Finding the Right Man

Greetings all,

I also like to read Evan Marc Katz's blog and one of his recent entries was on why he does his blog. He said his advice usually falls into one of two cateogories:
1. Dump him
2. Accept him

He was commenting that women love the 'dump him' advice but tend to have a hard time dealing with the accepting part. I think for me, I probably feel the same way. It is easier to just dump someone but obviously in real life we learn to accept people in situations that we don't control. If I am at work and have a coworker that is annoying but the rest are great, I learn to accept them because finding a job might be harder.

I think for me at least I still feel like I have tried to accept a man and 'make it work' but sometimes it's too much work and not worth it because I don't see him making the effort. I know for me I am not going to put effort into something if I don't see the other is doing the same.

I think for me that is why I am more then happy to dump someone but I think it's a simple way to treat men you date or are in relationship with. Accept or Dump.

It's certainly seems like a fine line between when to accept someone and when to dump them. I've had a couple of guys I was involved with that I thought could be the right man for me but that didn't work out so it does make me question myself and what I think I know. I always thought I would know if I am with the right man but now I don't know how I would know.

I think with my last boyfriend, I had a hard time accepting the fact that he looks older. I am in my mid 30s and he was only 12 years older but he had all white hair (like Steve Martin) but was only 12 years my senior (same age as my oldest brother). I found him attractive but a part of me had a hard time with it because I look like I am in my mid 20s and he in his 50s as a result of the white hair and I felt self conscious that others would think he was a sugar daddy or that there was a bigger age gap then there was. So kissing him in public was not something I was comfortable with. If he looked younger, I probably would be more affectionate in public.

I didn't dump him for that but that was something that was hard for me to accept. Maybe it played a bigger role in me ending things that I may not be aware of but I know for me I wanted to get married and have children and not sure if he wanted to go through with that since he had been married and has a son whom was very aloof towards me and also made me feel like he didn't like me.

While I agree with the Accept or Dump mentality, I do feel some things are just not so easy to accept and not so easy to reject. I think these shades of grey area are what causes problems for women and men in general. I guess we have to really focus on how we feel and what is important because we either have to find the strength to move on or have the openness to let go and accept.