My Brothers

Greetings all,

I don't have the greatest of relationships with my brothers and I thought I'd discuss it and get my feelings out.

I don't get along mainly with my oldest brother. I have 3 brothers. Two are twins and they are mentally ill with schizophrenia. They are 9 years older then me. The other is 12 years older then me.

My oldest brother is not the nicest of people. We sort of got along when I was younger, however he doesn't handle stress well it seems and he has abusive tendencies. Back when I was in grade 7, we had a family dog. My friend would come over sometimes for lunch and one day we did. Somehow our dog ran away and I told him and he freaked out and went to hit me. I don't remember if he did but I made myself fall to the ground to protect myself because I didn't want to get hit. I was probably 13 and he was 25 and 6 feet tall. I probably was around 5'4 at the time.

When I was in high school, we had issues with the telephone and if I were on it and he wanted to be on it, he would get angry at me. I think he would rudely get on the phone and demand that I get off of it. I was not someone you mistreat and I would give him attitude back. Sometimes when he didn't get his way, he would call me abusive names. He has called me a slut and a whore several times. And in an angry and abusive manner. He was probably 28 at the time and I never had a boyfriend until I was 19.

He pissed me off so much while I was on the phone one time that I snapped and threw the phone in my bedroom. I made some damage to the wall. It's still there.

When I was 23 and came back to my parents from my summer of working in Yellowknife, he ended up getting himself in jail for harassing a woman. He had spent 2 weeks there.

I feel ashamed to have him as a brother at times. He is out of work and on welfare. He finished taking a course on how to be a truck mechanic and hasn't found work and doesn't seem willing to take any job. When I was in high school and he worked at Camco (which is shut down now), he would complain that he always meets these women on welfare and then would complain about how many single mothers are on welfare in Hamilton. I find it ironic that now he is one of them (on welfare). It's not right to be so judgemental towards people.

I am angry at my parents as well since I told them about the incident in grade 7 over the dog and they did nothing about it. They did nothing about how he's been mean to me. I think they have tried to talk to him but nothing improves. My dad and him do not get along too well.

My parents should have kicked him out. Or forced him to go see a psychiatrist, considering the family history of mental illness. I think as parents they have failed because they should have protected me from him and they didn't. They continued to let him misbehave. They needed tougher rules and to actually enforce them.

As a result, I have tendencies to be hostile towards and to be mean back. It's understandable because once someone crosses that line and starts abusing you, it's normal to become defensive towards them.

And then my mother blames me for the fact that we don't get along. We don't get along because he can be an abusive asshole and I won't just sit there and take it.

I keep my distance from him and sometimes he will email me to ask me how I am doing. It's unfortunate but it would be nice to have a nice, caring brother but I find he is too dumb and too selfish and too nervous and dysfunctional. I feel like an only child at times since I don't feel any connection to my other mentally ill brothers. I don't feel like I can turn to them, even though they are supposed to be the older and wiser ones. I'm actually the wiser one in the family.

Three brothers and none of them I feel close to.

I guess it would be nice to end on a positive note. I try to keep working on my happiness and confidence and try not to react to them. I try to stay neutral. Some times it's easier then others. I pray for my family though since I feel there is some dysfunction.