The Real University of Toronto Lingo

Greetings all,

I'm subscribed to various pages for my university and recently they posted the Lingo that First Year students need to know. It was pretty lame so I decided to come up with the REAL lingo that students need to know when they first come to UofT

http://www.studentlife.utoronto.ca/hello/glossary

A is for Alone which is how you will feel in the classes with over 300 students

B is for Bell Curve which is what a lot of profs use to compensate for their ridiculously hard tests

C is for Crying, which is something you'll engage more in once you start at UofT

D is for Despair, which is how you feel when you realize that that 4.0 GPA is out of your reach

E is for Expensive because an education costs a lot nowadays

F is for F*cked, which is how you will feel on a daily basis

G is for God Damn, which are words you will be utilizing more during your time at UofT

H is for Hell, which is how UofT feels

I is for Isolated, which is how you will feel from the world since you will spend all of your time studying

J is for Joy, that feeling that will get sucked out of you during midterms

K is for the Knowledge you will lose two days after you finish an exam
L is for Life, which you will not have because all your time is spent on doing school work

M is for Moron, which is how you will feel on a daily basis because what you know is so small compared to what you do know

N is for Nausea, the sensation you will experience when waiting to write your tests and exams

O is for Oblivious which is how most professors are on how difficult and painful their tests are for other students

P is for Pain, which is what you will experience

Q is for Queasy, which is how you feel when you have prepared extensively for a test but the professor has not given the class any sort of material to prepare for it

R is for Ridiculous which is what you will think about tests as you'll realize professors will put questions tests that they absolutely gave you no skills on how to solve during class

S is for Sanity, that thing you will inevitably lose after midterms
T is for Tears, a lot of which will be shed when you realize that you probably will no do as well as you would like in your courses.

U is for University. You will be using this word daily such as "Why did I choose this University when I could have chosen a more easier one?"

V is for Vindictive, which is what the profs are

W is for Weak which is how you will feel as the time and effort you put in at UofT will make you feel this way all the time

X is for Xeric what will happen to your brain from all the studying it has been engaging in

Y is for Yawn as some professors have no passion and will bore you to tears with their lectures that sometimes teaches you nothing of value

Z is for Zest for Life, which you lose during your time at UofT

The End of a Haira

Greetings all,

I recently buzzed my hair. I stopped colouring it funky colours like green, neon red, purple, blue and pink. I had been using the funky colours for about 1.5 years and prior to that, simply bleaching my hair to look like a blonde for 1 year. So in total my hair has been bleached for 2.5 years and I think in spite of my giving myself oil treatments the past few months, my hair quality has slightly decreased. I also felt I have done all the colours I wanted to (except rainbow) and was ready to take a break from dyeing my hair because it was effort but also it had annoying consequences like sometimes rubbing off on my clothes within the first week of being dyed. My neon red for example was really bad for this and I had to sleep with a towel so that the colour wouldn't rub off on my pillow case.

Now I only have 1/2 an inch of hair. My hair feels prickly and I feel rather naked and self conscious. I only had 2 options. Get a buzz or redye my hair to my natural colour. I felt the later was a form of cheating but also due to my hair quality decreasing, I felt I wanted to start fresh. Bleaching my hair had made my hair feel a bit straw like.

I don't regret my decision because it was a decision made out of practicality but I certainly don't like the consequences. I don't feel right. Having hair can be annoying and sometimes I felt like my hair was weighing me down but now that I have very little hair, I realize it's not my hair that weighs me down, it's simply the burden of carrying a head on my neck that weighs me down.

I feel like I'm a super hero who's lost her powers. When I first dyed my hair pink, I felt like a super hero, it was great. I feel the world needs more colour and so I tend to dress more in colour instead of wearing exclusively black, which is how alot of people dress in the work world.

It makes me sad and am back to my boring brown hair.
Now I am just an ordinary civilian.

New Musical Obsession

Hey y'all,

I've been listening to obsessively a new artist (for me at least) named Ludovico Einaudi. I heard the tail end of his song, Life when my mom and I were driving home from visiting the Cheltenham Badlands. It's a classical music song and I thought it was so amazing and I had to listen to it on Youtube. I started to listen to his other pieces and found so many other amazing songs. They have so much emotional depth and richness. I can't get enough of his work. I ordered some of his CDs last night so I am looking forward to being able to listen to more of his work. Here are some of his songs. My favourites so far are The Earth Prelude, Divenire, Life, Primavera and Nuovole Bianche to name a few. The Earth Prelude is a beautiful combination of melancholy and courage. Primavera is the kind of song I like to fold my laundry to. Fold it with gusto! Divenire has been used by Procter and Gamble for an Olympic commerical. It's a good song choice but I hope his music doesn't get chosen simply to be commercialized. It cheapens the music in a way but it can also make people more familiar with the artist.

Life

 

The Earth Prelude

Divenire

 

Primavera

Nuove Bianche

Crushed

Greetings all,

I recently asked my crush for coffee since it was reading week and he told me he was seeing someone. This was on Valentine's day. I actually asked him a week before but never got around to checking my messages. He thought I meant if I wanted him to organize a social for the improv group but I responded eventually that I was asking him out. I was a bit disappointed and also embarrassed. It really reaffirms to me that if a guy likes you, he'll do the work. I guess now I feel like a loser but I have to act normal when I see him again at improv as we have a show next week.

Maybe he did like me but liked someone else better and pursued that since maybe the girl was more explicit in showing her interest in him. Oh well, just another reason why it sucks to be an introvert.

I guess I can't linger too much over this as there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Juice Fast

Greetings all,

I decided to try a juice fast, initially for 10 days. A couple of weeks ago I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and thought I'd give it a try. I tried the Master Cleanse once and I think I only lasted 2 days. Then I had intense cravings for junk food. Normally my cravings are mild and usually I crave more just before my period but I never had the desire for junk food so intensely as when I came off this cleanse.

My mom paid a juicer under $100. I completed Day 3 and have been hungry throughout this whole ordeal. I think I might just do a 5 day fast instead. I feel I should give it an honest go, unlike when I tried the Master Cleanse and quit early.

I've been having headaches all day on Day 1 and 2 and not so much today. Just sparingly experiencing headaches. My brain doesn't seem to work as well either. I feel out of it, slow and spacey.

I'm on the web site for Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead and so it seems like it helps people with weight loss but perhaps I'm not fat enough for it to make much of an impact. Actually I did see a thin girl try a 5 day juice fast to loss her holiday weight and she did lose 6 lbs and was more toned.

I'm looking forward to this being over but I want to see if I binge on junk food afterwards. At least with this juice fast, I am getting some nutrients because I'm drinking stuff like carrots, kale, romaine, cucumbers, apples and beets.The Master Cleanse probably had less nutritional benefits.

I've been eyeballing this bag of chips my mother has in my closet. It's reading week so I'm doing this fast at my parents. It seems like a lot of work too and probably expensive to do. My mom has been buying my ingredients and I feel like I use up a lot of vegetables just to make a cup! I feel bad in a way. It offends my sense of efficiency too because it takes a lot of food to make the juice.

I do need to lose weight and probably this is motivated by how difficult it is for me to lose weight. I could probably lose 30 lbs. I might have to work out more. I want to eat more vegetables so juicing seems like a good way to eat more vegetables. Maybe this will be something I do once a week.

Crushing

Greetings,

I've been involved with improv at school and have started to develop a crush on someone in the group. I've been crushing on him since November I think. I think he likes me too but I can't really tell. We did an improv warm up where we free associate with words and when I do improv, I am in improv mode. I am not in flirty mode and when I was in the circle to get words to associate, he gave me the word "cute" and I said "me". I didn't think much of it at the time but when I got home, I thought maybe he was flirting with me and I completely missed it. We did a show maybe a week or two prior to that and during warm ups, I felt like maybe he had a thing for me. I never really paid much attention to him but ever since that day where he threw out the word "cute", I started to develop a crush on him.

I'm not really flirty either at improv either and we don't have much time to talk to each other. I was planning to go out for my birthday recently to do a live escape game since it's free if it's your birthday. I invited him on Saturday and he didn't get back to me until the Tuesday, the day of my birthday. He said he couldn't make it and seemed apologetic as I messaged him on Facebook. I figure if he was interested, he would have said yes. Or if he was interested in going out with me but couldn't make it, would have suggested to go out another time.

So I'm kinda not sure about what to do. I've read some online dating advice and basically says you shouldn't obsess about whether or not a guy likes you. You should just assume he wants you and just be confident and be your normal, fun stuff.

I'm not sure if he's interested. He's a bit younger than me but I'm open to dating someone and to see where it goes. He seems like he's sweet and it would be nice to get to know him better. I'm not really flirty at improv and I don't even know how I could be because I get so focused on improv and I also tend to be more reserved in group situations.

A part of me thinks he's not interested because if he was, wouldn't he have asked me out for coffee or something by now?

Anyways, we'll see how it goes but I don't have much patience when it comes to these sorta things. If he wants me, he should just ask me out. That's the man's job!

I know with my last boyfriend, I had flirt with him a lot before he finally decided to ask me out. I just don't feel I have the same patience but also it's harder to flirt at improv and I don't want to be so obvious about it either.

Hair Experiment

Greetings all,

I recently read that you can use castor oil and peppermint oil on your scalp to improv your hair growth and to thicken it. I've had the problem of thinning hair for the past few years but also a certain area where my bangs are, are thinning out so much that I'm starting to look bald!

My dad has pointed it out to me before but I didn't know what to do so I would just live with it.
Now I researched that you can use castor oil and peppermint oil on your scalp so I started to do that. I've only applied it once and haven't noticed anything.

What I did notice that my hair doesn't feel oily. I wash my hair every 2nd day and last night I just took my shower and rinsed my hair with water because I felt like it wasn't oily and needing to be washed and it actually feels okay today. I tried before the No Poo method where you don't wash your hair and only use baking soda and apple cider vinegar on your hair to remove the oil. I didn't like that method and stopped doing it. So maybe giving your scalp regular oil treatments actually helps with reducing its oil production.

My hair is pretty oil actually and by day 2 looks oily so surprised by the lack of usual oiliness. Anyways, my goal with this oil and peppermint treatment is to thicken my hair and improv growth so it will take some time before I notice anything

Working with Sopurkh Again

Greetings all,

I wrote a while ago that I was working with the mantra Sopurkh. I did write how I had some dreams but I didn't feel it was working. I decided to work with it again, although I can't remember when I stopped chanting it.As I previously wrote, I was hoping it would help my brother and my dad and also help me be in a meaningful relationship.

When I stopped, I didn't have these things manifested, although as I mentioned in that post, I did have some healing dreams about my ex. I actually think the shabad did work, although it didn't work right away. As mentioned, I wanted my dad to be more healthier, exercise and quit smoking. He started having issues with his one leg as he would have difficulty walking for more than 5 minutes at a time. It took a while to figure out what was wrong with him but eventually the doctor said it was because he smoked as it was restricting the blood flow in his leg. He was advised to quit smoking. This was back in November and my dad stopped smoking. It's been about 6 weeks.

I think when I was reflecting on this, this week, I realized maybe my chanting did have an effect, although a delayed effect. Lots of the women who chanted this would notice immediate changes so that's also why I was skeptical about the value of this. Maybe it's because the men in my family are very stubborn. I've been telling my dad to stop smoking ever since I was a child because he was a smoker since he was like 14. I was always worried that he would get cancer and die from it and my mother found a note I typed on a typewriter as a child, advising him to stop smoking so that he wouldn't die.

The other person I was chanting for was my brother. He seems to be getting worse and is even more nervous. He was diagnosed with ADHD but I'm not sure I believe in that. He was on different medication a few months ago but it just made him worse. He's still living with my parents and is still jobless for 3 years. He's a constant pain in the ass when I visit my family and is constantly verbally abusing me. My father and him don't get along and I hope the chanting helps my brother out because he's so messed up and really needs to grow up and get his life together.

I still am chanting for myself because I want to be with my soulmate, the man whom I can spend my life with, have a family and grow old with.

I had 3 objectives and 1 of them has been achieved. Maybe if I continue with it some more, I can attain my other objectives. I guess it may not manifest right away but I do hope things get better

SAD is in full effect

Greetings all,

My Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) has kicked in big time this week. It seems like the changing the clocks back an hour makes me feel ever worse and I don't remember if I ever get better the rest of the season. I started feeling sleepy and tired about 3 weeks ago but now I feel massively depressed. I can barely smile and have very little motivation to do anything. I think I stayed home all day Tuesday!

I might just go on anti depressants this year. I've been suffering for almost 10 years and have tried all types of supplements to see if I get a mood boost but to no luck. I've tried the fish oil and the St John Worts and many other supplements. I am going to try one more because I came across an article that said they tried this product called Progressive Labs Pineal Concentrate and that helped with their SAD. I couldn't find any other positive review about this product but I'm desperate so I'll try one more thing.

I felt really bad on Tuesday. I felt like all of my flaws were heightened and I felt like I was just a really bad person and a monster. I know it's not true but when your flaws get magnified and you are feeling very vulnerable, it is tough to deal with this. Depression is not fun.

I don't have much motivation to exercise and my body aches. My ex boyfriend would make it seem like this was something I could just easily treat with exercise but even when I did exercise, I felt like it had no effect on my system and I felt maybe good for a few minutes and not long term.

I hate this time of year, I really do. I will move south if I can't manage this disorder and live a normal life.

My Opinion on this Whole Jian Ghomeshi News

Greetings all,

Today is my day off so I spent it by indulging in online news and the main news story seems to be the Ghomeshi sex/violence story. I heard about this on Facebook on Sunday (I think) when he first posted his Facebook status saying how some 'jilted ex' is ruining his career. When I first read it, I knew it was BS because I've seen that type of behaviour from abusers. They take no responsibility for what goes on in their life and then blame someone else for the bad that occurs. A lot of people were hating this woman who stepped up and basically it was all about blaming the woman.

I never followed his radio show but when I first saw him, I thought he was gay and good looking so I'm surprised to learn that he would go after women. He seems likeable too and because he was good looking, I think people probably had a hard time grasping he could be like that but I know that you can never trust someone until you know them personally for several years because different scenarios reveal different sides of a person. It is sad when you see someone who seems like a good person and then learn of this evil. His behaviour is definitely evil. A flawed human we all can love and accept but this is just evil and wrong.

Now we are hearing more stories of women coming out, 8 to date and now everyone who was hating on this woman is now hating on Ghomeshi. I checked out his facebook profile and lots of people were spewing hate, calling him a monster, etc.

I think he's guilty but I don't think it's right to call him a monster and to basically lash out at him. Is it going to make him change? I doubt it. There's obviously something wrong with him but is it something he can change with psychotherapy or is he just like a sociopath who basically does not have the capacity to change?

The other thing that bothers me is how people think these women are lying because they didn't report it right away. I haven't experienced sexual abuse and there was a couple of incidences of weird/scary sexual behaviour I've experienced but I wouldn't think to report it because it would be a waste of time. I read too that false accusations only occur 2% of the time and the vast majority of sexual abuse goes unreported.

I think it's sad that we as a culture and on a global scale, have this negative belief on sexual abuse and blame the victim. Why is it with other crimes, we don't treat them the same way? Is it because the crime is sexual and sex is something where the lines can be easily blurred? I had a woman attempt to steal my purse and I was shaken badly. I called the cops but nothing was done anyways. I wasn't made to feel like a criminal and had a witness. But on some level, even I too felt like I hope they don't think I'm making this up.

And people like Ghomeshi know full well they have power and they abuse it and can get away with it. If I were a victim, I probably would just avoid him and move on with my life. People just assume you want a piece of them, when really all you want is justice.

All this sexual abuse that I read about, not just Ghomeshi but like one woman somewhere in the Middle East was recently hung because she killed or attack a man that raped her, just really makes me realize how scary and hard it is to be a woman.

I think for me, I just grew up accepting that you have to be tough but because society is so cruel to women in so many ways, it makes it difficult to want to vulnerable. I feel deep down I am very gentle and vulnerable, like most people and yet society forces you to be tough and to protect yourself. There really is not much you can do other than be mistrustful of people and cut out all the rotten apples out of your life.

Society has a lot of negative programming to fix, particular when it comes to the rape culture and the hate there is about women.

Meditation Woes

Greetings all,

I only did ganapati kriya for a week so I didn't commit myself officially to doing a 40 day discipline. I had midterms this week and I find that with my being so busy with school. I don't have the discipline to do a 40 day discipline. I don't meditate daily. I do qigong pretty much on a daily basis and maybe in the span of 40 days, I miss a couple of days but I do have at least a consistent practice.

I think too, I get different things out of ganapati and Bound Lotus. I feel they are both complementary to each other but frankly I don't have the time to be dedicated to either of them in terms of a discipline. When I worked, it was easy to do 40 day or 120 day disciplines but because school is so demanding, I want to use that discipline energy towards school. I've only got so much discipline and it needs to be directed towards school!

I like the feeling of bowing and surrendering in Bound Lotus but sometimes I feel like nothing is happening. I like chanting and doing Ganapati and I feel chanting it has a healing and soothing energy to it. They are both quite different and I feel I would have to do both. When I do Bound Lotus, I feel like I am missing something and when I do Ganapati, I feel like I just need to surrender. I am sitting up and feel like I just want to rest my head. I wonder if I can combine the postures but usually doing that is not advised. Maybe I can bow and do Ganapati?

Ever since I started doing qigong this year, I was telling my kundalini yoga friend I feel it's harder to do disciplines because qigong is so meditative and yet because I've always done KY meditations, I feel odd not doing any but qigong makes me feel pretty good.

The Improv Clown

Greetings all,

I joined the improv team at school. Two groups had auditions and I joined this group last year and was surprised there were having auditions because they didn't last year. The other team was a long form and I guess I wasn't good enough for them. My 15 years of improv experience, just wasn't enough! I figured that group was more of a clique and they probably knew already who they wanted.

Anyways, I wasn't able to go to the short form group last year because they had their improv on Monday nights and that's when I would go the Math Aid centre. School takes precedence over improv. This year the Math Aid hours have changed and it is on Monday afternoon and the improv team meets on Thursdays so now I can be more involved with improv.

I went to improv 2 weeks ago and met one of the players. My first impression was that she looked like a clown. She had way too much eye make up on and her eyelashes looked like spider legs. She then had too much blush on and to top it off, had the fake tan look going on. I learned she was a math major. She looked vaguely familiar. When I got home, I realized she was in one of my math classes but sat on the other side of the lecture hall. I remember noticing from quite a distance she had too much make up on and I automatically classified her as a bimbo because she was the stereotypical skinny, tall blonde with too much make up.

I didn't get a chance to talk to her but she seemed like she was a nice girl and she didn't suck at improv. I just don't know if her friends have told her she has too much make up on, or maybe they are all like her and wear too much make up and think it's normal, or maybe they have told her and she doesn't care. I'm not going to say anything but if we were to become friends, I'd have to point it out. She probably would be better looking if she didn't have any make up on. That's what I find silly. She's not ugly and doesn't really need to look like a clown.

Back to Ganapati Kriya?

Greetings all,

I am going through some personal challenges again. I think part of it is because my Seasonal Affective Disorder is kicking in but also school related. I had a test in one of my courses this Friday and it brought up a tremendous amount of anxiety. The night before I was massively worried and I did briefly a meditation we regularly did in my Sat Nam Rasayan class and then I decided to just do a meditation I used to do regularly, Ganapati Kriya.

I cried a lot but I still felt lots of anxiety and stress. I had my test Friday morning and then felt massively bad about myself. Our instructor is new to teaching this particular course and he gave us a practice test. My friend said he said it was the hardest of the 3 he wrote but I think the actual test was harder! I also found out it was challenging for other students and a couple of people didn't finish the test on time. The test was 50 minutes and had 5 questions but they all had like 3 sub questions. I don't think he realized it was probably too long. Would have been better to make 3 questions with 3 sub questions.

I don't think he's a bad person but I feel he just isn't that effective as a teacher and probably has to work at it. My friend and I agree that the way he presents the material just doesn't have a focus. A lot of the time, I feel like "where you taking us?". I know with other professors, I feel they are more structured. He's semi structured. I've seen worse professors

Anyways, this bad experience from the test made me feel bad on Saturday as well. I felt like I should just quit university. Why am I studying math and stats? I also felt like if I were to quit, I wouldn't know what to do. I've tried comedy and that didn't work. I don't know what else to study in school that would help me get a good job. I felt stuck and trapped and GP is usually good for these types of feelings. I reread a journal entry from 2 years ago and was going through the same struggles in school. I felt like, am I making a mistake and wasting my time? I did Ganapati again and while I didn't cry on Friday, I cried alot last night. I got the message "Don't give up". I thought afterwards, in what sense? Don't give up on school? Don't give up on finding a loving relationship? Don't give up on both? Don't give up on Life? I've been longing for a relationship. I'm frustrated with my feeling of not feeling successful and feel like I'll never amount to anything in life.

I tried my best in preparing for this test and I felt like I'm not going to get a respectable grade and yet I need one in this course. I felt like all this work for nothing. It felt like a waste! I maybe had one moment where I thought, all that work at least may not have been enough to ace the test but it does help in terms of understanding the material.

The test may be graded on a curve and I hope so. We have a 2nd test in this course and he may make it easier. That happened in one of my courses. The prof made the first test so hard and bumped up the grades and then made the 2nd test easier. I just don't know what's wrong with these people! As a mature student too, I feel like I am making a sacrifice to be there and am paying what I think, good money to be there. These people should be bending over backwards to help us understand the material and learn but it seems like it's just a game and sometimes it doesn't seem like it's about learning.

Maybe I will go back to doing the Ganapati kriya. Since I mentioned that I feel qigong is meditative, I don't feel the need for meditating but maybe I need to go back to GP for a while and do a 40 day discipline. I guess I am feeling frustrated with my life and my life as a student. I've been dabbling in Bound Lotus but not sure about doing a discipline with it.

It's been a while since I've done GP, I think several months at least so maybe I can try it out again. It's always been good for me so I guess I can't go wrong.

Warning: A Sorta Sexual Poem

Greetings all,

I was reading my drafts and this was a post that I guess I didn't publish it. I think because I thought it was a lame attempt to be sexual and maybe that's why I didn't publish it. Well I'll publish it anyways, even though I don't feel it's particularly sexual as a poem. I don't remember when I wrote this and don't remember who my crush was at the time but here's the original post:

I'm dedicating this poem for my current crush and to all the future crushes I will have.

You are so unsuspecting.
Thinking we're just friends.
You haven't got a clue.
Let me lead you into my thoughts.

Throw me down.
Tie me up.
Throw one into me.
And lick me all about.

I know what you are thinking.
So please just whisper it to me.
I know that you want me.
So please just let me hear it.

I know you've got some fantasies.
And I'll just play them out for you.
Don't think I will laugh at them.
I will treat them with the utmost care.

Aren't you glad it's over?
Aren't you glad I let you have your way with me?
Aren't you glad I want to do it again?

Sat Nam Fest

Greetings all,

I've been wanting to go since last year to the Sat Nam Fest which is run by Spirit Voyage. It's basically a 4 day festival where they have musicians from the Kundalini Yoga community and they play their music. Some of it is music they wrote but most of it are Kundalini chants. I have one musician who is a favourite, Gurunam Singh. I have a few of his individual songs which I downloaded but would eventually like to get a full album.

They usually have these festivals in October or February but these are bad times for me because I am in school and cannot skip out of town. Like it's this weekend and in Pennsylvania. I could go for 2 days maybe but it's too much effort to go to since it's in the US

I learned this year they are doing one at the end of December in Mexico. Last year I went away to the Dominican after Christmas since I have seasonal affective disorder and find it helps lift my spirits to be in a sunny environment. I also enjoyed spending  New Year's Eve in another country and thought last year that should be my new tradition.

I've been to Mexico a few years ago and this festival is taking place near Mexico city, which I have not been. I'm someone who likes to visit new countries. I've just been to Cancun and Cozumel and not to this part of Mexico. If I can go scuba diving on the west coast of Mexico, I can make it worth my time. I was originally thinking of going away to Costa Rica after my first semester but I feel my heart would rather go and chant for 4 days and then I can spend time site seeing and swimming.

Sadly so far Gurunam isn't going to be a performer but I sent his web site an email encouraging him to attend since I don't have a chance to make the Sat Nam Fest this weekend. He's got a really deep, masculine voice and I like his vibe.

Leadership Conference

Greetings all,

I had a conference at school on Friday on Leadership. They invited people earlier in the summer to give feedback on how to format the conference and I decided to attend it because they were offering treats and I am easily seduced by treats.

I made some suggestions on what I wanted to see at the conference and they actually did my suggestions so I was pleased about that. One suggestion was based on Susan Cain's book Quiet. I wanted them to discuss how Leaders can be introverted as our culture seems to only think a Leader is someone who is extroverted. I didn't go to this workshop but I heard people enjoyed it. I think it was something others needed to know about because our culture is biased towards people with quiet confidence.

I also made a suggestion on a workshop that utilizes some concepts from improv, like Yes and. That was what they called the workshop. Yes and is basically an exercise that underlies all of improv. It's the idea that you take what someone says and Yes and it. Improv is not about blocking. It's about accepting and I think to be a good leader, you need to learn how to accept things instead of blocking things. Like for example, in improv if the offer is someone says "Hey I like your hat", you can say "Yes and my hat makes me want to go to the movies", then the other person can say "Yes and going to movies makes me want to buy popcorn" and is followed by "Yes and popcorn reminds me of how much my mother loves me".

Obviously if we spent that seen arguing and blocking, it would go nowhere. "No don't like my hat..."
And that goes no where.

Same idea for leadership. People don't need to say no and can work with what's given them.

The workshops I did was on Resilience and Leadership is...The Leadership is... workshop was more about having smaller discussions with people on various social topics. It was interesting.

I liked the Resilience one more. It actually raised more questions for me like how do I know if I'm resilient? I don't think I'm resilient and I was told to try online quizzes. One of them said I was average and another above average. I don't really feel I am resilient. I feel I don't have much of a choice anyways. You have to move on in life. You still keep on living so why not just do what has to be done. I have been through a lot of financial difficulties but I don't feel that makes me resilient.

One trait of resilient people is that they have a social network. I feel for me, when I am stressed I don't look to others, I turn within and so I wasn't really sure if having a social network is what leads to resilience. I am an introvert and so as an introvert I seek validation and comfort internally and then I decide if I need external help, to seek it out.

I guess I don't classify myself as resilient and I'm not sure if I ever will be. I don't like dealing with difficult things and rather have a comfortable, easy life.

Foodies Make No Sense to Me!

Greetings,

There are several meetup groups out there that are just on food and going out for dinner. I think I joined one once and never went to it. All they did was regular coffee and brunches but they were on Sundays and usually I had other things to do.

One woman has a group going that aims to be budget conscious, under $20 for the meal but I find several of the meetups are well over this range.

I never really understood the popularity of these groups. I can understand going out for dinner once a month but that's all these people do and that would be super boring for me. There's so much to do in Toronto but why just eat all the time?

This one woman has a blog on food and its super boring. This person is like obsessed with eating and I think it's rather unhealthy. Someone was telling me people can be like that if they are obsessed about being thin. This woman is rather thin but I think she needs a hobby besides food.

I myself have several hobbies like qigong, meditation, yoga, walking, improv and live music. I have more interests and I would rather spend my money on fun things that involve exploring the city instead of just eating. That would be super boring for me.

I was told the appeal for dinner meetups is that it gives people the chance to socialize and eat, which is a common activity. I find sitting down for 2 hours mind numbing. I want to get up and move. It's hard to circulate too as a host if you have to eat.

I really just don't it. And these foodie groups always take tons of photos of their food. Who cares? It is just so gluttonous to me because there are people starving in this world and all these people seem to care about is their own food. I find foodies are too small minded for my liking. There's more to life than just eating.

Another Sad Love Song

Greetings all,

I went camping for the long weekend since I didn't go last year. I had a good time and the last time I went was with the introvert group. I found camping triggered some emotions from when I went camping 2 years ago. I had to share my tent with a guy this year. Normally I have the tent to myself. We started having deep conversations in the morning because we were the only ones up. We talked about relationships. He came with me cottaging so we talked about relationships up there and did have more conversations. I shared my experiences with my ex and being that I was talking to a guy, he gave me a different perspective on my ex's behaviour that most of my female friends didn't provide, probably because we are female.

I hadn't thought much of my ex but it got me thinking a bit. Maybe I was harsh but I was really hurt by everything and how everyone treated me cruelly. My behaviour is justified in my mind. I ended up sending an email to my ex saying that I went camping and it brought back positive memories. This was last week and obviously I didn't hear back from him.

My intention wasn't to get back with him. After I sent it and didn't hear back right away like when I recontacted him after running into him at Menchies, I started to regret it. I thought he was an asshole and why do I keep being the good person, trying to make amends? He just ignores me and doesn't deal with the issues. He probably is in a relationship with aimee, why make myself the fool?

I don't think it would work out. I want marriage and a family and he's not officially divorced even though he is not remotely involved with his ex, other than in dealing with his son. It would have been nice to be on speaking terms, but I was not sure if I'd want to be friends. My trust in him was shattered.

I guess it really is over, friendship and all and in a way it's sad.

I know when I was in a long distance thing with someone, we had this same on/off dynamic that I had with my ex and I am not sure why this happens. I'm not sure if it means I'm with the wrong person and just sticking around for attraction purposes or if I need to improve my communication and relationship skills. Maybe instead of breaking up, I need to just step back? I don't know what it is yet but we'll see what happens when I get into another relationship.

My Review of Poopourri

Greetings all,

I saw this ad on Youtube a while ago for a toilet spray called Poopourri. Basically you spray the toilet bowl surface before you poo and it prevents odors from occurring. I have been meaning to try it and this weekend bought online one for my house and for my parent's as I currently am in town visiting them.

We got our order today and I tried it and it worked. My mom got the Lavender and Vanilla scent. I got Sh*ttin' Pretty which is a blend of rose, jasmine and citrus. I'm not too crazy about the scent of my mother's Poopouri but she likes it. She actually didn't want any scents with fruits as many of them had fruit scents like No. 2 which is a blend of berries and peaches. I don't know what my mother has against fruit smells, but whatever!

Here's the video of the product

Waiting for Python

Greetings all,

I wrote my deferred python exam back on August 13 and still haven't received my grades. Apparently other students have received their grade. I think my grade hasn't been calculated because I wrote a deferral exam. I hope I get a good mark. The class average was C+ which is 65-69%. I think I did good on the exam. I gave myself about a month to prepare for the final exam and my friend Henry was helping me and answering my questions about the material since he self taught himself C++

I also am enrolled with Accessibility Services and so get special accommodations for writing tests and exams because I have test anxiety. I get very nervous and I was seeing a counsellor for my Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) a few times in the winter. I was recommended to enroll by an Academic Adviser in my College. I get a bit of extra time but also I have the option of writing the test in a private room or in a cubical. I went with a private room. It was stuffy but I think it was because of the weather. Overall I liked using the room and felt it made me less anxious. I find when I am in the exam hallway waiting to write the exam, I get really anxious and all the noise is upsetting to me because there will be hundreds of students in the hall waiting as well to write the test. I like arriving early for things but that doesn't help me much.

I've been struggling with writing tests and exams and I think some of it has to do with having test anxiety. I know in high school I was always in a state of anxiety and I didn't realize it until I was older. Also at the time, we didn't have any special accommodations for people with test anxiety. It's surprising how allowing some students privacy and extra time can make them feel better and relieve the suffering that comes with writing tests.