My life feels so rhythmless now. I want some routine in my life. I do have some routine. I'm going to be starting a new job on the 21st and I'm going to take a week off. I've been doing temp work and so my schedule is unpredictable. I have a somewhat high tolerance for unpredictability but I long for routine and order.
My 2 current 40 day mantra meditation disciplines are going well. I am experiencing emotional purging. I choose to not share my experiences at this point as I am still in the middle of the process.
I have also added on another 40 day mantra discipline and I started on Sunday. It is for my eyes. I thought I'd have to do 2 mantras, but I only have to do one as the other was for blindness (I believe literal blindness, not metaphorically).
I have been working on improving my vision for over a year. I have done lots of research and experimenting and I know that it is possible for me to strengthen my eyes. I have actually managed to improve my vision in the beginning of this year by .5 diopter in both eyes. I do not wear a full prescription as well. I wear 20/40 or is it 40/20? prescription most of the time. I wear an even weaker prescription when reading or at home. I found when I wore my full prescription, it was a stress on my eyes. My eyes and the area around my eyes hold such a great deal of tension. I do massage around my eyes but the tension is so stubborn. I do eye stretches and circular rotations and sometimes do zooming near/far exercises.
I've tried a hypnosis program for vision improvement and a few days afterwards I had a dream where I could see clearly. I think that program has helped my mind learn how to see because there was a nice session where you visualize yourself being able to see like an eagle and seeing precise details from a distance.
I tried another hypnosis session. It tackled the vision problem from another angle and so after listening to it like once or twice, I also had a dream where I could see clearly.
Like these dreams were specifically about me being able to see clearly. I believe many health disorders have a psychological component to them as well. So I think healing oneself emotionally can have a vast affect on the health of the individual.
I started learning qigong this April and learned about an eye qiqong workshop. I took one in Toronto and most of the exercises we learned was stuff I already knew. The instructor was a Qigong Master and so he knew how to send out qi (or chi) to people to help them.
That night I had a dream where I was able to see clearly.
For a few weeks I would palm my eyes and I talk to them silently, letting them know they are safe and loved.
This whole process has been so long but I believe my glasses are a crutch for me. I've had too many dreams where I can see clearly so I know my subconscious knows it's possible. Even last month I had a dream that I was able to see clearly and I wasn't doing anything new or what not. I was able to produce that dream out of my own inner volition.
I don't want to get laser eye surgery because I think that's the lazy man's way to a solution.
My whole philosophy in life is to get to the core of problems, to explore issues deeply.
I don't settle for simple and superficial bandaid solutions.
My eyes are my last defense system.
I just need the right exercise to tip the scales and break down the resistance.
So this is where I think my mantra discipline fits in. In the first few minutes I used it, I was crying. I don't understand the science of how mantras work but I definitely believe using sound, particularly your own voice, can create change in oneself.
I'm scared though but I can see the bigger picture and that vision I can see is much more powerful then my fear. This vision I have is what keeps me going.
All I can do is surrender.
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