Eharmony

Greetings all,

I am back on eharmony, although just for 3 months. I noticed they had a 3 month special so I thought I'd try it again since I did meet someone whom I liked although it never went anywhere since he lived in England and didn't seem serious about wanting a relationship. I know on the site there are people who start out long distance and it works out so I decided to not limit my search. Most of my matches are local anyways. So far no dates yet.

I've had a few people close me out and it does suck to be rejected. I am the woman, I am the one who is supposed to reject!

Some guys I thought maybe would be interesting to meet but they would close me as a match. I wonder if some of them are making a mistake by judging so prematurely. How can you really be certain that you are picking the right people online? How do you know if you are rejecting someone who might be right for you?

I've tried online dating for so long and I know it does work. I am okay with being alone and I think I just don't care anymore if I find someone. I'm not really sure if I feel negative about my chances about finding the right person

Let's Get Physical

Greetings all,

I noticed when I took advantage of my free week at a fitness center for women that it made me feel better doing some cardio and physical workouts. I enjoy doing kundalini and it definitely has some physical benefits but doing more high intensity workouts gave me a bit of a boost.

My seasonal affective disorder is making me so sleepy that at 1.30 I was yawning. I think I was still sleepy when I worked out but at least I felt a bit energized.

I think I've decided that I'll take advantage of other gyms that offer group classes like zumba or cardio. So far the few I've looked at give you a 7 day trial or a 3 day so I think I will try that since I have to watch my money since I am still looking for work.

* * *
Last week I had a job interview so it's been my second in my search. Tomorrow I have a phone interview with another company so we will see how that happens. I am so bored with myself so I just want to work again and have more money coming in.

The Boards

Greetings all,

I'm sure I've written about how I am on some board for women to talk about relationships. I think I have mentioned there were primarily 2 people who seemed to get everyone the most riled up and seem to be the rudest. They happen to be good friends as well on the board so they haven't turned against each other.

I probably am more sympathetic to one of them as I think she is probably more intelligent and so I am less offended by her whereas the other to me seems like a red neck. She has bragged at one time that she slept with so many famous musicians when she was young as she was a groupie and she was quite proud of this 'accomplishment'. Frankly I don't understand why banging so many men is an accomplishment because it's not. Just because they are famous doesn't mean anything. If you follow them around enough they'll give in just because you're there, not because you are special.

This woman annoys me the most. I guess my previous post was about another woman who lives in England. These 2 live in Texas (although not originally from there) so it just reinforces all the negative stereotypes we Canadians have of Americans (namely they are dumb and violent, which is not always the case).

She recently put up a post apologizing to people on the board. I initially thought it was a bogus apology but didn't say anything for a few days. I had enough of her posts and didn't see a change and had to comment. As well there was previous discussion about getting a moderator and since these 2 people are primarily the trouble makers, I had figured the woman who owns the board probably spoke to them and she just posted the apology as a good faith act to show that she isn't a complete bitch.

Lo and behold, all these people comment on this thread and my one 'negative' comment lead to much discussion, which I hadn't followed. I guess I am assuming I stirred the pot. I think I am entitled to expressing my opinion if I think an apology is a bogus one. I think it's more important to act sorry and change your behaviour. How many politicians apologize and it's meaningless? In improv a rule is: show me don't tell me.

This woman to me, has to show us she is sorry. Words don't mean anything. I think I have the right to be skeptical towards her. I have good reason. I have seen how nasty and pompous she can be on the boards. People just need to accept the fact that when you apologize, maybe not everyone is going to accept it. It's their right. You as the apologizer have to accept this and keep on living your life and maybe they will turn around and start believing you. I only trust people when I see their actions match their words. When I don't see the actions match the words, I don't give them anything. They are not worth my energy. People seem to forget that they have to earn respect. You can't abuse people and then suddenly think they will forgive you if you say a few little words. Words hurt. Sometimes people say, oh it's just a board. As true as that it, there are people behind these boards. Some are being real and others just use it as a place to hide.

I am starting to wonder why I go on the boards. In my real life, I have no drama and make no excuses for drama. But here there is some drama and I try to not engage in it but sometimes I just have to speak out about what I perceive is crossing the line or bullshit.

Lately, I have been having a hard time with my seasonal affective disorder and being out of work so I am more prone to irritableness but there is a difference between someone being a nice person with bitchy moments and someone who is a bitch with nice moments. I think I am the former and the other woman, the later.

I will have to think about what I get out of that board. I just don't understand some of the cattiness. I know I've been annoyed by some people but I really see an injustice and so have to speak out.

Deserted

Greetings all,

I have had another rough week. I am getting tired of job searching and I am losing faith that my life will ever improve. In other words, I feel deserted. I feel like the universe has abandoned me. I have not heard from any employer for an interview. Nothing from temp agencies. Just this silence.

I applied for the Toronto Fringe festival but I never got a spot. I should take this as a sign that I should just quit. Why bother trying anymore?

I hate my ex-boss for letting me go. Am I just singled out because I'm single? Do they think it's easier for a single person to be unemployed then someone with a family? Because it's not. At least if I had a family, I'd have a husband to support me emotionally and mentally. On my own, I just have me and I have not much to give.

What do you want from me world? Why does my life meet with constant frustration? Why are others leading better lives? Why am I living in poverty? When will my needs be met?

Annoying Neighbor Part 2

Greetings all,

My elderly neighbor has been bothering me again. Last week she had to go to the rehab centre across the street and she asked me to take her, which I agreed to, mainly out of guilt. She wanted me to stay with her which I thought was ridiculous. I may be out of work but I have my own life. I don't think this was fair how she has been treating me.

I had spoken to the super and she had said she's given her information on government services that can help her but she didn't seem to take the suggestions. It's not my responsibility to help her. She has no family and her sisters live in Winnipeg (so she says).

I've seen ads about abuse towards the elderly but they do not talk about how the elderly abuse others. She came by my place again today and asked me to take her to the rehab centre. I gave her some phone numbers to contact and she was getting mad and not listening to me. I refused to help her this time around and she said I was not going to go to heaven.

I'm just going to have to ignore her. I am hoping she leaves me alone. This is abuse as far as I am concerned. She has no right to harass me. She seems to have this entitlement mentality and she has to realize that there are resources for her and she's going to have to utilize them and stop pestering the neighbors.

I had spoken to the super again today and she said she already told her a few days ago to not bother me. I guess she didn't listen. I really have zero tolerance for this type of drama. Why do some of these elders think they can place these unrealistic expectations on others?

I will just have to ignore her. It makes me regret helping her with small favours in the first place because now she just thinks she can ask me for anything and that I will not object. I think all of this could have been avoided had I not been willing to help her with small things. Sometimes with some people, once you give them help once, they expect it always. The ol' give 'em an inch and they take a mile.

Greetings all,

I was at a mixed drinks convention back in the summer where you basically get to sample all sorts of different alcoholic drinks. I'm not really a drinker so this was me stepping out of my comfort zone. I so don't understand why people are so into drinking. I would try various drinks and enjoyed some of them but I don't think I'd want to waste my money on making these at home. Maybe it is because I am cheap. Or simple. But I am content with drinking ginger-ale and my water!

Anyways, I got a free week at a fitness centre for women. They do various classes like pole dancing, stripping dances, zumba, boxing, etc. Basically they have a variety of fun classes but just for women. The company was doing a demonstration and they were giving out these free week passes. I had finally gotten around to using it as I want to make sure I can attend as many free classes as possible.

Last night I went and took my first zumba class. I think this was the most challenging class for me and I was losing my energy probably at the last 10 minutes. I sweated a lot and worked my heart a lot. I had half hour breaks between my classes so the next was boxing. For about 10 minutes we did tai-bo type exercises and then did partner work where we would do punches, jabs, hooks, upper cuts and kicks. As the partner, we would have to wear punching gloves so our partner used that as a target. At least doing that I could rest a little so I didn't find this class too strenuous. As well, there were some kundalini yoga exercises where we would have to punch continuously so I've built up endurance for that and that skill seemed to be transferable.

My last class was a sexy strip dancing and we were learning a dance routine to a Patty Labelle song. I was laughing during it because it's really not my style to be dancing like that and to be seductive. I was being a bit of a dork but who can take doing this so seriously? Are we trying to seduce a man? If that were the case, I'd just make him some dinner and tell him how right he is! I don't see the point of shimmying my hips or doing floor work where I spread my legs.

I'm going tonight to take an MTV choreography class. I might consider going to something like this once in a while. Right now money is an issue. I certainly think it is a more interesting way to get some cardio and get your heart rate up. With my kundalini, I can get my heart rate up but I do not sweat much or get sweaty. Maybe I'm not much of a sweater.

Annoying Neighbor

Greetings all,

I have an elderly lady neighbor and she gets annoying at times. I don't see her often but since I've been home more because I'm not working, I tend to see her more. Now I don't think it's right for people to automatically sympathize with the elderly.

Some people are just annoying and we shouldn't just give them sympathy because they are old now. They probably were equally annoying when they were young. I can think of many young people and coworkers, who are annoying. One day they will become old and be annoying to those younger then them.

Sometimes this neighbor will ask for help on small things. Like one time she wanted help on opening the lid on some item. She was doing it wrong so I showed her how to do it. I generally am willing to help once and a while. If it becomes a habit, then she should consider going into a retirement home because I and others who live in the same building, can't be expected to always help her.

I had gotten a few grocery items for her last week that she missed on her trip as I had planned to go as well to get some groceries. She was complaining to me earlier about the neighbor who takes out her recycling and her garbage. She said the neighbor wouldn't take them out right away. Now I saw in her recycling bin, there was one item - a milk carton. She also said she would take out her garbage twice a week. I live alone as well and it probably takes me 2 weeks to fill a garbage bag.

I started lecturing to her about being environmentally responsible because she was producing too much garbage and that there was no need to take out garbage twice a week. Then she was complaining about how animals would get to the garbage if it wasn't taken out. Excuse me, but you live in an apartment. There are no animals that would get to your garbage. They only get to it if it's outside.
No wonder the neighbor doesn't always take out her items!

I wait until my recycling bin gets full and then I take it outside. Tuesday night is when they take out the garbage so I tend to empty it out on Wednesday, after it's been emptied.

So this elderly woman is just bitching about something when really she needs to be more considerate about the neighbor who helps her out. Instead of expecting others to serve you and accommodate you, maybe you are the one that has to change. Regardless of how old you are.

I think she needs to socialize more. I would think being isolated leads to this type of ignorant and self centered thinking.

Comedy Class Show

Greetings all,

I had my stand up comedy class show on Thursday and it went well. The instructor had her 2 classes in one show so it was broken up into 2 parts. I was the first person in the second half and we had two different hosts. My friends and I didn't like the host for the second half as we thought she was not funny and was being shocking but with no punchline or jokes. She would talk about her rape fantasy and mostly sexual stuff. One of her jokes was how someone told her she wasn't damaged enough to be a comic, but there was really no joke. This just seemed like a premise. I think if that's the style (shocking) that she's going to stick with, she'd better work to make it more clever because it's not interesting for the audience and it made some people in the audience uncomfortable.

I was told by the instructor's wife (she's a lesbian) that I was the highlight of the show. The thing is that I've been doing this for 2 years and for most of these women, this is their first show. So yes, I should hope I am the better of the performers.

The host introduced me in, what maybe was an insulting manner, I couldn't tell. She said that I needed therapy (I'm guessing she was trying to be funny, but it didn't seem like it) and when I got on I said that I did but that I would rather have a rim job. The host joked that she gave someone a rim job as penance so I thought I'd play off on that.

I did well on my set and actually improvised a line that made one of my jokes funnier. I forgot one of my jokes. I am not sure why I bombed on the Sunday but I definitely think it was related to the energy work and to the yoga class I had. I probably didn't feel like performing and just wanted to be alone and maybe the audience picked up on that.

But I figured as well that I shouldn't let one show get me down. The flip side is that I shouldn't let one good show keep me up. I think it helps to pace yourself. Sort of like Dollar Cost Averaging.

Bombed

Greetings,

I had a show at Second City but it was not organized by SC, but just the space was used. They created a facebook page which said the show started at 8 pm. When I got there, it was already starting and apparently the show was to start at 7 pm.

It wasn't a big deal that I arrived late. Earlier on that day, I was doing Sat Nam Rasayan work. I took a workshop a few weeks ago by Hari Nam Singh, from Los Angeles. We used partners and did individual work during the 3 hour workshop. Someone asked about having a regular class to practice and continue the work we learned so that started up on the Sunday. It's just for 1.5 hours. After that I decided to stay for a kundalini yoga class and then I went home.

I don't know if the fact I did alot of energy work affected my performance. As well I do feel sleepier with the shorter days, it affects my memory. I did my set and I tried this technique someone said when doing a talk. She said to anchor your feet and breathe in and pause. I tried that and sighed. Maybe that threw off the audience. I don't know what happened. I just didn't connect with them. I think I didn't want to be there either because I think I just wanted to be alone but I had booked this already so I didn't want to bail.

I might have got a couple of laughs but it was by far the most awkward show I did. There was a decent size audience. I ended up not talking about 2 things and I didn't end well either and just got off the stage. I was probably not up there long. We were allotted 7 minutes.

The host was nice to me after it was done and told me to sign up again. This has never happened to me and I just don't know what happened. I'm really hoping it was just the energy work I did and I probably was better off staying home.

I got home and I felt so humiliated and had cried. I felt bad as well the next day and it might have been related to the energy work and not so much the show. This experience made me wonder if I'm just wasting my time doing stand up. I know I can be funny but I'm not feeling I'm clicking. But that could just take time to get good.

Job Want Ad

Wanted: Employers who will not give me benefits. Who cares about having good teeth and having prescription drugs? Your health is not important and I want to be with an employer that gets this.

I don't want a job, I just want to be on contract because I love not being certain about my life and knowing if the next day I will have a job. Since I don't want to invest in my future and buy real estate and plan for my retirement and for my funeral, please don't give me job security. That's overrated. I want to fly by the seat of my pants and stress.

Please be the type of employer that keeps bad employees and let the good ones go. No company ever succeeded with smart and accurate employees. Companies always thrive when incompetent employees are the norm.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Greetings all,

I've been going to the library more often because I'm out of work. I mainly go to job search and so it gets me out the house. I used to go in the afternoon, but around 3pm, students come and it gets loud. I do not understand why people are allowed to be loud in the library. It's a library, it should be quiet. People should be whispering. It almost gets as loud as a mall!

In the morning it is quieter but sometimes people use the phone and make personal calls. One time one woman was talking to her computer. I think she was on skype or something. She looked crazy holding the computer up to her mouth. Last week, a woman was talking on her cell next to me. I was in a bad mood to begin with and had to complain to a staff member. She was talking at least for 20 minutes.

What is wrong with these people? Is it just this library? There is another library close by but I'd have to drive to it. This one is close to my apartment.

Is nothing sacred anymore???

One time I had my cell phone ring and I had some red neck get mad at me and a security guard came up to me and told me to turn it off. I didn't even talk to anyone.

As well, I live in an up-and-coming ghetto so there are some mentally disturbed people that occasionally make their presence known. I at least can understand if they talk but they still need to keep it down.

The security guards are useless here. Honestly why have them here if people can get away with being loud. It's time for me to complain!

Psychic Experience

I had some weird psychic experience or something last night. My mom phones me today because they are thinking of letting my older brother move in with them because he's been on welfare and having a hard time finding work and got some part time work. hey The government is cutting his money back so he might not be able to pay rent and my parents might need to give him some money. They were giving him some money to cover rent before he got his part time job. My dad wants him to save money for a car as well since his car is over 10 years and probably does not have much left.

My mom called me to get my 2 cents. I don't get along with my brother much and he's been a problem for me at times and it's hard for me to not react to him. My dad and him don't get along sometimes which I think they should get counselling for. It was my dad's idea to have him move back. My parents had a rule that they would not let you move in once you moved out but I think considering what's going on economically, they might adapt for this.

My mom said last night my dad couldn't fall asleep because he was worried for my brother. For some reason last night as I was sleeping, I kept getting this image of my dad. I got some negative vibe from this image, like he was unwell or dying so having my mom tell me that he couldn't sleep was confirming that I had some psychic connection.

I had just said that it's up to them to decide. It's not any of my business. They should discuss things and discuss what's the maximum time he can stay. As well he should have some responsibility like doing dishes or something.

I prayer for my family as much as I can because I hate to see the suffering that's gone on so maybe this will be good for them. Who knows. I don't run the show.

Coffee Date

Greetings all,

I went on a coffee date this Thursday with a guy. He called me Wednesday and he seemed decent and nice. The coffee date went okay. I didn't feel much chemistry but I would have given him another chance.

We exchanged a few messages as I had agreed to go out with him again since I'm willing to give someone 3 dates. He then suggests that he:
"would love to take a drive with you, go for a nice lunch, cuddle, hug and stuff."

WTF? Cuddle and stuff? So you buy me a coffee and now you think you are entitled to groping and touching me? Cuddle is just a female-friendly term for I want to make out with you and hopefully fuck you. I'm sorry but you just don't say that kind of stuff to a woman after the first date. You don't even say it. What kind of a hunter are you? If you plan on making the moves on a woman, you just don't tell her. Ever! You just do it.

The other problem was he was 38 and still living with his parents. His parents are Indian so I don't know how much an effect this had on him but he was born in Canada. He had a good job and his parents didn't need a caretaker so he had no excuse to be living with them. It's a big problem if you are over 30 and still living with your parents. You have to have a really good reason to be with them. I've been laid off twice after I moved out but I never went back to my parents. I didn't want to. It's wrong unless you are in school and needing to save money. Or are taking care of them. Again, there has to be a real legitimate reason to live with them. I think too you just don't learn full independence and I want a man who is self sufficient. I do not want a mama's boy. If you live with your parents, you just don't struggle as much because you know you have them to cushion you.

I emailed him back saying I wasn't comfortable being with someone who suggested to hug and cuddle and wished him good luck. He comes back saying it was just a suggestion and asks me what to do.

Some men just don't get it.

Wear Purple Campaign

What currently seems to be popular on facebook is the event to wear purple to support the gays that commit suicide. I frankly don't support that cause. I'm all for gay rights but what I have a problem with is that tonnes of students experience trauma in high school and have to deal with the issue of not fitting in. A lot of students kill themselves, not just gays. I don't think it's an issue with being gay, although gays are at risk. It's a mental/emotional health issue.

I think if young gays are killing themselves, there's got to be more to the story. It's symptomatic of a deeper issue. No one just goes and kills themselves because they aren't fitting in. They do it either because they are in deep pain that may or may not be related to their sexuality or they don't really understand the consequence of taking their own life and do so to hurt others.

The fact is there are a lot of young people who hate themselves. Who hate life. Who hate their peers. They are gay and straight.

Maybe these gay teens have an unsupportive home life and their parents are the ones who have a problem with homosexuality.
Or maybe they have an undiagnosed mental illness and were already mentally/emotionally unstable

Here's one incident I read about that was one of the students that spawned this purple campaign:
The recent attention comes in the wake of nine recent suicides stemming from bullying, including Tyler Clementi, a Rudgers University freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his freshman roommate filmed him without permission having a "sexual encounter" in his dorm room and broadcast it over the Internet.

My take on this, is that this is certainly an ignorant way to handle this. I can imagine how humiliating this would feel but I wouldn't take my life over this. This incident probably has happened to straight students but maybe it's not as newsworthy as a gay person killing themself. Frankly this student could have sued them. It certainly makes me wonder why they thought killing themself would be a solution. Again, was this person stressed from school and this was just the last straw? It's not fair to assume the suicide is related to their sexuality.

I think I just don't support this cause because it doesn't talk about why this is going on. It's a fact that lots of teenagers commit suicide. It's not just gays.

Is this campaign about suicide? What is it really about?

Of course this is unfortunate that teens kill themselves and I sympathize, but why are they doing this? Is it the environment? Is it a mental/emotional problem they have?

Is this what we teach our children? That everytime there is a problem, we choose a colour and then get people to rally behind us? This isn't teaching anything.

As well, since I think this is more a mental health issue, what does wearing purple teach people? We should be educating people on how to handle their problems and how to deal with their anxiety, fear, anger and pain. Telling people to wear purple just lets them know that gays are dying but it's not a real solution

Gays are more at risk for committing suicide but it would make sense to educate them on dealing with their sexuality and what the social discrimination they will experience so that they can be prepared. I think it would be more practical to launch a campaign for this then some lame fashion campaign that really isn't going to empower the gay community.

I just think people support this campaign blindly and don't really think about the overall social pressures teens and young college/university students experience. As well we just don't teach people to be strong. We teach people to seek acceptance from material things and we don't teach them to love themselves. Maybe because we still don't know how.

As well there are plenty of gays that learn to deal with not fitting in and are happy and secure. Why don't we start focusing on the behaviours and mental attitudes of gays that succeed in life and are happy? I'm sure there are plenty who have faced social difficulties but they chose to make the best of things.

My final point is it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight or have a mental illness, you have to learn to stand up for yourself. You have to grow some balls in life and learn how to fight for yourself. Instead of getting people to change their clothes, why don't schools and parents teach their children empowerment classes? People need to learn that you're not always going to fit in, so it's more important to love yourself and not care what people think. Not everyone will like you and it doesn't matter your sexual orientation.

PS
Don't tell me that that I've proven this purple campaign succeeded because I've written about them. I'm just pointing out how short sighted I think it is. It certainly has some work if they want to take their work seriously.

First Impressions

Greetings all,

I had met someone who said they were taking a communications course from Landmark. I believe I've heard some negative things about them but there seems to be some people who like them.

I met this person a few weeks ago but he was talking how in the communications course they ask you to ask people what their first impression of you is. There were 3 questions, which I couldn't remember. It is basically pointing out that your first impression of someone is right but for me and I think most people, my first impression is not accurate.

Sometimes I meet someone for the first time and I form no impression. Maybe on some unconscious level I do but I think it takes time to get to know someone. I'm generally a skeptical person.

There are people though, who I genuinely do not like initially and sometimes it never changes.

I think there is some truth to what your initial impression of someone is but I think it can limit you. Then you think you know all there is to know about the person. Then you don't bother getting to know them on a deeper level.

I read this article that mentions at the end that we stereotype people based on their physical features. I think this is true. I have an innocent looking face and look young for my age. I tend to be serious and not smile much, maybe as a way to look older?

I tend to take my first impression of people with a grain of salt. Sometimes I am right but I believe in giving people a chance.

Comedy Class and the Drama that Goes with it

Greetings all,

I am taking a standup comedy workshop just for women. This is the 2nd level, which is basically identical to the first. I took it last year and one woman who was in my class last year is in this one. The woman who teaches it is a comedian so I don't really want to say anything negative about her especially if I have to ever work in the future with her. I have no intention of burning bridges.

There were a few females who are 24 in my class and it makes me feel really old because one of them is really outspoken and though she is probably really a decent human being underneath it all, I find she seems a little vapid and hostile. I don't know her well enough to say. She has a valley girl voice. One of the girls in the class is her roommate as I think they met earlier on this year at the first level and hit it off and decided to move in. Her friend said she was smart. I don't know if this is true or not. You know how dumb people say their friend is super smart but really it's relative to that person. But I don't think that the other female is stupid. I think calling this female super smart is a bit of a stretch.

Since I'm so smart, I think it's best if I decide whom I think is smart or not. So I'm giving this chick a chance. She's self publishing a book so I may be a little intrigued. It shows initiative, which I think is a sign of intelligence. However it is possible that this book sucks. She has said it's a collection of boyfriend stories and I guess guys she's dated.

I listened to her on a podcast for comedians, which now I am trying to get on since she was on it and I've been involved in standup a little bit longer and think I'm a little bit more funnier.

In the podcast there was a discussion on what is it like being a female comic and discussing if it is tougher. She said it was and I have to agree. I think you probably have to be better to get the same amount of respect a man innately gets on stage. She had said that she sometimes will say things randomly to shock people to get their attention. Since I haven't seen her perform, it makes me wonder if she's doing that because she doesn't have enough substance or charisma on stage. If anything it suggests to me that she's not confident in herself and is insecure. I don't think I've ever had to resort to throwing out random shock lines. I know I get laughs and maybe others get more laughs but I don't take the entitlement attitude with me. I get the laughs I get but I know this is something one has to persist in. And I am confident that I am funny. I may not be that great at writing standup but at least I am working towards it and am naturally funny.

My feelings are neutral on this young woman but we'll see what happens.

The other woman who was in my class last year is taking this 2nd level again for networking purposes. This basically means she is not willing to work hard in standup and is basically looking for someone's coat tails to ride. Or maybe she just wants to socialize with those in this scene.

She is a bit older and I think early 50s. In last year's class, I think out of the 8 of us performing, she was the least funniest. I was the funniest. There is a bit of drama going on with her and the teacher and it was really apparent on Monday's class. I had talked to her briefly about the class we had on Thanksgiving. There was only 3 of us that showed up. I took this class because I was curious as to what new stuff she would teach but it was basically the same stuff that she was teaching in the first level. I wasn't even sure if I got anything out of the 1st level. I had standup experience already when I took the first level. I had read books and a dvd program. I was just looking for a system that I can produce jokes but maybe that's just not going to work for me. I know about how to write jokes and about set ups and punchlines and act outs, etc but I was really wanting some method that works for me. The dvd I got had some useful techniques and the basic format for joke telling but the teacher's style was constricting to me.

Maybe I just have to create my own system of making jokes. I get ideas randomly and then jot them down. I probably need to rewrite most of my stuff but I hate that and it's work. But since I am an improviser, sometimes what I joke while performing can be written down so I need some system that is flexible. I did tape a few sets and have a digital recorder and maybe listening to that can help.

Anyways, I took the initial risk of starting to talk bad about the teacher. I was saying I wasn't sure if it's me that's getting annoyed at myself or I'm getting annoyed at the instructor. Either way, I was annoyed. This woman said she was feeling the same way. When I talked about my ideas, some of them weren't being taken to the direction I wanted to go in and standup is about self expression. I had coffee with some friends on Sunday and they gave me better direction for my joke. I think if anything, she probably needs to learn to teach better because it's really about us finding out the essence of what we are trying to say. Or to make us realize an idea or observation we have may not be suitable for a joke.

During the class the woman threw out a suggestion to someone's joke. It may not have been funny but the teacher was a little rude to her. But then the woman can play the child role and be helpless. So I think I see both sides of their drama and they both need to smarten up a little. If you're a teacher, you should have inexhaustible patience or you are in the wrong profession!

It's been an interesting but I think now I have officially decided I probably will not take any more. I don't think it's worth the price of admission.

Irked

Greetings all,

I've been irked these past few days. First of all I will start to say one woman on the relationship forum I am on (where we discuss men and relationships) has been irking me. We'll call her SM. I had started a topic about the difference between work and effort, i.e. basically it's not healthy to be working really hard on a relationship and that it is symptomatic that you are not in the right relationship. I had said that putting effort is required but you're not struggling to make it work. I was inspired to start this discussion because I've seen a few women on the board basically putting too much effort and thinking about the men they were interested in. The creator of the forum has her own ebook. Her basic premise is to focus on your life and make yourself happy and work on your confidence and self esteem. I was good at this since I always did this kind of stuff and didn't give up my hobbies when I started to date a guy.

Now this one woman SM, irks my chain. I've stated to her in another thread that I just don't like her style. She does a bit of story telling but for me I find it hard to follow her train of thought. It's not concise at times. Sometimes she makes good points but I find it's too convoluted for my taste. I have seen the occasional newbie mention her style is confusing. Some people seem to really like her and specifically request her help in threads and I don't think that's right but now that I think about it, they are probably the really fucked up women and maybe that's why they like her so much.

There are some mighty fucked up women that show up here on occasion and I sometimes just can't handle that. I think they need professional help and the board just is not enough for them. There are normal women though who may just have minor issues with men, women like me who have a pretty good head on their shoulder but maybe experience some man glitches. But you know, some women are martyrs and so can sit down and try and dissect their dysfunctions. It's too much for me. I have my own life to worry about. I encourage people but you really have to deal with your own drama and just grow up. It's that simple but it's hard to do. SM tends to focus on these 'meatier' women and so can write alot about their situation. Some of which I think is not necessary. I don't know but as I said, these women have to learn to help themselves. I think it would be wiser for her to advise them on books to read or actions to take. But there's a lot of analyzing that goes on. I'm an action oriented person so I know analyzing your situation can only do so much. Then it's time to turn to action. I mention that I do yoga to help me deal with things and I basically recommend people do that. There are other tools out there and that's what these women need to focus on. Not analyzing men. I think women just need to empower themselves and focus on themselves.

I think with SM in that she can really analyze something. Sometimes she is right about what she says but sometimes I think she is off the mark and sometimes I think she is hypothesizing something that may not be true. But she's very confident and I think a know-it-all and maybe that's what irks me. Know-it-alls are my biggest pet peeve.

There was one thread a few months ago that I commented on. SM and I were giving different advice. The woman was pining for an ex and he happened to be living with a woman who was a girlfriend. At the time it was not verified that he had a girlfriend already but the poster was suspect of him. I have always advised that it was time to let go and move on. However SM advised her to stick it out. That this is just a test. I really felt I was the only one on the thread who know that this woman pining for this man was wrong. It wasn't going to work out. She had to let go of her obsessions. SM said she was running a marathon and had to let him act out whatever was going on with this woman and that he probably still loved her since he would contact her.

It made me cringe because SM is so popular on the board but she was guiding her along the wrong path. Eventually this woman gave up on this man (like I suggested, although I don't think my advice got into her thick skull) and was seeing someone else and seemed happier. In essence I was right. In a case like that, it doesn't matter if the man still loves her. He's with someone else. You have to let go and move on and not talk to him. Some people didn't get that not talking to him, didn't mean you were cutting him out of your life. Sometimes I don't talk to people but that doesn't mean I've burned a bridge.

Some people are codependent on the board and I think SM advocates codependency. This is extremely unhealthy. I don't think she's aware of how she acts sometimes.

So back to my thread that I started. I was inspired to start that thread on the difference between work and effort in a relationship because SM and I were having the same disagreement on another thread that was similar to the thread I just mentioned. Women here think their situation is so unique but they are not. Many people experience similar problems and we really are not that much different from each other.

SM wants her to tough it out and be patient and that this guy she was interested is just confused and figuring out things. But this has been going on for too long and I said to move on. Now when I say to move on, it means to focus on yourself. If the man comes back to you, it's because you were focusing on your own happiness. You are not trying to make him love you or want a relationship. That's impossible.

SM totally disagreed with my thread and used an example of how she used to play a piano and worked really hard to learn it. Her point is that people now-a-days give up too easy when things get tough. I was not against that, but that was not the perspective I was talking about. I think I was carrying some frustration from a previous thread because I may have been hostile but in the end I was trying to be civil. It is hard when you are dealing with someone a bit crazy. But then maybe I should not deal with crazies!

She could not argue my counter argument and did her fancy nonsensical analyzing and ended up saying I was annoying. I was pushing her buttons but that's how it goes sometimes. I had said that a piano does not have free will like a man. A piano can't up and leave. A man can. And that wasn't the kind of work I was against. Her playing the piano gave her a sense of fulfillment. Many of these women are struggling to make something work with these men but there is no sense of happiness or fulfillment. I think I made some good points but she couldn't see my perspective and it irked me. How many times do I have to say my point? Then she says I keep saying the same thing. Hello, I'm just trying to get you to see my perspective.

A good relationship doesn't require work. I've seen many happy couples in my life. One key ingredient is chemistry. It's there or it isn't. The second is compatibility. That covers a lot and basically you have to have some solid compatibility or the relationship will be too rocky. Both are important and obviously there is give and take but both parties are happy and no one compromises to the point of unhappiness. Sure there may be some issues that you struggle with but that's called growth and pushing past your comfort zone. But it's not the struggle that drains you in the end. It's struggle that fulfills you.

I finally said that we will have to agree to disagree, that it's a stalemate. I think she just doesn't understand what I am saying. But I understand what she is saying. Working hard is like fire. It has to be applied appropriately. I think I read Steiner saying this in a lecture about evil. Sometimes hard work is right and appropriate but sometimes in the wrong case, it just causes more trouble.

There have been 11 responses since my post last night so I will have to check that out. I think I'm done with her. There was hostility on both parts but I think she was carrying over stuff from other threads that just aren't appropriate. I feel frustrated that no one now seems to be mediating between us but then maybe they are too afraid? I may have been hostile but it's because I see someone misleading someone and it's not right. I suppose I can cut her some slack, but because she's so insistent she knows better, it's hard. I just need to realize she doesn't have as much power as she acts like. I had said in another thread it's like she's the Wizard of Oz and I'm Toto, and have pulled the curtain away to reveal an ordinary woman. She just acts so great and is not aware of it.

* * *
Another thing that has irked me this week is that I posted on my facebook that I was in post-Scranton bliss. I really enjoyed my road trip. I had an idea and made it happen thanks to some friends of mine who were open to the idea.

My improv friend had said anything after Scranton would be bliss. I said he was jealous and then he got upset and said what's there to be jealous of. Then we bantered and he was really being foolish in his comments, making assumptions. He called me a lemming because I went because of the Office. He didn't know how I came up with the idea and was being judgemental. He said I should go on a real vacation. I had said that I was out of work and wanted to go to Peru but have to watch my money. Going to Scranton would fulfill my need for going somewhere but within my budget.

I wish he had some balls to realize how ignorant he was but he was just lashing out. I deleted the comments. He was quite rude. Who are you to judge me and say I'm a lemming? Scranton is like going to Montreal. People take road trips all the time. So I'm an Office fan. Big deal. I don't go on your facebook and be rude.

I really truly feel he was jealous and was just lashing out on me. So not appropriate!

He's good friends with the other improviser whom I unfriended on facebook because he was too hostile towards me and I had enough. This guy is not nearly as mean. Maybe because he's married and so has some sane woman keeping him grounded. But he can be insensitive like the other improviser. I probably won't unfriend him, but I'll certainly keep this in mind. If he needs a favour, probably won't get one from me.... unless he does something to redeem himself.

* * *
The final thing that has me irked is that I've had a reoccuring dream that I am getting my old job back and this happened last week, a few weeks ago and last night. I don't know what it means. Does it mean I am still pining for my old job and needing to let go?

I want to find a job. Hopefully I can find a better job. Hopefully I can figure out my life and start doing work I enjoy.

Blah!

Men

Greetings all,

I'm in a meetup group and am an assistant organizer. The group is for introverts. It has probably been the one group I am most active in. I don't know if introvert men are like this or if it's just some random people but some of the men I find in the group to be very passive. I don't think many of them have had a lot of girlfriends in their life.

I have noticed a couple seem like they have low self esteem and lack self confidence. Sometimes I wonder if people like that just join the group. That is not what an introvert is.

From this site the following is a definition of introvert.

an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

One guy in the group has stopped coming because he got upset after a meetup that someone was suggesting that we go to a Tim Horton's with outside food. He stormed out at the suggestion but we all thought he was joking. He has been out of work for probably a few weeks so I think he was just stressed and being pissy and overreacted. I had contacted him saying that we were just talking about it and didn't carry it out. He said it went against his beliefs. I had given him a day to cool off and realize that he's overreacted but that didn't help. I organized another meetup and this time around he rsvped maybe so that was a sign he was starting to realize he's been overreacting.

The man is however 50 and so I find it immature. It wasn't like he didn't know about his job getting let go, they were notified 4 weeks in advance. As well he has only been there for 2-3 years so it's not like he's worked there for 30 years and has to start over.

I like to trade barbs at people but most of them aren't into that. Is that an extravert trait of mine? To me it's like how two puppies fight each other. It's all in fun and I want to see how intelligent you are and how you can spar. One guy says I was being mean. I don't think I was but it makes me wonder if these guys are just too sensitive. I want a man, a real man. One who can put up a fight if necessary. Not a pansy that I have to worry about if I hurt his feelings. Life is a challenge and I want a man that can tough it out and not hide in a corner.

I don't know if I want to stay in the group so much. The women are fine but the men are just perhaps too sensitive for my liking and I'd like to be around more aggressive men. Not too much, just a touch more.

One of them I can say doesn't seem like a pansy. I don't know all of them well enough to say so I'm just thinking out loud here. There have been a few people with social anxiety but I don't know why they join. Not that there's anything wrong with doing so. I just find it annoying. I've had social anxiety but I've dealt with it for the most part although I can still feel anxious.

I think at the end of the day, a nice, strong and balanced man is what I would like.

Scranton Road Trip

Greetings all,

This weekend was Thanksgiving weekend for us Canadians and so I decided a few weeks ago that I wanted to go to a Scranton road trip as Scranton is where the NBC show, The Office takes place. I had threw out this idea on my Facebook and a couple of my friends were up for the adventure.

I had googled the distance from Scranton to Toronto and it's basically the same distance as driving to Montreal (5-6 hours) so it didn't seem too crazy of an idea. On the first day we did some shopping at an outlet mall in the US. We then made our way to Hornell NY. The next day we made our way to Scranton and stopped at Corning to see the Glass Museum. They had some modern glass pieces and some historical glass on display. There also was a section that talked about the science of glass.

When we arrived at Pennsylvania, we stopped at the tourist centre and got a booklet that featured Scranton. Apparently The Office does official tours once a month so we were not able to make that.

We finally arrived there and got to take some pictures. It was getting late so we didn't have too much time. I took a picture of one of the buildings that is featured on the opening credits and at the Steamtown mall there is the Welcome to Scranton sign that is featured in the opening credits as well.

I didn't get much sleep the first night, maybe a few hours. I slept better the second night. To cross to the US, we had to wait for 2 hours so I ended up stretching in the backseat but also doing some car dancing. I also stuck my head out the window and pretended to be a dog.

What else can you do in these situations???

Coming back from the border probably only took 30 minutes and then I had dinner with my family. I had bought a Pirate costume for Halloween since that is what I am going as this year and so I wore my Pirate hat and hook for a while during dinner.

I am in Post-Scranton bliss!

The Experienced Newbie

Greetings all,

I recently decided to take a Second City workshop. I was quite hesitant because I already have improv experience, however I decided I would like 'official' training. I've been doing improv at the Staircase theatre for about 8 years. I learned alot about being an improvisor there. The intention of this theatre is to make improv more accessible to the community. Second City is a for profit organization and so offer more training, but I guess one can see that as creating cash opportunities.

At the Staircase, it was more simpler. There was a beginning workshop and an advanced. And at one point there was an intermediate.

So I took a Level A intensive which I finished last weekend. It ran during 2 weekends, which was easy for me since I didn't have to drag it out over 6-8 weeks. Some of my classmates I told that I was here just for the official training and already have experience. I checked the SC web site and if I wanted to audition for their Conservatory program, my improv experience may not be recognized. Now that I've taken a level, it might help me look more appealing. There are 5 levels and the conservatory has 5 levels as well which you pay for. So essentially there are 10 levels. A little nuts if you ask me.

My teacher didn't know I have improv experience so I probably looked good as an improvisor.

Tonight, however I learned there was a musical improv jam and I decided to go down. The woman running it asked me as I arrived early about what class I took and I said A, not saying I also have other experience. I've taken a comedy song writing class at Bad Dog theater years ago and made 2 original musical songs. I took a musical improv class a long time ago at the Staircase as well and on the rare occasion we would get a chance to do music.

I finally got to play a musical game and it was the last game of the night. I did well and the host whom I told earlier that I was at Level A, had centred me out in front of the jam participants. The spotlight was on me, she embraced me and was patting my back. Told everyone that I was Level A and did such a great job. She said how brave I was for coming up as a Level A student. Everyone was cheering for me and clapping. I felt so embarrassed and felt like I was a bit of a fraud. The musical game we did was new to me as it was one I never did. Some of them I don't think I've tried but I certainly didn't feel right receiving such praise when in fact I am experienced.

I wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible and I did.