Greetings all,
This entry I will be discussing my romantic life, or really the lack of it. Anyways, I had mentioned back in September how I had decided to stop all communication with the guy I was into who was living in england.
I finished rereading that entry and I did not mention why he was ignoring me. I am pretty sure he was upset at one of my facebook status'. I wrote for an update 'my inner thighs are really sore'.
Okay now my thighs were sore because the night before I was working out with a new kundalini yoga dvd and it was quite challenging and it really worked my inner thighs. They literally were really sore! Being that I have a dirty mind and a twisted sense of humour, I came up with this status in the morning. I didn't think much of it and thought it was funny. I came up with another status the next day saying I drink expired milk. Which was true since I don't use milk often and usually I will keep it for a few days past the expiry date since its still good for the most part and I don't believe in wasting food and the milk that day I was drinking was expired. He commented on this status and not the inner thigh one, which means he most likely read the inner thigh status.
I think it was around this time that he actually starting to ignore me. Eventually I started to think that maybe he took my status the wrong way and assumed my inner thighs were sore from having sex - which was far from the truth since at that time, I didn't have sex in such a long time that I don't even want to mention it! And the truth is that the less sex I have, the more dirtier my updates get! I wasn't sure what to do so then I decided to write the same type of status but to add that my thighs were sore from exercise. I did that and still did not hear from him.
And then back in September I decided that if he's going to ignore me, I just won't deal with him and so I removed him as my youtube friend, facebook friend and I deleted my skype account and all the emails we exchanged that I had kept in a separate folder.
I was hoping maybe things would have worked out between us because I think there may have been something worth pursuing. I have been pining for him on and off but I had some personal issues to sort through and I just decided to focus on my own happiness and peace of mind because dealing with a long distance situation is just too frustrating for me.
I had a wave where I wasn't really thinking much about him but then in March I had been thinking about him again. I made a list of his pros and cons and I thought he had more pros then cons. I started to write an email, I didn't plan to send it to him but just to write my feelings and wanting to clarify that I'm assuming my status about my inner thighs were sore was why he ignored me.
I felt in the email like I was chasing after him and I just saved the email. I deleted it the next day and wrote as my facebook status that 'I bow to no cock, dick or testicle. Feminine power forever!'
I'm not going to chase after a man. I want a mature man who can understand who I am. I am not going to compromise my sense of humour for anyone. I am who I am. I have a dirty mind and if you don't like it, too bad. If you don't like me, get lost because I'm not interested! I'm only going to change because it comes from within me, because I want to, not because some man is overly sensitive. I will not change for anyone and will be true to myself always and put myself first!
I want to be fully accepted for who I am and I'm sure in time I will find the right man who will appreciate me for the wonderful person that I am!
When I had my first boyfriend at 19, at some point he kept saying that the relationship wasn't working out because of me, I had trust issues and didn't listen to him, etc. None of this was true and I was and am a good person to get along with. He was a mind fucker and I vowed to never be in that type of mentally abusive situation ever. And that was really the only time I experienced that. I have dated some guys. Most were decent, although they weren't right for me.
This situation with Daniel was a bit similar because I think being British, maybe he was too uptight and I am not willing to be with someone who I feel I have to walk on eggshells. If he's so insecure with himself and can't take a joke then I don't want him! We've known each other long enough, he should know by now my sense of humour.
I want to be free to be who I am. Weird, funny, brilliant, horny and compassionate!
I deserve better and expect to be accepted for who I am.
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