Greetings and Salutations,

I was over at my friend's on Tuesday and went to pick up subs for us at Subway. It was around 7 pm and dark. I am walking on Lakeshore, a high traffic area with the occasional pedestrian. On my way back, some guy walks by me and says 'hello' and as we pass I hear him say 'you're beautiful'.

I enjoy compliments as much as the next person and occasionally pester people for compliments to stroke my ego. At least I know I want my ego stroked so knowing that I want my ego stroked, seems harmless.

Another incident happened while I was on a date with a guy. We were at this dessert place and this man, probably in his 40s - who also happen to be sporting the homeless man look - kept staring at me. He was with a couple of friends. I wondered why he kept staring over at me and my date said it was because I was attractive.

I guess I am attractive but at the same time, I don't get it. Why did that first guy on the street say I am beautiful? When a stranger says something like that to you, I always wonder if they are crazy and have a sane mind. But really what are you supposed to do when you see someone who is a stranger and whom you find attractive?

The guy sporting the homeless man look... what was he really thinking? I wonder to myself, is there something showing that shouldn't be, do I look funny?

I don't think I am insecure but I usually approach things like that from a different angle. If guys are staring at me, I usually don't think it's because of my looks.

My ex friend was a hottie and I would tell him that but he just didn't think he was and I guess I am the same way although I do look in the mirror and think I am hot but then I forget about it and focus on other things.

So maybe that's why I don't get that whole hot/beautiful concept because I focus on it on certain times and moments and usually when I get compliments I am focused on other things.

Damn it I just want people to fawn over me when I am doing it to myself. Or fawning over me when I tell them to, not out of their own free will! Sheesh...
Synchronize your worshiping of me when I am worshiping myself...
Is that too much to ask??!!