My study group has read many anthroposophical books by Rudolf Steiner. One we read a while ago a book called Anthroposophical Leading Thoughts. This book basically is a series of letters Steiner writes for those in the Anthroposophical Society and for more advanced students. My favourite part of the book was the first paragraph as I feel for me, it states to me what anthroposophy means to me. I'll include the paragraph below.
"Anthroposophy is a path of knowledge, to guide the Spiritual in the human being to the Spiritual in the universe. It arises in man as a need of the heart, of the life of feeling; and it can be justified only inasmuch as it can satisfy this inner need. He alone can acknowledge Anthroposophy, who finds in it what he himself in his own inner life feels impelled to seek. Hence only they can be anthroposophists who feel certain questions on the nature of man and the universe as an elemental need of life, just as one feels hunger and thirst."
I'm sure this quote may be misinterpreted but to me this quote really summarizes what draws me to anthroposophy. I felt a great need for spiritual ideas early in my life. By the time I was 20, I was dying spiritually inside. I was experiencing an existential crisis. I was introduced to anthroposphy by my first boyfriend, who actually denied to several people that I was even his girlfriend. My first love, who also tormented my soul, led me to one man's body of work who had such a huge influence in my life. His father was a reader of Steiner and my boyfriend suggested that I look into it. I took out 3 books from the public library and the first 2 books I read of his, I thought were completely stupid and I did not get it. It wasn't until I read the third book, Theosophy, that I understood and enjoyed what he was writing about.
I started reading Steiner around July 1999. I finished my first year of university that year and was quite lost internally. I was working at Stelco (a steel factory) for the summer and I would read Steiner during my shift as I was a tester and there was about 15 minutes in between tests. Some of his ideas may be perceived as unusual but when I read him, I understand many of his ideas and I 'intuitively' understood them. I don't understand how I could understand these ideas but they just made sense to me. I've always questioned why I had this compulsion to read his work. In my early 20s I yearned to just be normal like everyone else my age. I just wanted to be getting drunk every weekend and having mindless sex. I didn't want to be so concerned about life and the deeper questions of life. Why couldn't I be shallow and mindless?
My study group is comprised of people over 40. The only other young person there who is around my age moved out of town a few years ago although he does join us for social activities like when we have a dinner or potluck. I think he has the same experience in reading as I do, in that he intuitively understands the content.
I feel unique because of my intense need for spirituality and I certainly do not want to believe that I am the only one who feels this intense need. It was nice to have him around as it's nice to talk to someone in your age group.
I've looked into other spiritual philosophies and religious ideas but I always find myself finding deep spiritual nourishment in anthroposophy.
Spiritual hunger.
Where does it come from?
I've met some people who I thought were nice people but they didn't believe in a spiritual world. While the people may be kind and compassionate, I just don't understand how such evolved people could deny this. While I myself have questioned the existence of a spiritual world, as any seeker would, I really believe that the material world as we see it, is just one part of reality.
In my study group, we have had discussions about how anthroposophy is a need of one's heart. I can't force someone to study it because it has to be something that comes from within you. We all have needs in our hearts and we can't force our personal agendas onto people's hearts.
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