Chi-ified

Greetings and Salutations Fellow Biological Misfits,

I had a good weekend. I took this intensive qigong workshop in Etobicoke. It was 3 days and the total instruction time was about 15 hours. It was a Tibetan Solar qigong. I wasn't sure how to integrate this new qigong into my life. There are 2 levels and the first one should be done for about 3 months before you practice the second one as the second one requires you to build up your energy. I had to think about what my intention would be for this and I did come up with a clear intention so it will make it easier for me to motivate since I have my purpose in mind.

I already am doing enough meditatively and spiritually. I am interested in my mantra work and I don't want anything to take away my focus on that. I think I can devote the proper time and effort to practicing this particular qigong.

I stayed at a hotel on Friday night because the workshop ended at 10 and the Saturday workshop started at 7 am and I thought it would be easier for me to do so. I ended up getting off work an hour extra. I made good use of the whirlpool prior to my workshop and I made an even better use of the whirlpool after the workshop. I had fun with the jets. You know not ordinary fun like using it to destress my tense muscles. I had sexual fun.

My parents have left for Italy today for their pilgrimage. I have 3 brothers and my one brother has his own place. He used to live in a house 2 blocks from us but he sold it and now lives in an apartment that is further away from here. He comes over several nights a week to watch television. He has a small tv but only has basic cable. He would come over several times a week and at one point was experiencing some serious mental/emotional problems that resulted in him not being allowed over. He is better now but has wormed his way back into watching tv.

My brother is stupid and I don't like him very much. He has been diagnosed with depression and has medicine. I don't know if that's even a good diagnosis because he harbours a great deal of anger within and being on medicine I think doesn't really solve his problems. I think it is just a blanket solution, never really getting to the core of the issue. I think he has emotional problems because he simple doesn't want to experience his emotions. I seriously believe that people can make themselves sick and disturbed, particularly if they do not learn how to express their emotions and work with that energy in a positive way.

Now that my parents are gone for 2 weeks, I don't want him here. The last time they went away, he would come over and watch tv. It's just not normal. And I'm not talking about not normal in the sense that he might kill someone, but it's just not normal that he has this dependent relation with my parents. He's 39 years old I might add and is unemployed and has been so since November or December 2004. My parents are typical old fashioned Italians so they want to help their kids out but sometimes they need to be tougher and more assertive.

My mother said he was only allowed to come over for 2 days and tonight he wanted to come over for football. He also planned on coming over Friday and Saturday but I told him she said he's only allowed 2 nights. So now he's disputing this with me. We argue like children and it's ridiculous. He seems to be under the impression that he can come whenever he wants. My mother should be calling tonight and he wants her to straigthen it out.

It doesn't matter what she says because he usually ends up doing whatever he wants. He just doesn't listen.

If my parents had a more extensive social network, then maybe they would realize that how they let my brother come over to watch tv is not normal and maybe they'll realize that they are not heartless if they tell him that they don't want him to just come over and watch tv.

I can go on and on about the dysfunction of my one brother and why I don't like him but the tale might be too depressing.

I want to move out soon. I will but it depends on what happens with my new job. I'm still in that probation stage which is for 3 months so that means for sure next January or February I'll feel more comfortable moving out. I am thinking of getting a condo or a house where I can have roommates. I don't like the idea of giving rent money to someone. It's like making someone else rich and at least if I own my property, I won't feel like I'm throwing my money away. On the other hand I can start out with an apartment, just for the sake of getting out of the house. My parents drive me batty sometimes.

I feel a bit stupid/embarassed because I still live with my parents. But I don't believe in living with someone and most people just end up living with a partner, never really learning how to be self-sufficient. I could be like most young women my age(and younger) who move out of their parents home and move in with a boyfriend. But that's not my style and I want to be on my own for a while or have a roommate before I decide to move in with a boyfriend (I don't have one but I still wouldn't move in with him if I did).