Go Away!

Greetings and Salutations,

I don't believe I shared this story with my readers so I shall tell it now.
I had a friend who back in the beginning of July decided to terminate our friendship. He was formally a lover of mine and we dated about 5 years ago for a few months. We decided to be Friends with benefits.

I had a couple of boyfriends during this time but I always thought that we were genuine friends. I would still talk to him even though I would be with someone because I enjoyed talking with him and found him to be a good friend and I thought he was intelligent. I respected him as a person and thought he was a very emotionally balanced and rational person and that was what I appreciated in him.

He didn't really date people because I think he was a bit of a loner and he didn't go out much partly because he didn't have many friends or social activities that he participated in. He also was the primary caretaker of his children who are now in grade 9 and 7.

I had always hoped that we both would find someone to settle down with, preferably around the same time so that I wouldn't lose my benefits. I knew we wouldn't work as a couple but I wanted him to find someone eventually because I genuinely felt he shouldn't be alone for the rest of his life.

He started dating a woman that lived on his street back in January. We would still talk but around March he started to act distant. I typically just talk to him on the phone and don't actually hang out with him. Every time I would call he would say he was busy with Deb (the new girlfriend) or that he can't talk because they were watching a movie. Eventually I got fed up with him acting like an asshole and I sent him an email.

I contacted him before leaving for my trip to Europe in May and he was quite callous and when I asked him questions like how he was doing, he was giving me brief answers.

I contacted him about a month later and his daughter said he wasn't home so I tried the next day. I had this feeling that I shouldn't but I proceeded to anyways. His girlfriend picked up. I thought it was his son as the voice was husky. I asked if I could speak to your dad and she asked who it was and I said Paula. My friend answered and said "I want you to stop calling. My fiance and I don't you want you calling the house anymore". I was quite devastated to hear those words coming out of his mouth. I just politely answered ok and hung up.

I was in shock and stunned. I couldn't believe that he would end this friendship of 6 years. And I was also surprised that he got engaged to someone only after dating for about 5 to 6 months.

My coworkers were telling me his girlfriend is probably insecure because she probably threatened him to end this friendship. If he had more friends, she might have had a harder time trying to get rid of me. I can understand why she would feel threatened but if my friend had cared about me as a friend like I thought he did, he probably would explain that I am not a threat.

I am not someone who tries to steal someone's man. I think that's a waste of time. And how can someone be threatened by a phone conversation?

Some people are weird and my 'friend' is a spineless prick.

This almost just makes me not want to trust people anymore. I considered him a best friend and this is what he does to me? Thanks a lot!

What bothers me is that I've had a couple of dreams where he apologizes to me. Today I had a dream where he was telling me he was an idiot for what he did.

I don't want fucking apologies in my dreams. I want real life apologies.

I don't know if this dream was a message showing that perhaps on some level my 'friend' does feel bad about what he did. But you know what? I don't fucking care about getting stupid messages from my subconscious like that. I want real apologies. How is this to make me feel better?

I did move on from this incident but having this dream just reminded me again of this incident. I feel like I've moved on and now my subconscious is being a prick by reminding me of this all over again.

Fuck off already and leave me alone!