Modifying my Relationship Strategy

Greetings all,

I have previously informed my wonderful readers that I have been following a book entitled Getting to I Do by Patricia Allen as it is a relationship book to help you use the right strategies to get married.

I recently read Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherri Argov and I personally found this to be a more simple strategy. It, like many other dating books, point out how the woman has to let the man chase her in the beginning but also to live your own life and make yourself happy first. (duh...that's what I've been doing for the past 30 years so I've gotten that covered)

I liked the part where she points out how the woman acts after sex is what is important and that to be cool and calm and move on with your life and not get so attached to the man and basically let him come after you.

I liked that advice since I never have read anywhere or heard anyone talk about how to behave AFTER sex. I am not sure how I act after sex since it's been so long but I don't think I was overly clingy anyways. Although I like to cuddle for a bit after it's over.

In Pat's book she talks about giving the man the exclusive talk after you've been dating for a while and he wants to take things on a physical level. Namely, you ask to be exclusive and monogamous and expect this to be continuous and not a one night stand. Also to state your desire that you are eventually looking to get married, although it may not be with him.

I thought about this and I realized if I were a man and a woman I dated started talking to me like that, I'd probably just say yes to shut her up, even if I wasn't willing to marry and I already knew I wasn't willing to marry her.

Some woman has to be the woman before the Wife. It just might be you!
No worries!

The reality is guys will say anything to get into your pants and you can't be so fixated on getting married, that you forget to screen and scrutinize your suitors. You have to look for someone whose company you enjoy.

Besides if you bug a man for marriage early on, it'll make him less likely to want to do it. Much like in real life, if you nag people or pester people, it makes them not want to do that very thing you want them to do!

I am in an email group for people following the Pat Allen strategies but I am thinking of leaving that group. Some of these women are desperate losers. One of them is still pining for her ex and he is already in a relationship with another woman who is more then 15 years younger then him. She's let him recontact her at least 3 times since she dumped him. The new girlfriend even snooped through his email to contact her and she actually had conversations with the new girlfriend. If that were me being contacted, especially by the new girlfriend I'd say 'get lost!'

It's called moving on. You are now just 'the other woman'.
You never will know how to be a winner unless you know how to accept loss!!
This sad soul is in her early 40s by the way.

There is another woman as well who is 53 and was recently telling us of a married man whom she fell in love with whom she met online but naively didn't know he was married. There is another man whom she rejected back in the day and he married and had kids and has entered her life and I think she maybe thinks they might hook up.

Ummm, does marriage not mean anything to these women?
But isn't it ironic though, these women who so desperately want marriage, think it's okay to interfere with men who are already in monogamous relationships, whether they are married or not.

I don't know but I have never been in a situation like this where I go after exes who have girlfriends or let myself fall in love with a married man. I know better. I'm smart and have self respect but most of all I have this thing called morals and ethics. Ah yes pesky ethics!! I tried telling these women how wrong they were but they do not seem to get it and think I am being harsh.

The truth is if they will do it with you, they will do it to you. (Thanks Dr. Phil for that one)

I find the members in this email group take her work too seriously and focus too much on being Yin (since that is what they have chosen... the concept of the book involves choosing an energy style - yin or yang). I find they try too hard and complain alot about their mistakes. I personally think you need to just accept who you are and not try to be someone you are not. You lose so much of who you are when you try to follow these rules and try and be perfect.

Anyways, I will take some of her advice and use what works for me because I think the book has some useful points. I will also take from the other book as well whatever tips that will help me out.

I don't think I will follow GTID strategies on getting a commitment from a man or how to get them to marry you. In WMMB, the author states you can get a man to propose without even using the M-word.

And isn't that what men really want? Don't they really want to believe marrying a woman was THEIR idea? What kind of person would I be if I insisted on it??!!

I know for me, the best thing I have been doing is dating multiple men and letting them chase after me and pretty much not having sex too early. Following those pieces of advice has helped me out alot and so that's probably why I don't stress as much on what I say to men or how I act since I am overall a good person.