Greetings and Salutations,
Things just don't like they are going well for me. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever find true happiness.
It seems like I'll never find a place to fit in. I just float along in this universe as a lone partical unable to find some semblance of belonging.
I see people who seem happy with their jobs and their partners. I don't have that. I feel like I'll never have that now. I've been searching for so long. Trying hard for so long. I sometimes think I must have been a really bad person in a past life or something.
What is the point of life if I can never attain happiness?
What is the point of it all if I can never attain my simple desires?
I lead a perpetual unfulfilling life.
5 comments:
This is how I feel also in ways. I wish I had some answers or advice for you. Unfortunately I'm still searching for answers, too, and I don't even know if there are any.
I do know, however, that we are to trust that everything that comes to us from the spiritual world is good and helpful. We have chosen this life and the circumstances we are facing. I know this seems odd and hard at times. Sometimes I ask myself, "Why have I chosen THIS?!?! What was I thinking when I "prepared" this life in spiritual realms guided by my angel?!" Anyhoo, I'm not sure if you are familiar with the following verse/meditation given by Steiner, but it has strengthened me in times of great despair, disappointment & anxiety:
~
Meditation for Courage
We must eradicate from the soul all fear and terror of what comes out of the future;
We must acquire serenity in all feelings and sensations about the future. We must look forward with absolute equanimity to everything that may come, and we must think only that whatever comes is given to us by a world direction full of wisdom.
It is part of what we must learn in this age, namely to live out of pure trust, without any security in existence, trusting in the ever present help of the spiritual world. Truly nothing else will do if our courage is not to fail us.
Therefore let us discipline our will, and let us seek the awakening from within ourselves, every morning and every evening.
~
Also, we can call on Michael, and he will help us. The following are morning and evening verses given by Steiner:
*
Morning:
O Michael,
I entrust myself
To your protection.
I unite myself
With your guidance
With all my heart's strength
That this day
May become the reflection
Of your destiny-ordering will.
Evening:
I bear my sorrow
In the sinking sun,
Place all my cares
In his radiant bosom.
Purified in light,
Transformed in love,
May they return
As helping thoughts,
As strength
For joyful deeds of sacrifice.
(Translation by Renee Querido. It appears that Rudolf Steiner gave a part of the above on 11/27/1910 - lecture not yet published - and a more complete form in 1919 - also not yet published -) This is from my notes at training.
I hope it is helpful.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Many blessings to you, and do enjoy the first day of spring!
Cadi
happiness is an attitude...
sometimes it's yours,
sometimes it's theirs...
I read Victor Frankel's, "Man's Search for Meaning". ehen I'm down.
"Tuesdays with Morrie" is another great one.
in the mean time, get all the negative people out of your life if you haven't already.
we all go though down times...
we all feel alone
in that, you are not alone...
now
go out an have some fun!
Maybe you are just hanging around the wrong people, as happened when you were in 9th grade?
Sometimes if you are not confident then people will read your own insecurity and use it against you.
Then there is also the possibility that you may be living in the wrong place for your personality. It is very sad to think that you are probably the perfect woman for someone who is very lonely, and yet you have never met him and he has never met you.
Have faith that your day will come and you will find your match.
Happiness is inside, not out. I think you are on the right track with the quijong and other spiritual pursuits. Look to yourself.
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