I got my new laptop on Friday and have finally decided to use it. I had to figure out how to get my internet going because I still use a dial-up service. I'm going to have to transfer my files from my old computer to my new one later on. I have a wide screen which is a little weird for me.

I've been surfing for a hostel to stay near the Toronto airport as I'll be taking this qigong workshop in the Toronto area in a couple of weeks and the schedule is Friday 7.30 to 10 pm, Saturday and Sunday 7.30 - 10 am and I figure I'm better off staying close by for the Friday night since it starts so early. I've been searching for a while since I don't really want to spend much. I was starting to get irritated about my lack of hostel prospects as I was getting sucked into this internet void. I began to think about the tasks that I need to do in the real world and then I realized that I haven't masterbated in a couple of weeks.

That's so unlike me. I usually do so once a week. And to think I can't remember when was the last time I satisfied myself.
Sad really.

I saw one of my favourite performers this Thursday night at The Underground. I saw Hawksley Workman and the Wolves. I saw him in Yellowknife a couple of years ago at a music festival. I wanted to yell out to him on Thursday if he remembered me from Yellowknife. During one of his performances in Yellowknife, some of us got up to dance near the front of the stage. I was pretty close to him and would make eye contact and I think we had a brief moment where we connected. I really felt like we had a moment, brief and fleeting, but a moment nonetheless.

The Underground was a standing room venue with a small seating area at the back. I was in the second row behind some short girls so when it was time for Hawksley to perform, I had a good view. During the middle of his performance some ignorant ho pushed her way through the small crowd and managed to push me aside a bit to my left. I was standing next to some tall guy and there was probably a small gap between us. I didn't appreciate her being so ignorant. I was totally absorbed in the music and performance. She was bouncing around like some drunkin' Slavic bimbo. She was starting to annoy me. I decided to not let this Slavic whore ruin my Hawksley experience and she ended up leaving the area.

I don't find myself attracted to Hawksley. I don't know if he's gay or bi but he is a bit flamboyant as a performer. I'm usually good at spotting homosexuals but somehow my gaydar does not know what to make of him. He was actually cute in Thursday's show. He normally seems pale and white but he was tanned and had a hat on.

Some of my friends and I had a gathering for a friend who was going to be leaving us for Yellowknife soon. A bunch of people from my high school were there and we were going through the yearbooks. I hated highschool. It was ackward and it took a while for me to feel comfortable and to feel some sort of social confidence among my peers. I have met people who say they liked high school. What was there to like?

Grade 9 was awful because I got picked on by these 2 girls who I basically felt bullied by. They made me uncomfortable throughout my whole high school years. I got teased by a couple of other people as well. I had glasses and didn't seem confident making me a prime target. They were a year older then me. One was in my drama class and the other in my english.

There are more stories of my sucky experience in highschool but I've moved on in my life and I don't care to explore my past. I think I've learned what I needed to learn from that time.

I starting reading Steiner's lecture book called Secret Brotherhoods. The lectures are unusally long and I don't know why. My study group will be meeting tonight and we haven't for about 3 weeks. We haven't decided what to read.

I finished another 40 day mantra discipline on September 3. This was the first time that I forced myself to just stick with one mantra. I had so many objectives but it can dilute the process if you do multiple mantras, unless they pertain to the same issue. I achieved my objection around day 34 and so had to continue with it anyways. The discipline lost much of its intensity after I achieved my objective but obviously you have to complete the discipline. I started another one on the 7th. I wrote out my objective. I wanted to use this mantra while I was doing the other one. I learned it while I was doing the other one but I didn't commit myself to a discipline. I enjoy saying it. It's a bit long but I like it.