Tick Tock

Greetings all,

I was searching the other day in my facebook inbox for some email and I came across an old email as I had messaged a friend I had 'dumped' back when I was 20. I have a tendency to save my emails and sometimes do get around to deleting them.

I dumped her mainly because I was going through a weird phase in my life and I just wasn't sure if the friendship was fitting anymore. I had ended my first year of university and decided to not continue. This was shocking I guess, being that I was the nerd and the smart one. I just wasn't feeling school and eventually I was drawn to anthroposophy. I honestly didn't know what I was doing with my life but I felt I needed to get away from the school system.

I had chatted on occasion with a friend from my high school at university and eventually his friend would hang out with us. He went to my high school as well, I just never really talked to him. Eventually my best friend and him started dating. I had felt like she changed when she was with him and I felt she became more immature. I tried talking to her about this but she wasn't listening and eventually I had to end things with her.

The thing is, she is one of those people that always has to be in a relationship. She had a boyfriend for 5 years in high school. The first time I met him, I thought he was gay. And I was right. He didn't come out to her until a few months after the relationship ended. She would always complain about their relationship issues and it makes sense after he officially came out, why he wasn't a good boyfriend. He treated her like crap and I never understood why she stayed with him.

She immediately jumped into another relationship, but this time with a distant cousin (I believe he was her 3rd cousin, not 100% sure) that was visiting from Cyprus and staying at her parents home. She fell in love in him and they had a long distance relationship for several months. Her dad was quite against it and for some reason her mother was supportive of it.

I was a little disgusted by it because it's just wrong to fall for a cousin. It's disgusting! I don't care how distant he is. From a genealogical perspective, he's close enough to be related and that's wrong!

I don't think they ended up having sex but there was definite nudity going on.

I think because she couldn't handle the relationship and was not willing to actually make it work, she ended up getting involved with the guy from my high school. Again, jumping quickly into another relationship without actually taking time to assess what was going on in the previous relationship. I don't think she actually officially ended things with him. Again, I don't think it's right to do that. If you love someone and then decide it's not going to work, you should have the common courtesy to end things with them. As well, I think she should have told the new guy (now her husband) she was dating that she still had a boyfriend but she didn't want to. Again, I didn't think that's right because you're starting the relationship based on lies and deceit. But I guess in this case, I was wrong and since they've been together for 11 years, building a relationship based on lies and deceit can still work out in the end. Stating that disturbs me but it seems to be the truth.

See because I was smart, I knew that you shouldn't jump into a new relationship so quickly after ending one but she did. But when I messaged her a few years ago, she was still married to him. And when I saw the old email a few days ago, I had learned she had a child about a year and a half ago, as her profile pic was her child and I was able to see pics from her profile (some people just need to learn to apply the privacy filter!)

So of course, many women my age are married and having babies. So I feel quite left out and 'falling behind'. I wonder when will it be my turn? My clock has been ticking for the past 5 years and I just wonder sometimes if I'll ever find love and have a family. There are times when I feel that may not ever happen to me and it is quite upsetting.

I don't understand why she can be 'successful' in a relationship but I can't. I don't know but maybe she's one of those women that is easy to please. That's the only logical explanation I can think of. Her husband was a simple beer drinking mechanic and she probably is simple too.

And maybe I'm not simple and being that I am a complex person, I wonder if simple people are the most confusing people to me. How can they not think what I think or question what I do? How can they just be content with the world?

My Karma sucks sometimes.