A Feeling of Betrayal

Greetings and Salutations,

I had my birthday on January 13 and decided that I actually wanted to go out and do something. The last time i had some sort of birthday celebration for myself was back in grade 6.

I decided that I wanted to go dancing at a club in Toronto. I invited people using facebook. I didn't expect everyone to show up but did expect a decent turnout.

I had a couple of my friends say they were attending. I ended up cancelling my event because a couple of my friends said they were sick. I wasn't disappointed by my friends because it's not like it was their fault that they were sick.

I felt betrayed by the many other people that didn't show up or RSVP that they were coming. I always thought I was a decent person but I guess people had more important things to do then celebrate my birthday with me. I was pretty upset that day and it wasn't until later on in the evening that I decided to make my way to a club because I didn't want to spend a Saturday night alone because of my 'friends'.

I joined this web site a few weeks ago called meetup.com and fortunately there was a group that I joined where it was a social group for women and that night one of them was going to a dance club. So I RSVPed last minute and went. One of the ladies bought me a drink which I thought was sweet and another lady was there I met her the prior week at a coffee meetup. So I wasn't with complete strangers at least for that night!
I would have preferred to have been with people that cared about me.

I am still bitter about this incident especially since I go and support the social activities of my various friends. I have probably given a more timid version of this story but there is more guts to the story and I choose to omit.

I feel betrayed because I think that you should have expectations for people. I think it's my right to expect that the people I invite should have the courtesy to make an appearance. This incident reaffirms that fact that I truly have very few people that I can count on.

It may not be some people's cup of tea to go dancing but just stopping by would have been nice. Some people are so set in their ways and don't want to break out of their comfort zone and then they wonder why they alienate people. I've gone out of my comfort zone for people many times because I have heart to show that I care even though this is causing me some degree of pain/discomfort.

I am very bitter and I don't think this feeling of betrayal will go away anytime soon. I may have a smile on my face but many people will not see the broken heart that I have.