Fuck the Pressure

Well some of my friends now know that I have a blog. I have only told a couple of people and maybe one person actually knew the actual address. I wanted to keep it my secret and anyone who was detective enough, would figure out to find it via the wonderful google.
Now I've placed pressure on myself to produce writing that is compelling, interesting, intelligent, exciting, deep and profound.
I want to be perceived as intelligent, witty, funny and exciting.
But the reality of my existence includes ....
Zoning out
Slow to think
Boredom
Being Wrong
Idleness
Non-logical
Excessively logical
Obsessiveness
Mildly Neurotic

And then I looked up the word neurotic to make sure that I am using the word correctly.
I must get a hold of myself.
Whew, okay there, there we go. What is my intention?
What would Oprah do?

Okay, do I want to talk about what I've been reading and talk about mundane things?
Or do I want to talk deep and profound concepts and experiences?
I just don't feel deep and profound today.
I can't be deep and profound all the time!

Anyways, I finished reading Study of Man and am reading Steiner's Towards Social Renewal. There are some ideas and thoughts that I found relevant for today. I usually don't like to share my comments about RS books right away because I usually let the thoughts and ideas digest themselves subconsciously.
Even in my study group, I don't like to comment on things right away because I think that we need to let ideas work on us. I find too many people always have to have an opinion on something and are always quick to refute things.
I get the impression from others that being quick to refute things is a sign of intelligence.

I also finished reading Freakonomics. I thought the book was okay. When I read in the preface or the side flaps how everyone thinks this is such a brilliant book, I get a bit intrigued because I'm always hungry for brilliants ideas and thoughts. It was interesting but it's not brilliant! I'm sorry but I study anthroposophy. Whatever drug produces the best high(I'm not really 'street' smart so I don't know which drug is like top of the line high. Maybe it's meth I don't know.), then that's what anthroposophy is. I'm used to great highs and then so called intellectuals brag about getting high, which to anthropops such as myself, is like getting cheap pseudo highs.

I like metaphors. Is this a good metaphor? If only I knew what drug produces the best high. Damn it, I like to be accurate about my information.
The book is probably the better of the mainstream books. I like the authors' methodology and questioning of things.

I'm not sure if I want to tell this to people but I might as well because I have been thinking about posting it in my blog.
I tend to get horny when I read and I whack off a bit. I can whack off and read at the same time. I don't find it distracting. Sometimes I have to put my book down to finish my business and then I'll go about my reading.
I guess this is why I like to read a lot.
I wonder why I do this. Is my reading stimulating one part of my brain and whacking off stimulating the other half of my brain?
Have I unconsciously tapped into whole brain thinking?

My parents will be returning from their 4 week trip to Italy. They'll be back around 10 but I can stay up since my shift for work got cancelled today. I wonder if our cat missed them.