Greetings all,
I have been thinking lately the concept of being realistic and being negative. I think many times people mistake one for the other. Like they may be negative when they think they are being realistic or they are realistic but think they are being negative. How is one supposed to know? What makes something realistic? What is being negative all about?
I think for me, something is realistic if I think I can execute it. But on the other hand, maybe I don't think I can execute something because I am being negative about it?
Who knows really and I think the only way to know is through paying attention to your mind. I thought I had more to say on this topic but at this point, this is all I got!
Monday, May 02, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
American Idol
Greetings all,
I had heard on the radio that JLo is now a judge on AI and that Simon and Paula are not on it anymore. I ended up checking on Youtube clips of the show. I am surprised she is on that show. She is like an A list celebrity and doing sitcoms (technically it's not a sitcom) but typically doing a show like this to me is a lower status show. I think JLo is alright. I don't care for her voice but her songs are danceable for the most part and she can dance well so I think she has some talent and respect her enough. I just don't think she has the same skill of singing that she and the other judges are looking for in the contestants. Now I guess she has something of value to say because she knows what it takes and I think she is proof that you don't need a big booming voice to be successful in this industry.
I felt she was overdressed and overdone. She had way too much make-up and always looks so overly dressed. It's American Idol, not the Oscars. I think she should dress a bit more casual.
I was reading now how everyone is gushing about her on Youtube and I remember years ago she was so hated. I remember when she was starting to get famous, she seemed really stern and she seems more relaxed on the show. I heard her in an interview that she learned that people love you one day and hate the next so this is probably what people are doing. I remember the Ben Affleck years and there seemed to be nonsense about that.
She seems like she is settled and happy so maybe people react to a celebrity because they don't like certain things about them. Maybe now because she's married with kids, that might be a factor in her likeability but as well, maybe it has softened her and helped her be less self absorbed? Who knows.
I had heard on the radio that JLo is now a judge on AI and that Simon and Paula are not on it anymore. I ended up checking on Youtube clips of the show. I am surprised she is on that show. She is like an A list celebrity and doing sitcoms (technically it's not a sitcom) but typically doing a show like this to me is a lower status show. I think JLo is alright. I don't care for her voice but her songs are danceable for the most part and she can dance well so I think she has some talent and respect her enough. I just don't think she has the same skill of singing that she and the other judges are looking for in the contestants. Now I guess she has something of value to say because she knows what it takes and I think she is proof that you don't need a big booming voice to be successful in this industry.
I felt she was overdressed and overdone. She had way too much make-up and always looks so overly dressed. It's American Idol, not the Oscars. I think she should dress a bit more casual.
I was reading now how everyone is gushing about her on Youtube and I remember years ago she was so hated. I remember when she was starting to get famous, she seemed really stern and she seems more relaxed on the show. I heard her in an interview that she learned that people love you one day and hate the next so this is probably what people are doing. I remember the Ben Affleck years and there seemed to be nonsense about that.
She seems like she is settled and happy so maybe people react to a celebrity because they don't like certain things about them. Maybe now because she's married with kids, that might be a factor in her likeability but as well, maybe it has softened her and helped her be less self absorbed? Who knows.
The Media
Greetings all,
I don't have cable and I don't read the newspaper or really follow the news. I really don't pay attention to what is going on in the world. I don't have cable since I don't watch tv and can't justify the cost of a tv subscription. I am at my parents for Easter so this is when I get to watch tv and generally it feels weird to watch since I just don't have the attention sometimes to watch a show. I managed to watch Celebrity Apprentice. I think for me, if I don't feel interested in watching it in the first few minutes, I just can't be bothered. There are so many other options out there. As well, I don't find much shows engaging and tv is such a passive activity that I don't care for it much. I watched a lot of tv when I was a kid but when I hit first year university, I just stopped and watched on occasion. I think tv is limiting and I was more attracted to being engaged in the real world. Although I do think tv can be useful, it mostly is garbage.
Anyways, I am now hearing about Prince William's wedding on tv. And I hear of all other stuff. And all of it, I don't care about. The main reason I really don't like to hear news is because I find it's not necessary information. Most news out there isn't going to affect me and I can't do anything with the info. It's a waste for me so I end up not listening to anything, which I think can potentially have a downside. But I end up hearing about shit anyways. I heard about the Japan earthquake (how can you not). Important news usually gets shared by people. I think I consciously chose to not put info in my head that I don't need, because I want to keep my mind clear. I have read that always reading about the news is depressing and they have done studies on this. I think that's the main reason. I need to feel good about my life and I think always reading depressing stories is disempowering. Sometimes knowledge is not power. It's just depressing because we can't do much about it. I suppose we could with stories that really touch us but I think with the majority of info out there, we probably are not going to do anything with this information. If I can't act upon info, then it's useless to me. I really feel that most of what happens, we don't need to know. I already know there are murders and wars going on or how people screw each other over. I don't need to know this and it doesn't help me in any way really.
So I was watching Celebrity Apprentice, which happened to be 2 hours. So here I am thinking I have a short attention span but apparently I can sit down for 2 hours and watch something, if I find it interesting. Trump asked the remaining contestants if they would vote for him if he were running for President and they all said yes and he said he'd fire them if they didn't. I honestly think I would have said to him that I would consider him as an option but would base my decision on who else is running and what their platform is. As well, just because he has business skills, doesn't mean he has the skills to run a nation, which require a different skill set, although having business skills is one of them. Being a President requires other skills. I would tell him that maybe running for an entry level position would be better to see if he likes the field as being President is a 4 year commitment. If you don't like a business, you can quit at any time but not as President.
I was also surprised how some of the women on the women's team were catty with each other. This was a show that the winners get money for their charity. They were a bit mean about it and I didn't agree with that. It's for charity! I find though it always seems that the men can learn to deal with their differences but women just get so catty and emotional and I have seen a few of the Apprentices where the women end up behaving this way. I just don't get it. It makes me wonder too because obviously men have a capacity to get along but yet they are more prone to violence and usually start wars. So that is what I don't get! Surely if men can handle their differences in small groups, they can be less violent in the world. Doesn't make sense.
I don't have cable and I don't read the newspaper or really follow the news. I really don't pay attention to what is going on in the world. I don't have cable since I don't watch tv and can't justify the cost of a tv subscription. I am at my parents for Easter so this is when I get to watch tv and generally it feels weird to watch since I just don't have the attention sometimes to watch a show. I managed to watch Celebrity Apprentice. I think for me, if I don't feel interested in watching it in the first few minutes, I just can't be bothered. There are so many other options out there. As well, I don't find much shows engaging and tv is such a passive activity that I don't care for it much. I watched a lot of tv when I was a kid but when I hit first year university, I just stopped and watched on occasion. I think tv is limiting and I was more attracted to being engaged in the real world. Although I do think tv can be useful, it mostly is garbage.
Anyways, I am now hearing about Prince William's wedding on tv. And I hear of all other stuff. And all of it, I don't care about. The main reason I really don't like to hear news is because I find it's not necessary information. Most news out there isn't going to affect me and I can't do anything with the info. It's a waste for me so I end up not listening to anything, which I think can potentially have a downside. But I end up hearing about shit anyways. I heard about the Japan earthquake (how can you not). Important news usually gets shared by people. I think I consciously chose to not put info in my head that I don't need, because I want to keep my mind clear. I have read that always reading about the news is depressing and they have done studies on this. I think that's the main reason. I need to feel good about my life and I think always reading depressing stories is disempowering. Sometimes knowledge is not power. It's just depressing because we can't do much about it. I suppose we could with stories that really touch us but I think with the majority of info out there, we probably are not going to do anything with this information. If I can't act upon info, then it's useless to me. I really feel that most of what happens, we don't need to know. I already know there are murders and wars going on or how people screw each other over. I don't need to know this and it doesn't help me in any way really.
So I was watching Celebrity Apprentice, which happened to be 2 hours. So here I am thinking I have a short attention span but apparently I can sit down for 2 hours and watch something, if I find it interesting. Trump asked the remaining contestants if they would vote for him if he were running for President and they all said yes and he said he'd fire them if they didn't. I honestly think I would have said to him that I would consider him as an option but would base my decision on who else is running and what their platform is. As well, just because he has business skills, doesn't mean he has the skills to run a nation, which require a different skill set, although having business skills is one of them. Being a President requires other skills. I would tell him that maybe running for an entry level position would be better to see if he likes the field as being President is a 4 year commitment. If you don't like a business, you can quit at any time but not as President.
I was also surprised how some of the women on the women's team were catty with each other. This was a show that the winners get money for their charity. They were a bit mean about it and I didn't agree with that. It's for charity! I find though it always seems that the men can learn to deal with their differences but women just get so catty and emotional and I have seen a few of the Apprentices where the women end up behaving this way. I just don't get it. It makes me wonder too because obviously men have a capacity to get along but yet they are more prone to violence and usually start wars. So that is what I don't get! Surely if men can handle their differences in small groups, they can be less violent in the world. Doesn't make sense.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Love Triangle Revisited
Greetings all,
I had written back in January and February about a 'love triangle' that was going on in my group. Anyways, it was the guy's birthday on Sunday and he invited some of us out for dinner. I felt like there is just so much attraction that I feel and I was thinking how maybe I have to pursue this to see where it goes so after talking with my friend, I emailed him asking if the offer to cuddle was still open.
He was open to meeting up and we had coffee last night. Some of us planned to attend a BBQ on Good Friday and he emailed me that he planned to kiss me. He said he would try last night but I wouldn't let him. I think it kills the moment if you announce that you plan on kissing someone. Just do it and be spontaneous about it!
Anyways, I felt like he didn't get me and somehow we started talking about personalities and I said mine was up there. He took this to mean I am cocky but I'm just a confident person. I had joked when I went to my yoga retreat back in December that I attained enlightenment and he said that was an example of my cockiness. I said that was a joke. He just doesn't get me.
I told him how I was pissed that he went and danced with the girl and separated from our group. He apparently doesn't remember doing that. How convenient they don't remember doing this. They are both feeling types but it goes to show that even feeling types can be insensitive and unconscious about their actions and hurtful. I said because of that I don't trust him anymore. He told me he asked her out. The good thing is he didn't ask me out because no one likes to be #2 and at least he has some awareness of this.
He made it seem like there was something wrong with me. He feels I'm blocked and sees I am sensitive but I don't think he gets that he's probably sensing something in him and is just projecting onto me. I don't know what he is talking about. I am fine as I am.
The organizer is big into the Myer-Briggs personality and one aspect of a person's personality is that they are a thinker or feeler. I get the vibe that they think they are so much more sensitive then us thinkers because they are feelers and that what they feel is right. A Steiner quote that I remember is that thought is the father of feeling. So to me this means that your thoughts are what gives birth to feelings and that a thought can enlighten us to what we feel. Steiner has talked about how thoughts can reveal deep feelings and are not purely cold.
I thought as well, that as a thinker, I don't always think the 'right thoughts' and I'm sure the same thing applies to feelers. They may not interpret their feelings in the 'right way'. They may feel something but they can misinterpret it. It takes skill and emotional intelligence to interpret a feeling accurately just as it takes skill to think correct thoughts.
The bottom line is he is an ass and I gave him a 2nd chance and he just proved he's not worthy of my time or attention. I just wish I didn't feel this physical attraction to him. I'm not sure if I'll stay with this group for long. Idiots are everywhere and running away isn't a solution.
I had written back in January and February about a 'love triangle' that was going on in my group. Anyways, it was the guy's birthday on Sunday and he invited some of us out for dinner. I felt like there is just so much attraction that I feel and I was thinking how maybe I have to pursue this to see where it goes so after talking with my friend, I emailed him asking if the offer to cuddle was still open.
He was open to meeting up and we had coffee last night. Some of us planned to attend a BBQ on Good Friday and he emailed me that he planned to kiss me. He said he would try last night but I wouldn't let him. I think it kills the moment if you announce that you plan on kissing someone. Just do it and be spontaneous about it!
Anyways, I felt like he didn't get me and somehow we started talking about personalities and I said mine was up there. He took this to mean I am cocky but I'm just a confident person. I had joked when I went to my yoga retreat back in December that I attained enlightenment and he said that was an example of my cockiness. I said that was a joke. He just doesn't get me.
I told him how I was pissed that he went and danced with the girl and separated from our group. He apparently doesn't remember doing that. How convenient they don't remember doing this. They are both feeling types but it goes to show that even feeling types can be insensitive and unconscious about their actions and hurtful. I said because of that I don't trust him anymore. He told me he asked her out. The good thing is he didn't ask me out because no one likes to be #2 and at least he has some awareness of this.
He made it seem like there was something wrong with me. He feels I'm blocked and sees I am sensitive but I don't think he gets that he's probably sensing something in him and is just projecting onto me. I don't know what he is talking about. I am fine as I am.
The organizer is big into the Myer-Briggs personality and one aspect of a person's personality is that they are a thinker or feeler. I get the vibe that they think they are so much more sensitive then us thinkers because they are feelers and that what they feel is right. A Steiner quote that I remember is that thought is the father of feeling. So to me this means that your thoughts are what gives birth to feelings and that a thought can enlighten us to what we feel. Steiner has talked about how thoughts can reveal deep feelings and are not purely cold.
I thought as well, that as a thinker, I don't always think the 'right thoughts' and I'm sure the same thing applies to feelers. They may not interpret their feelings in the 'right way'. They may feel something but they can misinterpret it. It takes skill and emotional intelligence to interpret a feeling accurately just as it takes skill to think correct thoughts.
The bottom line is he is an ass and I gave him a 2nd chance and he just proved he's not worthy of my time or attention. I just wish I didn't feel this physical attraction to him. I'm not sure if I'll stay with this group for long. Idiots are everywhere and running away isn't a solution.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Greetings all,
My meditation experience was interesting last night. Things seem to keep revolving around the same issues and I am probably just chipping away at it slowly. Last night I felt like I just don't believe in myself. And I think this is the root of my fears and what holds me back.
As I said before, I have been aware that I am looking externally for answers but I know intellectually it's internal. Looking within on an emotional level is different then just understanding it in theory.
I guess I have to self determine and basically I know this. It's just I am working through all this emotionally and this is the challenge. It does boil down to self confidence and this is what I think I am working on.
My meditation experience was interesting last night. Things seem to keep revolving around the same issues and I am probably just chipping away at it slowly. Last night I felt like I just don't believe in myself. And I think this is the root of my fears and what holds me back.
As I said before, I have been aware that I am looking externally for answers but I know intellectually it's internal. Looking within on an emotional level is different then just understanding it in theory.
I guess I have to self determine and basically I know this. It's just I am working through all this emotionally and this is the challenge. It does boil down to self confidence and this is what I think I am working on.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Madness!
Greetings all,
I had another challenging week. For the past few days I was really feeling down, again I think this was due to my meditation. I had one of my most intense meditation experiences with Sat kriya on Wednesday. I went out during the evening and in the morning had spoken to an employment counsellor. I am 2 points shy of qualifying for Second Career, so It would be difficult for me as according to the labour market, it does not say office administration is a dying field. If it was, I'd have a good chance for my case. So now I am left with what to do with myself. I can still find a job and go to school part time.
Anyways,I had been feeling down and I have been doing my sodarshan for 22 minutes and I did Sat Kriya for 22 minutes and at the 11 minute point, I just had enough of things and felt myself standing up to the bullshit in my life. I was really pushing past some deep seated fears and it was intense. It was weird and emotional at the same time. I felt better the next day but I still feel there is more emotional debris lodged in my head and I just want it out. All out! I just don't know how long it will take, as I have done lots of emotional work on myself. I have made progress.
I find sodarshan hard at times, because I think it is really challenging to my ego and the negativity I hold on to.
I went out Wednesday night and felt really out of it and spacey. I was glad that I cleared out my emotional stuff Wednesday night as I felt better on Thursday.
I don't believe in books like The Secret, because based on my own experience, I find the only way to become more positive is by really feeling the negative feelings and letting them go. A kundalni book mentions this that many techniques just force you to replace one thought with another, but that never gets to the root of the issue. The point is to get to the core belief and really experience the pain behind it.
I feel I am looking for some permanency in life but most of what we experience is only temporary. I know in theory, the only permanent thing is our soul and spirit. Experiencing it is another story. I do feel like my mind is so untrained and that I have over identified myself with my mind. I have experienced this feeling before but I am experiencing it on a deeper level. I do feel like my mind is supposed to serve me, but it has a mind of its own, which is no good for me.
I have felt these past few days that I am looking outside of my self for answers that I know intellectually are inside of me. I feel like I am trying to see what others have done and I think if I do what they did, maybe I can figure out what to do but I have to really accept that I am unique and that my path is unique. Maybe I am afraid of my own light and strength because I don't want to stick out or something. Maybe by being great, I feel that it separates me from people. I am not sure yet how to interpret this. I have a hard time accepting this at times because I want some formula to success that I can copy but it doesn't work like this. I don't know if I'll ever be successful. It's obviously important to me, but success is really something I determine for myself. No one can tell me if I am a success or not. It's up to me to decide.
I feel as well, that I need to be at peace with myself and what happens around me. I think this meditation has brought to my awareness, the thoughts that aren't nice but I have to acknowledge them.
I just want to be free but I see how I am limiting myself and basically imprisoning myself.
Time seems to move so fast. You just want to make it stop. I think on some level, the way time moves, it is scary. I have no control over it and we can't make it stop.
I had another challenging week. For the past few days I was really feeling down, again I think this was due to my meditation. I had one of my most intense meditation experiences with Sat kriya on Wednesday. I went out during the evening and in the morning had spoken to an employment counsellor. I am 2 points shy of qualifying for Second Career, so It would be difficult for me as according to the labour market, it does not say office administration is a dying field. If it was, I'd have a good chance for my case. So now I am left with what to do with myself. I can still find a job and go to school part time.
Anyways,I had been feeling down and I have been doing my sodarshan for 22 minutes and I did Sat Kriya for 22 minutes and at the 11 minute point, I just had enough of things and felt myself standing up to the bullshit in my life. I was really pushing past some deep seated fears and it was intense. It was weird and emotional at the same time. I felt better the next day but I still feel there is more emotional debris lodged in my head and I just want it out. All out! I just don't know how long it will take, as I have done lots of emotional work on myself. I have made progress.
I find sodarshan hard at times, because I think it is really challenging to my ego and the negativity I hold on to.
I went out Wednesday night and felt really out of it and spacey. I was glad that I cleared out my emotional stuff Wednesday night as I felt better on Thursday.
I don't believe in books like The Secret, because based on my own experience, I find the only way to become more positive is by really feeling the negative feelings and letting them go. A kundalni book mentions this that many techniques just force you to replace one thought with another, but that never gets to the root of the issue. The point is to get to the core belief and really experience the pain behind it.
I feel I am looking for some permanency in life but most of what we experience is only temporary. I know in theory, the only permanent thing is our soul and spirit. Experiencing it is another story. I do feel like my mind is so untrained and that I have over identified myself with my mind. I have experienced this feeling before but I am experiencing it on a deeper level. I do feel like my mind is supposed to serve me, but it has a mind of its own, which is no good for me.
I have felt these past few days that I am looking outside of my self for answers that I know intellectually are inside of me. I feel like I am trying to see what others have done and I think if I do what they did, maybe I can figure out what to do but I have to really accept that I am unique and that my path is unique. Maybe I am afraid of my own light and strength because I don't want to stick out or something. Maybe by being great, I feel that it separates me from people. I am not sure yet how to interpret this. I have a hard time accepting this at times because I want some formula to success that I can copy but it doesn't work like this. I don't know if I'll ever be successful. It's obviously important to me, but success is really something I determine for myself. No one can tell me if I am a success or not. It's up to me to decide.
I feel as well, that I need to be at peace with myself and what happens around me. I think this meditation has brought to my awareness, the thoughts that aren't nice but I have to acknowledge them.
I just want to be free but I see how I am limiting myself and basically imprisoning myself.
Time seems to move so fast. You just want to make it stop. I think on some level, the way time moves, it is scary. I have no control over it and we can't make it stop.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Sodarshan Chakra Kriya
Greetings all,
For the past few weeks I have been working with Sodarshan Chakra Kriya which has been labeled as the highest meditation to do in Kundalini yoga. I tried it last year a few times and noticed nothing. I first tried it for 10 days and then months later for 30 days. I didn't feel very much so I never bothered to finish my 40 day discipline. I am starting it up again and for some reason, it actually seems to be bringing up stuff and has been intense emotionally.
I have been reading some people's experiences with this meditation and other meditations in general and there seems to be a lot of emotional stuff that comes up and gets processed and for some it would cause some depression if they did it too much.
These past 2 weeks have been hard for me, especially since I've been job searching for over 6 months and I am in some sense giving up. You can't put all this effort into something and get no payoff.
This week I have been feeling really heavy and I think it's the meditation. Last night was intense emotionally for me but I still feel some heaviness. I was posting on the forum how doing this can make you feel like you are crazy and sometimes you wonder if you are addicted to the negative emotions. But I think it can be hard to realize there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I know with other meditations I did, it was intense in the beginning and eventually calmness would be experienced and it wasn't always about feeling anger or sadness, etc.
I definitely felt myself resisting something and I just surrendered to it, although with great difficulty and reluctance.
I have to make sure I stay grounded so I do navel sets and might go back to doing nahbi kriya. I was doing various ones and it's important to do navel work so that it keeps you grounded but also helps to maintain the effects of meditation longer. I am cleaning my apartment today so that is good.
For the past few weeks I have been working with Sodarshan Chakra Kriya which has been labeled as the highest meditation to do in Kundalini yoga. I tried it last year a few times and noticed nothing. I first tried it for 10 days and then months later for 30 days. I didn't feel very much so I never bothered to finish my 40 day discipline. I am starting it up again and for some reason, it actually seems to be bringing up stuff and has been intense emotionally.
I have been reading some people's experiences with this meditation and other meditations in general and there seems to be a lot of emotional stuff that comes up and gets processed and for some it would cause some depression if they did it too much.
These past 2 weeks have been hard for me, especially since I've been job searching for over 6 months and I am in some sense giving up. You can't put all this effort into something and get no payoff.
This week I have been feeling really heavy and I think it's the meditation. Last night was intense emotionally for me but I still feel some heaviness. I was posting on the forum how doing this can make you feel like you are crazy and sometimes you wonder if you are addicted to the negative emotions. But I think it can be hard to realize there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I know with other meditations I did, it was intense in the beginning and eventually calmness would be experienced and it wasn't always about feeling anger or sadness, etc.
I definitely felt myself resisting something and I just surrendered to it, although with great difficulty and reluctance.
I have to make sure I stay grounded so I do navel sets and might go back to doing nahbi kriya. I was doing various ones and it's important to do navel work so that it keeps you grounded but also helps to maintain the effects of meditation longer. I am cleaning my apartment today so that is good.
Monday, April 04, 2011
Greetings all,
I had a group interview on Friday. I'm tired of job searching and I think if I don't get this job, I'm going to go back to school. Just fed of not finding anything. I have had more interviews and sent out more resumes then back in 2009 and it's just ridiculous. Not sure at this point if I would go to university or college. College might make it easier to get a job and I might potentially qualify for Second Career and get my schooling paid for. My only problem is that I have really nothing that I am drawn to. I would want to go take a program that the graduates are in demand. Too many schools just crank out diplomas to make money, not really paying attention that their students may not find work in their field.
If I go to university, there are many programs I could take. I just know comedy is something I am interested in but I don't see how going to school would be useful so I probably would take something like math or economics. I like psychology or environmental science. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I am not sure where I see myself.
The other option was to just take a crappy job like a waitress and pursue my comedy on the side. I think either way, I will pursue comedy because I think doing that makes me most happiest. I think to be a professional, I have to hustle more and I'm just not at that level and that might take time.
I hate my life sometimes. Damn karma!
I had a group interview on Friday. I'm tired of job searching and I think if I don't get this job, I'm going to go back to school. Just fed of not finding anything. I have had more interviews and sent out more resumes then back in 2009 and it's just ridiculous. Not sure at this point if I would go to university or college. College might make it easier to get a job and I might potentially qualify for Second Career and get my schooling paid for. My only problem is that I have really nothing that I am drawn to. I would want to go take a program that the graduates are in demand. Too many schools just crank out diplomas to make money, not really paying attention that their students may not find work in their field.
If I go to university, there are many programs I could take. I just know comedy is something I am interested in but I don't see how going to school would be useful so I probably would take something like math or economics. I like psychology or environmental science. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I am not sure where I see myself.
The other option was to just take a crappy job like a waitress and pursue my comedy on the side. I think either way, I will pursue comedy because I think doing that makes me most happiest. I think to be a professional, I have to hustle more and I'm just not at that level and that might take time.
I hate my life sometimes. Damn karma!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Kundalini Teacher
Greetings all,
I had ran into a Kundalini teacher on the street last week. I only took one of her classes. This was a donation class so she was teaching it for free. The class was supposed to be an hour. She was late by about 10 minutes and we ended up only doing a few exercises. There were 4 of us and during one exercise a student challenged her about an exercise. She was saying that she did it another way and the teacher wanted her to do it as she said to do it. I guess the student was being a bit of a brat because it may have been better to speak out about the exercise after class. When you are learning something, usually it is best to just follow the instructions and I didn't see a point in bringing up how you've done it differently.
However, as mentioned, we didn't spend much time doing exercises and I think for about 15-20 minutes, the teacher was lecturing us. She was lecturing about how when she says how to do something, that is how we do it and she lectured on about other things and overall, I felt this class was a waste of time. We could have done a few more exercises and I probably would have felt the class was useful. I basically felt she was being anal and a control freak. She seemed uptight and angry, considering she was a KY teacher. Most teachers that I meet that are yoga teachers, they are fairly laid back and happy. They are not normally angry and so controlling.
I had spoken to someone about her and it looks like she was just this type of person and it just wasn't her having an off day.
So when I ran into her, I got this vibe that was negative. I felt like on some level this 'nazi' vibe. Now I'm not saying she was a nazi but just this vibe of being controlling and angry. She seemed like she had some dark and negative energy in her that was very deeply embedded into her character.
Now for me, I don't understand how someone can be a teacher and not have this work affect them. I would think it helps one to deal with these undesireable qualities like being a control freak and being angry. There was a darkness to her soul and I wonder why.
Is she not serious about working on herself and so just goes through the motions? I wonder how long she has been doing this for and how much she practices.
If you do something good for you, surely it must affect you positively over time. I guess it is possible that kundalini yoga has helped her and maybe without it, she'd be even more angry and controlling.
I had ran into a Kundalini teacher on the street last week. I only took one of her classes. This was a donation class so she was teaching it for free. The class was supposed to be an hour. She was late by about 10 minutes and we ended up only doing a few exercises. There were 4 of us and during one exercise a student challenged her about an exercise. She was saying that she did it another way and the teacher wanted her to do it as she said to do it. I guess the student was being a bit of a brat because it may have been better to speak out about the exercise after class. When you are learning something, usually it is best to just follow the instructions and I didn't see a point in bringing up how you've done it differently.
However, as mentioned, we didn't spend much time doing exercises and I think for about 15-20 minutes, the teacher was lecturing us. She was lecturing about how when she says how to do something, that is how we do it and she lectured on about other things and overall, I felt this class was a waste of time. We could have done a few more exercises and I probably would have felt the class was useful. I basically felt she was being anal and a control freak. She seemed uptight and angry, considering she was a KY teacher. Most teachers that I meet that are yoga teachers, they are fairly laid back and happy. They are not normally angry and so controlling.
I had spoken to someone about her and it looks like she was just this type of person and it just wasn't her having an off day.
So when I ran into her, I got this vibe that was negative. I felt like on some level this 'nazi' vibe. Now I'm not saying she was a nazi but just this vibe of being controlling and angry. She seemed like she had some dark and negative energy in her that was very deeply embedded into her character.
Now for me, I don't understand how someone can be a teacher and not have this work affect them. I would think it helps one to deal with these undesireable qualities like being a control freak and being angry. There was a darkness to her soul and I wonder why.
Is she not serious about working on herself and so just goes through the motions? I wonder how long she has been doing this for and how much she practices.
If you do something good for you, surely it must affect you positively over time. I guess it is possible that kundalini yoga has helped her and maybe without it, she'd be even more angry and controlling.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Greetings all,
Still job searching and generally getting frustrated. I figured I'd have found a job by February. I've applied to more jobs and have had more interviews then when I was job hunting back in 2009 and I have more experience and skills and yet still no job. I really don't know what to make of this and frankly I do not want to go back to school. If I go, I don't want to go because I feel desperate, which is what I am feeling at times. I want to go cause I want to, out of my own free will.
* * *
The family cat Sally apparently has a male suitor after her. A few weeks ago my dad was outside and a cat started to rub himself against him. Apparently my dad had Sally's fur on him so that was what he was attracted to. As well this tom cat tried to come into our house. I am guessing he can sense Sally. This is quite terrible that my cat has more guys after her then me. I'm just in a fictional facebook relationship with a candy dispenser!
I am wondering if I should dump my fictional boyfriend on facebook. My friend sometimes puts him in inappropriate situations like some of his female friends will kiss my Shroom, which makes it look like he is cheating on me. Shroom is supposed to be a good and loving and devoted boyfriend. Not some playboy.
* * *
The dating/relationship forum for women is still up but no one is posting as it was to close on the 18th. Someone took the initiative to start a new one and I got to check it out. I have no motivation to continue with this board but I wanted to see what it looks like. I may check it out on occasion to see how it's doing. Right now it seems like there aren't too many posters posting but I'm sure that will change in time. Not that I care because I've learned all I can about men and I'm done with having discussions about them!
Still job searching and generally getting frustrated. I figured I'd have found a job by February. I've applied to more jobs and have had more interviews then when I was job hunting back in 2009 and I have more experience and skills and yet still no job. I really don't know what to make of this and frankly I do not want to go back to school. If I go, I don't want to go because I feel desperate, which is what I am feeling at times. I want to go cause I want to, out of my own free will.
The family cat Sally apparently has a male suitor after her. A few weeks ago my dad was outside and a cat started to rub himself against him. Apparently my dad had Sally's fur on him so that was what he was attracted to. As well this tom cat tried to come into our house. I am guessing he can sense Sally. This is quite terrible that my cat has more guys after her then me. I'm just in a fictional facebook relationship with a candy dispenser!
I am wondering if I should dump my fictional boyfriend on facebook. My friend sometimes puts him in inappropriate situations like some of his female friends will kiss my Shroom, which makes it look like he is cheating on me. Shroom is supposed to be a good and loving and devoted boyfriend. Not some playboy.
The dating/relationship forum for women is still up but no one is posting as it was to close on the 18th. Someone took the initiative to start a new one and I got to check it out. I have no motivation to continue with this board but I wanted to see what it looks like. I may check it out on occasion to see how it's doing. Right now it seems like there aren't too many posters posting but I'm sure that will change in time. Not that I care because I've learned all I can about men and I'm done with having discussions about them!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The 5 Tibetan Rites
Greetings all,
I've been practicing an exercise set called the 5 Tibetan Rites. I first heard about this from a Raviana dvd on kundalini which features this set. I've been doing so for a week and it's been interesting. One of the exercises, I have been practicising on occasion, the back of my head has popped a few times. It's number 4 in this set. These exercises are all exercises I learned before and you can do them on their own. It's just they have been sequenced in this way.
The first exercise is spinning slowly clockwise. I'm not sure about the science behind it but I think probably making yourself spin a few times probably has some effect on some brain parts or some glands as many exercises can stimulate certain parts of the body.
The 4th exercise, which is known as table or bridge I did on its own before I learned of this set. I was doing it a few times before I was practising this and the back of my head popped but what was funny was yesterday when I did this set, it popped 3 times.
I have a lot of tension in my head, which I have managed to release over the years but I can feel certain parts of my head that are blocked and it's annoying. The imbalance is mostly on my right side of my head and there are a few points where I feel are blocked so when I do my energy work, I can feel where my head is still stuck. It is frustrating but you have to work at it to clear it so it's just a matter of time.
It's for youthfulness and energy. I don't feel I need to be youthful. I look young for my age. I want to move forward in life and I guess I need more energy to do so and I need to dump all negative emotions and thoughts from my body.
I've been practicing an exercise set called the 5 Tibetan Rites. I first heard about this from a Raviana dvd on kundalini which features this set. I've been doing so for a week and it's been interesting. One of the exercises, I have been practicising on occasion, the back of my head has popped a few times. It's number 4 in this set. These exercises are all exercises I learned before and you can do them on their own. It's just they have been sequenced in this way.
The first exercise is spinning slowly clockwise. I'm not sure about the science behind it but I think probably making yourself spin a few times probably has some effect on some brain parts or some glands as many exercises can stimulate certain parts of the body.
The 4th exercise, which is known as table or bridge I did on its own before I learned of this set. I was doing it a few times before I was practising this and the back of my head popped but what was funny was yesterday when I did this set, it popped 3 times.
I have a lot of tension in my head, which I have managed to release over the years but I can feel certain parts of my head that are blocked and it's annoying. The imbalance is mostly on my right side of my head and there are a few points where I feel are blocked so when I do my energy work, I can feel where my head is still stuck. It is frustrating but you have to work at it to clear it so it's just a matter of time.
It's for youthfulness and energy. I don't feel I need to be youthful. I look young for my age. I want to move forward in life and I guess I need more energy to do so and I need to dump all negative emotions and thoughts from my body.
Comedy
Greetings all,
I had a show last night at a club called Absolute. It was their Pro/Amateur night. Most open mics I go to are not at clubs but run by comics. I do not get paid for this and this was the first time I actually went over my time. We are given 7 minutes. I was the second comic on and the first guy was over time by a minute and 33 seconds. I practiced before and I think it was 5 or 6 minutes. I ended up being over time as well and was a minute and 26 seconds. The manager pulled me aside and was quite upset that I was over time and kept telling me over and over that I was over time and that I need to practice and time myself before hand. This was my first time before over time because usually I keep my sets under the time.
As well I wrote a while ago that back in November, I bombed for my first time so I guess I'm becoming more official as a comic because I am experiencing all the negatives that come with it.
I was looking for a light to signal my time as usually there is a signal. Apparently there was no light and they say on the line up sheet, which I normally don't pay attention to. I felt bad for going over time but I didn't think I was. I hope this doesn't effect my chance to get a spot in the future at this club but I don't think so since it was my first time going over time. As well, if they don't accept me, it's not a big deal because there are multiple ways to get success. Certainly it's important to not go over time and it's a bad habit to get into as it can alienate the club owners, who are your employers.
I had a show last night at a club called Absolute. It was their Pro/Amateur night. Most open mics I go to are not at clubs but run by comics. I do not get paid for this and this was the first time I actually went over my time. We are given 7 minutes. I was the second comic on and the first guy was over time by a minute and 33 seconds. I practiced before and I think it was 5 or 6 minutes. I ended up being over time as well and was a minute and 26 seconds. The manager pulled me aside and was quite upset that I was over time and kept telling me over and over that I was over time and that I need to practice and time myself before hand. This was my first time before over time because usually I keep my sets under the time.
As well I wrote a while ago that back in November, I bombed for my first time so I guess I'm becoming more official as a comic because I am experiencing all the negatives that come with it.
I was looking for a light to signal my time as usually there is a signal. Apparently there was no light and they say on the line up sheet, which I normally don't pay attention to. I felt bad for going over time but I didn't think I was. I hope this doesn't effect my chance to get a spot in the future at this club but I don't think so since it was my first time going over time. As well, if they don't accept me, it's not a big deal because there are multiple ways to get success. Certainly it's important to not go over time and it's a bad habit to get into as it can alienate the club owners, who are your employers.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Greetings all,
I am still lurking on the forum I used to be on, it's end will be this week. I really don't care about it as the drama seems to have died off a bit, although as mentioned the blocked user came in as another name and is insulting some people. It's a little creepy and it actually reminds me of how my exroommate behaved after I called the cops on her. This user is just trying to bait the members, just as my roommate did. It was tempting to say something back and quite hard to ignore her but this is what perpetuates the drama. Some posters online would respond back but if she was ignored, maybe she would give it up. I could see the poster trying to poke at people and looking for their insecurities and deliberately trying to be insulting. Just like my exroommate.
With my sat nam rasayan training, I've learned how to not react to things and so I think this is a skill everyone needs to cultivate. Why react to these things? This is what some people want but it doesn't make it right.
I am still lurking on the forum I used to be on, it's end will be this week. I really don't care about it as the drama seems to have died off a bit, although as mentioned the blocked user came in as another name and is insulting some people. It's a little creepy and it actually reminds me of how my exroommate behaved after I called the cops on her. This user is just trying to bait the members, just as my roommate did. It was tempting to say something back and quite hard to ignore her but this is what perpetuates the drama. Some posters online would respond back but if she was ignored, maybe she would give it up. I could see the poster trying to poke at people and looking for their insecurities and deliberately trying to be insulting. Just like my exroommate.
With my sat nam rasayan training, I've learned how to not react to things and so I think this is a skill everyone needs to cultivate. Why react to these things? This is what some people want but it doesn't make it right.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The End
Greetings all,
As mentioned earlier, I had left the relationship forum for women last month. I have, however, been lurking on it and these past few days there has been much drama. I had mentioned that a few of the women are quite petty. One of them was rather insulting to another poster who happens to just be an antagonizer at times, but however makes valid points. The later was persistantly fighting with the moderators about how the initial poster was insulting her. The moderators have no real power, just authority. Eventually the woman who runs this business and the site decided to close down the forum. As well, she 'blocked' the antagonizing poster, although not the insulting one. It appears the blocked user created another user name and has left a few posts. Frankly, I think both were out of line and didn't think it was fair to just block one person when both should be.
I think it was quite sad but I did email her my feedback about why I left but I wasn't pointing out anyone specifically. I said I found the environment generally petty and immature and either structure it better or close it down. I really don't think I had much influence but I'm sure the woman got tired of probably receiving numerous emails from angry women who can't handle when someone says something they do not like. I think people want a supportive environment but they at the same time, some seem to want to be babied and can't handle someone saying something they don't like. They can just be so overly sensitive at times. It was annoying.
There definitely were some level headed people but it seems like the few rotten apples win out. As I was watching people's reactions and comments, I felt a bit like a social scientist. It was amusing because people would keep repeating themselves defending their point and clearly no one was budging. I think if you think you can change someone by repeating yourself, you are fooling yourself. You really need to learn to ignore someone at times, which is quite hard. I had to do this my ex-roommate. I know how people just want to put their 2 cents in but sometimes just not reacting is more effective. It just adds fuel to the fire. You can't rationalize with someone who is on defensive autopilot. Their minds are just no longer under their conscious control and logic is bypassed. I've seen it happen to myself but I see it when trying to argue with someone. It's just typical human nature.
Even as the announcement was made to close the forum, a couple of women are still using it as an opportunity to insult and be smug to people. I just can't fathom that. I really can't. I guess some people are just so unhappy with their lives. I am out of work, and therefore had the free time to watch what was going on, but I don't know how some of these women find the time. I do think a forum is useful but you do need to interact with people in the real world. I was on it less when I had a job so I was trying to not be on it too much because I realized I might use it as a means of distraction and time waster.
I know for me, I am glad I left. I realized many of these women just are not at my maturity level and probably never will be. The best thing is to not spend time with people like that because they will just bring you down. Some women just don't have class and it's sad.
I wonder if it turned so ugly because they are bitter, angry women or if it is just human behaviour. This kind of behaviour is not uncommon in forums and people have to learn to behave as they do in real life but many do not. But then people behave appropriately because most people keep conversations superficial. People don't get riled up over talking about the weather. I would think dealing with relationship issues, it might make you more vulnerable emotionally and therefore more sensitive and prickly to the advice of others. Or maybe not. I always welcome truth, even if it was something I didn't want to hear because at least you can mull it over. People just need to realize that you are the common denominator in your life so if you are consistently experiencing the same problems, then it might be you or your approach.
But it does make me wonder why this behaviour online would occur. How can people learn to govern themselves online and be civilized and tolerate disagreements? I guess relationships is a touchy issue. Or maybe not. People can be passionate and therefore sensitive to many things, like their favourite sports team.
All I can say is, humans are strange. I am almost embarrassed to have been on that site. I didn't think it would end in such a sad way.
As mentioned earlier, I had left the relationship forum for women last month. I have, however, been lurking on it and these past few days there has been much drama. I had mentioned that a few of the women are quite petty. One of them was rather insulting to another poster who happens to just be an antagonizer at times, but however makes valid points. The later was persistantly fighting with the moderators about how the initial poster was insulting her. The moderators have no real power, just authority. Eventually the woman who runs this business and the site decided to close down the forum. As well, she 'blocked' the antagonizing poster, although not the insulting one. It appears the blocked user created another user name and has left a few posts. Frankly, I think both were out of line and didn't think it was fair to just block one person when both should be.
I think it was quite sad but I did email her my feedback about why I left but I wasn't pointing out anyone specifically. I said I found the environment generally petty and immature and either structure it better or close it down. I really don't think I had much influence but I'm sure the woman got tired of probably receiving numerous emails from angry women who can't handle when someone says something they do not like. I think people want a supportive environment but they at the same time, some seem to want to be babied and can't handle someone saying something they don't like. They can just be so overly sensitive at times. It was annoying.
There definitely were some level headed people but it seems like the few rotten apples win out. As I was watching people's reactions and comments, I felt a bit like a social scientist. It was amusing because people would keep repeating themselves defending their point and clearly no one was budging. I think if you think you can change someone by repeating yourself, you are fooling yourself. You really need to learn to ignore someone at times, which is quite hard. I had to do this my ex-roommate. I know how people just want to put their 2 cents in but sometimes just not reacting is more effective. It just adds fuel to the fire. You can't rationalize with someone who is on defensive autopilot. Their minds are just no longer under their conscious control and logic is bypassed. I've seen it happen to myself but I see it when trying to argue with someone. It's just typical human nature.
Even as the announcement was made to close the forum, a couple of women are still using it as an opportunity to insult and be smug to people. I just can't fathom that. I really can't. I guess some people are just so unhappy with their lives. I am out of work, and therefore had the free time to watch what was going on, but I don't know how some of these women find the time. I do think a forum is useful but you do need to interact with people in the real world. I was on it less when I had a job so I was trying to not be on it too much because I realized I might use it as a means of distraction and time waster.
I know for me, I am glad I left. I realized many of these women just are not at my maturity level and probably never will be. The best thing is to not spend time with people like that because they will just bring you down. Some women just don't have class and it's sad.
I wonder if it turned so ugly because they are bitter, angry women or if it is just human behaviour. This kind of behaviour is not uncommon in forums and people have to learn to behave as they do in real life but many do not. But then people behave appropriately because most people keep conversations superficial. People don't get riled up over talking about the weather. I would think dealing with relationship issues, it might make you more vulnerable emotionally and therefore more sensitive and prickly to the advice of others. Or maybe not. I always welcome truth, even if it was something I didn't want to hear because at least you can mull it over. People just need to realize that you are the common denominator in your life so if you are consistently experiencing the same problems, then it might be you or your approach.
But it does make me wonder why this behaviour online would occur. How can people learn to govern themselves online and be civilized and tolerate disagreements? I guess relationships is a touchy issue. Or maybe not. People can be passionate and therefore sensitive to many things, like their favourite sports team.
All I can say is, humans are strange. I am almost embarrassed to have been on that site. I didn't think it would end in such a sad way.
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
More thoughts on Sat Kriya
Greetings all,
I thought I'd talk about sat kriya as I have worked with it a lot last year and have done a 120 day discipline and several 40 day disciplines. I am working with it again after a 2 month break.
I think I stopped working with it because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it but maybe that was an excuse. I think because I worked with it a lot, not much was happening as it was in the beginning, where I felt more stuff coming up. I think maybe I can experience different things because I've cleared a lot. I guess maybe I expect the same amount of clearing but I think I just need to accept that now I'm in a different place when I work with that kriya.
So lately for the past few weeks, I started to experience more positive feelings. I would still cry when I experienced these feelings, which I still don't understand why. First I felt like I was destined for greatness. A few days ago I felt like I was unique and recently that I am master of my domain (i.e. I can direct my life and have self control). I don't know why I cried at these realizations but it reminds me of this Marianne Williamson quote about how we are most afraid of our light and not our darkness. So maybe this was why I have been crying? I am not sure at this point but will continue to work with this kriya.
I thought I'd talk about sat kriya as I have worked with it a lot last year and have done a 120 day discipline and several 40 day disciplines. I am working with it again after a 2 month break.
I think I stopped working with it because I felt like I wasn't getting anything out of it but maybe that was an excuse. I think because I worked with it a lot, not much was happening as it was in the beginning, where I felt more stuff coming up. I think maybe I can experience different things because I've cleared a lot. I guess maybe I expect the same amount of clearing but I think I just need to accept that now I'm in a different place when I work with that kriya.
So lately for the past few weeks, I started to experience more positive feelings. I would still cry when I experienced these feelings, which I still don't understand why. First I felt like I was destined for greatness. A few days ago I felt like I was unique and recently that I am master of my domain (i.e. I can direct my life and have self control). I don't know why I cried at these realizations but it reminds me of this Marianne Williamson quote about how we are most afraid of our light and not our darkness. So maybe this was why I have been crying? I am not sure at this point but will continue to work with this kriya.
Damn Immigrants!
Greetings all,
Yesterday I went to a meetup for job seekers and people wanting to make a career transition. It was primarily in the evening, although if you wanted to stay past the hour you could. Since my bookgroup meets that day, I didn't stay long and think I was the only person to leave at 6.30.
A few people were immigrants but one of them really stuck out in my mind and I thought she was very hostile. Now some of that is probably due to frustration and is maybe understandable but I didn't think it was appropriate.
First of all, if you immigrate into a country, it is an honour and a privilege. We don't have to let you in. You are not entitled to a job and have to prove yourself. She sounded Indian so I'm guessing she is from somewhere in the Middle East. She was trained and has experience as a Clinical Social Worker. Frankly I thought she needed the help of a Clinical social worker because she came off as so harsh, rude and angry.
She was really bitter about being out of work for a year, which I understand. She was also frustrated that she feels her experience is not being recognized because she is from a different country. First of all, if one researches the employment rates across the world, she will see that unemployment is difficult everywhere. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_unemployment_rate
I would think you would do your research first before coming into another country and possibly have a job lined up or at least a strategy. The rate for India was 10% whereas in Canada it's 7.8%. A 2.2% difference but our unemployment is still high. The fact is that with our current economy it is hard to find a job anywhere.
I know for many born Canadians, we are having a hard time finding jobs (myself included). I don't know too much about the immigration process but I would think the government only lets in a certain number of people and frankly I think it should co-relate to the employment rate (if it doesn't already). If we have lots of jobs available, and a low employment rate, sure open the doors but if we the citizens are struggling, let's take care of ourselves first and not let so many new comers into our country.
My dad came to this country when there was lots of opportunities and it was easy for him to find a job. I would think if times were better economically, that should reflect in the number of immigrants we allow into this country.
Another point I am making is this woman was complaining how her experience isn't recognized. First of all, Canada has one of the best education systems in the world and is in the top 5. I think these people need to accept this fact that maybe the education they received, is not up to our standards. Now I'm sure there must be something to bridge this gap so that we can at least recognize the training they did. Maybe they need to take a course or two to meet our standards but to complain about our standards is just nuts.
I wrote an article years ago for a volunteer organization in Hamilton called SISO so I know of the discrimination that trained immigrants have in finding jobs that match their skills. Certainly something has to be done about that but this is a risk that they take when leaving their countries and frankly it's something they need to accept. I don't go to their country and expect them to cater to Canadians.
This woman complained how she had a one day a week job with the municipal government of Toronto and had a job in Retail. She motioned with her hand towards her head like a gun, that she wanted to shoot herself (remember this is a clinical social worker...). She definitely has this entitlement mentality. A lot of people have to take crappy jobs while they hunt for a better job. Just because you are an immigrant and have experience and education, you think you are entitled to finding the ideal work? Suck it up sister, because lots of Canadians struggle too for work. Times are challenging whether you are an immigrant or not. Have some respect for the country you are residing in.
I just reverse this situation in my head. Would I expect to go to another country and complain about finding work when locals are struggling themselves? Would I complain about taking crappy jobs just to make ends meet? The answer is I would respect their rules and the struggles I would endure, because I am the one who is the guest. I can't expect to go to a country and expect them to serve me. I have to prove myself and show myself as deserving. I have to have the humble attitude, not the entitlement mentality. And I am sure if I went to another country, they probably would prefer giving jobs to the locals over an immigrant. I'm the outsider and have to prove myself and gain their trust and respect. This is the challenge of being an immigrant but at the same time, it is what makes someone proud when they can overcome these challenges.
Yesterday I went to a meetup for job seekers and people wanting to make a career transition. It was primarily in the evening, although if you wanted to stay past the hour you could. Since my bookgroup meets that day, I didn't stay long and think I was the only person to leave at 6.30.
A few people were immigrants but one of them really stuck out in my mind and I thought she was very hostile. Now some of that is probably due to frustration and is maybe understandable but I didn't think it was appropriate.
First of all, if you immigrate into a country, it is an honour and a privilege. We don't have to let you in. You are not entitled to a job and have to prove yourself. She sounded Indian so I'm guessing she is from somewhere in the Middle East. She was trained and has experience as a Clinical Social Worker. Frankly I thought she needed the help of a Clinical social worker because she came off as so harsh, rude and angry.
She was really bitter about being out of work for a year, which I understand. She was also frustrated that she feels her experience is not being recognized because she is from a different country. First of all, if one researches the employment rates across the world, she will see that unemployment is difficult everywhere. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_unemployment_rate
I would think you would do your research first before coming into another country and possibly have a job lined up or at least a strategy. The rate for India was 10% whereas in Canada it's 7.8%. A 2.2% difference but our unemployment is still high. The fact is that with our current economy it is hard to find a job anywhere.
I know for many born Canadians, we are having a hard time finding jobs (myself included). I don't know too much about the immigration process but I would think the government only lets in a certain number of people and frankly I think it should co-relate to the employment rate (if it doesn't already). If we have lots of jobs available, and a low employment rate, sure open the doors but if we the citizens are struggling, let's take care of ourselves first and not let so many new comers into our country.
My dad came to this country when there was lots of opportunities and it was easy for him to find a job. I would think if times were better economically, that should reflect in the number of immigrants we allow into this country.
Another point I am making is this woman was complaining how her experience isn't recognized. First of all, Canada has one of the best education systems in the world and is in the top 5. I think these people need to accept this fact that maybe the education they received, is not up to our standards. Now I'm sure there must be something to bridge this gap so that we can at least recognize the training they did. Maybe they need to take a course or two to meet our standards but to complain about our standards is just nuts.
I wrote an article years ago for a volunteer organization in Hamilton called SISO so I know of the discrimination that trained immigrants have in finding jobs that match their skills. Certainly something has to be done about that but this is a risk that they take when leaving their countries and frankly it's something they need to accept. I don't go to their country and expect them to cater to Canadians.
This woman complained how she had a one day a week job with the municipal government of Toronto and had a job in Retail. She motioned with her hand towards her head like a gun, that she wanted to shoot herself (remember this is a clinical social worker...). She definitely has this entitlement mentality. A lot of people have to take crappy jobs while they hunt for a better job. Just because you are an immigrant and have experience and education, you think you are entitled to finding the ideal work? Suck it up sister, because lots of Canadians struggle too for work. Times are challenging whether you are an immigrant or not. Have some respect for the country you are residing in.
I just reverse this situation in my head. Would I expect to go to another country and complain about finding work when locals are struggling themselves? Would I complain about taking crappy jobs just to make ends meet? The answer is I would respect their rules and the struggles I would endure, because I am the one who is the guest. I can't expect to go to a country and expect them to serve me. I have to prove myself and show myself as deserving. I have to have the humble attitude, not the entitlement mentality. And I am sure if I went to another country, they probably would prefer giving jobs to the locals over an immigrant. I'm the outsider and have to prove myself and gain their trust and respect. This is the challenge of being an immigrant but at the same time, it is what makes someone proud when they can overcome these challenges.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Hot Yoga
Greetings all,
I went to my first hot yoga class and I was sweating up a storm thanks to the heat. I don't think I've ever sweated so much in my life. I've tried the infra-red saunas and sweat a bit in them but this was a lot.
I didn't bring a towel, which I should have because it would have been easier to do some poses. The yoga itself was not challenging because I've done yoga before. The balancing poses were challenging, but then they usually are. I had a challenge doing eagle pose because my leg was so sweaty and it made it difficult to wrap my leg around the standing one. Usually I have no problem with this pose as once I wrap my leg firmly, I can stay in it but my leg kept slipping and I had to not go so tightly into it.
Hot yoga also helps with making it easier to bend and be flexible since the heat helps. We were doing side bends and I managed to go very low when bending to my right and I think the heat helped. I went further down then I normally do.
I have 9 more sessions. Not sure if this would be something to do regularly but I think once and a while would be good for purification. I think Kundalini yoga has been the most useful yoga. They should offer it in the heat.
I went to my first hot yoga class and I was sweating up a storm thanks to the heat. I don't think I've ever sweated so much in my life. I've tried the infra-red saunas and sweat a bit in them but this was a lot.
I didn't bring a towel, which I should have because it would have been easier to do some poses. The yoga itself was not challenging because I've done yoga before. The balancing poses were challenging, but then they usually are. I had a challenge doing eagle pose because my leg was so sweaty and it made it difficult to wrap my leg around the standing one. Usually I have no problem with this pose as once I wrap my leg firmly, I can stay in it but my leg kept slipping and I had to not go so tightly into it.
Hot yoga also helps with making it easier to bend and be flexible since the heat helps. We were doing side bends and I managed to go very low when bending to my right and I think the heat helped. I went further down then I normally do.
I have 9 more sessions. Not sure if this would be something to do regularly but I think once and a while would be good for purification. I think Kundalini yoga has been the most useful yoga. They should offer it in the heat.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Greetings all,
After I had deleted my profile, all my threads and posts were deleted. I had a popular thread that was called Woe is Me: the Self Pity thread. It basically is what it is. A thread to whine and feel sorry for yourself as I think sometimes you just need to take that time for yourself to do that and get it out of your system.
Well one of the women that didn't like me created a new thread (I have been lurking on the site) that is a continuation of that one. But she basically started insulting me on that thread. Apparently she said I 'drove' off one of her friends and was criticizing her for being dyslexic. That isn't something I would do. I would criticize someone for other reasons, but not for dyslexia. I am sure there was some misunderstanding, which commonly happens on the board. This person should have messaged me or asked for clarification on the thread. They just aren't communicating effectively and then get mad at people. If you think someone is attacking you, why don't you ask for clarification. Maybe they weren't doing so intentionally.
Anyways, the other jackals who were rude to me on my goodbye thread were rude on this thread. It wasn't a self pity thread, it was a thread to continue to attack me. These are women in their 40s and frankly this is quite lame on their parts. It was just their final opportunity to get their digs into me.
I am glad to be gone from there and am just lurking, although not so much. I think my attention needs to be directed to more positive means.
* * *
Anyways, my ex-roommate has blocked me on facebook but she didn't block my boyfriend, so I took a peak at her profile and apparently she changed her name. Her first and last name is completely different and she now lives in Kamloops BC and is working again as a waitress. I don't know why she would change her name. I think because she is trying to run away from her problems and sometimes people think by changing their name, they will fix the problem. When I think about her, I think of how unhappy she was as a person. She maybe had the occasion moment of happiness but she was a bit of a drama queen and always so reactive and angry about stuff. I've been in that part of BC and I know there is a lot of nature. Maybe this will be a calming environment for her because she really needs to do her inner work and look at her emotions. Or maybe it won't be. I don't know, but how can you be an angry person and live in BC with all the nature and trees? I can't fathom living in that environment and not be affected by it on some level. I know she likes to snowboard so maybe that is why she went there. She never mentioned BC when living with me.
* * *
I've decided to do the morning sadhana at the ashram. They do it every day and it starts at 4 am and ends at 6.30 am. They do yoga and mantra. The reason for doing it so early is because this is a spiritually ripe time and it is ideal for tapping into the universal energy. I'm going to try it this Friday as this past month I have felt the urge to go and try it so I guess I must follow the urges of my soul.
I attended a sadhana when I went to Florida for the Winter Solstice but that was because I arrived at the site after 9 and so we had the option of setting our tent up in the dark or stay in the Fire Tent. I stayed in the Fire tent which is where they were doing the sadhana. So it woke me up and I slept through half of it but people say that even if you fall asleep, you benefit from the energy.
Anyways, we'll see how I like it and maybe I can go more often.
* * *
They have these things for getting discounts online. You can learn of one called Groupon at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupon. I got a package for 10 hot yoga sessions so tonight I will go to one class and see how it goes. I'm not sure how I'll handle the heat but I will wear shorts, which means I have to prepare my legs this afternoon as I am a hairy beast.
After I had deleted my profile, all my threads and posts were deleted. I had a popular thread that was called Woe is Me: the Self Pity thread. It basically is what it is. A thread to whine and feel sorry for yourself as I think sometimes you just need to take that time for yourself to do that and get it out of your system.
Well one of the women that didn't like me created a new thread (I have been lurking on the site) that is a continuation of that one. But she basically started insulting me on that thread. Apparently she said I 'drove' off one of her friends and was criticizing her for being dyslexic. That isn't something I would do. I would criticize someone for other reasons, but not for dyslexia. I am sure there was some misunderstanding, which commonly happens on the board. This person should have messaged me or asked for clarification on the thread. They just aren't communicating effectively and then get mad at people. If you think someone is attacking you, why don't you ask for clarification. Maybe they weren't doing so intentionally.
Anyways, the other jackals who were rude to me on my goodbye thread were rude on this thread. It wasn't a self pity thread, it was a thread to continue to attack me. These are women in their 40s and frankly this is quite lame on their parts. It was just their final opportunity to get their digs into me.
I am glad to be gone from there and am just lurking, although not so much. I think my attention needs to be directed to more positive means.
I created a second facebook account for this little toy my friend has. It's the character from super mario brothers. I've decided to make him my boyfriend because I've been wanting to be in a relationship for so long on facebook but that never happened and I thought this character would be a good boyfriend. Here's what my new boyfriend looks like:
Anyways, my ex-roommate has blocked me on facebook but she didn't block my boyfriend, so I took a peak at her profile and apparently she changed her name. Her first and last name is completely different and she now lives in Kamloops BC and is working again as a waitress. I don't know why she would change her name. I think because she is trying to run away from her problems and sometimes people think by changing their name, they will fix the problem. When I think about her, I think of how unhappy she was as a person. She maybe had the occasion moment of happiness but she was a bit of a drama queen and always so reactive and angry about stuff. I've been in that part of BC and I know there is a lot of nature. Maybe this will be a calming environment for her because she really needs to do her inner work and look at her emotions. Or maybe it won't be. I don't know, but how can you be an angry person and live in BC with all the nature and trees? I can't fathom living in that environment and not be affected by it on some level. I know she likes to snowboard so maybe that is why she went there. She never mentioned BC when living with me.
I've decided to do the morning sadhana at the ashram. They do it every day and it starts at 4 am and ends at 6.30 am. They do yoga and mantra. The reason for doing it so early is because this is a spiritually ripe time and it is ideal for tapping into the universal energy. I'm going to try it this Friday as this past month I have felt the urge to go and try it so I guess I must follow the urges of my soul.
I attended a sadhana when I went to Florida for the Winter Solstice but that was because I arrived at the site after 9 and so we had the option of setting our tent up in the dark or stay in the Fire Tent. I stayed in the Fire tent which is where they were doing the sadhana. So it woke me up and I slept through half of it but people say that even if you fall asleep, you benefit from the energy.
Anyways, we'll see how I like it and maybe I can go more often.
They have these things for getting discounts online. You can learn of one called Groupon at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupon. I got a package for 10 hot yoga sessions so tonight I will go to one class and see how it goes. I'm not sure how I'll handle the heat but I will wear shorts, which means I have to prepare my legs this afternoon as I am a hairy beast.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Bitches Be Crazy!
Greetings all,
Today I decided to delete my account for the forum that I am on that is primarily for women to discuss dating, relationships and men. I left a positive goodbye. No insulting or really going into the real reasons why I am leaving. Basically said that I enjoyed meeting some in real life as a few came to Toronto and I went to New York to see those who lived there. I said that I felt I had learned all that I could and felt I had nothing to contribute. I ended with the closing that is commonly done in kundalini yoga, which is: may the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the pure light within you guide your way on, guide your way on, guide your way on.
Now some people were civilized and politely said goodbyes but a few were petty and insulting. Some said I was brash and tried to give me feedback. I didn't ask for feedback, mainly because I don't think I need it. One woman was rude enough to say that I need to work on being compassionate so that I could be happy. This was the woman who had a problem with my post about Failed Marriages. I think I am a fairly compassionate person. Another woman said I need to see a counsellor to work on my social skills. Now these people were not saying these things to me because they cared about me. They only said these things to hurt me and were acting petty. I am not brash or harsh. I am a rational, logical and opinionated woman and so maybe they perceive me as cold but I am not. I am not irrational (at least not that often) nor am I an emotional basket case. I am pretty solid emotionally. Not perfect but certainly not as dysfunctional as some on the board.
The way I look at it, these women who didn't have the class to give me a polite goodbye or say nothing at all, have proven to me that this is not a healthy environment.
Recently on the boards, 2 other people left. One left because moderators were put in place and she didn't like the idea of that since it was like we were being policed. The other left because she was not wanting to be in this toxic environment.
There definitely is 2 different classes of women on that board. The good kind and the bitches. Crazy bitches. I talked with the woman who left the board last week, as I met her when she came to Toronto and I visited her in New York. She is very New York and she is quite the character. She's like many New Yorkers, tough on the outside but generous towards people. We had talked today about why she left and why I was thinking of leaving. She told me she read my Failed Marriage post and didn't see anything offensive about it and read it several times. They are just projecting their own issues rather then seeing how it might apply to me. I thought I would be polite and put a goodbye post instead of just deleting my account and its post all together. As mentioned in a previous post, I had told her I felt like I have been over defending myself. Which to me means people are attacking me and not trying to understand me. If people do that to me, maybe it's not me with the problem but the others. I was saying some of these people are really dysfunctional so they can't see where I am coming from because they think they are being attacked when really I am just pointing out what is not right. As well, some people enjoy hurting people. I don't. I do not sugarcoat things but I try to be helpful with people. I don't get off on calling a woman insecure. I want people to wake up and realize that they are the ones that are creating their problems.
Truthfully some people are not ready to change and really are not at the level of others. Some are just too dysfunctional and frankly I can't help these people. If you aren't willing to take responsibility for your life and your personality and your character, then no one can really help you.
I really can't justify my time there. I am just so mad at the reactions of others. Truly sad. But then they just criticize me. What people like that typically do, is they use the jargon from the personal growth community and apply it to others to sound smart. The truth is, I walk the walk and they are merely talking the talk to others. Don't tell me I need to develop compassion when you are miserable. Don't tell me how to act or how to be. I am who I am.
Today I decided to delete my account for the forum that I am on that is primarily for women to discuss dating, relationships and men. I left a positive goodbye. No insulting or really going into the real reasons why I am leaving. Basically said that I enjoyed meeting some in real life as a few came to Toronto and I went to New York to see those who lived there. I said that I felt I had learned all that I could and felt I had nothing to contribute. I ended with the closing that is commonly done in kundalini yoga, which is: may the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the pure light within you guide your way on, guide your way on, guide your way on.
Now some people were civilized and politely said goodbyes but a few were petty and insulting. Some said I was brash and tried to give me feedback. I didn't ask for feedback, mainly because I don't think I need it. One woman was rude enough to say that I need to work on being compassionate so that I could be happy. This was the woman who had a problem with my post about Failed Marriages. I think I am a fairly compassionate person. Another woman said I need to see a counsellor to work on my social skills. Now these people were not saying these things to me because they cared about me. They only said these things to hurt me and were acting petty. I am not brash or harsh. I am a rational, logical and opinionated woman and so maybe they perceive me as cold but I am not. I am not irrational (at least not that often) nor am I an emotional basket case. I am pretty solid emotionally. Not perfect but certainly not as dysfunctional as some on the board.
The way I look at it, these women who didn't have the class to give me a polite goodbye or say nothing at all, have proven to me that this is not a healthy environment.
Recently on the boards, 2 other people left. One left because moderators were put in place and she didn't like the idea of that since it was like we were being policed. The other left because she was not wanting to be in this toxic environment.
There definitely is 2 different classes of women on that board. The good kind and the bitches. Crazy bitches. I talked with the woman who left the board last week, as I met her when she came to Toronto and I visited her in New York. She is very New York and she is quite the character. She's like many New Yorkers, tough on the outside but generous towards people. We had talked today about why she left and why I was thinking of leaving. She told me she read my Failed Marriage post and didn't see anything offensive about it and read it several times. They are just projecting their own issues rather then seeing how it might apply to me. I thought I would be polite and put a goodbye post instead of just deleting my account and its post all together. As mentioned in a previous post, I had told her I felt like I have been over defending myself. Which to me means people are attacking me and not trying to understand me. If people do that to me, maybe it's not me with the problem but the others. I was saying some of these people are really dysfunctional so they can't see where I am coming from because they think they are being attacked when really I am just pointing out what is not right. As well, some people enjoy hurting people. I don't. I do not sugarcoat things but I try to be helpful with people. I don't get off on calling a woman insecure. I want people to wake up and realize that they are the ones that are creating their problems.
Truthfully some people are not ready to change and really are not at the level of others. Some are just too dysfunctional and frankly I can't help these people. If you aren't willing to take responsibility for your life and your personality and your character, then no one can really help you.
I really can't justify my time there. I am just so mad at the reactions of others. Truly sad. But then they just criticize me. What people like that typically do, is they use the jargon from the personal growth community and apply it to others to sound smart. The truth is, I walk the walk and they are merely talking the talk to others. Don't tell me I need to develop compassion when you are miserable. Don't tell me how to act or how to be. I am who I am.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Gifts From the Heart
Greetings all,
My mother notified me last week that there is a group of dental hygienists that take one day of the year to do free dental cleaning fro those without dental benefits. They do this in various cities in Ontario and in Alberta. You can learn about it here.
The day was on Saturday February 12. There was only one place in Toronto and they were doing the cleanings on Sunday so I booked on appointment. I was very grateful to have learned about this because with my last job, I didn't get benefits as I was on contract. I had benefits with the job before that and so had my teeth cleaned on July 2008. My teeth bled a lot as I tend to get minor gingivitis. They always tell you the same thing. Clean and floss daily. I have a wire on the back of my front teeth because I used to wear braces and so it keeps the teeth from moving out of alignment. So I have to floss because I tend to get food stuff in between my teeth, especially when I eat applies. But I don't do it every day, maybe a few times a week. It's annoying to use floss threaders, which is what I need to floss the teeth that have the wire.
I was appreciative towards the hygienist and it really meant a lot to me that there are people out there who do this because I think with the way some business' run, they just don't care about their employees and many people don't get benefits, which I think are essential. The teeth are important and taking care of them to me is just as vital as going to the doctor. Perhaps we'll have socialized dentistry like we do with health care.
I've only had one job where I got benefits and so was used to paying for my cleanings out of my own pocket.
They want to make more people aware of the number of people who don't have dental care and I hope their cause gets more awareness because companies need to start providing this if the government doesn't. I think it's a right that everyone has access to teeth care.
My mother notified me last week that there is a group of dental hygienists that take one day of the year to do free dental cleaning fro those without dental benefits. They do this in various cities in Ontario and in Alberta. You can learn about it here.
The day was on Saturday February 12. There was only one place in Toronto and they were doing the cleanings on Sunday so I booked on appointment. I was very grateful to have learned about this because with my last job, I didn't get benefits as I was on contract. I had benefits with the job before that and so had my teeth cleaned on July 2008. My teeth bled a lot as I tend to get minor gingivitis. They always tell you the same thing. Clean and floss daily. I have a wire on the back of my front teeth because I used to wear braces and so it keeps the teeth from moving out of alignment. So I have to floss because I tend to get food stuff in between my teeth, especially when I eat applies. But I don't do it every day, maybe a few times a week. It's annoying to use floss threaders, which is what I need to floss the teeth that have the wire.
I was appreciative towards the hygienist and it really meant a lot to me that there are people out there who do this because I think with the way some business' run, they just don't care about their employees and many people don't get benefits, which I think are essential. The teeth are important and taking care of them to me is just as vital as going to the doctor. Perhaps we'll have socialized dentistry like we do with health care.
I've only had one job where I got benefits and so was used to paying for my cleanings out of my own pocket.
They want to make more people aware of the number of people who don't have dental care and I hope their cause gets more awareness because companies need to start providing this if the government doesn't. I think it's a right that everyone has access to teeth care.
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