I finished reading He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.
An interesting book. My ego is having a hard time accepting the idea that guys may not be interested in me. It all makes so much sense now. I have found the keystone piece now.
For some odd reason I've always had this mental picture that guys who date me will fall madly in love with me because I was so irresistable and awesome. Or something like that.
But it's wrong! This mental picture is wrong!
So does this mean I'm unlovable? This can't be true because I know I'm deserving of love. How can someone not be attracted to me?
If I try and reverse the situation, I think of the guys I've rejected. Not that I've rejected tons of guys but I think why I'm not interested in them. And then I come up with the answer, I'm just not into them. I'm sure they are nice, attractive people and would make someone happy but they are not right for me.
So if that's true for me, then it must be true for everyone else. So the reason why guys dump me or become distant from me is because they are just not into me.
Ouch. How can you not take a statement like that personally?
I don't think I'm unique when I try and analyze and disect why a relationship doesn't work out. Everyone does it. But now it all makes sense. One simple answer.
Great now my left brain can relax a bit.
I've been trying to come up with a metaphor so that I can better understand this whole nature of relationships. I came up with the metaphor that we're all like chemicals. For example, let's say I'm H2. As H2, I'm strong and wonderful and capable of interesting things. But H2 wants a partner so that together, we become something different but still ourselves. So H2 decides she wants to be water and is in search for an O. But H2 isn't really conscious of the fact that she's looking for O, she just know she wants a chemical to become a compound.
H2 hooks up with various other chemicals like Na or Au but it just doesn't work. Na becomes distant and then scurries off for Cl, pissing H2. After getting dumped by Na, H2 wonders if there is something wrong with her.
H2 is sending out the signals that she's looking for an O.
H2 needs to realize that all these wonderful chemicals are in the same search for a chemical suited to them. Rejection is not to be taken personally.
Why hasn't our collective consciousness grasped this idea? All these relationship books that get published. All these televions shows and movies that get produced. All the Cosmo articles. And no one ever says this simple observation. Perhaps this is an idea whose time has arrived.
5 comments:
I read that there are 4 types of people.
1. Already in a relationship and happy.
2. Not looking for a relationship.
3. Looking for a relationship, but not with you.
4. Looking for a relationship with you.
I ran into many of the type "3" people in my day.
And yes,... relationships are all about the
chemistry!
good luck.
Where are You in the one through 4?
I'm 2.5. Not really looking for a relationship but would like one.
Thank you for stopping by and commenting at NJ Spoken Word. I hope you'll drop in on Confessions of a Jersey Goddess sometime as well. As for He's Just Not That Into You, I bought it, read it, and I agree! I've even plugged it several times on various pages and poems like "Snap Decision" on my websites.
You're considerably younger than I am, Paula, and so the book may be a harder pill to swallow for a younger woman, but regarding the average male, I think the book's advice is solid. VERY true.
Yes, there are some men to which the "he's just not that into you mantra" would not apply; but as the authors have said, don't think of yourself as the exception or dealing with the exception. Think of yourself as the rule. ;-) Nine times out of ten, if a man can't make time for you, doesn't call, can't put you at the top of his date list, then he's just not that into you. *sigh* But they do make it clear that they are talking about the average, "normal" man with average to above average testosterone levels. LOL
C'est la vie!
I think that the reason no one has bothered to publish books or tv shows about this is the same reason no one rights books or tv shows about the colour of the sky.
I'd like to say that it goes both ways.
"She's just not that into you" also applies.
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