An Interview with Paula

One of my most interesting moments in life was being interviewed by the one and only G-D. I had this exclusive interview and keep a transcript of this conversation.

G-d: You are perhaps one of my most unique creations. You didn't really turn out the way I expected but you somehow managed to turn into this highly inspirational human being. I can honestly say, I didn't really put much effort into you. Frankly I had other things on my mind. So Paula, can you tell the Spiritual Hierarchy and the dead how you managed to turn out so fabulous?
By the way, I am so glad that you took time out of your busy schedule to let me interview you.

Paula: Well thanks God. I never really considered myself to be an inspirational person. I've always wanted to be that person whom everyone would speak so fondly of. I wanted to be that person who had a presence to them and who could convey to others, through their mere presence, that they were confident and loving towards others.
Frankly God, I don't know how I did it, but I did it through perservance.

G-d: Those are such honest and simple words Paula. Everytime you speak, it chokes me up. I really want to know how a creation such as you turned out the way you did. I mean, it baffles my mind.

Paula: Well first off I'd like to tell you God, why the hell did you put me into the family that I was born in? Seriously, none of these people are like me at all. Not the sharpest knives in the drawer. Yes I know they have good work ethics... but God so many times, these people would just say things that would make me shake my head.

G-d: Um, yeah I'm really sorry about that.

Paula: (speaks with the most gentlest of voices)
Do you really mean that God?

G-d: No.
No.
Damn it I didn't know where else to put you. I have a rule when I create families. Every family must have one member who is rational, courageous, industrious and compassionate. This person is literally the glue that keeps the family sane, otherwise the entire family would self-destruct. You know I thought your mother was that person but I forgot to add the rational to her. Every family needs that one person who can think independently, who can question the 'establishment', challenges ideas, get people thinking.

Paula: Excuse God, are you insulting my mother? I don't like it when humans or divine beings insult my mother.

G-d: Oh my Paula, no I'm not insulting your mother. She is fabulous. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?

Paula: Well God, I would be more then happy to forgive you. Listen God, let's just concentrate on getting this interview done. I just don't understand how you claim that I was not properly designed and yet you place me into a family, claiming I was the glue to keep it together.

G-d: That's an excellent question Paula. I just made you rational Paula, I didn't even do a good job in that, I just gave you the passing requirements so that your family does not self destruct. Somehow, you ended up becoming this fabulous compassionate and brilliant person. That was not my intention. Your evolving was quite miraculous. I'm trying to teach my Hierarchy how you succeeded. You are a mystery to me Paula. And I'm supposed to be Omnipotent and Omniscient.

Paula: Come on God you know that's a load of B.S. You cannot be omnipotent if we have free will, which we so obviously do God. You created free will and in doing so you renounced your omniscient and omnipotence.

G-d: You know that's what I like about you Paula. You tell it like it is. Thanks for keeping it real! You are one of the few humans who has the guts to stand up to me, to correct me when I am wrong.
This brings me to my next question Paula. How did a shy, introverted, nerdy little girl evolve into one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century? How did you evolve into such a friendly, outgoing, confident and amazingly hot woman? I know I wasn't answering your prayers, so how did you do it.

Paula: You know God, you may not pay much attention to your creations or even put much effort into us, but inspite of your flaws, their is a spark of divinity in each and everyone of us. It can be so tiny but it is enough for us to rise up and fight the ignorance and fear, within ourselves and outside of ourselves.
Not everyone has the desire the find it and many choose the path of darkness and evil, believing it to be answer to their problems. The path of evil is a wonderous path of illusion. It is a path that leads no where. It may take people many lifetimes to finally realize this. I have been fortunate enough to realize the futility of this path. I have realized the only reality is that of goodness and love. Everything else is a false reality. An illusory reality.

I give my credit to this realization to Christ, formally known as JC. Like Puff Daddy becoming P Diddy becoming Diddy. Jesus Christ has taken his name from Jesus to Jesus Christ to JC and now he is simply known as The Christ. He works quite subtly in the world and in my own soul. He is basically that force that motivates you to purify your selfish nature into a more loving nature.


G-d: The name sounds familiar...

Paula: (rolling eyes)
He was your only Son and you sent him from heaven to earth to give humans the impetus so that they can choose to rise up from the dark path of materialism and choose love and shit like that... you remember right?

G-d: (in a slightly angry tone)
Look let's just finish the interview. When did you start to learn to play the guitar and when did jazz become an influence in your musical career?

Paula: Listen God, if you have forgotten your son, you need to acknowledge that. It's okay for you to admit your mistake.

G-d: (crying)
Okay I'm sorry. I just had other things to do. Why do I have to put so much effort into saving humans? Come on learn to save yourself sometimes you motherfuckers! That's why I sent Jesus down. It gave me time to think. It gave me time to play golf.
Fuck!
So he's going by the name The Christ? Fucking son of a bitch. He originally wanted that name but I told him it sounds too Hollywoodized. It sounds like some bad religious movie.
(In movie announcer voice)
Coming soon... The Christ.

(lets out a long sigh)

Paula: Okay God how about we recap this conversation. I turned out so brilliant because of divine intervention by Christ. This divine intervention also goes by many other names and is basically the path of love intervening in one's life. This is my secret of brilliance. It is my realization through darkness of the wonderful, creative nature of love.
Are you satisfied now with this fucking mystery God? Have I fully answered your question? Do I need to explain myself further? Have you forgotten about the path of love? Do I need to go into the idea of negative ego and serving only one's own egotistical need and how that is part of the 'black' path.

G-d: No, that's a sufficient explanation Paula. Again I am lucky to have placed the future of humanity into the hands of my son. Unlike some former political leaders.

Paula: Remember God, it too shall pass.

G-d: Fuck didn't I write that? That's some good shit!

Paula: Did you have any other questions to ask me?

G-d: No Paula. You have been so fabulous to interview. I feel so much lighter. I feel so wonderful and... happy. It's so true what the Hierarchy and the dead have been saying. It is a pleasure to work with you and to be around you. My staff and the dead would like to take a moment to thank you for allowing us this opportunity to interview you. It has been both a pleasure and an honour to have spoken with you.

Paula: Thanks. It's been lots of fun.