Sat Kriya

Greetings all,

I had written that I am working with a few kundalini yoga meditations back in April. I have been working towards 22 minutes from 11 minutes and it has been quite a struggle. I am in an email group for kundalini yoga and sometimes I post questions. Since I am doing my practice at home, I don't really get to have a teacher to ask questions. I just learn from dvds and books. I also go to an ashram that does monthly meditations and asked one of the teachers on how to increase my time as I have been struggling to increase it.

It seemed that the common answer was to just do it. It just seems like you have to force yourself and mentally commit to doing it and not give up even when you feel like it.

Sheer will.

Someone in the email group said it took them a lot of resolve to get up to 31 minutes. My goal is eventually to get to that time but I am doing it slowly. The mantra used in it to keep your focus is sat nam, which means truth is my identity, according to what I've read in kundalini yoga. Wiki defines it as "god's existence is the utmost reality" and that "god has a name and thereby does exist".

On Tuesday this week, it was pretty intense to get through and I only did 15 minutes. I had felt like I couldn't do it and it was very emotional. The next day I took it 'easy' and just did my 11 minutes. On Thursday I had managed to do the 22 minutes and was very firm that I was going to do it. So now I will keep practising at that time and then I can build up to 31 minutes. I think it will be easier because I will just need to increase my time by 9 minutes rather then 11.

It's been quite an experience working with this kriya and my 120 days of it will end on June 20. It's a simple exercise but to maintain it has been mentally and emotionally tough.

I sometimes wonder why the hell am I doing this. I hope soon I will have some sort of payoff. I think mainly mental clarity, inner peace and happiness.

I just hope I don't have masochistic personality disorder because as mentioned this kriya has been painful emotionally and perhaps mentally. I hope to get a payoff, other wise I will feel like I've just wasted my time and I like to feel I am doing something that will help me out mentally and emotionally in the long run.

It's taken me on an emotional journey and I've had to face alot of stuff, like negative stuff, fears. When I am done my 120 days, I will certainly take a few days break and probably go at it again.