Last night I went to a fundraising fair (I guess that's what it was called) that a person from my study group was involved in. She and someone else runs a Waldorf kindergarten class in the school. So I'm guessing the money goes to the school. Some people from my group said they would attend and so I decided to join along as well. I'm not really a festival/fair person but I thought I'd go socialize with my fellow anthropops. Usually in our weekly gathering, we spend about 30 - 45 minutes just socializing and talking about what's going on in our lives or in the world before we actually begin with our reading.
There was a silent auction and a whack of children there.
I hate kids. I really do. All that unbridled energy. I'm so glad I'm not a teacher. Actually I don't mind kids, there was just so many of them.
I purchased some desserts and saw one of the couples from the group and joined them. They were that older couple who went to the US and BC and came back to Brantford and rejoined our group. I really wanted to talk to them because I was curious about them and wanted to know more about their history. The man has been reading Steiner for 28 years and his career was as a chemistry teacher. He is like the Yoda of the group and he's also good at explaining anthroposophical ideas. I didn't get a chance to talk to his wife because she spent time with her granddaughter and taking her to the children's play area. She's a Waldorf teacher and is quite social and outgoing. She's good at opening people up and seems to have insight into people.
I've finished my first week of training at work. It seems to be going slow and I feel like I can learn more. There's 20 of us so maybe if it were a smaller group, we'd be progressing faster.
I sat with some people from my class during lunch and this one girl was going on about her boyfriend again. I was with her the other day and she spent all her time discussing her boyfriend because they plan on getting married. She seems like a nice girl. She's only 23 so I think back to when I was 23 (which really is only 3 years ago) so that I can better understand where she's coming from. Some of the girls in the class are around 22 or 23, some of the woman are over 30 and married with children and probably 2-3 or us are single and over 25 (which is where I fit in). We only have 2 guys, one who is 30 and married and the other 22.
This girl mentioned how her boyfriend puts her down and as soon as I heard that, a red flag goes up in my head. At the table is a married woman with a child (I'll call them MWC for short) and another 22 year old girl. So the MWC, a nice lady seems sweet, is giving advice to this girl. The 22 year old girl talks about her boyfriend and how sometimes they will yell and argue with each other - outdoors, while one is on one side of the street while the other is on the opposite.
Holy begeezers batman talk about dysfunctional relationships. It's just not healthy to be relating to someone like that. Yelling at each other on the street, at 3 am? Putting someone down?
Relationships are funny though.
I'm contemplating on whether I should completely withdraw myself from 'the dating scene'. I have a lot of things I want to learn and do, a lot of personal work that I am doing and I frankly just don't have the patience to invest my time meeting someone new wondering if this relationship is going to go anywhere.
I understand the idea life is a journey and a process but sometimes I just want to hurry it up and get everything done. Maybe it's because I'm from the instant gratification generation. I was more impatient when I was younger.
Being single sucks. I don't have a problem spending time by myself because I enjoy my company. Being single sucks when you want someone but can't find anyone suitable!
I'm not someone who likes to bitch and moan about stuff like this. After all, being alone, in the grand scheme of things, is not such a bad thing. I have my health, I live in a peaceful country, my home life is stable.
It sucks though.
I usually like to imagine myself in the future and using timelines to help me gain some perspective on events. A week feels like a month to me so I'll do a mental timeline. Here's an example: If I think about when I'm say 35, let's assume I find the right person when I'm 30. So that would mean I would be alone or dating freaks for 4 years but in the end everything works out. I as the 35 year see how unnecessary it is to get worked up over being single because dating freaks and being single for 4 years is not so bad. And since everything works out, what is the point of getting upset.
See using timelines is good for maintaining equanimity!
I feel better when I utilize timeline exercises like that, because I'm not really objective about time and doing them gives me some objectivity.
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