of cleaning the mind and subconscious.
For over a year, however, I felt like I had plateaued in my kundalini yoga and meditation practice. Back in 2010 I was learning the healing technology called Sat Nam Rasayan, which is under the umbrella of Kundalini Yoga. That took my meditation practice to another level. I was learning a lot about being non-reactive and learning how to accept all experiences instead of rejecting the negative and learning how to be neutral. Even though I was doing a lot of growing and learning with the Sat Nam Rasayan component of Kundalini Yoga, I was still feeling like I was plateauing in my personal practice.
I currently am working towards increasing my time in Sat Kriya. I've worked with this kriya a lot and even though I'm quite experienced in practicing it regularly, I still feel with that kriya I have something to strive for. I don't doubt with that kriya that I've hit a plateau like I do with ganpati kriya. I was stuck at doing 11 mins and decided if I wanted to be more comfortable with doing 31 mins, I would have to figure out a different approach. I learned about the Sat Kriya workout and this method involved doing sat kriya in 3 or 5 mins increments. I started to do that and am now able to doing 15 or 20 mins more consistently and with less struggle. Eventually I hope to be able to do 31 mins on a more regular basis.
Ganapati kriya was very transformative for me but I did wonder if I got all that I could with the meditation. I wondered if it was time to commit myself to other meditations. I tried sodarshan chakra kriya which Yogi Bhajan said is the highest meditation there is in kundanlini yoga. I tried it many times and have done a few 40 day disciplines but I could never click with this meditation. I never felt 100% about it being the best meditation for me.
I asked some of the regulars in my Sat Nam Rasayan group if it was possible to tap out all the benefit from a meditation but their response was that you can always learn and get something from a meditation. It never stops. I also posted this question on another forum for KY and the response was similar. Meditation is a life process and is supposed to be like cleaning your teeth except you are cleaning your mind. You never stop cleaning your teeth and if you use the best toothpaste and brush, you still have to practice it. You can never be done with cleaning your teeth. It is just part of your daily care.
I did do GP a few times after taking a break from it. I did it last night and I enjoyed doing it. I was yawning a lot, which is usually a good sign since it means it is something I am relaxing to.
I felt like maybe I am expecting too much from ganpati. Who knows how it will enhance my life. Maybe it seems like not much is going on but maybe it is working on a deeper level of my consciousness that I probably don't even have the capacity to be aware of at this stage in my life.
I recently got the book by Gurcharan The 21 Stages of Meditation and I think that was helpful in helping me figure out what to do with my practice. I was wondering why do I meditate. Why practice? I think the book was helpful in giving me a context with which to understand why I meditate and what the stages one can experience the more experienced they become.
I think the best thing for me to do with my practice in the long run is to make Ganpati kriya my default meditation and if there are meditations that look intriguing or strike my curiosity then I should try them. I don't need to go looking for the 'right' meditation. I think maybe I've found it already.
Monday, December 24, 2012
The Lottery
Greetings all,
I have decided a few weeks ago that I will become one of those people that plays the lottery. I am used to being poor as I only work part time (won't be for too long since my contract is ending) and am a student. I was never into playing the lottery simply because the odds are not in your favour to win. My mother always plays the lottery but has never won much.
I am using my brain power to win the lottery because I learned last month that at one of my old companies, someone won Lotto Max and won about 1 million dollars. He is keeping his job. I figure if this dumb ass can win, maybe I have a shot. I could sure use some cash to buy a condo and pay for my education.
For the first few weeks, I haven't won much but this week I won $5 from Lottario and a Free Play with Lotto Max. My numbers are not winning but these lotteries give out computer generated ones and those were the numbers that won me a prize.
I feel that things can only get better and I should be winning a bigger prize soon. I know as a statistician that since it is random, that does not mean that I will improve in a linear fashion. But still I think it's a good sign.
I have decided a few weeks ago that I will become one of those people that plays the lottery. I am used to being poor as I only work part time (won't be for too long since my contract is ending) and am a student. I was never into playing the lottery simply because the odds are not in your favour to win. My mother always plays the lottery but has never won much.
I am using my brain power to win the lottery because I learned last month that at one of my old companies, someone won Lotto Max and won about 1 million dollars. He is keeping his job. I figure if this dumb ass can win, maybe I have a shot. I could sure use some cash to buy a condo and pay for my education.
For the first few weeks, I haven't won much but this week I won $5 from Lottario and a Free Play with Lotto Max. My numbers are not winning but these lotteries give out computer generated ones and those were the numbers that won me a prize.
I feel that things can only get better and I should be winning a bigger prize soon. I know as a statistician that since it is random, that does not mean that I will improve in a linear fashion. But still I think it's a good sign.
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Becoming Atheist
Greetings all,
I am starting to have these moments where I don't believe in god. I am sure I've had these moments when I was in my 20s and I think even when I was younger, I was never really convinced god existed but I feel myself almost wanting to declare outright I just don't believe in god.
I've been an anthroposophist since my 20s but even though the spiritual ideas were stimulating and nourishing, I still don't think I was convinced in the existence of god.
A part of me just wants to either know if one exists.
I've had my dark days and turned to things like journaling or my kundalini yoga and that makes me feel better but it doesn't make me experience god or I am not comforted by god. I do believe kundalini yoga is helpful in trying to access your inner reserves but this in no way indicates god exists.
I think I am disappointed in god, if there is such a thing. I just don't get all these problems in the world. And what about justice?
I guess it's okay that I don't need to take a side but I'd like to know one way or another.
I've been temporarily living with my parents and some days I am home on the weekdays and my mother watches some religious show where they are praying the rosary. Some times I just think my mother is nuts. I myself am guilty of chanting but sometimes I feel like she is too religious because sometimes praying is not enough. I think for me, I chant because it controls the mind and supposedly can put you in a better 'frequency' with your intention.
I am starting to have these moments where I don't believe in god. I am sure I've had these moments when I was in my 20s and I think even when I was younger, I was never really convinced god existed but I feel myself almost wanting to declare outright I just don't believe in god.
I've been an anthroposophist since my 20s but even though the spiritual ideas were stimulating and nourishing, I still don't think I was convinced in the existence of god.
A part of me just wants to either know if one exists.
I've had my dark days and turned to things like journaling or my kundalini yoga and that makes me feel better but it doesn't make me experience god or I am not comforted by god. I do believe kundalini yoga is helpful in trying to access your inner reserves but this in no way indicates god exists.
I think I am disappointed in god, if there is such a thing. I just don't get all these problems in the world. And what about justice?
I guess it's okay that I don't need to take a side but I'd like to know one way or another.
I've been temporarily living with my parents and some days I am home on the weekdays and my mother watches some religious show where they are praying the rosary. Some times I just think my mother is nuts. I myself am guilty of chanting but sometimes I feel like she is too religious because sometimes praying is not enough. I think for me, I chant because it controls the mind and supposedly can put you in a better 'frequency' with your intention.
Monday, August 06, 2012
Iodine
Greetings all,
A few months ago I learned about using iodine as a supplement. I bought some iodine at the health store. It was a weak solution but I wanted to give iodine a try. I started out rather slowly and began with about 1mg of iodine. The solution is a combination of iodine and potassium iodide. Then I went to 6mg and tried 12mg. I ended up getting Lugol's solution at a local pharmacy and once I finished my first bottle, I started to use the more potent Lugol's so that I wouldn't need as much drops as 1 drop of Lugol's 5% contains 6mg, whereas with the iodine I purchased 1ml is 6mg. (1ml is equal to 20 drops)
I have been reading alot about the benefits of iodine and learning how it relates to the thyroid but also to other body parts. Women need more iodine because of our breasts.
I also read that iodine is anti-fungal so it can help with candida albacans, which might be what was causing my brain fog.
About a week and a half ago I decided to increase my dosage to 25mg as the protocol says you can take 50mg for 6 months to fully saturate your body and then you can do a maintenance dose of 12mg.
Apparently in the US, bromide is allowed to be used in foods whereas here in Canada it has been banned and since iodine is in the halogen family, they all compete in the body so the bromide in the food is probably responsible for iodine deficiency.
I ended up feeling really good at 25mg and felt like my brain fog was gone. I had a test 2 days from that date and it helped me to really focus and study. I wasn't sure if this would make me feel good temporarily as last winter I started to take fish oil and it made me feel really good for about 3 days and then I went back to feeling like crap. I still take fish oil because I don't consume fish and probably am missing out on some essential fatty acids. Although recently I have started to consume chia seeds which have a high omega 3 content. I still make sure to consume the fish oil for the EPA/DHA content.
It's been about a week and a half and I still feel good. I think iodine was what was lacking in my body. You can get iodine from sea vegetables like kelp or nori but I don't like anything fishy. As well, I learned that since I am in the Great Lakes area, our soil is well known for being iodine deficient so getting it from foods is probably difficult.
I also learned that iodine is one of the major components to make thyroid hormone. You also need selenium and tyrosine. I read that sometimes people get diagnosed with depression when really they have low thyroid. I did get my thyroid tested this year and it is in the normal range. I learned as well that the range for being normal is so wide and that you can still be classified as normal, even though you probably aren't. My naturopath thinks I have subclinical hypothyroidism because of my symptoms of low energy, fatigue, brain fog and cold hands. I also started to keep track of my body temperature, which was slightly low. The ideal body temperature is 37 C at it's peak. Mine is a bit off but I have heard others say they have temps such as 34 or 35 C and mine is around 36.3-36.4 so not necessarily the ideal
I don't think it was the other supplements that I am taking that have helped me because I noticed an immediate improvement when I started to take the 25mg of iodine. I feel stronger and feel I have more endurance and energy.
I have read that there are risks with taking iodine and that it is necessary to take the supporting nutrients such as Vitamin C, selenium and magnesium. I have been doing this and haven't had that much detox symptoms. I had detox symptoms when I was at 6mg but it was mild. Basically I had a puffy face but that went away.
I was having this conversation with a couple of friends about how flawed our medical system is. With my regular doctor, I had myself tested for various things but nothing conclusive. I probably would have been given depression medication. I didn't want to go on meds because I don't believe too much in giving people pharmaceuticals to treat their health issues. I believe in a more holistic approach that looks at the body from a bio-chemical perspective and treats deficiencies.
Doctors as well seem to just go by what the tests say and not by the symptoms you have.
And once you get on a pharmaceutical, it doesn't stop. You need drugs to treat the side effects of the drug that you are taking but then that drug creates side effects and another drug is needed to treat those symptoms and it ends up that 1 drug leads to many drugs. It's a slippery slope and once you get hooked, it's all downhill. I witnessed this with my grandfather so it's not bullshit. It's fact.
Medicine has become all about the money. It doesn't care about the science. It only cares to prescribe people drugs that don't treat the symptom but only causes more problems so that they can make the money.
My dad doesn't like that I am taking all these supplements but I am to take them for 6 weeks and then probably need less. There are already certain things I don't care to take but am only doing so because this is the protocol that my nutritionist is recommending.
The iodine protocol is something I found out on my own and I think is what my body needs. I like taking the Lugol's because at least I can taste the iodine. There is a pill but I think I prefer Lugol's. Last week I was craving iodine. I am on an email group for iodine and someone was saying my craving was a sign that my body needs it.
As cliche as it sounds, iodine has given me a new lease on life. I am glad to see that it has made me feel good physically and mentally for well over a week and isn't just something that gave me a quick boost, only to make me feel like crap again after 3 days.
I'm posting some links so that you can learn more about iodine.
There is a breast cancer site that recommends iodine for breast health. It is pretty much the protocol I am following.
Breast Cancer Protocol
This is a guide for how to supplement with iodine. It is pretty practical and informative.
The Guide to Supplementing with Iodine
Basically the protocol I follow is the one by Dr. Brownstein and he has a few videos on the subject that I think are informative
Dr. Brownstein video on Iodine
A site by his mentor, Dr. Abraham
Iodine For Health
A bit on the history of iodine
It seems like most people benefit from it, however some people have issues with it and it may be a detox issue. I think it's best to go slow like what I am doing. It wasn't until I increased my dose to 25mg that I noticed a noticeable improvement and I think we all have to experiment with our own bodies to see what works.
I think our medical system is a joke. We have to take responsibility for our health. Our doctors don't care and don't have the time to figure out what our bodies really need. We can't trust our doctors anymore.
As a Canadian, I have to pay into a system I don't support but have to pay out of pocket to see a nutritionist and naturopath. We need to treat things differently instead of prescribing drugs. Yes some situations may require drugs but that should be a last resort. We need a public that is better educated so that they don't just blindly follow doctors. We need a world where people are scientifically literate.
A few months ago I learned about using iodine as a supplement. I bought some iodine at the health store. It was a weak solution but I wanted to give iodine a try. I started out rather slowly and began with about 1mg of iodine. The solution is a combination of iodine and potassium iodide. Then I went to 6mg and tried 12mg. I ended up getting Lugol's solution at a local pharmacy and once I finished my first bottle, I started to use the more potent Lugol's so that I wouldn't need as much drops as 1 drop of Lugol's 5% contains 6mg, whereas with the iodine I purchased 1ml is 6mg. (1ml is equal to 20 drops)
I have been reading alot about the benefits of iodine and learning how it relates to the thyroid but also to other body parts. Women need more iodine because of our breasts.
I also read that iodine is anti-fungal so it can help with candida albacans, which might be what was causing my brain fog.
About a week and a half ago I decided to increase my dosage to 25mg as the protocol says you can take 50mg for 6 months to fully saturate your body and then you can do a maintenance dose of 12mg.
Apparently in the US, bromide is allowed to be used in foods whereas here in Canada it has been banned and since iodine is in the halogen family, they all compete in the body so the bromide in the food is probably responsible for iodine deficiency.
I ended up feeling really good at 25mg and felt like my brain fog was gone. I had a test 2 days from that date and it helped me to really focus and study. I wasn't sure if this would make me feel good temporarily as last winter I started to take fish oil and it made me feel really good for about 3 days and then I went back to feeling like crap. I still take fish oil because I don't consume fish and probably am missing out on some essential fatty acids. Although recently I have started to consume chia seeds which have a high omega 3 content. I still make sure to consume the fish oil for the EPA/DHA content.
It's been about a week and a half and I still feel good. I think iodine was what was lacking in my body. You can get iodine from sea vegetables like kelp or nori but I don't like anything fishy. As well, I learned that since I am in the Great Lakes area, our soil is well known for being iodine deficient so getting it from foods is probably difficult.
I also learned that iodine is one of the major components to make thyroid hormone. You also need selenium and tyrosine. I read that sometimes people get diagnosed with depression when really they have low thyroid. I did get my thyroid tested this year and it is in the normal range. I learned as well that the range for being normal is so wide and that you can still be classified as normal, even though you probably aren't. My naturopath thinks I have subclinical hypothyroidism because of my symptoms of low energy, fatigue, brain fog and cold hands. I also started to keep track of my body temperature, which was slightly low. The ideal body temperature is 37 C at it's peak. Mine is a bit off but I have heard others say they have temps such as 34 or 35 C and mine is around 36.3-36.4 so not necessarily the ideal
I don't think it was the other supplements that I am taking that have helped me because I noticed an immediate improvement when I started to take the 25mg of iodine. I feel stronger and feel I have more endurance and energy.
I have read that there are risks with taking iodine and that it is necessary to take the supporting nutrients such as Vitamin C, selenium and magnesium. I have been doing this and haven't had that much detox symptoms. I had detox symptoms when I was at 6mg but it was mild. Basically I had a puffy face but that went away.
I was having this conversation with a couple of friends about how flawed our medical system is. With my regular doctor, I had myself tested for various things but nothing conclusive. I probably would have been given depression medication. I didn't want to go on meds because I don't believe too much in giving people pharmaceuticals to treat their health issues. I believe in a more holistic approach that looks at the body from a bio-chemical perspective and treats deficiencies.
Doctors as well seem to just go by what the tests say and not by the symptoms you have.
And once you get on a pharmaceutical, it doesn't stop. You need drugs to treat the side effects of the drug that you are taking but then that drug creates side effects and another drug is needed to treat those symptoms and it ends up that 1 drug leads to many drugs. It's a slippery slope and once you get hooked, it's all downhill. I witnessed this with my grandfather so it's not bullshit. It's fact.
Medicine has become all about the money. It doesn't care about the science. It only cares to prescribe people drugs that don't treat the symptom but only causes more problems so that they can make the money.
My dad doesn't like that I am taking all these supplements but I am to take them for 6 weeks and then probably need less. There are already certain things I don't care to take but am only doing so because this is the protocol that my nutritionist is recommending.
The iodine protocol is something I found out on my own and I think is what my body needs. I like taking the Lugol's because at least I can taste the iodine. There is a pill but I think I prefer Lugol's. Last week I was craving iodine. I am on an email group for iodine and someone was saying my craving was a sign that my body needs it.
As cliche as it sounds, iodine has given me a new lease on life. I am glad to see that it has made me feel good physically and mentally for well over a week and isn't just something that gave me a quick boost, only to make me feel like crap again after 3 days.
I'm posting some links so that you can learn more about iodine.
There is a breast cancer site that recommends iodine for breast health. It is pretty much the protocol I am following.
Breast Cancer Protocol
This is a guide for how to supplement with iodine. It is pretty practical and informative.
The Guide to Supplementing with Iodine
Basically the protocol I follow is the one by Dr. Brownstein and he has a few videos on the subject that I think are informative
Dr. Brownstein video on Iodine
A site by his mentor, Dr. Abraham
Iodine For Health
A bit on the history of iodine
It seems like most people benefit from it, however some people have issues with it and it may be a detox issue. I think it's best to go slow like what I am doing. It wasn't until I increased my dose to 25mg that I noticed a noticeable improvement and I think we all have to experiment with our own bodies to see what works.
I think our medical system is a joke. We have to take responsibility for our health. Our doctors don't care and don't have the time to figure out what our bodies really need. We can't trust our doctors anymore.
As a Canadian, I have to pay into a system I don't support but have to pay out of pocket to see a nutritionist and naturopath. We need to treat things differently instead of prescribing drugs. Yes some situations may require drugs but that should be a last resort. We need a public that is better educated so that they don't just blindly follow doctors. We need a world where people are scientifically literate.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sat Kriya Workout Experience
Greetings all,
I have written previously how in the past I have done various 40 day and 120 day disciplines of Sat Kriya. I basically have stopped doing kundalini yoga ever since I went traveling this year in March. When I returned, I felt it difficult to settle into a discipline and so I just sparingly did kundalini yoga and meditate.
It upset me on some level because I was always so disciplined. I am not sure if I stopped doing it because of my health issue as part of what I was feeling was fatigue and low motivation.
I decided on Sunday night to do the Sat Kriya workout. It basically is doing sat kriya for up to 27 minutes but it is broken up into smaller segments and doing exercises in between.
Here is the set:
http://kundaliniyogavictoria.ca/xrdocs/sat_kriya_workout.pdf
I have always been stuck on doing SK for 11 minutes and on occasion would be able to do 22 minutes. I think I've done 31 minutes twice. It frustrated me that it would take such a Herculean effort just to break through 11 minutes but I got the Teacher Training manual from the Kundalini Research Institute a few days ago and decided that this was another way I could get my system doing more SK but going at it from another angle.
I find whenever I take a break from SK, the first day of doing a discipline usually results in lots of tears and crying. This occured to me on Sunday and I really needed it as I was feeling a lot of anxiety over my health, my future, my schooling that I want to complete and my lack of a job and apartment and basically still with my parents.
It felt good to do SK again and I felt wonderful doing it. I felt all this negativity and then I felt myself rising above this negativity and feeling the pain of it all and letting it go and getting back to neutrality. I felt wonderful that in me I had this capacity to elevate myself from the dark thoughts that were building up inside of me. I felt empowered.
I felt the light inside of me and I want more!
I have written previously how in the past I have done various 40 day and 120 day disciplines of Sat Kriya. I basically have stopped doing kundalini yoga ever since I went traveling this year in March. When I returned, I felt it difficult to settle into a discipline and so I just sparingly did kundalini yoga and meditate.
It upset me on some level because I was always so disciplined. I am not sure if I stopped doing it because of my health issue as part of what I was feeling was fatigue and low motivation.
I decided on Sunday night to do the Sat Kriya workout. It basically is doing sat kriya for up to 27 minutes but it is broken up into smaller segments and doing exercises in between.
Here is the set:
http://kundaliniyogavictoria.ca/xrdocs/sat_kriya_workout.pdf
I have always been stuck on doing SK for 11 minutes and on occasion would be able to do 22 minutes. I think I've done 31 minutes twice. It frustrated me that it would take such a Herculean effort just to break through 11 minutes but I got the Teacher Training manual from the Kundalini Research Institute a few days ago and decided that this was another way I could get my system doing more SK but going at it from another angle.
I find whenever I take a break from SK, the first day of doing a discipline usually results in lots of tears and crying. This occured to me on Sunday and I really needed it as I was feeling a lot of anxiety over my health, my future, my schooling that I want to complete and my lack of a job and apartment and basically still with my parents.
It felt good to do SK again and I felt wonderful doing it. I felt all this negativity and then I felt myself rising above this negativity and feeling the pain of it all and letting it go and getting back to neutrality. I felt wonderful that in me I had this capacity to elevate myself from the dark thoughts that were building up inside of me. I felt empowered.
I felt the light inside of me and I want more!
A Health Journey - Part 2
Greetings all,
I also am seeing a nutritionist and did a food diary for 5 days. This was a few weeks ago and 2 of the 5 days were days where I didn't eat well. I started the journal on Saturday. A big mistake to start on the weekend! I went on a hike and to the beach with friends and ate so much cookies and junk and pizza! The next day I had a baby shower. An Italian one and obviously they had lots of junk food and cookies. I normally don't eat much cookies anyways but these 2 days make it seem like I eat it a lot.
I also had to answer this health questionnaire and it basically groups symptoms and it gets repetitive but I think it's a technique to figure out what systems are out of balance.
I saw my nutritionist last Friday and basically according to this health questionnaire, I have low thyroid, low adrenal and pituitary. Also it states I have candida and toxic metals like mercury and copper. This questionnaire isn't scientific but it is based on the symptoms I described. I may or may not have candida or toxic metals but it is possible.
She gave me a list of supplements to take, which I have to do for 6 weeks.
Diet wise, I am low in protein, low in fiber, low in essential fatty acids and high in refined carbs and sugar. I have low water intake, which I don't think I am that low since I do drink water in between meals. I have low vegetables and fruits intake.
I normally like to drink gingerale but I have noticed it has 20g of sugar in a glass and so I switched a week ago to carbonated water because what I enjoy the most is the bubbly sensation. This is one way I am cutting back on sugar. I have plain water during the day and I want to mix it up texture-wise and drinking carbonated beverages gives me that bubbly sensation I enjoy.
I am also cutting back on the sugar consumed for breakfast. I also normally was eating organic bread with Nutella and now I am eating quinoa cereal that I make myself. I researched quinoa and I might not continue with eating quinoa cereal. Basically I am to eat more protein and I can just switch to organic bread with almond butter, which has more protein then Nutella.
I have many supplements to take for these 6 weeks. I have to take a buffered Vitamin C product and this brand is only dispensed by naturopathic clinics. It has many minerals in it as well. Another product not available in stores I have to take is an Adrenal product that has some vitamins but also Adrenal Tissue from pigs. I am taking twice a day Vital Greens, which is basically a liquid drink with various 'super foods'. I have to take probiotics at each meal, which I'm not too keen on. It's costing me plenty of money to get all these supplements and probiotics is expensive. I am still taking them but if I were to take the amount as requested, I'd be going through a bottle every 5 days and they cost around $30 I believe.
I am to take omega 3, which I took during the winter. To increase my fatty acids consumptions, I am also to take 2 tablespoons of coconut oil. I learned about coconut oil last month and use it to make my popcorn, which I use on the stove top. I put the coconut oil in my coffee in the morning.
For my brain I am to take non-GMO soy lecithin. I am not sure if I will continue with soy because many people seem against it but I will follow the protocol for now. I can get lecithin in other forms like sunflower.
I am to take a homeopathic rememdy called Silicea 30CH and also supposed to take protein scoops twice a day, which I think is a little excessive. I have to take a multi-vitamin as well.
To top it off I have to eat 3 cloves of garlic or 1 small onion every day. I can put the garlic in my salad. When I first started, I tried to eat 3 in one meal but it was too much. I am starting with 2 cloves. I'm not too sure about garlic either because I read in some people it causes brain fog.
I am not sure when I will see the naturopath because he is supposed to give me a homeopathic remedy to help with my system overall. I am not too sure about homeopathic medicine but I'll try it out.
I also am seeing a nutritionist and did a food diary for 5 days. This was a few weeks ago and 2 of the 5 days were days where I didn't eat well. I started the journal on Saturday. A big mistake to start on the weekend! I went on a hike and to the beach with friends and ate so much cookies and junk and pizza! The next day I had a baby shower. An Italian one and obviously they had lots of junk food and cookies. I normally don't eat much cookies anyways but these 2 days make it seem like I eat it a lot.
I also had to answer this health questionnaire and it basically groups symptoms and it gets repetitive but I think it's a technique to figure out what systems are out of balance.
I saw my nutritionist last Friday and basically according to this health questionnaire, I have low thyroid, low adrenal and pituitary. Also it states I have candida and toxic metals like mercury and copper. This questionnaire isn't scientific but it is based on the symptoms I described. I may or may not have candida or toxic metals but it is possible.
She gave me a list of supplements to take, which I have to do for 6 weeks.
Diet wise, I am low in protein, low in fiber, low in essential fatty acids and high in refined carbs and sugar. I have low water intake, which I don't think I am that low since I do drink water in between meals. I have low vegetables and fruits intake.
I normally like to drink gingerale but I have noticed it has 20g of sugar in a glass and so I switched a week ago to carbonated water because what I enjoy the most is the bubbly sensation. This is one way I am cutting back on sugar. I have plain water during the day and I want to mix it up texture-wise and drinking carbonated beverages gives me that bubbly sensation I enjoy.
I am also cutting back on the sugar consumed for breakfast. I also normally was eating organic bread with Nutella and now I am eating quinoa cereal that I make myself. I researched quinoa and I might not continue with eating quinoa cereal. Basically I am to eat more protein and I can just switch to organic bread with almond butter, which has more protein then Nutella.
I have many supplements to take for these 6 weeks. I have to take a buffered Vitamin C product and this brand is only dispensed by naturopathic clinics. It has many minerals in it as well. Another product not available in stores I have to take is an Adrenal product that has some vitamins but also Adrenal Tissue from pigs. I am taking twice a day Vital Greens, which is basically a liquid drink with various 'super foods'. I have to take probiotics at each meal, which I'm not too keen on. It's costing me plenty of money to get all these supplements and probiotics is expensive. I am still taking them but if I were to take the amount as requested, I'd be going through a bottle every 5 days and they cost around $30 I believe.
I am to take omega 3, which I took during the winter. To increase my fatty acids consumptions, I am also to take 2 tablespoons of coconut oil. I learned about coconut oil last month and use it to make my popcorn, which I use on the stove top. I put the coconut oil in my coffee in the morning.
For my brain I am to take non-GMO soy lecithin. I am not sure if I will continue with soy because many people seem against it but I will follow the protocol for now. I can get lecithin in other forms like sunflower.
I am to take a homeopathic rememdy called Silicea 30CH and also supposed to take protein scoops twice a day, which I think is a little excessive. I have to take a multi-vitamin as well.
To top it off I have to eat 3 cloves of garlic or 1 small onion every day. I can put the garlic in my salad. When I first started, I tried to eat 3 in one meal but it was too much. I am starting with 2 cloves. I'm not too sure about garlic either because I read in some people it causes brain fog.
I am not sure when I will see the naturopath because he is supposed to give me a homeopathic remedy to help with my system overall. I am not too sure about homeopathic medicine but I'll try it out.
A Health Journey - Part 1
Greetings all,
I have begun a health journey last month as I have been experiencing some health issues, namely fatigue, depression and brain fog. I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the winter and it seems like now I have it year round.
I decided to see a naturopath. I was originally interested in seeing an orthomolecular pracititioner because I was learning about orthomolecular medicine which is basically about giving high dosages of various vitamins and minerals to treat health issues.
I basically felt like I was putting too much energy trying to figure out the best person to go with that I just opted to see a naturopath. It looks like there weren't too many ortho doctors in Hamilton, which is where I am temporarily.
I went to a clinic last month and spent a long time, probably 2 hours talking about my problems health wise and I felt awkward talking about myself for so long. The naturopath I saw gave me these thyroid supplements called Thyroco as he thinks I have low thyroid.
I had a physical by my doctor this year and my thyroid shows as normal but now-a-days doctors just go by tests and not by symptoms. I figured if I saw my doctor for this brain fog, low energy, fatigue and depression, she'd be unable to help me as she's already tested me for things like thyroid or B12 deficiency or sleep problems.
I did learn as I was researching a bit about the thyroid, that low thyroid can cause depression and it makes me wonder how many people really have a thyroid problem but are being treated for depression?
I did notice that my brain fog felt better with the Thyroco. I decided to stop taking it for 2 days to see what happened but I noticed I became rather tired and so I began taking it again and am feeling a bit better.
Having brain fog is by far the worst thing I could be having at this time in my life, especially since I started school in May and want to continue. My grades are not as good as they could be and I think part of that is that my brain is not performing like it normally does. With brain fog, I feel rather stupid. I feel like my brain is a bit drunk. I don't remember things very well. For example, I'll open the fridge to get something but when I do open the door, I forget what I was looking for.
I found this site http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-brain-fog.htm and it has so many other people suffering with brain fog. I could relate to everything these people were talking about because this is what I am going through. There are several potential causes for brain fog and they are:
1. Parasites eg Dientamoeba Fragilis and Blastocystis Hominis
2. Mercury Poisoning
3. Lyme Disease
4. Low Essential Fatty Acids - ALA, GLA, EPA/DHA
5. Candida
6. Low Thyroid
7. Mycoplasma - type of bacteria
8. Adrenal burnout
9. Gluten sensitivity
I decided to try a Parasite cleanse and bought Paragone. I bought it a few months ago but decided last week to try it. I have to do it for 15 days and rest for 5 and continue but using half the product to kill eggs that may be remaining from the first cleanse. I probably will not do the second cleanse because it means having to buy a second box.
On my second day on the cleanse, I did see some worm like creature. It basically looked like a giant sperm as it had a head and a tail. I didn't see eyes or anything but I think it was a worm of some sort. The next day I saw some stringy thing. Basically those were the only 2 weird things I saw.
Apparently people living in the US or in Canada can get worms/parasites and I don't know if I caught it here or while traveling. One symptom of having parasites is craving sugar and for the past few years, I have noticed an intense craving for sugar. I know sugar is addictive as well. Was I craving it because I was addicted or was it to feed worms in my body?
I do feel my cravings for sugar are gone.
I have begun a health journey last month as I have been experiencing some health issues, namely fatigue, depression and brain fog. I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the winter and it seems like now I have it year round.
I decided to see a naturopath. I was originally interested in seeing an orthomolecular pracititioner because I was learning about orthomolecular medicine which is basically about giving high dosages of various vitamins and minerals to treat health issues.
I basically felt like I was putting too much energy trying to figure out the best person to go with that I just opted to see a naturopath. It looks like there weren't too many ortho doctors in Hamilton, which is where I am temporarily.
I went to a clinic last month and spent a long time, probably 2 hours talking about my problems health wise and I felt awkward talking about myself for so long. The naturopath I saw gave me these thyroid supplements called Thyroco as he thinks I have low thyroid.
I had a physical by my doctor this year and my thyroid shows as normal but now-a-days doctors just go by tests and not by symptoms. I figured if I saw my doctor for this brain fog, low energy, fatigue and depression, she'd be unable to help me as she's already tested me for things like thyroid or B12 deficiency or sleep problems.
I did learn as I was researching a bit about the thyroid, that low thyroid can cause depression and it makes me wonder how many people really have a thyroid problem but are being treated for depression?
I did notice that my brain fog felt better with the Thyroco. I decided to stop taking it for 2 days to see what happened but I noticed I became rather tired and so I began taking it again and am feeling a bit better.
Having brain fog is by far the worst thing I could be having at this time in my life, especially since I started school in May and want to continue. My grades are not as good as they could be and I think part of that is that my brain is not performing like it normally does. With brain fog, I feel rather stupid. I feel like my brain is a bit drunk. I don't remember things very well. For example, I'll open the fridge to get something but when I do open the door, I forget what I was looking for.
I found this site http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-brain-fog.htm and it has so many other people suffering with brain fog. I could relate to everything these people were talking about because this is what I am going through. There are several potential causes for brain fog and they are:
1. Parasites eg Dientamoeba Fragilis and Blastocystis Hominis
2. Mercury Poisoning
3. Lyme Disease
4. Low Essential Fatty Acids - ALA, GLA, EPA/DHA
5. Candida
6. Low Thyroid
7. Mycoplasma - type of bacteria
8. Adrenal burnout
9. Gluten sensitivity
I decided to try a Parasite cleanse and bought Paragone. I bought it a few months ago but decided last week to try it. I have to do it for 15 days and rest for 5 and continue but using half the product to kill eggs that may be remaining from the first cleanse. I probably will not do the second cleanse because it means having to buy a second box.
On my second day on the cleanse, I did see some worm like creature. It basically looked like a giant sperm as it had a head and a tail. I didn't see eyes or anything but I think it was a worm of some sort. The next day I saw some stringy thing. Basically those were the only 2 weird things I saw.
Apparently people living in the US or in Canada can get worms/parasites and I don't know if I caught it here or while traveling. One symptom of having parasites is craving sugar and for the past few years, I have noticed an intense craving for sugar. I know sugar is addictive as well. Was I craving it because I was addicted or was it to feed worms in my body?
I do feel my cravings for sugar are gone.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Positivity sucks
This whole 'movement' of being positive makes me feel like I can't share my frustrations in life or my problems because I don't want to be perceived as a downer or negative.
I've mentioned before that I've always had issues with this positivity movement and the 'create your own reality' nonsense that is touted a lot in the new age movements.
I think this is now just another reason why I dislike it. Years ago we were supposedly all repressed and needed to release and vent our frustrations. Now we have to be positive and can't release our frustrations. Isn't this just the same thing, the same form of repression?
Are people really that brainwashed that they can't accept the truth of how they feel? I can still pursue my goals. I don't always need to be positive. I just need to be consistent and focused.
Please don't tell me how to feel or that feeling down is not right. All feelings are right. All feelings are valid. Even the negative ones.
I've mentioned before that I've always had issues with this positivity movement and the 'create your own reality' nonsense that is touted a lot in the new age movements.
I think this is now just another reason why I dislike it. Years ago we were supposedly all repressed and needed to release and vent our frustrations. Now we have to be positive and can't release our frustrations. Isn't this just the same thing, the same form of repression?
Are people really that brainwashed that they can't accept the truth of how they feel? I can still pursue my goals. I don't always need to be positive. I just need to be consistent and focused.
Please don't tell me how to feel or that feeling down is not right. All feelings are right. All feelings are valid. Even the negative ones.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
My Thoughts on the 2012 Euro World Cup
Greetings all,
I thought I would graphically demonstrate my thoughts on this years Euro World Cup. Please note that I reside in the Toronto area, where recently a shooting occurred during a game.
I thought I would graphically demonstrate my thoughts on this years Euro World Cup. Please note that I reside in the Toronto area, where recently a shooting occurred during a game.
Saturday, June 09, 2012
Why I think Happiness is a Myth
Greetings all,
If you go to any bookstore, you will inevitably come across the Self Help section which inevitably will have numerous books on Happiness and how to get it. I think it's a myth and I think pursuing happiness in and of itself leads to unhappiness. So I have always felt it was pointless to try to be happy.
I have moments where I feel good. I have moments where I feel neutral and am just observing. I certainly don't feel happy all the time but I also don't feel unhappy all the time.
I strive more to be truthful. I strive more to live an honest life and not lie to myself about how I feel or what I think. I don't give a shit about being happy because for me, living truthfully makes me feel good and makes me feel relaxed and this in an indirect way, makes me happy.
I'm not happy with some of the externals in my life. I'm not married with children and desire to have these things. I desire to have more money and be an influential person. I've been chronically underemployed and not utilizing my 'potential'. I don't have a house or property or a car. Due to my financial issues and being out of work, I certainly don't feel powerful. I am dissatisfied, especially since I have been laid off 3 times in 4 years and many people seem better off then me.
I don't know what my future holds. Every day I wonder if I can make something out of myself and have a having family of my own and have the lifestyle I've hoped for. Sometimes I feel hopeful. Sometimes I feel dissatisfied and hopeless.
But I don't go around believing and pretending things are okay. I don't lie to myself. This whole Be Happy and Think Positive sometimes just feels so fake. I know for me, I do try to be optimistic and I think one can be positive but not live in some fantasy world where everything is peachy. I think healthy positivity would mean recognizing weaknesses and flaws and just accepting things as they are and then choosing the best course of action.
I watched Das Boot (a movie about the German U-boats of WWII) last week and one of the key moments was when the boat hit the bottom of the ocean because they were bombed and were well below the limit of how deep the boat could safely be. Things were falling apart in the boat and water was coming in. It was a tense scene and the crew didn't know if they were going to die in that boat. Did they sit around and talk about how they feel and how they feel scared and are worried? No they quickly got into action and trying to save their lives with intense vigor. They had to work hours and hours and endure much physical work to the point of exhaustion. They probably felt very unhappy to be in this situation and probably felt a range of emotions such as fear, anger and despair but they continued to work. They did survive and managed to get the boat running. I think what was important is that happiness isn't the be-all and end-all. When put into a crisis situation, happiness just doesn't matter. Happiness is something people think about when they have too much free time and need to get more active in their lives.
So instead of analyzing why you feel unhappy, which sometimes I do, it's better to just realize that happiness is a myth and that life is better lived when you are being truthful to yourself and taking appropriate action. I think having moments of unhappiness is perfectly normal and thinking that you are supposed to be happy when you are not, just makes the situation worse.
If you go to any bookstore, you will inevitably come across the Self Help section which inevitably will have numerous books on Happiness and how to get it. I think it's a myth and I think pursuing happiness in and of itself leads to unhappiness. So I have always felt it was pointless to try to be happy.
I have moments where I feel good. I have moments where I feel neutral and am just observing. I certainly don't feel happy all the time but I also don't feel unhappy all the time.
I strive more to be truthful. I strive more to live an honest life and not lie to myself about how I feel or what I think. I don't give a shit about being happy because for me, living truthfully makes me feel good and makes me feel relaxed and this in an indirect way, makes me happy.
I'm not happy with some of the externals in my life. I'm not married with children and desire to have these things. I desire to have more money and be an influential person. I've been chronically underemployed and not utilizing my 'potential'. I don't have a house or property or a car. Due to my financial issues and being out of work, I certainly don't feel powerful. I am dissatisfied, especially since I have been laid off 3 times in 4 years and many people seem better off then me.
I don't know what my future holds. Every day I wonder if I can make something out of myself and have a having family of my own and have the lifestyle I've hoped for. Sometimes I feel hopeful. Sometimes I feel dissatisfied and hopeless.
But I don't go around believing and pretending things are okay. I don't lie to myself. This whole Be Happy and Think Positive sometimes just feels so fake. I know for me, I do try to be optimistic and I think one can be positive but not live in some fantasy world where everything is peachy. I think healthy positivity would mean recognizing weaknesses and flaws and just accepting things as they are and then choosing the best course of action.
I watched Das Boot (a movie about the German U-boats of WWII) last week and one of the key moments was when the boat hit the bottom of the ocean because they were bombed and were well below the limit of how deep the boat could safely be. Things were falling apart in the boat and water was coming in. It was a tense scene and the crew didn't know if they were going to die in that boat. Did they sit around and talk about how they feel and how they feel scared and are worried? No they quickly got into action and trying to save their lives with intense vigor. They had to work hours and hours and endure much physical work to the point of exhaustion. They probably felt very unhappy to be in this situation and probably felt a range of emotions such as fear, anger and despair but they continued to work. They did survive and managed to get the boat running. I think what was important is that happiness isn't the be-all and end-all. When put into a crisis situation, happiness just doesn't matter. Happiness is something people think about when they have too much free time and need to get more active in their lives.
So instead of analyzing why you feel unhappy, which sometimes I do, it's better to just realize that happiness is a myth and that life is better lived when you are being truthful to yourself and taking appropriate action. I think having moments of unhappiness is perfectly normal and thinking that you are supposed to be happy when you are not, just makes the situation worse.
Friday, June 01, 2012
Boyfriend No Moe
Greetings all,
I dumped my boyfriend of about 8 months a few days ago. I am not terribly heart broken over it but I am sad that I won't be talking to him all the time. He was a good friend and a confidante and I will miss that. I just felt like we should feel love for each other by now. I want things to move forward and they don't seem to be. I think his grey hair bothered me too much. I think he just looks so old for his age and it bothers me to some degree. If I loved him, maybe I wouldn't care but I didn't. I felt like if I continue to stay with him, I might be settling. It's not easy to dump someone that you get along with fairly well but love is either there or it's not.
Breaking up with Old Man Winter wasn't as difficult as the situation with English Muffin, which was really emotional. I think some of my break ups with men are not emotional and some are. I would say at least one quarter of my relationships have been very difficult to bear when over.
I am not sure if I want to start dating again. I need to get a part time job and an apartment. My life is a little crazy right now and hopefully things can get in order this summer.
I dumped my boyfriend of about 8 months a few days ago. I am not terribly heart broken over it but I am sad that I won't be talking to him all the time. He was a good friend and a confidante and I will miss that. I just felt like we should feel love for each other by now. I want things to move forward and they don't seem to be. I think his grey hair bothered me too much. I think he just looks so old for his age and it bothers me to some degree. If I loved him, maybe I wouldn't care but I didn't. I felt like if I continue to stay with him, I might be settling. It's not easy to dump someone that you get along with fairly well but love is either there or it's not.
Breaking up with Old Man Winter wasn't as difficult as the situation with English Muffin, which was really emotional. I think some of my break ups with men are not emotional and some are. I would say at least one quarter of my relationships have been very difficult to bear when over.
I am not sure if I want to start dating again. I need to get a part time job and an apartment. My life is a little crazy right now and hopefully things can get in order this summer.
School
Greetings all,
I've started summer school at university and it has been rather busy. I am going to University of Toronto and have to commute from Hamilton as I have yet to find an apartment. It's been about 4 weeks of classes and I have a midterm for one class and a test for another next week. I am taking Statistics and Economics. Economics is a full credit and so goes until August. Statistics is just a half credit so we are done at end of June.
My statistics teacher is hot and I think he is probably my age. I am a bit behind on homework and hope to catch up this weekend. I tried catching up last weekend but was not able to. Each tutorial we have, there is a short quiz. The class goes from 6-10pm and it's twice a week.
My first week was rough. I signed up for calculus as well. I was sent an email saying students can only take 2 courses and I was planning to drop calculus as I wanted to see what it was like. I was good at math in high school until Calculus where I got a 65%. I will use the summer to relearn some calculus. Some of the content was over my head but I think also, I have not gotten into the rhythm of school, which I seem to now.
I am still apartment hunting but since I am so busy, that has to take a back seat. I might be able to start looking again after I finish statistics. I think Stats has been the class with the most homework and so I think that's what I find overwhelming. I spoke to counsellors at the school before classes and they were saying that taking economics would be enough and perhaps they were right in their advice. But economics on its own doesn't seem too hard for me. The class is called Economics100 and I think it should be renamed to 'boring graphs' because a lot of it seems to be looking at graphs. We have spent most of the time dealing with the concepts of supply and demand and so that makes use of many graphs and how they relate to each other. I take this class with a grain of salt because I know the theory of economics doesn't really match up to the reality of economics. I think reading Steiner's World Economy has been useful because it stimulates more creative thinking whereas the class I am talking about is just giving theoretical knowledge and concepts.
I hate commuting and it is draining my energy. My parents are letting me use their car most times. I recently dumped my boyfriend so now I can't really spend the night at his place and therefore reduce my commuting time.
I've started summer school at university and it has been rather busy. I am going to University of Toronto and have to commute from Hamilton as I have yet to find an apartment. It's been about 4 weeks of classes and I have a midterm for one class and a test for another next week. I am taking Statistics and Economics. Economics is a full credit and so goes until August. Statistics is just a half credit so we are done at end of June.
My statistics teacher is hot and I think he is probably my age. I am a bit behind on homework and hope to catch up this weekend. I tried catching up last weekend but was not able to. Each tutorial we have, there is a short quiz. The class goes from 6-10pm and it's twice a week.
My first week was rough. I signed up for calculus as well. I was sent an email saying students can only take 2 courses and I was planning to drop calculus as I wanted to see what it was like. I was good at math in high school until Calculus where I got a 65%. I will use the summer to relearn some calculus. Some of the content was over my head but I think also, I have not gotten into the rhythm of school, which I seem to now.
I am still apartment hunting but since I am so busy, that has to take a back seat. I might be able to start looking again after I finish statistics. I think Stats has been the class with the most homework and so I think that's what I find overwhelming. I spoke to counsellors at the school before classes and they were saying that taking economics would be enough and perhaps they were right in their advice. But economics on its own doesn't seem too hard for me. The class is called Economics100 and I think it should be renamed to 'boring graphs' because a lot of it seems to be looking at graphs. We have spent most of the time dealing with the concepts of supply and demand and so that makes use of many graphs and how they relate to each other. I take this class with a grain of salt because I know the theory of economics doesn't really match up to the reality of economics. I think reading Steiner's World Economy has been useful because it stimulates more creative thinking whereas the class I am talking about is just giving theoretical knowledge and concepts.
I hate commuting and it is draining my energy. My parents are letting me use their car most times. I recently dumped my boyfriend so now I can't really spend the night at his place and therefore reduce my commuting time.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Travels
Greetings all,
I have returned last Saturday from my vacation. I was in Cambodia for 3 weeks and then spent 3 weeks in Vietnam. It's been a week since I have been back but I am still experiencing jet lag and feel rather tired. I had a good experience but Vietnam and Cambodia are not countries I would want to return to. I learned a bit about their cultures. They had some differences and some similarities. For me, the people of these countries are definitely racist in my mind. In Canada, we are so multicultural but in these countries, I stick out because I am white and for those in certain industries, they just think we white people have so much money. Many tuk tuk drivers or motobike drivers try to take advantage of tourists and many retailers are always trying to sell you something and are extremely annoying.
Just because I have money to fly and visit your country, doesn't mean I have money to burn. I was on a budget and had to respect that. I didn't have a job so I don't have money coming in. Greed is everywhere in the world.
The weather was hot and humid and when I came back home, it was cold. I really hated the heat and humidity but I think I hate the cold more. I am rather tanned and I think at some point in my life, I am going to leave this cold Canada to where it is warmer year round. I know for me, I am tired of the cold.
I have to find a new apartment now and am starting school in a couple of weeks. I am taking economics and signed up for calculus but the summer session is shorter and I think calculus is basically like a year class, I may drop it and take prep courses for math as I am a bit out of practice when it comes to math.
I also feel rather out of practice with my kundalini yoga. I didn't do much yoga while traveling and now I find it hard to get back into a regular discipline and meditation. I am also feeling depressed. Not quite sure why but hopefully things will get better for me and that I get back into meditating.
I have returned last Saturday from my vacation. I was in Cambodia for 3 weeks and then spent 3 weeks in Vietnam. It's been a week since I have been back but I am still experiencing jet lag and feel rather tired. I had a good experience but Vietnam and Cambodia are not countries I would want to return to. I learned a bit about their cultures. They had some differences and some similarities. For me, the people of these countries are definitely racist in my mind. In Canada, we are so multicultural but in these countries, I stick out because I am white and for those in certain industries, they just think we white people have so much money. Many tuk tuk drivers or motobike drivers try to take advantage of tourists and many retailers are always trying to sell you something and are extremely annoying.
Just because I have money to fly and visit your country, doesn't mean I have money to burn. I was on a budget and had to respect that. I didn't have a job so I don't have money coming in. Greed is everywhere in the world.
The weather was hot and humid and when I came back home, it was cold. I really hated the heat and humidity but I think I hate the cold more. I am rather tanned and I think at some point in my life, I am going to leave this cold Canada to where it is warmer year round. I know for me, I am tired of the cold.
I have to find a new apartment now and am starting school in a couple of weeks. I am taking economics and signed up for calculus but the summer session is shorter and I think calculus is basically like a year class, I may drop it and take prep courses for math as I am a bit out of practice when it comes to math.
I also feel rather out of practice with my kundalini yoga. I didn't do much yoga while traveling and now I find it hard to get back into a regular discipline and meditation. I am also feeling depressed. Not quite sure why but hopefully things will get better for me and that I get back into meditating.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Hello Cambodia!
Greetings all,
I have been laid off 3 times in the past 4 years and I have had enough. Getting constantly laid off had taken its toll on my soul. Getting laid off once, sure I handled it. Twice was pushing it but three was the straw that broke the camel's back. Originally I planned to go back to school part time because I only went for 1 year university because I didn't know what to major in and didn't see the point of spending the money as I chose to pay my own way through school.
Since I've been laid off so many times, I tend to be out of work in the beginning of the year and with the way the economy has been, it would take months and months and hundreds of resumes sent with a handful of interviews secured before I ended up finding work.
I'd had enough and with my seasonal affective disorder (SAD), I could not tolerate staying in a dark and cold country and spend my time searching for a job that takes forever to arrive. I wanted to do something different and break the cycle.
So I decided to go back full time to school and start in May. I plan to study economics and math. Mainly because in my anthroposophical book group, I've been interested in economics and how to organize society in a manner that embraces the spirit and meets the material needs of the people. Steiner has written and lectured about World Economy and about the Three Fold Social Order. I think it makes sense and the brilliance of his concepts is that he doesn't say what to do but gets you to look at things from a different angle and thus your thinking capacity is stimulated and you learn how to attack problems from a more creative place, which I feel is sorely lacking in our society.
Since I didn't want to look for work I decided I'd kill time by traveling. I decided I'll look for a part time job when I return. I've known people who have done service work and so I thought I'd try it myself but do it in a different country. I learned about voluntourism which is where you pay an organization and they find you a placement. Part of the costs covers food and rent but some of it obviously goes in the pockets of the company. Nothing wrong with that. You provide a service, why not get paid for it? It didn't appeal to me because I'm sure I could find a place on my own to volunteer. And some of the companies had crazy prices, like $4000 for 2 weeks. The more reasonably priced ones were a quarter of that. Also this cost does not include the cost of the flight.
I had no specific country that I was drawn to visiting but I looked at one company's descriptions of the type of placements and the countries available and I decided on Cambodia and wanted to find an organization that was involved in human rights. I had to think about this because I initially wanted to spend all my time volunteering but then I thought that I like to travel and it's going to be hard for me to be in a country and just stay in one area. I decided that I'd spend less time volunteering so I could get some travel time in.
I ended up finding an organization that does work in human rights and community development. I met with them on Monday. They are located in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia. I started to do work for them on Tuesday (yesterday). I was to do work like administration, microfinance and editing reports that were in english. They told me on Monday I could go out to a village as one of my tasks. I was shown something on microfinance but I don't know what they were planning for me. I also got some reports to edit and edited an annual report. It was informative and I got to learn more about what they do.
I didn't feel good volunteering. It felt like a job and I wasn't going to get paid. I've volunteered before and usually I enjoy what I do. I've volunteered for some art organizations where I act as an ambassador and answer people's questions. It was fun and I got the perk of being able to attend events and in some cases see free shows. People who do other volunteer work, do it because they feel they get something out of it. It makes them feel good. I just wasn't feeling good. Also there were no hostels near where I was working. Maybe I could have found a hotel, which tend to more expensive but it would cost me $4 each way on a tuk tuk to get there. (tuk tuk is the only public way to get around as there is no transit system I possibly could have rented a scooter but I don't have experience using one and the traffic here is crazy and they utilize minimal stop lights.
I've been in Phnom Penh for a week now and have pretty much seen all the main things to see. The city is quite busy and loud. It's also very hot and humid and I hate the humidity. There are many scooters on the roads and some cars. The city is quite loud and parts are rather dirty and smelly. I was starting to get sick of staying here. I live in a big city and really want to get away from the big city and would rather be in a more calm place. I am starting to get annoyed with Phnom Penh and feel I need to leave because the city is starting to drive me nuts. Tuk tuk drivers are constantly asking me if I need a ride. They are like the paparazzi! Give me some space damn it!
I was talking with one of my hostel mates last night about the city and how I'm not sure if I should stay to volunteer. I was quite unhappy but at the same time I don't like to quit things. I decided that I'm not going to continue volunteering. Maybe in the future I can give it more thought but right now doing the volunteering I did yesterday was not something I'd be happy doing. So I'm leaving tomorrow and heading south. There are other places in the country I want to see. I plan to stay in Cambodia for a couple of more weeks and want to see Vietnam and Laos and possibly a bit of Thailand. I have until mid April to travel. I bought a one way ticket so my return is flexible, although I am starting school in May and need to find a place to live for May as I moved out and put my stuff in storage.
I felt bad and stressed about continuing to volunteer because I wanted to see what the rest of this country looks like and didn't want to be stuck here in Phnom Penh. I think traveling is probably better for me. I guess my aspiration of being a humanitarian didn't work out but at least if I decide to do something, it should be something I'd enjoy doing for free and maybe volunteering in my own country would be better. Or maybe I just need to find something that I can enjoy doing for a short period of time, like a week. But also maybe I'm just not the type to work while traveling since I am curious and like to explore and at heart am probably more a traveler then a humanitarian.
Do-gooding will have to wait. Adventure awaits!
I have been laid off 3 times in the past 4 years and I have had enough. Getting constantly laid off had taken its toll on my soul. Getting laid off once, sure I handled it. Twice was pushing it but three was the straw that broke the camel's back. Originally I planned to go back to school part time because I only went for 1 year university because I didn't know what to major in and didn't see the point of spending the money as I chose to pay my own way through school.
Since I've been laid off so many times, I tend to be out of work in the beginning of the year and with the way the economy has been, it would take months and months and hundreds of resumes sent with a handful of interviews secured before I ended up finding work.
I'd had enough and with my seasonal affective disorder (SAD), I could not tolerate staying in a dark and cold country and spend my time searching for a job that takes forever to arrive. I wanted to do something different and break the cycle.
So I decided to go back full time to school and start in May. I plan to study economics and math. Mainly because in my anthroposophical book group, I've been interested in economics and how to organize society in a manner that embraces the spirit and meets the material needs of the people. Steiner has written and lectured about World Economy and about the Three Fold Social Order. I think it makes sense and the brilliance of his concepts is that he doesn't say what to do but gets you to look at things from a different angle and thus your thinking capacity is stimulated and you learn how to attack problems from a more creative place, which I feel is sorely lacking in our society.
Since I didn't want to look for work I decided I'd kill time by traveling. I decided I'll look for a part time job when I return. I've known people who have done service work and so I thought I'd try it myself but do it in a different country. I learned about voluntourism which is where you pay an organization and they find you a placement. Part of the costs covers food and rent but some of it obviously goes in the pockets of the company. Nothing wrong with that. You provide a service, why not get paid for it? It didn't appeal to me because I'm sure I could find a place on my own to volunteer. And some of the companies had crazy prices, like $4000 for 2 weeks. The more reasonably priced ones were a quarter of that. Also this cost does not include the cost of the flight.
I had no specific country that I was drawn to visiting but I looked at one company's descriptions of the type of placements and the countries available and I decided on Cambodia and wanted to find an organization that was involved in human rights. I had to think about this because I initially wanted to spend all my time volunteering but then I thought that I like to travel and it's going to be hard for me to be in a country and just stay in one area. I decided that I'd spend less time volunteering so I could get some travel time in.
I ended up finding an organization that does work in human rights and community development. I met with them on Monday. They are located in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia. I started to do work for them on Tuesday (yesterday). I was to do work like administration, microfinance and editing reports that were in english. They told me on Monday I could go out to a village as one of my tasks. I was shown something on microfinance but I don't know what they were planning for me. I also got some reports to edit and edited an annual report. It was informative and I got to learn more about what they do.
I didn't feel good volunteering. It felt like a job and I wasn't going to get paid. I've volunteered before and usually I enjoy what I do. I've volunteered for some art organizations where I act as an ambassador and answer people's questions. It was fun and I got the perk of being able to attend events and in some cases see free shows. People who do other volunteer work, do it because they feel they get something out of it. It makes them feel good. I just wasn't feeling good. Also there were no hostels near where I was working. Maybe I could have found a hotel, which tend to more expensive but it would cost me $4 each way on a tuk tuk to get there. (tuk tuk is the only public way to get around as there is no transit system I possibly could have rented a scooter but I don't have experience using one and the traffic here is crazy and they utilize minimal stop lights.
I've been in Phnom Penh for a week now and have pretty much seen all the main things to see. The city is quite busy and loud. It's also very hot and humid and I hate the humidity. There are many scooters on the roads and some cars. The city is quite loud and parts are rather dirty and smelly. I was starting to get sick of staying here. I live in a big city and really want to get away from the big city and would rather be in a more calm place. I am starting to get annoyed with Phnom Penh and feel I need to leave because the city is starting to drive me nuts. Tuk tuk drivers are constantly asking me if I need a ride. They are like the paparazzi! Give me some space damn it!
I was talking with one of my hostel mates last night about the city and how I'm not sure if I should stay to volunteer. I was quite unhappy but at the same time I don't like to quit things. I decided that I'm not going to continue volunteering. Maybe in the future I can give it more thought but right now doing the volunteering I did yesterday was not something I'd be happy doing. So I'm leaving tomorrow and heading south. There are other places in the country I want to see. I plan to stay in Cambodia for a couple of more weeks and want to see Vietnam and Laos and possibly a bit of Thailand. I have until mid April to travel. I bought a one way ticket so my return is flexible, although I am starting school in May and need to find a place to live for May as I moved out and put my stuff in storage.
I felt bad and stressed about continuing to volunteer because I wanted to see what the rest of this country looks like and didn't want to be stuck here in Phnom Penh. I think traveling is probably better for me. I guess my aspiration of being a humanitarian didn't work out but at least if I decide to do something, it should be something I'd enjoy doing for free and maybe volunteering in my own country would be better. Or maybe I just need to find something that I can enjoy doing for a short period of time, like a week. But also maybe I'm just not the type to work while traveling since I am curious and like to explore and at heart am probably more a traveler then a humanitarian.
Do-gooding will have to wait. Adventure awaits!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
My Experience with Ortho C Lenses - Part 4: Final Review
Greetings all,
I have not written about my experience with my ortho c lens in quite a while. You can learn the history of my experience as follows:
My Experience with Ortho C Part 1
My Experience with Ortho C Part 2
My Experience with Ortho C Part 3
Back in December I got a new pair of lens but Mr. Yee said this was to do drills with. So I had to wear the regular lens he gave me and then wear the drill lens. I tried this for about a month and had to do it twice a week. I didn't really notice a difference and he said it would help probably 1 or 2 diopters. The drills were basically similar to a Bates exercise where you stand in front of this star object and look between 2 points and move your eyes from one point to another and do this 10 times.
I notice that many people would look up my blog to learn about ortho c lens and my initial journey began in the summer of 2007. I can say I didn't think these were good for me.
I have high myopia and initially my prescription was -8.5(right eye) and -8.00(left eye). I thought using the new lens for drills would help but I really didn't notice a difference but I also found the process too high maintenance for me and with little noticeable difference.
I had decided years ago that I wanted to improve my vision and control my myopia because like most myopes, I was getting tired of my prescription getting worse and being told the same excuse my eye is still growing. When you are in your late 20s, this excuse just doesn't fly anymore.
Anyways, it boiled down to ortho c lens or ortho k. I opted for ortho c because Yee claimed on his site it would be permanent. On my reviews, you can read more about my experience but last month I decided that I'd quit this ortho c nonsense. Perhaps my myopia was too high for Yee to correct and so maybe his technique is suitable for people with a lower prescription.
I decided I will try ortho k and yesterday went to get my eyes checked. Now I'm not going yet for the procedure, but it was to see if I'd be a suitable candidate. I had my prescription rechecked and my right eye was -8.25 and my left was -7.50. So 4.5 years ago my right was -8.5 and my left -8 so my right eye improved by .25 and my left .50.
So obviously this ortho c isn't long term because that initial 2 diopter improvement I had disappeared. I'm glad that I'm going to quit it. Yee wanted me to wear a weaker prescription and frankly I was getting tired of not seeing 20/20. I hope that ortho k will be effective. I've done some research on it and it seems better.
Ortho k is not permanent and only works if you keep wearing the lens. You are to wear the lens at night when you sleep and can see clearly with no contacts or glasses during the day. For some people they can go a few nights without wearing one after their eye has stabilized. Of course, the eye can see clearly all day depends on the myopia and it requires some time because in the beginning, your eye will not be able to see 20/20 all day but the process probably takes a few weeks, again depending on your prescription. The industry is improving so the lens are probably able to treat the problem quicker.
I have found 2 informative videos about ortho k:
The 1st video is a Fox news video on ortho k that explains overall the process. Normally I don't trust Fox news but this seemed legit. I think it's a good news story that covers this topic and there do seem to be some happy clients for whom this treatment was effective.
The 2nd video on youtube about ortho k is also informative and involves an interview with an ortho k optician.
I thought John Yee was sincere in his approach. The thing is that his product is just being developed by him, whereas ortho k has been developed for over 40 years and there are many people who have worked to improve it. It does make me wonder if he is stealing some of the concepts. I mean, with ortho k you have to use the lens regularly. Why would his lens require that you use it only for a few minutes and he claims the changes are permanent? Maybe he needs to modify his claims. I just don't feel he was being dishonest. Maybe he was naive with his research. Maybe he's just not a good scientist and in being innovative. Perhaps he did stumble upon something that was worth studying. But Ortho k has more scientific research behind it. It's been in development longer and it has more people involved in its improvement, where Yee is just one man. He should have his ortho c undergo more serious testing. He should have it peer reviewed. If ortho c was so effective, he should be training others in the field and really educating opticians. But none of this is done. He has a patent but that doesn't mean anything. He didn't charge me a lot of money and I really do feel he is sincere. I met him and never got the scammer vibe from him. I don't know enough about his list of clients and their experience. I just write about my own.
Overall I didn't get what I thought I would. Maybe my myopia was too high. I don't recommend ortho c. If my initial 2 diopter improvement was not sustainable, his lens are basically the same as an ortho k but at least with ortho k, they tell you it's not permanent and if you stop wearing them regularly your vision will go back to what it was.
I have not written about my experience with my ortho c lens in quite a while. You can learn the history of my experience as follows:
My Experience with Ortho C Part 1
My Experience with Ortho C Part 2
My Experience with Ortho C Part 3
Back in December I got a new pair of lens but Mr. Yee said this was to do drills with. So I had to wear the regular lens he gave me and then wear the drill lens. I tried this for about a month and had to do it twice a week. I didn't really notice a difference and he said it would help probably 1 or 2 diopters. The drills were basically similar to a Bates exercise where you stand in front of this star object and look between 2 points and move your eyes from one point to another and do this 10 times.
I notice that many people would look up my blog to learn about ortho c lens and my initial journey began in the summer of 2007. I can say I didn't think these were good for me.
I have high myopia and initially my prescription was -8.5(right eye) and -8.00(left eye). I thought using the new lens for drills would help but I really didn't notice a difference but I also found the process too high maintenance for me and with little noticeable difference.
I had decided years ago that I wanted to improve my vision and control my myopia because like most myopes, I was getting tired of my prescription getting worse and being told the same excuse my eye is still growing. When you are in your late 20s, this excuse just doesn't fly anymore.
Anyways, it boiled down to ortho c lens or ortho k. I opted for ortho c because Yee claimed on his site it would be permanent. On my reviews, you can read more about my experience but last month I decided that I'd quit this ortho c nonsense. Perhaps my myopia was too high for Yee to correct and so maybe his technique is suitable for people with a lower prescription.
I decided I will try ortho k and yesterday went to get my eyes checked. Now I'm not going yet for the procedure, but it was to see if I'd be a suitable candidate. I had my prescription rechecked and my right eye was -8.25 and my left was -7.50. So 4.5 years ago my right was -8.5 and my left -8 so my right eye improved by .25 and my left .50.
So obviously this ortho c isn't long term because that initial 2 diopter improvement I had disappeared. I'm glad that I'm going to quit it. Yee wanted me to wear a weaker prescription and frankly I was getting tired of not seeing 20/20. I hope that ortho k will be effective. I've done some research on it and it seems better.
Ortho k is not permanent and only works if you keep wearing the lens. You are to wear the lens at night when you sleep and can see clearly with no contacts or glasses during the day. For some people they can go a few nights without wearing one after their eye has stabilized. Of course, the eye can see clearly all day depends on the myopia and it requires some time because in the beginning, your eye will not be able to see 20/20 all day but the process probably takes a few weeks, again depending on your prescription. The industry is improving so the lens are probably able to treat the problem quicker.
I have found 2 informative videos about ortho k:
The 1st video is a Fox news video on ortho k that explains overall the process. Normally I don't trust Fox news but this seemed legit. I think it's a good news story that covers this topic and there do seem to be some happy clients for whom this treatment was effective.
The 2nd video on youtube about ortho k is also informative and involves an interview with an ortho k optician.
I thought John Yee was sincere in his approach. The thing is that his product is just being developed by him, whereas ortho k has been developed for over 40 years and there are many people who have worked to improve it. It does make me wonder if he is stealing some of the concepts. I mean, with ortho k you have to use the lens regularly. Why would his lens require that you use it only for a few minutes and he claims the changes are permanent? Maybe he needs to modify his claims. I just don't feel he was being dishonest. Maybe he was naive with his research. Maybe he's just not a good scientist and in being innovative. Perhaps he did stumble upon something that was worth studying. But Ortho k has more scientific research behind it. It's been in development longer and it has more people involved in its improvement, where Yee is just one man. He should have his ortho c undergo more serious testing. He should have it peer reviewed. If ortho c was so effective, he should be training others in the field and really educating opticians. But none of this is done. He has a patent but that doesn't mean anything. He didn't charge me a lot of money and I really do feel he is sincere. I met him and never got the scammer vibe from him. I don't know enough about his list of clients and their experience. I just write about my own.
Overall I didn't get what I thought I would. Maybe my myopia was too high. I don't recommend ortho c. If my initial 2 diopter improvement was not sustainable, his lens are basically the same as an ortho k but at least with ortho k, they tell you it's not permanent and if you stop wearing them regularly your vision will go back to what it was.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Men are Pointless!
Greetings all,
I decided to contact that former interest of mine. I came up with the idea of saying thanks for subscribing to my you tube page. He quickly emailed me back wanting to know what I was up to. I told him how I quit stand up. He said that was a shame. I was trying to be a professional when I last talked to him but I knew that I needed a day job while I was working on it as a hobby. I just told him it was a hobby for me.
He then asked what I do to pay the bills (again comedy was never something that payed the bills as it was just a hobby for me at this point) and I said I was laid off again back in December and that I must have bad job karma because I've been laid off 3 times in 4 years and that I think the system and economy was a joke. I said I planned to go back to school as well.
I didn't hear back from him. It upset me because it just goes to show me he's not the right person. He's way too much drama. I don't know what is his problem but if he thinks there's something wrong with me because I seem to have trouble keeping a job, then he is wrong. The economy is terrible and I've unfortunately been on the wrong end. I'm a good worker and good employee. It's that companies are jokes and don't care about employees, just about themselves. I want to go to school, mainly because I feel I need some intellectuality in my life again. I hope it can help me in finding better work but I know that a degree doesn't guarantee you anything.
Some people just don't have luck in their life inspite of their best effort and good intentions. I'm done with him and he can fuck himself because if someone can't be there when you're down, they don't deserve you if things pick up.
I decided to contact that former interest of mine. I came up with the idea of saying thanks for subscribing to my you tube page. He quickly emailed me back wanting to know what I was up to. I told him how I quit stand up. He said that was a shame. I was trying to be a professional when I last talked to him but I knew that I needed a day job while I was working on it as a hobby. I just told him it was a hobby for me.
He then asked what I do to pay the bills (again comedy was never something that payed the bills as it was just a hobby for me at this point) and I said I was laid off again back in December and that I must have bad job karma because I've been laid off 3 times in 4 years and that I think the system and economy was a joke. I said I planned to go back to school as well.
I didn't hear back from him. It upset me because it just goes to show me he's not the right person. He's way too much drama. I don't know what is his problem but if he thinks there's something wrong with me because I seem to have trouble keeping a job, then he is wrong. The economy is terrible and I've unfortunately been on the wrong end. I'm a good worker and good employee. It's that companies are jokes and don't care about employees, just about themselves. I want to go to school, mainly because I feel I need some intellectuality in my life again. I hope it can help me in finding better work but I know that a degree doesn't guarantee you anything.
Some people just don't have luck in their life inspite of their best effort and good intentions. I'm done with him and he can fuck himself because if someone can't be there when you're down, they don't deserve you if things pick up.
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