Greetings and Salutations,
I have been doing online dating for a while and many men will tell me how cool and amazing I am. Some of the time I don't really feel that way. I consider myself fairly confident person, although I can still feel pretty dumb about things as I am not all knowing and that disturbs me to some degree - although I accept my limitations - that I'll never know everything and be that uber smart person I dream of.
Anyways, I do interesting things on my own. I perform stand up. I do qigong. I travel the world and explore many things. I am willing to push past my fears. I am honest. I am an anthroposophist. I make comedy videos for You Tube.
But when I reflect upon myself, I sometimes feel ordinary. I don't feel special. I just try and be authentic in my life and try to be myself and try to grow and take risks. I don't think what I do is amazing because I feel it's a result of me being myself.
Yes I have my moments of feeling grandiose but that comes and goes and I accept that. You can't be grand all the time!
I don't mind feeling ordinary and so I accept it and sometimes it feels nice.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
Pass me a Cigarette
Greetings and Salutations,
These past few days I've been getting into the habit of writing comedy jokes and tonight I was actually writing and staying focused on writing for a good chunk of time.
As much as I enjoy improv and the instant gratification it brings, it has made me a bit averse to writing. I have been slowly accepting the fact that I may have to begin writing again if I want to do stand up and other comedy projects as I have been very resistant to comedy writing. I've been learning about how to do stand up and have some work-along dvd that I've been using these past few days and so I've been writing comedy stuff again, which I haven't done since I was 16. I might have dabbled in joke or sketch ideas but I now seem to be taking it seriously.
And it felt good.
Part of what works in comedy is by starting off serious, or in other words, don't try and be funny. Set up things the right way and the funny naturally emerges.
So I've been writing just premises and topics. It's helpful since I'm not stressing out over being funny.
I keep a journal so I'm used to writing and I do get a certain satisfaction in writing that people who aren't writers may not get.
Writing is a means with which I can delve into my thoughts and give them expression. I can talk to my friends about these things but sometimes putting it on paper makes my thoughts seem more concrete.
Writing is so simple and I've neglected my creative writing for so long and I feel I am rediscovering this simple past time. I feel so complete as a human being.
My insanity is being properly channeled!
Somebody just pass me a cigarette!
These past few days I've been getting into the habit of writing comedy jokes and tonight I was actually writing and staying focused on writing for a good chunk of time.
As much as I enjoy improv and the instant gratification it brings, it has made me a bit averse to writing. I have been slowly accepting the fact that I may have to begin writing again if I want to do stand up and other comedy projects as I have been very resistant to comedy writing. I've been learning about how to do stand up and have some work-along dvd that I've been using these past few days and so I've been writing comedy stuff again, which I haven't done since I was 16. I might have dabbled in joke or sketch ideas but I now seem to be taking it seriously.
And it felt good.
Part of what works in comedy is by starting off serious, or in other words, don't try and be funny. Set up things the right way and the funny naturally emerges.
So I've been writing just premises and topics. It's helpful since I'm not stressing out over being funny.
I keep a journal so I'm used to writing and I do get a certain satisfaction in writing that people who aren't writers may not get.
Writing is a means with which I can delve into my thoughts and give them expression. I can talk to my friends about these things but sometimes putting it on paper makes my thoughts seem more concrete.
Writing is so simple and I've neglected my creative writing for so long and I feel I am rediscovering this simple past time. I feel so complete as a human being.
My insanity is being properly channeled!
Somebody just pass me a cigarette!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Go Away!
Greetings and Salutations,
I don't believe I shared this story with my readers so I shall tell it now.
I had a friend who back in the beginning of July decided to terminate our friendship. He was formally a lover of mine and we dated about 5 years ago for a few months. We decided to be Friends with benefits.
I had a couple of boyfriends during this time but I always thought that we were genuine friends. I would still talk to him even though I would be with someone because I enjoyed talking with him and found him to be a good friend and I thought he was intelligent. I respected him as a person and thought he was a very emotionally balanced and rational person and that was what I appreciated in him.
He didn't really date people because I think he was a bit of a loner and he didn't go out much partly because he didn't have many friends or social activities that he participated in. He also was the primary caretaker of his children who are now in grade 9 and 7.
I had always hoped that we both would find someone to settle down with, preferably around the same time so that I wouldn't lose my benefits. I knew we wouldn't work as a couple but I wanted him to find someone eventually because I genuinely felt he shouldn't be alone for the rest of his life.
He started dating a woman that lived on his street back in January. We would still talk but around March he started to act distant. I typically just talk to him on the phone and don't actually hang out with him. Every time I would call he would say he was busy with Deb (the new girlfriend) or that he can't talk because they were watching a movie. Eventually I got fed up with him acting like an asshole and I sent him an email.
I contacted him before leaving for my trip to Europe in May and he was quite callous and when I asked him questions like how he was doing, he was giving me brief answers.
I contacted him about a month later and his daughter said he wasn't home so I tried the next day. I had this feeling that I shouldn't but I proceeded to anyways. His girlfriend picked up. I thought it was his son as the voice was husky. I asked if I could speak to your dad and she asked who it was and I said Paula. My friend answered and said "I want you to stop calling. My fiance and I don't you want you calling the house anymore". I was quite devastated to hear those words coming out of his mouth. I just politely answered ok and hung up.
I was in shock and stunned. I couldn't believe that he would end this friendship of 6 years. And I was also surprised that he got engaged to someone only after dating for about 5 to 6 months.
My coworkers were telling me his girlfriend is probably insecure because she probably threatened him to end this friendship. If he had more friends, she might have had a harder time trying to get rid of me. I can understand why she would feel threatened but if my friend had cared about me as a friend like I thought he did, he probably would explain that I am not a threat.
I am not someone who tries to steal someone's man. I think that's a waste of time. And how can someone be threatened by a phone conversation?
Some people are weird and my 'friend' is a spineless prick.
This almost just makes me not want to trust people anymore. I considered him a best friend and this is what he does to me? Thanks a lot!
What bothers me is that I've had a couple of dreams where he apologizes to me. Today I had a dream where he was telling me he was an idiot for what he did.
I don't want fucking apologies in my dreams. I want real life apologies.
I don't know if this dream was a message showing that perhaps on some level my 'friend' does feel bad about what he did. But you know what? I don't fucking care about getting stupid messages from my subconscious like that. I want real apologies. How is this to make me feel better?
I did move on from this incident but having this dream just reminded me again of this incident. I feel like I've moved on and now my subconscious is being a prick by reminding me of this all over again.
Fuck off already and leave me alone!
I don't believe I shared this story with my readers so I shall tell it now.
I had a friend who back in the beginning of July decided to terminate our friendship. He was formally a lover of mine and we dated about 5 years ago for a few months. We decided to be Friends with benefits.
I had a couple of boyfriends during this time but I always thought that we were genuine friends. I would still talk to him even though I would be with someone because I enjoyed talking with him and found him to be a good friend and I thought he was intelligent. I respected him as a person and thought he was a very emotionally balanced and rational person and that was what I appreciated in him.
He didn't really date people because I think he was a bit of a loner and he didn't go out much partly because he didn't have many friends or social activities that he participated in. He also was the primary caretaker of his children who are now in grade 9 and 7.
I had always hoped that we both would find someone to settle down with, preferably around the same time so that I wouldn't lose my benefits. I knew we wouldn't work as a couple but I wanted him to find someone eventually because I genuinely felt he shouldn't be alone for the rest of his life.
He started dating a woman that lived on his street back in January. We would still talk but around March he started to act distant. I typically just talk to him on the phone and don't actually hang out with him. Every time I would call he would say he was busy with Deb (the new girlfriend) or that he can't talk because they were watching a movie. Eventually I got fed up with him acting like an asshole and I sent him an email.
I contacted him before leaving for my trip to Europe in May and he was quite callous and when I asked him questions like how he was doing, he was giving me brief answers.
I contacted him about a month later and his daughter said he wasn't home so I tried the next day. I had this feeling that I shouldn't but I proceeded to anyways. His girlfriend picked up. I thought it was his son as the voice was husky. I asked if I could speak to your dad and she asked who it was and I said Paula. My friend answered and said "I want you to stop calling. My fiance and I don't you want you calling the house anymore". I was quite devastated to hear those words coming out of his mouth. I just politely answered ok and hung up.
I was in shock and stunned. I couldn't believe that he would end this friendship of 6 years. And I was also surprised that he got engaged to someone only after dating for about 5 to 6 months.
My coworkers were telling me his girlfriend is probably insecure because she probably threatened him to end this friendship. If he had more friends, she might have had a harder time trying to get rid of me. I can understand why she would feel threatened but if my friend had cared about me as a friend like I thought he did, he probably would explain that I am not a threat.
I am not someone who tries to steal someone's man. I think that's a waste of time. And how can someone be threatened by a phone conversation?
Some people are weird and my 'friend' is a spineless prick.
This almost just makes me not want to trust people anymore. I considered him a best friend and this is what he does to me? Thanks a lot!
What bothers me is that I've had a couple of dreams where he apologizes to me. Today I had a dream where he was telling me he was an idiot for what he did.
I don't want fucking apologies in my dreams. I want real life apologies.
I don't know if this dream was a message showing that perhaps on some level my 'friend' does feel bad about what he did. But you know what? I don't fucking care about getting stupid messages from my subconscious like that. I want real apologies. How is this to make me feel better?
I did move on from this incident but having this dream just reminded me again of this incident. I feel like I've moved on and now my subconscious is being a prick by reminding me of this all over again.
Fuck off already and leave me alone!
Monday, September 08, 2008
Faith
Greetings and Salutations,
Yesterday morning I had a dream where a friend of mine was telling me to start thinking that everything will work out in the end. To have faith, if you will.
I've always had to struggle with having faith in things but I guess I do show faith in things. Right now I just feel like I don't know if I'll have all the things I desire in my life. My desires are simple and yet I wonder if I will have them.
Things seem bleak at times but I try to be rational about things but I guess my dream was telling me something I needed to hear.
I am hoping my dream is right because it would be very sad if it were wrong.
Yesterday morning I had a dream where a friend of mine was telling me to start thinking that everything will work out in the end. To have faith, if you will.
I've always had to struggle with having faith in things but I guess I do show faith in things. Right now I just feel like I don't know if I'll have all the things I desire in my life. My desires are simple and yet I wonder if I will have them.
Things seem bleak at times but I try to be rational about things but I guess my dream was telling me something I needed to hear.
I am hoping my dream is right because it would be very sad if it were wrong.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Closing Shop
Greetings and Salutations,
I am making an announcement that will astound my readers.
I have decided that I will refrain from casual sex.
I finished reading a book entitled "Getting to I Do" (the title was lame but I think the book was informative and useful) and it was for women on how to be successful in long term relationships, that can possibly lead to marriage.
One of the sections discussed how not to have sex unless you get a commitment from the man and it makes sense because it discussed how having sex for women makes them fall more in love with someone and that some chemical is produced (oxytocin) that makes a woman bond to a man. It isn't produced as much in men as women and so for women to begin to have sex with a man, it can be addictive.
For men to fall in love with a woman, they need to commit because they do not fall in love the way a woman does, (who fall in love through sex and sharing their body).
Since my main goal is to find a long term relationship that may possibly lead to marriage, I decided that I will follow this. It suggests a dating period of 3 months.
I think it is useful as well since it forces you to be friends with them first, which I always felt was important. It states that friendship is the root and sex is the bloom.
I have had sex early on in the relationhip and I don't think it made me fall in love with the person, although it does tend to distract you from getting to know them to some degree. I don't think it was a problem for me since I always made it a point to get to know someone while dating and not getting caught up with the excitement of sex.
I guess for me since I am dating a bunch of guys, it would make sense to not be sleeping with each guy I date because I do not want to end up like a Jerry Springer guest.
I think I will try this out and see if it works for me.
The book had other useful advice and I recommend reading it.
I am making an announcement that will astound my readers.
I have decided that I will refrain from casual sex.
I finished reading a book entitled "Getting to I Do" (the title was lame but I think the book was informative and useful) and it was for women on how to be successful in long term relationships, that can possibly lead to marriage.
One of the sections discussed how not to have sex unless you get a commitment from the man and it makes sense because it discussed how having sex for women makes them fall more in love with someone and that some chemical is produced (oxytocin) that makes a woman bond to a man. It isn't produced as much in men as women and so for women to begin to have sex with a man, it can be addictive.
For men to fall in love with a woman, they need to commit because they do not fall in love the way a woman does, (who fall in love through sex and sharing their body).
Since my main goal is to find a long term relationship that may possibly lead to marriage, I decided that I will follow this. It suggests a dating period of 3 months.
I think it is useful as well since it forces you to be friends with them first, which I always felt was important. It states that friendship is the root and sex is the bloom.
I have had sex early on in the relationhip and I don't think it made me fall in love with the person, although it does tend to distract you from getting to know them to some degree. I don't think it was a problem for me since I always made it a point to get to know someone while dating and not getting caught up with the excitement of sex.
I guess for me since I am dating a bunch of guys, it would make sense to not be sleeping with each guy I date because I do not want to end up like a Jerry Springer guest.
I think I will try this out and see if it works for me.
The book had other useful advice and I recommend reading it.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The Joys of Dating
Greetings and Salutations,
I generally hate dating because it is like job hunting. It's a numbers game and you just got to keep plugging away until you get a match. But there is some joy in this process so don't feel sorry for me my dear readers.
One thing I enjoy about dating is that, as a woman, men generally will pay for things in the beginning. I had gone on 4 dates these past 3 weeks and 2 of the guys offered to go out for dinner. I like to eat so how can I pass this opportunity up? I got to pick where we got to eat and I actually had leftovers so I got to take this home for lunch for the following day, so that means one dinner would be equivalent to 2 meals. I figure I need to get me some more dinner dates since I'm not a fan of cooking!
The other nice thing about dating in the beginning is that guys are so nice to you and they like to compliment you as well and I enjoy getting told how beautiful I am.
One guy I recently went on a couple of dates does art and he did a portrait of me. I have never dated a guy who did something like that so he definitely got some brownie points for that.
Another guy I went out with, we went to the mall and I had to buy myself a photo album. We went to Walmart as I went to some other stores on my own and they didn't have what I wanted. The guy I was with bought some small items for himself. I wanted to pay for my own photo album but he was insistent on paying for it. I really didn't want him to pay so instead of arguing with him in line, I let him buy me it. How can I refuse a man who wants to be generous?
So folks, even though being single can be harsh and lonely at times, there are some benefits to it.
I generally hate dating because it is like job hunting. It's a numbers game and you just got to keep plugging away until you get a match. But there is some joy in this process so don't feel sorry for me my dear readers.
One thing I enjoy about dating is that, as a woman, men generally will pay for things in the beginning. I had gone on 4 dates these past 3 weeks and 2 of the guys offered to go out for dinner. I like to eat so how can I pass this opportunity up? I got to pick where we got to eat and I actually had leftovers so I got to take this home for lunch for the following day, so that means one dinner would be equivalent to 2 meals. I figure I need to get me some more dinner dates since I'm not a fan of cooking!
The other nice thing about dating in the beginning is that guys are so nice to you and they like to compliment you as well and I enjoy getting told how beautiful I am.
One guy I recently went on a couple of dates does art and he did a portrait of me. I have never dated a guy who did something like that so he definitely got some brownie points for that.
Another guy I went out with, we went to the mall and I had to buy myself a photo album. We went to Walmart as I went to some other stores on my own and they didn't have what I wanted. The guy I was with bought some small items for himself. I wanted to pay for my own photo album but he was insistent on paying for it. I really didn't want him to pay so instead of arguing with him in line, I let him buy me it. How can I refuse a man who wants to be generous?
So folks, even though being single can be harsh and lonely at times, there are some benefits to it.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thoughts on Work
Greetings and Salutations,
Since I've been laid off, I thought I'd express some thoughts about this very concept of work in our society. My department was notified we'd be laid off about 3 weeks prior to the actual date. I told my parents probably a few days after we were notified and my dad tells me I should start looking as soon as I was notified.
I really didn't appreciate being told how to run my life because I am not stupid. I know that you need money to pay the bills. I understand how things work. I am fortunate enough that I live in a society where we pay into a system that gives us some money if we have been laid off.
I feel like I shouldn't just take a job just for the sake of taking a job. I think sometimes people use work as a distraction so that they don't have to deal with their failures and feelings of inadequacies.
I actually want to enjoy the work that I do in life and I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to take some time to assess my life and the direction I want to take it.
The main reason people work is to buy things. The reality is the more money you have the more you spend. I'm not big on owning lots of stuff because the reality is most stuff that is out there is useless.
I've been in the work force for 9 years (not including working in high school) and I am not lazy and do have some level of ambition. I will figure out my life in my own way and in my time. I don't need to feel like I am scum and lazy because I am taking the time to evaluate my life and address my inner soul and spiritual needs.
* * *
I went out on Tuesday with the 'rents for dinner at the Mandarin and my father was quite grouchy and angry. My mother says he's been like that since they have returned from Italy (they were there for a month). He seems to like being there and chatting with all the relatives.
He said he was angry because he's not happy that I'm unemployed (through no fault of my own) and that he is worried. Now I don't know if he meant that or if he was really just angry because he likes being in Italy as my mom suggested and just wanted to use my being unemployed as an excuse.
It bothers me that they can be so negative and unsupportive. They have little faith in me. I had to remind them that it hurts me that they are so negative and pessimistic. I don't need them to worry about me. How is worrying about me going to land me a job? Honestly I keep my worrying to a minimum because largely worrying is unproductive.
I am tempted to lie to them that I found a job just so that they don't get worried.
Since I've been laid off, I thought I'd express some thoughts about this very concept of work in our society. My department was notified we'd be laid off about 3 weeks prior to the actual date. I told my parents probably a few days after we were notified and my dad tells me I should start looking as soon as I was notified.
I really didn't appreciate being told how to run my life because I am not stupid. I know that you need money to pay the bills. I understand how things work. I am fortunate enough that I live in a society where we pay into a system that gives us some money if we have been laid off.
I feel like I shouldn't just take a job just for the sake of taking a job. I think sometimes people use work as a distraction so that they don't have to deal with their failures and feelings of inadequacies.
I actually want to enjoy the work that I do in life and I think there is nothing wrong with wanting to take some time to assess my life and the direction I want to take it.
The main reason people work is to buy things. The reality is the more money you have the more you spend. I'm not big on owning lots of stuff because the reality is most stuff that is out there is useless.
I've been in the work force for 9 years (not including working in high school) and I am not lazy and do have some level of ambition. I will figure out my life in my own way and in my time. I don't need to feel like I am scum and lazy because I am taking the time to evaluate my life and address my inner soul and spiritual needs.
I went out on Tuesday with the 'rents for dinner at the Mandarin and my father was quite grouchy and angry. My mother says he's been like that since they have returned from Italy (they were there for a month). He seems to like being there and chatting with all the relatives.
He said he was angry because he's not happy that I'm unemployed (through no fault of my own) and that he is worried. Now I don't know if he meant that or if he was really just angry because he likes being in Italy as my mom suggested and just wanted to use my being unemployed as an excuse.
It bothers me that they can be so negative and unsupportive. They have little faith in me. I had to remind them that it hurts me that they are so negative and pessimistic. I don't need them to worry about me. How is worrying about me going to land me a job? Honestly I keep my worrying to a minimum because largely worrying is unproductive.
I am tempted to lie to them that I found a job just so that they don't get worried.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Not Bitchy Enough?
Greetings and Salutations,
I consider myself a fairly nice and considerate person. I am also fairly assertive and generally do not have people taking advantage of me. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more of a bitch.
Some women seem to think that they need to be mean and bitchy to get what they want and they think that it's okay to be pushy and forceful.
Sometimes I've wondered if I should be like that but I feel like that's not my style. I think I've become more laid back as I have gotten older and I have noticed that I don't really need to stress out about things and get dramatic when things aren't going the way I want.
I wasn't born with the best social skills but over the years I have made an effort to understand human behaviour so that I can get along with others but also go after the things I want while still maintaining some sort of peaceful existence with others.
I sometimes think I should be bitchier but I seem to get what I want in a charming manner. I also think as well that these women think they have to be bitchy to get what they want but I think maybe if they had more social skills developed, maybe they'd understand that being forceful and bitchy can be a waste of energy and that there are more efficient techniques for being assertive.
Any comments and thoughts would be appreciated.
I consider myself a fairly nice and considerate person. I am also fairly assertive and generally do not have people taking advantage of me. Sometimes I wonder if I should be more of a bitch.
Some women seem to think that they need to be mean and bitchy to get what they want and they think that it's okay to be pushy and forceful.
Sometimes I've wondered if I should be like that but I feel like that's not my style. I think I've become more laid back as I have gotten older and I have noticed that I don't really need to stress out about things and get dramatic when things aren't going the way I want.
I wasn't born with the best social skills but over the years I have made an effort to understand human behaviour so that I can get along with others but also go after the things I want while still maintaining some sort of peaceful existence with others.
I sometimes think I should be bitchier but I seem to get what I want in a charming manner. I also think as well that these women think they have to be bitchy to get what they want but I think maybe if they had more social skills developed, maybe they'd understand that being forceful and bitchy can be a waste of energy and that there are more efficient techniques for being assertive.
Any comments and thoughts would be appreciated.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Philosophy of Freedom
Greetings and Salutations,
I began this project a couple of months ago and it's on You Tube. It is an anthroposophy project and I am getting an article published in the Canadian Anthroposophical Society's newsletter. I'm just going to post the article (not edited by them so it's the RAW version). Here is what I am submitting:
I am in a book group that meets weekly in Dundas, Ontario. Back in September 2003, our group decided we would study Rudolf Steiner’s challenging and insightful book, Philosophy of Freedom (Intuitive Thinking as a Spiritual Path).
We had Paul Hodkins join us for an evening to give us an outline of how to study this book. I believe he taught a series workshop at the Rudolf Steiner Centre in Thornhill, which a couple of my group members attended.
The method he taught us was to summarize each paragraph. There are 2 versions of this book. One is the English translation and the other is the American translation. It is the American translation that identifies the paragraph in numerical format.
Our group found this method of studying this book very demanding and yet very worthwhile. I feel that it disciplines your thinking in a way that is much needed in today’s world. One member had remarked she found it useful to read and study this book in a group as she may not have the discipline to do this if she were alone.
Our group managed to summarize the first 7 chapters of this book. For the reminder of the book, we decided to read it and have discussions. One of the members and I continued to summarize the paragraphs on our own.
A few months ago I had decided that I would share the work that my group and I have done. I decided to start recording myself and sharing this information on You Tube. I feel that Philosophy of Freedom has a lot to offer to its readers and I recommend reading it through a few times and then trying out this method to get a better understanding of it.
You Tube is a very popular internet site which offers viewers a broad range of topics and content. I felt that putting up a study guide about Philosophy of Freedom would be very helpful to those who may not have access to a book group or who would like additional help in learning and understanding this important book. I think it is useful as well since you can study the material at your own pace and listen to the sessions multiple times.
I encourage everyone who wants to deepen their understanding of this wonderful book by visiting my You Tube page at http://www.youtube.com/user/1funnyanthropop. Please subscribe so that you can be notified when I release a new video. I also encourage viewers to email questions or comments so that I can address them.
I have been deeply enriched by studying this book through this method and I hope to share what I have learned and grasped in this videos series with those who want to deepen their understanding of this great book.
I began this project a couple of months ago and it's on You Tube. It is an anthroposophy project and I am getting an article published in the Canadian Anthroposophical Society's newsletter. I'm just going to post the article (not edited by them so it's the RAW version). Here is what I am submitting:
I am in a book group that meets weekly in Dundas, Ontario. Back in September 2003, our group decided we would study Rudolf Steiner’s challenging and insightful book, Philosophy of Freedom (Intuitive Thinking as a Spiritual Path).
We had Paul Hodkins join us for an evening to give us an outline of how to study this book. I believe he taught a series workshop at the Rudolf Steiner Centre in Thornhill, which a couple of my group members attended.
The method he taught us was to summarize each paragraph. There are 2 versions of this book. One is the English translation and the other is the American translation. It is the American translation that identifies the paragraph in numerical format.
Our group found this method of studying this book very demanding and yet very worthwhile. I feel that it disciplines your thinking in a way that is much needed in today’s world. One member had remarked she found it useful to read and study this book in a group as she may not have the discipline to do this if she were alone.
Our group managed to summarize the first 7 chapters of this book. For the reminder of the book, we decided to read it and have discussions. One of the members and I continued to summarize the paragraphs on our own.
A few months ago I had decided that I would share the work that my group and I have done. I decided to start recording myself and sharing this information on You Tube. I feel that Philosophy of Freedom has a lot to offer to its readers and I recommend reading it through a few times and then trying out this method to get a better understanding of it.
You Tube is a very popular internet site which offers viewers a broad range of topics and content. I felt that putting up a study guide about Philosophy of Freedom would be very helpful to those who may not have access to a book group or who would like additional help in learning and understanding this important book. I think it is useful as well since you can study the material at your own pace and listen to the sessions multiple times.
I encourage everyone who wants to deepen their understanding of this wonderful book by visiting my You Tube page at http://www.youtube.com/user/1funnyanthropop. Please subscribe so that you can be notified when I release a new video. I also encourage viewers to email questions or comments so that I can address them.
I have been deeply enriched by studying this book through this method and I hope to share what I have learned and grasped in this videos series with those who want to deepen their understanding of this great book.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Bored!
Greetings and Salutations,
Well last week marked my first week of being unemployed and as of now I am officially bored. I've made a personal decision that since the government is now my Sugar Daddy for a year, I want to try and take this comedy thing a bit seriously. I know there are people out there who are making a living out of it and that is what I plan to do. I know it will require me to step out of my comfort zone a bit and so that is why I've been hesitant to actually look for a regular job.
I know if I go and get a regular job, I'll keep thinking about comedy. I'll just keep repeating this cycle that I have been on and never be happy with the work that I do. i'm quite tired of this cycle and tired of having my talents go to waste - largely due to my lack of confidence in myself. It's not enough that I can make my co-workers laugh. I need more!
The good thing is that since I've been doing open mic nights since February, my confidence in stand up is increasing and I have 20 minutes worth of decent material.
Part of my strategy also involves producing short videos for youtube, of which I've already done my first. I would like to do at least one a week.
I bet making a living in comedy isn't as hard as I think it is in my head. I can get very emotional about things sometimes but I think if I try and think strategically it would probably help me feel less overwhelmed.
I am going to be doing something that I am not used to so I have to train myself. I have to train myself to take action in ways I am not used it.
I must rise above my feelings of self doubt and lack of confidence!
Huzzah!
Well last week marked my first week of being unemployed and as of now I am officially bored. I've made a personal decision that since the government is now my Sugar Daddy for a year, I want to try and take this comedy thing a bit seriously. I know there are people out there who are making a living out of it and that is what I plan to do. I know it will require me to step out of my comfort zone a bit and so that is why I've been hesitant to actually look for a regular job.
I know if I go and get a regular job, I'll keep thinking about comedy. I'll just keep repeating this cycle that I have been on and never be happy with the work that I do. i'm quite tired of this cycle and tired of having my talents go to waste - largely due to my lack of confidence in myself. It's not enough that I can make my co-workers laugh. I need more!
The good thing is that since I've been doing open mic nights since February, my confidence in stand up is increasing and I have 20 minutes worth of decent material.
Part of my strategy also involves producing short videos for youtube, of which I've already done my first. I would like to do at least one a week.
I bet making a living in comedy isn't as hard as I think it is in my head. I can get very emotional about things sometimes but I think if I try and think strategically it would probably help me feel less overwhelmed.
I am going to be doing something that I am not used to so I have to train myself. I have to train myself to take action in ways I am not used it.
I must rise above my feelings of self doubt and lack of confidence!
Huzzah!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
My New Video
Greetings all,
I produced a video this Thursday entitled How I Spend my Time when my Roommate is Away. I posted it on youtube and would love for my wonderful readers to check it out and give it a 5 star rating!
Hope you enjoy it!
I produced a video this Thursday entitled How I Spend my Time when my Roommate is Away. I posted it on youtube and would love for my wonderful readers to check it out and give it a 5 star rating!
Hope you enjoy it!
Monday, August 04, 2008
Sad Musings
Greetings and Salutations,
Today is a holiday in Canada and today is my official last day at my job (we got holiday pay as we worked Friday).
I'm quite sad as I feel overwhelmed and frustrated by numerous things.
I began this detox program which supposedly helps people to lose weight called the Master Cleanse (aka lemonade diet). I am on Day 3 and to get the most out of it you are to do for 10 days although I read somewhere you can do it for a minimum of 3 days.
I am interested to see if this detoxes my body and see if it helps me to lose some weight. I don't know if I want to do for 10 days. I find it to be a bit more expensive then when I buy my regular groceries because you are supposed to buy organic lemons and they cost $1 each. I've also boughten organic maple syrup and have finished the bottle already and that was expensive as well.
I think I have the discipline to do it but the cheapskate in me doesn't want to spend all this money. I have the time to do it but since I lost my job, I don't want to spend money so quickly.
I think 3 days is good though. I've always been someone that doesn't skip meals and I've broken Italian Law because I have not been eating solid foods for the past 3 days.
I find drinking the lemon drink helps to ease the hunger pains. Today I don't feel as bad as yesterday where I felt a bit stupid and slow to think. I woke up yesterday feeling really angry and I think that was because I was hungry.
* * *
Another thing that I'm going through that is causing me much heartache is I had some argument via email with the English Muffin and now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. I largely think that he misunderstood why I was angry. I made some comment about his friend and he obviously got defensive and protective. I was probably off when I made my initial attack and I was most likely being impulsive (largely due to my anger over what I perceived to be inappropriate behaviour). I think he didn't try to get where I was coming from because he saw my comments as an attack on the person whereas I saw them more as an attack on the behaviour and so I kept arguing my position on this behaviour.
I just don't think it was fair for him to not give this a chance to be verbally discussed because I probably would have apologized sooner or at least stop the argument and talk about it over skype so that it doesn't get too heated.
I've sent him a couple of apologies but have not heard from him. The last time we had some fight like this he didn't talk to me for some time and it really bothers me because if someone is mad at me, I'd rather talk about it and get it out of the way.
I think most people find this relationship with the English Muffin as strange. I'm still making myself open to dating other guys but I'm not really into it. I think because we have seen each other on skype and talked, I at least know that I find him attractive and I find for the most part we are compatible.
I probably should talk to him about these things but haven't gotten the nerve because it is a little strange situation to me to have feelings for someone that you just email and talk on skype with.
I probably should have told him that I think about him alot.
I probably should have told him that when I am out by myself or with friends, I wish he was there along side me.
I probably should have told him that I can see a future with him and that we can make this odd situation work (although he'd have to be the one to do most of the work as he has told me he wants to leave England)
I guess I feel a bit defensive and awkward about opening up about my feelings for someone whom I don't actually get to physically be with. I guess some people probably are skeptical or naive and I guess they can be.
And I find it even more strange that I have these feelings for someone and haven't had a chance to have sex with him!
All I know is that I've pissed off this guy that I really like and I may not get the chance to tell him my feelings because I've pissed him off so much.
Crrkk
The sound of my heart breaking
Today is a holiday in Canada and today is my official last day at my job (we got holiday pay as we worked Friday).
I'm quite sad as I feel overwhelmed and frustrated by numerous things.
I began this detox program which supposedly helps people to lose weight called the Master Cleanse (aka lemonade diet). I am on Day 3 and to get the most out of it you are to do for 10 days although I read somewhere you can do it for a minimum of 3 days.
I am interested to see if this detoxes my body and see if it helps me to lose some weight. I don't know if I want to do for 10 days. I find it to be a bit more expensive then when I buy my regular groceries because you are supposed to buy organic lemons and they cost $1 each. I've also boughten organic maple syrup and have finished the bottle already and that was expensive as well.
I think I have the discipline to do it but the cheapskate in me doesn't want to spend all this money. I have the time to do it but since I lost my job, I don't want to spend money so quickly.
I think 3 days is good though. I've always been someone that doesn't skip meals and I've broken Italian Law because I have not been eating solid foods for the past 3 days.
I find drinking the lemon drink helps to ease the hunger pains. Today I don't feel as bad as yesterday where I felt a bit stupid and slow to think. I woke up yesterday feeling really angry and I think that was because I was hungry.
Another thing that I'm going through that is causing me much heartache is I had some argument via email with the English Muffin and now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. I largely think that he misunderstood why I was angry. I made some comment about his friend and he obviously got defensive and protective. I was probably off when I made my initial attack and I was most likely being impulsive (largely due to my anger over what I perceived to be inappropriate behaviour). I think he didn't try to get where I was coming from because he saw my comments as an attack on the person whereas I saw them more as an attack on the behaviour and so I kept arguing my position on this behaviour.
I just don't think it was fair for him to not give this a chance to be verbally discussed because I probably would have apologized sooner or at least stop the argument and talk about it over skype so that it doesn't get too heated.
I've sent him a couple of apologies but have not heard from him. The last time we had some fight like this he didn't talk to me for some time and it really bothers me because if someone is mad at me, I'd rather talk about it and get it out of the way.
I think most people find this relationship with the English Muffin as strange. I'm still making myself open to dating other guys but I'm not really into it. I think because we have seen each other on skype and talked, I at least know that I find him attractive and I find for the most part we are compatible.
I probably should talk to him about these things but haven't gotten the nerve because it is a little strange situation to me to have feelings for someone that you just email and talk on skype with.
I probably should have told him that I think about him alot.
I probably should have told him that when I am out by myself or with friends, I wish he was there along side me.
I probably should have told him that I can see a future with him and that we can make this odd situation work (although he'd have to be the one to do most of the work as he has told me he wants to leave England)
I guess I feel a bit defensive and awkward about opening up about my feelings for someone whom I don't actually get to physically be with. I guess some people probably are skeptical or naive and I guess they can be.
And I find it even more strange that I have these feelings for someone and haven't had a chance to have sex with him!
All I know is that I've pissed off this guy that I really like and I may not get the chance to tell him my feelings because I've pissed him off so much.
Crrkk
The sound of my heart breaking
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Roughin' It
Greetings and Salutations,
I went to Montreal last Wednesday evening until Sunday for the Just For Laughs festival. I signed up to attend their first Industry conference. I actually never got around to seeing any shows. The conference was from Thursday to Friday and they had various information sessions.
They also had a session where you could have lunch with a person in the industry along with 3 other people. I had lunch with the VP of Content at Fox. I thought she was nice and cool and enjoyed hearing her talk about her experience at Fox and hearing how she has to listen to pitches and what she's looking for.
I also got to meet Colin Mochrie from Whose Line is it Anyways? I am a fan of his and I saw him twice on the Thursday but didn't have the nerve to go up to him. I saw him again on the Friday and again didn't have the nerve. He was a speaker in one of the sessions about improv and I went up to him afterwards. Ryan Stiles was there, another favourite of mine from WLIIA. I went up to Mochrie and told him I was a fan and that watching the show inspired me to do improv. I asked for his picture and I managed to get a picture with Stiles and Mochrie.
On Saturday the conference organized a ball hockey and basketball game so I signed up for the ball hockey game. It was artists verus industry. I was the only female on my team and the other team had one female as well. We ended up winning but was losing in the beginning. We managed to tie it up and then we kicked ass and won (I think) 18-6. I wanted to score a goal but didn't, although I had a few shots on net.
On Sunday I decided to visit the Canadian Centre of Architecture. I visited Montreal 5 years ago so did some sightseeing then. I managed to get the museum for 15 minutes so I was disappointed because I enjoy looking at architecture things and the interesting designs they come up with. It's kinda like geometry shapes to me and I'm a huge fan of geometric shapes (hence my like of platonic solids).
I enjoyed the stuff they had last time but this time it was crap. They showed some stuff about London and Tokyo and I thought the style they were going for in Tokyo were bland and generic and seeing the style of buildings was too cold for me!
They also showed the design process of the Ontario College of Arts (OCAD) and Design that is in Toronto. I thought the building was hideous and ugly and didn't think it was pretty. I saw some nice buildings in Barcelona that had some artistic merit but this building for the OCAD was vile. And it cost well over 30 million to make!
* * *
I've hit a really important point in my qigong practice. For the past week and a half week I've been either crying during my practice or after my practice. I've also been practising twice a day for about 3 times this week. I decided to not do that too often because there is such a thing as crying too much.
I know that the crying is for my own good because it is a sign that my practice is clearing up blockages. I'm experiencing alot of inner pain but I know it is something I have to go through. The tension in my head is improving as well and the tense spots in my head area are relaxing more and I think that's because I've held onto certain emotions and I'm letting them go through crying.
I'm usually someone that doesn't like to cry and I sometimes will try hard not to show that emotion but over the years I have been becoming comfortable with myself that I let myself be vulnerable and open to pain.
I'm not sure why I am doing all this crying and have so much pain. I haven't had a particularly painful life. One of my personal beliefs is that of reincarnation. As an anthroposophist, Steiner has discussed the concept of reincarnation. I was skeptical about the idea but hearing Steiner's ideas about it made sense to me so it is something that I believe to be true. I think perhaps in some life I must have been wrongly accused and probably persecuted because I feel so much anger towards things and feel a certain desire for justice. I'm hoping eventually things become clearer to me and I hope that this period of my life goes by quickly.
I went to Montreal last Wednesday evening until Sunday for the Just For Laughs festival. I signed up to attend their first Industry conference. I actually never got around to seeing any shows. The conference was from Thursday to Friday and they had various information sessions.
They also had a session where you could have lunch with a person in the industry along with 3 other people. I had lunch with the VP of Content at Fox. I thought she was nice and cool and enjoyed hearing her talk about her experience at Fox and hearing how she has to listen to pitches and what she's looking for.
I also got to meet Colin Mochrie from Whose Line is it Anyways? I am a fan of his and I saw him twice on the Thursday but didn't have the nerve to go up to him. I saw him again on the Friday and again didn't have the nerve. He was a speaker in one of the sessions about improv and I went up to him afterwards. Ryan Stiles was there, another favourite of mine from WLIIA. I went up to Mochrie and told him I was a fan and that watching the show inspired me to do improv. I asked for his picture and I managed to get a picture with Stiles and Mochrie.
On Saturday the conference organized a ball hockey and basketball game so I signed up for the ball hockey game. It was artists verus industry. I was the only female on my team and the other team had one female as well. We ended up winning but was losing in the beginning. We managed to tie it up and then we kicked ass and won (I think) 18-6. I wanted to score a goal but didn't, although I had a few shots on net.
On Sunday I decided to visit the Canadian Centre of Architecture. I visited Montreal 5 years ago so did some sightseeing then. I managed to get the museum for 15 minutes so I was disappointed because I enjoy looking at architecture things and the interesting designs they come up with. It's kinda like geometry shapes to me and I'm a huge fan of geometric shapes (hence my like of platonic solids).
I enjoyed the stuff they had last time but this time it was crap. They showed some stuff about London and Tokyo and I thought the style they were going for in Tokyo were bland and generic and seeing the style of buildings was too cold for me!
They also showed the design process of the Ontario College of Arts (OCAD) and Design that is in Toronto. I thought the building was hideous and ugly and didn't think it was pretty. I saw some nice buildings in Barcelona that had some artistic merit but this building for the OCAD was vile. And it cost well over 30 million to make!
I've hit a really important point in my qigong practice. For the past week and a half week I've been either crying during my practice or after my practice. I've also been practising twice a day for about 3 times this week. I decided to not do that too often because there is such a thing as crying too much.
I know that the crying is for my own good because it is a sign that my practice is clearing up blockages. I'm experiencing alot of inner pain but I know it is something I have to go through. The tension in my head is improving as well and the tense spots in my head area are relaxing more and I think that's because I've held onto certain emotions and I'm letting them go through crying.
I'm usually someone that doesn't like to cry and I sometimes will try hard not to show that emotion but over the years I have been becoming comfortable with myself that I let myself be vulnerable and open to pain.
I'm not sure why I am doing all this crying and have so much pain. I haven't had a particularly painful life. One of my personal beliefs is that of reincarnation. As an anthroposophist, Steiner has discussed the concept of reincarnation. I was skeptical about the idea but hearing Steiner's ideas about it made sense to me so it is something that I believe to be true. I think perhaps in some life I must have been wrongly accused and probably persecuted because I feel so much anger towards things and feel a certain desire for justice. I'm hoping eventually things become clearer to me and I hope that this period of my life goes by quickly.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Just For Laughs
Greetings and Salutations,
I've been in Montreal since Wednesday night and am attending the first ever Industry Conference for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. The conference was for 2 days and it covered a wide range of topics. I found it boring but I think I learned something. I've been thinking for a while about how I have to be an entrepreneur if I'm going to attempt this comedy thing. I basically have to take whatever ideas I have and do them and make work for myself. I think I have a bit of that spirit in me but I think for the most part I repress it because I never understood the value of comedy.
I think for the most part, I am a funny person and can make jokes and what not but at the same time, I don't get how I do it and I don't really see any value for doing it. I think my brain just gravitates towards seeing the funny in things. I struggle with this ability I have of making jokes and seeing the humour in things because at the same time I want to be normal like everyone else and have a normal job. I've wrestled with the idea of going back to school, I've thought of various jobs I could do but I never liked the idea.
I got to have, along with 3 others, a lunch with the VP of Comedy Content at Fox, Suzanna Makkos. It was just a friendly lunch and there were other important type people that others had lunch with. I enjoyed the lunch and found her to be enjoyable as a person. I think I learned a little about her side of the business.
I also got my picture taken with Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, who I first saw on Whose Line is it Anyways? That show inspired to get into improv and Stiles and Mochrie were my favourite. I saw Mochrie twice yesterday and didn't have the nerve to go up to him to get his picture. He was talking in one of the sessions about improv, along with other people involved in improv and I went up to him afterwards. I only spoke to him for about a minute and I felt rather dorky. I said that I was a fan and that the show inspired me to get into improv. I then asked for a picture.
There was a social cocktail yesterday at the end of the day but I'm not really into that unless I know a few people and I knew no one and I'm usually not comfortable trying to socialize with all those people so I just walked around for a few minutes and left. I can handle meeting new people but when it's a ton of people, I have no idea who to approach and what to start talking about.
* * *
I'm losing interest in the English Muffin. I've been talking to some of my friends about my situation. I really like him but at the same time I don't think he likes me as much as I like him. I feel like lately I'm always bugging him to chat on Skype. I think maybe he really just likes me as a friend. I figure if someone likes you, they make an effort to talk to you and to be with you and I'm just not seeing that in his behaviour.
I in this moment just don't consider him to be a potential boyfriend anymore. I've been on another dating site for a while and have some coffee dates lined up for when I return.
My intention is to find a boyfriend whom I can have a long term relationship that could lead to making babies and getting married (although not in that order). My strategy is to date guys and eventually weed out the ones that I don't think have potential. My old strategy to date one guy at a time just didn't work. It's time guys start convincing me why I should spend my time with them instead of me trying to get the guy to spend time with me.
I'm going to involve myself less (i.e less email, chatting on Skype -which he seems to have helped me with) with the English Muffin. I feel like I'm getting frustrated with things and the best thing for me is to let go and move on. I'll keep him as a friend for now. I can only control myself and since I want a boyfriend, I'll just keep looking until I find one that treats me and give me the attention I deserve.
I don't want to get myself emotionally invested in someone that's not making the same effort as I am.
Another thing that bothers me is that I don't think he's serious about leaving England like he claims. I figure if you are interested in leaving your country, you'd go visit the country that you want to go or make some steps or something.
He said he joined eharmony to make Canadian friends but who the hell makes friends before they move into the country? You should do that when you are actually going to move. It just doesn't make much sense to me.
I don't think I'm that naive but I did genuinely believe he was interested in coming here but I have my doubts now and I am starting to feel like I'm being played, although I don't know what he would get out of playing me.
I've been in Montreal since Wednesday night and am attending the first ever Industry Conference for the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. The conference was for 2 days and it covered a wide range of topics. I found it boring but I think I learned something. I've been thinking for a while about how I have to be an entrepreneur if I'm going to attempt this comedy thing. I basically have to take whatever ideas I have and do them and make work for myself. I think I have a bit of that spirit in me but I think for the most part I repress it because I never understood the value of comedy.
I think for the most part, I am a funny person and can make jokes and what not but at the same time, I don't get how I do it and I don't really see any value for doing it. I think my brain just gravitates towards seeing the funny in things. I struggle with this ability I have of making jokes and seeing the humour in things because at the same time I want to be normal like everyone else and have a normal job. I've wrestled with the idea of going back to school, I've thought of various jobs I could do but I never liked the idea.
I got to have, along with 3 others, a lunch with the VP of Comedy Content at Fox, Suzanna Makkos. It was just a friendly lunch and there were other important type people that others had lunch with. I enjoyed the lunch and found her to be enjoyable as a person. I think I learned a little about her side of the business.
I also got my picture taken with Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie, who I first saw on Whose Line is it Anyways? That show inspired to get into improv and Stiles and Mochrie were my favourite. I saw Mochrie twice yesterday and didn't have the nerve to go up to him to get his picture. He was talking in one of the sessions about improv, along with other people involved in improv and I went up to him afterwards. I only spoke to him for about a minute and I felt rather dorky. I said that I was a fan and that the show inspired me to get into improv. I then asked for a picture.
There was a social cocktail yesterday at the end of the day but I'm not really into that unless I know a few people and I knew no one and I'm usually not comfortable trying to socialize with all those people so I just walked around for a few minutes and left. I can handle meeting new people but when it's a ton of people, I have no idea who to approach and what to start talking about.
I'm losing interest in the English Muffin. I've been talking to some of my friends about my situation. I really like him but at the same time I don't think he likes me as much as I like him. I feel like lately I'm always bugging him to chat on Skype. I think maybe he really just likes me as a friend. I figure if someone likes you, they make an effort to talk to you and to be with you and I'm just not seeing that in his behaviour.
I in this moment just don't consider him to be a potential boyfriend anymore. I've been on another dating site for a while and have some coffee dates lined up for when I return.
My intention is to find a boyfriend whom I can have a long term relationship that could lead to making babies and getting married (although not in that order). My strategy is to date guys and eventually weed out the ones that I don't think have potential. My old strategy to date one guy at a time just didn't work. It's time guys start convincing me why I should spend my time with them instead of me trying to get the guy to spend time with me.
I'm going to involve myself less (i.e less email, chatting on Skype -which he seems to have helped me with) with the English Muffin. I feel like I'm getting frustrated with things and the best thing for me is to let go and move on. I'll keep him as a friend for now. I can only control myself and since I want a boyfriend, I'll just keep looking until I find one that treats me and give me the attention I deserve.
I don't want to get myself emotionally invested in someone that's not making the same effort as I am.
Another thing that bothers me is that I don't think he's serious about leaving England like he claims. I figure if you are interested in leaving your country, you'd go visit the country that you want to go or make some steps or something.
He said he joined eharmony to make Canadian friends but who the hell makes friends before they move into the country? You should do that when you are actually going to move. It just doesn't make much sense to me.
I don't think I'm that naive but I did genuinely believe he was interested in coming here but I have my doubts now and I am starting to feel like I'm being played, although I don't know what he would get out of playing me.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Water Experiment
Greetings and Salutations,
I did this water experiment as outlined to me by my qigong instructor, Sifu Cheung. I took this workshop back in October 2007 but began the experiment on December 28 2007. This experiment involves taking some cooked white rice and putting some in an empty water bottle and put a little bit of water in it. One we treat in a loving manner and the other we treat with hate or just ignore it.
I would probably talk to each bottle for about 1 to 2 minutes. I did this more often in the beginning of the experiment, like 2-3 times a week. I used the exact same type of water bottles and would give both bottles equal time. For example, I wouldn't just be talking to the love bottle, I would talk to one first and then the other.
I was quite abusive to the hate bottle and ended up smacking it on the bottom (not to the point of damage). I said things such as "you are stupid", "nobody likes you", "you're fucking worthless", "you'll never amount to anything", and various other hateful and hurtful common expressions.
With my love bottle, I would speak gently to it and say things like "I love you", "you're beautiful" and I would even caress it gently.
I hadn't been doing the experiment too much lately but this week I noticed a very obvious change. I was expecting the rice in the hate bottle to turn brown faster then the love bottle but I was quite surprised to see how distorted and bent out of shape the hate bottle had become.
See for yourself and maybe even try it out for yourself. I hope that we all realize as a society that being hateful towards others is harmful and I feel this experiment demonstrates the impact of being hateful and negative.
Beginning of Experiment: Photos taken December 28, 2007
love and hate bottles in my closet
love bottle closeup of rice
love bottle
hate bottle
hate bottle rice closeup
Photos taken: July 12, 2008
Left is hate bottle, right is love bottle
I did this water experiment as outlined to me by my qigong instructor, Sifu Cheung. I took this workshop back in October 2007 but began the experiment on December 28 2007. This experiment involves taking some cooked white rice and putting some in an empty water bottle and put a little bit of water in it. One we treat in a loving manner and the other we treat with hate or just ignore it.
I would probably talk to each bottle for about 1 to 2 minutes. I did this more often in the beginning of the experiment, like 2-3 times a week. I used the exact same type of water bottles and would give both bottles equal time. For example, I wouldn't just be talking to the love bottle, I would talk to one first and then the other.
I was quite abusive to the hate bottle and ended up smacking it on the bottom (not to the point of damage). I said things such as "you are stupid", "nobody likes you", "you're fucking worthless", "you'll never amount to anything", and various other hateful and hurtful common expressions.
With my love bottle, I would speak gently to it and say things like "I love you", "you're beautiful" and I would even caress it gently.
I hadn't been doing the experiment too much lately but this week I noticed a very obvious change. I was expecting the rice in the hate bottle to turn brown faster then the love bottle but I was quite surprised to see how distorted and bent out of shape the hate bottle had become.
See for yourself and maybe even try it out for yourself. I hope that we all realize as a society that being hateful towards others is harmful and I feel this experiment demonstrates the impact of being hateful and negative.
Beginning of Experiment: Photos taken December 28, 2007
love and hate bottles in my closet
love bottle closeup of rice
love bottle
hate bottle
hate bottle rice closeupPhotos taken: July 12, 2008
Left is hate bottle, right is love bottle
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Moving Forward by Force
Greetings and salutations,
My small department got notified Monday morning that our company is getting rid of our department. We do outsource work for a cable company and they have decided to not renew the contract they have with us. So our last day is the end of this month.
The company said the only work available was in the call centre and there was only evening work. That wouldn't work for me since I need my evenings free to perform my comedy.
I'm oddly optimistic that things will work out for me. I want to pursue comedy so maybe this will give me the space and time that I need. The only thing is now my mom will worry about me because I am renting out an apartment and not living at home anymore but I think everything will work out.
My small department got notified Monday morning that our company is getting rid of our department. We do outsource work for a cable company and they have decided to not renew the contract they have with us. So our last day is the end of this month.
The company said the only work available was in the call centre and there was only evening work. That wouldn't work for me since I need my evenings free to perform my comedy.
I'm oddly optimistic that things will work out for me. I want to pursue comedy so maybe this will give me the space and time that I need. The only thing is now my mom will worry about me because I am renting out an apartment and not living at home anymore but I think everything will work out.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Happy Canada Day!
Greetings and Salutations,
Today is Canada Day here in... Canada.
I'm enjoying my day off and am glad to be doing some blogging as it's been awhile.
I thought I'd start out by writing about my thoughts on the increasingly popular trend of cohabitation before marriage. I think I must be one of the few people left in this society who doesn't really agree with cohabitation prior to marriage.
The common reason I typically hear why people say they are living together is that they want to test things out. I believe people need to decide how they want to live their lives and as long as they don't hurt people, I generally accept - although I may not agree with - the life choices they make.
I see living together as some half assed commitment. I thought you test things out by using the good old fashioned method of dating, which should be a minimum of 1 year to get to know someone and their values, habits and outlook on life.
I guess in some situations, living together is sometimes the only logical step. My one friend lived in Hamilton and Yellowknife and had a boyfriend in Yellowknife. She would live in each city for a few months because she was working on her Masters and Yellowknife was where her field of study. I don't know if they were engaged but when she permenantly moved up there, they lived together and then eventually got married.
I had a coworker tell me before her man moved in with her that he lived on his own and took care of things and cleaned up after himself but when they moved in together, he became more sloppy. They are not married but it shows that people can change their behaviour whether they are married or are just living common law with you.
People also argue that if the relationship doesn't work out at least it's easier to end if you're just living together then if you are married. I think this is sort of backwards thinking because I think it indicates someone who doesn't take their relationships seriously and it reveals that they lack the ability to struggle through tough times. If 2 people are in a relationship and it's not working out, it will end anyways and whether you are just living together or are married, it will be difficult to end because we humans are emotional creatures and it will hurt no matter what your living situation is. It may be true that technically and financially it will be easier to end a relationship if you're just living together but either way, it will be hard emotionally.
For me personally I think living together is just wrong. It makes no sense to me and that is probably why I highly doubt I will be someone who lives with someone before marriage. I think if you are going to make the commitment of living with someone for an undetermined amount of time, you might as well just take the big leap of marriage. Go big or go home!
Today is Canada Day here in... Canada.
I'm enjoying my day off and am glad to be doing some blogging as it's been awhile.
I thought I'd start out by writing about my thoughts on the increasingly popular trend of cohabitation before marriage. I think I must be one of the few people left in this society who doesn't really agree with cohabitation prior to marriage.
The common reason I typically hear why people say they are living together is that they want to test things out. I believe people need to decide how they want to live their lives and as long as they don't hurt people, I generally accept - although I may not agree with - the life choices they make.
I see living together as some half assed commitment. I thought you test things out by using the good old fashioned method of dating, which should be a minimum of 1 year to get to know someone and their values, habits and outlook on life.
I guess in some situations, living together is sometimes the only logical step. My one friend lived in Hamilton and Yellowknife and had a boyfriend in Yellowknife. She would live in each city for a few months because she was working on her Masters and Yellowknife was where her field of study. I don't know if they were engaged but when she permenantly moved up there, they lived together and then eventually got married.
I had a coworker tell me before her man moved in with her that he lived on his own and took care of things and cleaned up after himself but when they moved in together, he became more sloppy. They are not married but it shows that people can change their behaviour whether they are married or are just living common law with you.
People also argue that if the relationship doesn't work out at least it's easier to end if you're just living together then if you are married. I think this is sort of backwards thinking because I think it indicates someone who doesn't take their relationships seriously and it reveals that they lack the ability to struggle through tough times. If 2 people are in a relationship and it's not working out, it will end anyways and whether you are just living together or are married, it will be difficult to end because we humans are emotional creatures and it will hurt no matter what your living situation is. It may be true that technically and financially it will be easier to end a relationship if you're just living together but either way, it will be hard emotionally.
For me personally I think living together is just wrong. It makes no sense to me and that is probably why I highly doubt I will be someone who lives with someone before marriage. I think if you are going to make the commitment of living with someone for an undetermined amount of time, you might as well just take the big leap of marriage. Go big or go home!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Vacation Update
Greetings and salutations,
Today I am in Paris. I arrived last evening from London. I arrived in London on the 24th and hated my night flight. I couldn't even sleep so I don't know if I will ever take an overnight flight again.
I actually got to meet the English Muffin on Wednesday as he skipped out on work. He took me to Stonehenge and then we went to this town called Bath. We got there late so there wasn't much to do so we wondered around and eventually went to his place.
Where I got none.
Yes that's right folks, the English Muffin didn't want to put out on the first meeting because he wanted to be a 'gentleman' and had some bizarre superstition that if we had sex on the first meeting, the relationship wouldn't work out.
Whatever!
He thinks it's a little weird how direct we Canadian women are about sex. Sex is just like anything else in this world. I don't talk about it all the time but when talking about it, why not just cut to the chase and tell it like it is???
He has some other Canadian female friend who is similar to me about being open to talking about sex but I don't think everyone in Canada is like that.
I liked the subway system better in London and find it more cleaner.
I managed to get hit on on my first night out in London. Usually I go out in the day but this was my first day there and I was so tired from the overnight flight, that I took a nap and decided to hit some bars. I had my nice sexy top that showcased my lovely cleavage. Near the end of my night I had someone approach me and ask me for directions but I said I was lost as well and we started chatting. I think that was just a pick up line. We went to some pub and he bought me a drink. It turns out he is an Italian doctor. A gynecologist specifically. I chuckled when he told me that because that is comedy material right there!!! He says he delivers babies and does examinations. He walked me back to my hostel but not all the way as I didn't want him to know where I was staying.
This of course was all prior to me speaking to the english muffin, who responded to my emails Saturday evening while I was out.
Well I must begin my day of exploring Paris so I will eventually write some more.
Au revoir mon amies!
Today I am in Paris. I arrived last evening from London. I arrived in London on the 24th and hated my night flight. I couldn't even sleep so I don't know if I will ever take an overnight flight again.
I actually got to meet the English Muffin on Wednesday as he skipped out on work. He took me to Stonehenge and then we went to this town called Bath. We got there late so there wasn't much to do so we wondered around and eventually went to his place.
Where I got none.
Yes that's right folks, the English Muffin didn't want to put out on the first meeting because he wanted to be a 'gentleman' and had some bizarre superstition that if we had sex on the first meeting, the relationship wouldn't work out.
Whatever!
He thinks it's a little weird how direct we Canadian women are about sex. Sex is just like anything else in this world. I don't talk about it all the time but when talking about it, why not just cut to the chase and tell it like it is???
He has some other Canadian female friend who is similar to me about being open to talking about sex but I don't think everyone in Canada is like that.
I liked the subway system better in London and find it more cleaner.
I managed to get hit on on my first night out in London. Usually I go out in the day but this was my first day there and I was so tired from the overnight flight, that I took a nap and decided to hit some bars. I had my nice sexy top that showcased my lovely cleavage. Near the end of my night I had someone approach me and ask me for directions but I said I was lost as well and we started chatting. I think that was just a pick up line. We went to some pub and he bought me a drink. It turns out he is an Italian doctor. A gynecologist specifically. I chuckled when he told me that because that is comedy material right there!!! He says he delivers babies and does examinations. He walked me back to my hostel but not all the way as I didn't want him to know where I was staying.
This of course was all prior to me speaking to the english muffin, who responded to my emails Saturday evening while I was out.
Well I must begin my day of exploring Paris so I will eventually write some more.
Au revoir mon amies!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Some Stand-up for you...
Greetings all,
I thought I'd post a set I did about 2 months ago at a show in Toronto. It's available at youtube. You can watch me here.
This was a show my roommate and her friend went to see so my roommate was kind enough to videotape my performance so I can critique and learn from myself.
One of my critiques is that I use the word um too much. I'm a little embarassed to be posting this but this is part of the process when evolving as a performer.
Enjoy!
I thought I'd post a set I did about 2 months ago at a show in Toronto. It's available at youtube. You can watch me here.
This was a show my roommate and her friend went to see so my roommate was kind enough to videotape my performance so I can critique and learn from myself.
One of my critiques is that I use the word um too much. I'm a little embarassed to be posting this but this is part of the process when evolving as a performer.
Enjoy!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Oy Vey!
Greetings and Salutations,
I'm getting excited about my vacation to England, France and Spain. I haven't really planned anything and I would have done so during this long weekend but I have been super busy, which annoys the crap out of me. I'm going to start preparing tomorrow night.
My roommate is going to England as well for a week 2 days before I leave. She's going to some friend's wedding. I look forward to my vacation, although it will be a little bitter-sweet since I was hoping to meet the English Muffin but I don't think that's going to happen. I never really explained to you my beloved audience what happened between us and I will take a moment to do so.
I was getting frustrated that I hadn't chatted with him for 5 days. Normally we talk a bit more frequently. Not using it as an excuse, but my week was a bit stressful and I was hoping to at least have someone whom I felt would understand some of my stress. Low and behold, I send him a break up email(I referred to him as my potential boyfriend so I wanted to end that). I put some thought into it and wanted to at least stay friends. A couple of days later I realized maybe I was being impulsive so I wanted to at least explain to him on the phone (Skype). He was ignoring me and then I sent an email just explaining myself and still no reply. I was hoping to at least meet up with him for coffee but I haven't heard from him, which saddens and confuses me. However life goes on. I have managed to date one person and so now I am back into this ever so interesting dating process.
I'm going to couchsurf as well. My one friend used the site and had a positive experience. It works similar to ebay in that people do leave feedback so at least you can find out if this person is decent. They have an address verification process as well. I might hostel as well but I want to try out this couchsurfing thing.
My parents gave me some Euro dollars and I'll have to get some Pounds as well this week. I hope I can get myself organized soon. I'm not going to plan everything but need a beginning planned. I'm also wondering if I should rent a car for a few days here and there. I plan to stay in London for a couple of days and Paris as well.
I'm nervous and excited!
* * *
I'm starting to refer to myself now as a Tempermental Artist. I think I'm over this being a nerd and then becoming a Diva while still thinking I'm a nerd. I like this idea of being a Tempermental Artist. I used to dislike the term 'artist'. I heard some young woman refer to herself as that and I thought how stupid and wussy it sounds but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am an artist. I like to write and think of jokes and funny things. I create therefore I am an artist. And I am a perfectionist in certain parts of my life. In fact I don't think the word perfectionist is accurate. I am a precisionist. I like to be precise about things and when it comes to my art, my comedy, I am a precisionist which is why I can be tempermental and fussy about certain things.
I'm getting excited about my vacation to England, France and Spain. I haven't really planned anything and I would have done so during this long weekend but I have been super busy, which annoys the crap out of me. I'm going to start preparing tomorrow night.
My roommate is going to England as well for a week 2 days before I leave. She's going to some friend's wedding. I look forward to my vacation, although it will be a little bitter-sweet since I was hoping to meet the English Muffin but I don't think that's going to happen. I never really explained to you my beloved audience what happened between us and I will take a moment to do so.
I was getting frustrated that I hadn't chatted with him for 5 days. Normally we talk a bit more frequently. Not using it as an excuse, but my week was a bit stressful and I was hoping to at least have someone whom I felt would understand some of my stress. Low and behold, I send him a break up email(I referred to him as my potential boyfriend so I wanted to end that). I put some thought into it and wanted to at least stay friends. A couple of days later I realized maybe I was being impulsive so I wanted to at least explain to him on the phone (Skype). He was ignoring me and then I sent an email just explaining myself and still no reply. I was hoping to at least meet up with him for coffee but I haven't heard from him, which saddens and confuses me. However life goes on. I have managed to date one person and so now I am back into this ever so interesting dating process.
I'm going to couchsurf as well. My one friend used the site and had a positive experience. It works similar to ebay in that people do leave feedback so at least you can find out if this person is decent. They have an address verification process as well. I might hostel as well but I want to try out this couchsurfing thing.
My parents gave me some Euro dollars and I'll have to get some Pounds as well this week. I hope I can get myself organized soon. I'm not going to plan everything but need a beginning planned. I'm also wondering if I should rent a car for a few days here and there. I plan to stay in London for a couple of days and Paris as well.
I'm nervous and excited!
I'm starting to refer to myself now as a Tempermental Artist. I think I'm over this being a nerd and then becoming a Diva while still thinking I'm a nerd. I like this idea of being a Tempermental Artist. I used to dislike the term 'artist'. I heard some young woman refer to herself as that and I thought how stupid and wussy it sounds but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I am an artist. I like to write and think of jokes and funny things. I create therefore I am an artist. And I am a perfectionist in certain parts of my life. In fact I don't think the word perfectionist is accurate. I am a precisionist. I like to be precise about things and when it comes to my art, my comedy, I am a precisionist which is why I can be tempermental and fussy about certain things.
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